Exceptions for Ukraine refugees

[myear]

I would genuinely be happy if someone can explain to me how IABU so I can feel less upset!

I am pleased for the Ukrainians that the EU is making exceptions for them so that anyone can come in, can get jobs straight away, no need for a visa for 3 years etc, but AIBU to feel bitter about my own treatment as an asylum seeker many many years ago? I can’t help but wonder why these exceptions are made for people fleeing the Ukraine, but not for people who fled my country to survive ethnic cleansing and what the UN found was war crimes against my people.

We had to lie to get a visa to Europe, lie to then get into the country when we were taken away for questioning at the border, apply for asylum 6 times as it kept being rejected, and only got approved on the basis that we had stayed too long to be kicked out, couldn’t work for a long time, and no exceptions were made to reduce bureaucratic hurdles. To be blunt, I question whether exceptions are being made for the Ukrainian refugees because they are white and people from my country are black.

My white DH, who is from the European country that took me in, is upset that the UK is not waiving visa requirements for Ukrainians and only allowing those with family in, rather than anyone seeking refuge. But, he doesn’t really see a problem with how I was treated by his country either, for reasons such as:

1. We fled a civil war whereas Ukraine is being attacked by another country. Countries need to deal with their own problems (but incidentally thinks it was right to intervene in NI / ROI - again white).

1. It’s not his country’s duty to help my country as they didn’t cause the war (but neither did his country cause the Ukraine war yet they are making exceptions for them).

1. Ukraine is geographically closer, although not a direct neighbour (so?)

1. Why am I not upset at the people who caused war in my country (but how is that relevant to the differing treatment I’m now seeing?)

1. Why am I not upset at neighbouring countries, they didn’t help either (again, how is that relevant?)

1. No exceptions were made for Kosovo, Bosnia etc so the Ukraine exceptions are not based on race (can't argue against that!)

I am very grateful that we were able to find safety in Europe and have a great life, but this seems to be upsetting me more than I can rationally explain.

She had a visa for Europe, where she would have been safe, she lied to come here.

What if like many refugees from particular regions the OP already spoke English and or already knew a few people in the UK? Take for example two countries in the continent of Africa - it's not just a random notion that someone from Congo would have their sights set on e.g. Belgium or someone from Kenya would aim for the UK. You don't seem to have any idea beyond 'WhY aRE tHeY cOmiN 'ErE we'Re fUlL uP n ShE lIeD'.

Yeah. Whatever.

No I didn’t

You have cherry picked to support your argument.

You clearly have very little understanding of what has happened in Afghanistan too and the culture but you know they are brown and Muslim so not quite as worthy are they

Just be honest

I don't understand why the Ukrainians are fighting back and the Afghan people didn't, yes, if that's what you're asking.

Then it's better to say you don't understand these events than be loud and wrong subsequently proving your ignorance in the process.

So why didn't they?

Why do the Ukrainians fight to death and send their women and children to safety and go back to fight?

You don’t understand that Afghanistan has been at war for years and years they know exactly what will happen

That parents know their sons will be captured by the Taliban and forced to either slaughter people they know often their own families and fight for them

That it is a culture where women don’t always have the same independence as we do so it would be inconceivable to many of them to send young women away

That the young men sent away would be expected to support family back at home

Circumstances are very different

What about the young men in Ukraine who are fighting? Aren't their families worried about them?

OP, I can understand you asking the questions you are asking. You've had a bloody hard road to travel. It took all the strength, and ingenuity, of your Mum to get you to safety in a place in which you could get what most of us take for granted - physical safety, health care, a roof over your head, an education.

I think it's next to impossible for those of us who haven't travelled that path to understand the desperation that your family must have felt, that guided your footsteps all along the way. I would suggest that those of us who haven't, thank fuck for that . . . and be very aware that 'but for the grace of God, go I'. . .

@ChardonnaysPetDragon my people did fight back. That's why it was a civil war.

Are you saying it the Ukrainians didn't fight back, then they don't deserve protection in other countries?

And if a safe country was as straightforward to get to (not in any way suggesting that those fleeing from Ukraine are having it easy) more families would have made that journey

They feel no differently to how we feel about the people we love, our children, our families, our neighbours our friends they are doing what they think is best to survive

You don’t understand that Afghanistan has been at war for years and years they know exactly what will happen

Oh and how much do you know about Ukrainian history?

It was colonised by Russia and starved by Stalin. they know exactly what will happen, to use your words.

Of course their families are worried about them

What a stupid question

But the population now (though not all) have been able to build up their country

Afghanistan apart form a few areas has not it’s been under constant attack constant war and a corrupt government that the west supported that has taken so much from the people

Yeah. Whatever.
Wow
Ok are we back at school lol

They didn’t intervene in a war in the north of Ireland. They invaded Ireland, They occupied it (still are in the north) and killed thousands of innocent civilians. Ridiculous and totally insensitive comment to make given how many of these families continue to fight for truth and justice.

@EeeICouldRipATissue

Yeah. Whatever. Wow Ok are we back at school lol

Oh I wish.

No, just scepticism at the fact that OP freely admits to lying but somehow it doesn't matter.

but somehow it doesn't matter
Have you ever had to flee to safety from your own country?
If not then you're not really in a position to sit passing judgement.

Lying as opposed to living. I think that there are points of desperation.

If not then you're not really in a position to sit passing judgement.

Ok, so maybe I'm not in which case OP shouldn't have posted her thread in AIBU, which is, let's face it, an invitation to judge and be judged,

But then why is OP allowed to pass judgment on other people who are fleeing for their lives?

I dunno that she's passing judgment, more she's asking why it was so much harder for her family. Which is a fair question. But maybe the answer is not so much why it should have been harder for Ukrainian families, but why was it so much harder for others.

I really don't think a lot has changed since the 1930's to '40's. . . .

Op is asking why are not all fleeing war are treated the same

You answered her question

Not all people are seen as worthy ….

And some are lying.

It's remarkable just how many xenophobes-cum-racists are absolutely obsessed with the truth and seemingly have faith in the just and honourable asylum/immigration system. It's truly remarkable .

@ChardonnaysPetDragon

If countries decided not to help Ukraine, and the choice that people have is to stay and die, or lie to get out and save their lives, would you be upset with them for lying to get what they want, as you put it?