To those who questioned whether this thread is part of Putin using cyber to create hatred for Ukrainians, and telling me to admit I hate the Irish - words fail me!!
To those who feel we “targeted” western countries - I am not 100% sure why we went to the EU country that we did. I know it’s not where my mum wanted to go, but our neighbouring countries didn’t want to upset our government that was committing these atrocities, so we couldn’t go there. The next countries along were I think USSR, which I imagine wouldn’t have taken us, so we went further west.
This will probably be my last post as I don't have much more to add.
I spent most of yesterday in tears for various reasons, mainly because of sadness for people in the Ukraine, the reminders of the things that have happened to my family, and the difference around how western countries treated asylum seekers from my part of the world. But after a good night’s sleep and reading through the posts of many kind posters who helped me think through why things might be different, I feel much better now and have a better understanding.
Part of my issue is that I struggle with my identity. Having lived here for 30 years I feel British, yet sometimes, like on this thread, I am reminded that I am not 100% accepted as one of “you”. The EU country that took me in, while it has often treated me with kindness, it has often also made me feel like an outsider. For example, when it comes to official / legal matters, despite having full citizenship of that country, more stringent processes apply to me compared to others because of my ethnicity. It’s enshrined in law. And when it comes to my mother’s country, while I look like one of them, I have little connection because I barely spent any time there. Seeing EU countries say “you are one of us” to the Ukrainians has brought it home that I am not seen like that. So where is my home? Where will I be treated as “one of us”?
I was positively surprised to find out yesterday that up until 10 years ago, the Home Office guidelines stated that refugees from my country have a credible claim. The document described the dangers my people faced during the time we fled. So unlike some here who felt that the asylum system of the EU country was working correctly to send victims of genocide and war crimes back to my country, thankfully the Home Office, at least on paper, have more compassion. Who would have thought that!!
To those who questioned why I'm not grateful for having something I'm clearly not entitled to as we were rejected 6 times - while I hurt that my family wasn’t treated with the same kindness that I see the same (non bordering) EU country offering the Ukrainians, at the same time I am really grateful for everything I have.
I am grateful that the country let me go to school and get an education. Yes, the school segregated all the “problem background” people into one class and my mum had to come to the school every day at break time to stop other children beating me up for my colour, but the teachers were kind to me. I am grateful that they let me spend break times in the teachers break room, when my mum couldn’t come to supervise. In my home country, my education would have been disrupted by war.
I am grateful for free access to libraries. My mum used to spend hours there reading law books with a dictionary to try and understand what visas, permits etc we were entitled to, and photocopying the right pages. When we got turned down for certain things, she would pull out her research and show the officers that they are wrong, and they would begrudgingly oblige. It wasn’t a problem with the system, it was people who were administering the system who didn’t want to help.
I am grateful for the kind people who helped us on the way. Our neighbour spent a lot of time with my mum helping her to learn to read, write and speak the language. Others gave us clothes and toys.
I am grateful not to live in a war zone and have access to food etc.
Once mum received permission to work, we didn’t claim any benefits even though we were entitled. My mother felt it would be stealing from the people who belong to the country and we don't belong, so we lived in poverty, counting pennies to buy food before pay day.
My life is now so so privileged. My company is looking at sponsoring to bring our Ukraine colleagues to the UK and I am in a position to be able to offer to share my home with someone. I can only do this due to the opportunities western countries have given me to get an education and a good job.
At the same time, I am sad that no country flexed their rules to make things easier for me - particularly the UK and some other EU countries, who colonised my country and partially contributed to the problems my people faced.
But life isn’t fair. And when I think about it, it's not fair that I have far more than most people in the world, and so I’m eternally grateful for everything I have.