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Original poster

People who tuck in before everyone is served - rude?

265 replies

SarahAndQuack · 02/03/2022 22:33

Say you have family/friends over and you are cooking a meal for, say, 8 or 10 people - enough that it takes a bit of time to get on the table. Either you dish it up on plates and pass them out, or you serve everyone at table - you do guests first, of course. Guests tuck in straight away, while everyone else is still being served.

Is that rude?

I was brought up to think you wait for everyone to be served, if it's a sit-down meal.

What do you think?

OP posts:
ClinkeyMonkey · 03/03/2022 00:33

Imagine people being hungry at dinner time. So hungry that they want to eat their food. Awful. Just awful. Vile even.

Original poster
SarahAndQuack · 03/03/2022 00:40

@ClinkeyMonkey

Imagine people being hungry at dinner time. So hungry that they want to eat their food. Awful. Just awful. Vile even.
But they're ... not?

I initially thought they must be starving. But I can ply the with snacks all day, and they still act the same.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/03/2022 00:47

Should really wait til everyone is served and seated.

Unless the host says to start, which they usually do if it takes any real length of time

MangyInseam · 03/03/2022 01:01

@nightwakingmoon

Isn’t it one of those class things? Middle-class = it’s rude to start eating before everyone’s served; working class and upper class = start eating as it arrives.

I was brought up very middle middle class, so it was a shock to me in upper class dinners I’ve been at, when people started eating as the food came and didn’t wait.

I do think it’s very context dependent though - having dinner at home in front of the TV: start eating when you like. In-laws over for a roast? Wait until everyone’s served. Things definitely aren’t as rigid with those kinds of meal etiquette things as they used to be, though.

It kind of depends on the larger context of the dinner, but there is a logic to it.

In a family setting where the parent is serving the meal and everyone is sitting down to eat together, you don't go ahead and eat while they are still working because that is treating them like a servant. Which is rude.

But where there are small kids or the parent isn't eating etc that may not make sense. So lots of families may not follow that rule on a daily basis if at all.

If there are servers it's a bit different because that is not so much a factor, you won't be waiting for them to sit down before you start. Often usually the cue then is the most important person being served and beginning to eat. Or maybe the head table in some cases if it's a big formal dinner. If it's super amazingly fancy it might be that there are enough servers to serve anyone at once.

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/03/2022 01:02

Well there is official ettiquette and then there is real life ettiquette.

Offically the entire table should wait until everyone is served but that isnt always practical, large amount of people, food that cools quickly (I swear that broccolli breaks the laws of thermo-dynamics, it can go from volanically hot to polar cold in a nano second!), the whole palaver of "I will have the carrots but not the peas" etc......

So real life is where everyone waits expectantly for the host to say "No need to wait!" works especially well if you know your guests and serve the meals in slow-to-fast eater order, so every should finish at around the same time.

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/03/2022 01:04

I should add though that I would be a bit Hmm at someone who got their plate and just started eating. I would wonder if Mr Manners had deserted them.....

User310 · 03/03/2022 01:05

I think that it is known as a ride thing to do but honestly, I wish more hosts would encourage their guests to start eating as soon as they are served because the food is always cold. It seems silly that people spend so long cooking or serving a nice meal, only to force their guests to eat it not hot.

KneadingKitty · 03/03/2022 01:08

I was too, but now as an adult I don't think it's rude. I think it's more logical to eat it whilst its hot than wait for others and end up with cold food due to some weird social rule someone made.

User310 · 03/03/2022 01:17

*rude

CailleachGranda · 03/03/2022 01:26

Very basic manners to wait or start if the rest say "oh don't wait, just you start"

Just good manners

oncemoreunto · 03/03/2022 01:36

It is rude to eat until you are given the ok.
The host should tell you to eat while it is hot.

Vanellopee · 03/03/2022 02:59

I don’t think I’ve ever seen an adult start eating, before everyone is served/seated, without first being told to by the host (or, in a restaurant setting where someone’s meal has been held up, by the foodless-diner).

I wouldn’t be appalled or anything, I just thought it was universally accepted as good manners to wait.

PixieLaLa · 03/03/2022 03:04

Yes it’s rude, that’s just basic manners!

buddylicious · 03/03/2022 03:25

@Ragruggers

Yes,rude unless the host says please start or the food will get cold.It takes a while to serve 8 people.

This

Ivyonafence · 03/03/2022 03:48

Really rude, I agree with you OP.

You've made them all dinner, it's not a big ask. Them taking plates and scoffing down food like you're a vending machine that dispensed their food rather than their host who invited their company.

Would you feel ok saying before you dish out the food 'please wait a moment- let's all sit down and start eating together.'

Arabellla · 03/03/2022 03:50

In restaurants, with colleagues we wait until everyone has their plate, but increasingly people will say please don’t wait, so sometimes people do start eating.

At my home I want people to feel like they can be at home and serve themselves straightaway or when I give them their plate to start eating.

Why do you keep inviting people who actively irritate you?

PinkSyCo · 03/03/2022 03:55

I would wait until everyone else had been served, though I wouldn’t mind too much if I were the host and guests didn’t wait for everyone else. Each to their own.

1forAll74 · 03/03/2022 04:13

I think it's ok to eat the food straight away, especially from those people, who don't warm the dishes, and just put stuff on cold plates before it's served up.. It doesn't bother me,if people snaffle up there food before anyone else. I dont come from a royal household,, where I suppose there are endless rules to abide by there.

phoenixrosehere · 03/03/2022 04:14

Depends

If I’m at a restaurant and someone’s meal is delayed, I will ask if they mind dependent on what I ordered because I don’t agree that it’s fair for one person to get a hot meal while the rest waits and theirs have gone lukewarm. I can’t exactly ask a restaurant to reheat my meal if it has gone lukewarm and it becomes a waste of money and less enjoyable experience.

If it’s someone hosting in their house, I’d wait unless I know they are the type who don’t want you to wait (usually when there’s a lot of people).

I rather talk after my meal than stopping repeatedly to talk in between. Better to talk in between courses imo than having to see the inside of people’s mouths while they’re eating.

Aug12 · 03/03/2022 04:16

I was brought up to wait as it was bad manners not to but mostly I’m told to just get tucked in.. equally if I have guests, I’d rather they get started instead of watching their food go cold.

Topseyt · 03/03/2022 04:18

@dirtyjoan

I really couldn't give a shit and can't say that I'd notice. I'd probably tell people to start eating though because I wouldn't want my friends sitting around waiting.

I'm baffled this would be an issue!

This is what I was going to say. I really don't get why anyone finds a problem with it.

Just make sure there is going to be enough for everyone and get on with your food while it is hot. No need to sit looking at it while others fart about.

Krabapple · 03/03/2022 04:25

I would wait but if it was taking too long I think I would say do you mind it if I make a start (not wanting a no). I always think it’s good manners not to pile your plate until everyone had got there food but not everyone is the same. Have been with people who have piled it as if they haven’t eaten for a week on and barely left any for the host.

Patienceisntvirtuous · 03/03/2022 04:28

I don't think it's rude. I'd rather people ate when they got their food. People I've known always have. I'm sure the correct etiquette is to, too.

RobertSmithsLipstick · 03/03/2022 04:35

It all seems a bit pointless among friends.
All looking at the host expectantly, waiting for them to tell you when you may begin.

sashh · 03/03/2022 04:40

Those of you who just dig in wat do you do if there are serving dishes on the table?

Don't you pass them round? I mean if there is meat on one plate, potatoes in a dish and other veg in a different veg and a sauce / gravy?

If you just want meat and potatoes do you just serve yourself and dig in? How do you feel if someone asks you to pass the gravy?