People who tuck in before everyone is served - rude?

[SarahAndQuack]

Say you have family/friends over and you are cooking a meal for, say, 8 or 10 people - enough that it takes a bit of time to get on the table. Either you dish it up on plates and pass them out, or you serve everyone at table - you do guests first, of course. Guests tuck in straight away, while everyone else is still being served.

Is that rude?

I was brought up to think you wait for everyone to be served, if it's a sit-down meal.

What do you think?

Seem to remember reading an Edwardian etiquette book that said if it's more than 8 at the table you start as soon as your food arrives/is served, otherwise the people who got served first have to eat cold food (not being melodramatic, but I think we can all agree cold food is the worst thing ever)

Fewer than 8, YANBU, it's SO rude and does my head in, but up to you whether you want to call people out on it

Warm plates help with everything

I'd assume that I'm waiting for everyone to be served unless told otherwise.

In a restaurant you may need to be encouraged to start if one meal is slow to be served.
At larger events it's normally one table at a time.
In a house, there's not normally the capacity to accommodate a large enough number at one table in one sitting to make cold food too big an issue.

When eating with company, it's as much a social purpose as getting nutrition.

I would always wait as a guest, but as a host I would always urge people to start before it gets cold.

Life is too short to worry about this kind of thing!

I was brought up to never wait, as it would allow food to go cold, thus being an insult to the cook.

Nowadays, someone will always say please start before it gets cold etc.

That said, depending on the setting, I would wait until my dinner companion had their food before I began.

Are you all eating soufflés in particularly draughty igloos, such is the concern at food getting col?

@Grinling

Are you all eating soufflés in particularly draughty igloos, such is the concern at food getting col?

I was thinking that. If the plates are warm and the room not a freezer I can’t see how the food is going to be so cold after a minute.

Yes it is. But the host would probably tell the first few people to start while it's hot.
Better to organise it so the food is able to be quickly served (like cut up the roast before bringing it to table), and people can pass different dishes around to help themselves.

Yes - formally one should wait until everyone has been served before eating. I'd argue, however, that a good host will overlook the ignorance of a guest. My mother always told me that if you see a guest drinking their finger bowl, you should immediately do the same to put them at their ease. At one formal lunch I was at, a young teenager cut into a roast potato which, being brittle, flew off the table onto the floor. My uncle immediately said, "Don't worry, Tom! Catch!" and threw him one of his. It got everyone laughing and saved the boy's embarrassment. It helped that he caught it.

Yes, at a sit down dinner you wait until everyone is served and seated

Is there an actual reason for wanting people to wait other than 'etiquette'?

I am all for etiquette when it enhances a social experience but I HATE petty rules for the sake of it. It's a form of social control, keeping people in their place by making 'proper' society full of inaccessible rules.

And frankly, when someone has got their dinner and is sitting there refusing to start, all I can think is, you're making ME feel uncomfortable because your food is going cold and there's nothing I can do to fix the situation.

@Pedalpushers

Is there an actual reason for wanting people to wait other than 'etiquette'?

I am all for etiquette when it enhances a social experience but I HATE petty rules for the sake of it. It's a form of social control, keeping people in their place by making 'proper' society full of inaccessible rules.

And frankly, when someone has got their dinner and is sitting there refusing to start, all I can think is, you're making ME feel uncomfortable because your food is going cold and there's nothing I can do to fix the situation.

Well, for one thing, a gathering ostensibly is about the socializing, not the opportunity for free food. If one is so anxious to shovel it in that one cannot converse and hold out until all are served, perhaps one should just stay home and focus on eating with no distractions.

Second, it's always rude to partake in something your companions don't have. Is it really that difficult to restrain for a few minutes until all are served?

@Grinling

Are you all eating soufflés in particularly draughty igloos, such is the concern at food getting col?

Exactly! Just how cold does food get in 3 or 4 minutes??

@Pedalpushers

Is there an actual reason for wanting people to wait other than 'etiquette'?

I am all for etiquette when it enhances a social experience but I HATE petty rules for the sake of it. It's a form of social control, keeping people in their place by making 'proper' society full of inaccessible rules.

And frankly, when someone has got their dinner and is sitting there refusing to start, all I can think is, you're making ME feel uncomfortable because your food is going cold and there's nothing I can do to fix the situation.

So the host can sit down and eat with you. So some people haven't finished while other people have empty plates.

@Ragruggers

Yes,rude unless the host says please start or the food will get cold.It takes a while to serve 8 people.

Agree.