People who tuck in before everyone is served - rude?

[SarahAndQuack]

Say you have family/friends over and you are cooking a meal for, say, 8 or 10 people - enough that it takes a bit of time to get on the table. Either you dish it up on plates and pass them out, or you serve everyone at table - you do guests first, of course. Guests tuck in straight away, while everyone else is still being served.

Is that rude?

I was brought up to think you wait for everyone to be served, if it's a sit-down meal.

What do you think?

I’d never start eating the food as soon as it hits my plate, wait for the host to be seated at least. So rude!

This is incredibly rude. And with a bs excuse to try to justify being rude.

I think that's rather unfair.

It is rude outside of a family setting and it's worth knowing that, because it can be embarrassing to get caught out not knowing when everyone else does. Say at a work event or something.

But plenty of people are raised without being taught that, and if they haven't encountered it, how would they know? When I was in the military we often had to teach the young people how to behave at formal dinners and such, they had no idea.

So I was never taught as a child that this was rude (blame my working class council estate background) and once I had babies it was a case of dig in and eat quickly before the babies woke up - I am sorry if I have eaten with you and offended you.

Yes it's rude, wait for everyone to be seated and served and then tuck in together. Unless the host invites you specifically to crack on, always wait

Normally people would wait - but only for the host to say start. It’s not polite to throw yourself at the food, but equally it’s silly to let hot food get cold.

So a polite pause and then go for it.

Once I was at a work function - 10 to a table and one lady sent her meal back as not cooked how she would like. We all waited and looked at each other nervously. Nobody wanted to be the first to tuck in while she had no food. I was willing her to tell us not to wait for her but she bloody didn't and we all had stone cold food by the time her meal reappeared.

Now while “tucking in” (awful phrase) before everyone is served is rude and greedy, the behaviour of your colleague was also rude and thoughtless.

Most good manners are about consideration for others’ comfort. Waiting until everyone is seated and served is mannerly because it’s about ensuring everyone has what they need and everyone is served. And as @SarahAndQuack says, it’s also about the sociability of a meal- food is not just fuel when one has guests.

But making everyone wait while an entire meal is re-cooked - that is thoughtless. Of course your colleague should have said to the r3t of the table “Do start”.

@SarahAndQuack

Honestly, if I had time to say 'please start in while it's hot,' I would.

But often, we are literally talking about passing out eight plates of food, on heated plates. If the plates are too hot, I'll be told the food isn't right because it needs to cool, so this is clearly not about catering to people who like their meals piping hot.

I think if you know you’re going to be cooking for people who don’t wait and don’t want to ask them to wait, it’s advisable to quell your rage by only cooking meals which can be put on the dining table in serving dishes and everyone helps themselves; or doing something simple which doesn’t take you more than a couple of minutes total to plate everyone up. Or, plate up in the kitchen and bring plates out.

You’ll have a better dinner for it.

I host every Christmas and I always demand that the guests start eating as soon as they have their food …I really want them to enjoy my offerings and the conversation and chat doesn’t stop as soon as I sit down!

It’s rude and even if the host says to go ahead before they sit down, it’s ill mannered to just tuck in as if you haven’t eaten for week.

Def rude not to wait until everyone is served

Absolute pet hate. Awful manners

I would always want people to wait. Its awful if you cook a meal and then spin around getting it all ready to serve, organize everyone else, come and sit down with your food and everyone has already eaten and is just staring at you while you eat your food.

I am militant that with my dc, you wait until I am seated until you eat. The only exceptions are foods that rapidly deteriorate like carbonara and souffles

I always wait when a guest.

When hosting I insist people start and don’t wait for me.

Must admit it does annoy me when guests start before I've had a chance to sit down (unless I tell them to go ahead and eat, which I do if it's going to be more than a few minutes)

Generally only talking about maybe a 5 min wait and I've had guests finish their first helping, start a second, then decide that as I'm already up I can do/get other stuff, so that by the time I sit down, there's often just the dregs left and I'm feeling rushed as everyone is now waiting for me to finish.

I've seen the same with my MIL about to sit down and guests looking for more stuff or asking about dessert. So she ends up abandoning her own dinner or gulping down only a quarter of it, just to catch up

So basically the cook ends up being a skivvy and not getting any enjoyment out of the social side of the meal, that they've just spent hours cooking for.

Not sure how a guest can think that that's showing any sort of consideration or thankfulness towards the host

Isn’t it one of those class things? Middle-class = it’s rude to start eating before everyone’s served; working class and upper class = start eating as it arrives.

I was brought up very middle middle class, so it was a shock to me in upper class dinners I’ve been at, when people started eating as the food came and didn’t wait.

I do think it’s very context dependent though - having dinner at home in front of the TV: start eating when you like. In-laws over for a roast? Wait until everyone’s served. Things definitely aren’t as rigid with those kinds of meal etiquette things as they used to be, though.

I usually ask if anyone minds. They are always too polite to say yes. I'm not eating cold food.

@Saffy321

So I was never taught as a child that this was rude (blame my working class council estate background) and once I had babies it was a case of dig in and eat quickly before the babies woke up - I am sorry if I have eaten with you and offended you.

What a stupid comment. I grew up in a council prefab so most definitely working class and this was never the case. I was always taught that we don’t start eating until everyone is seated. It is just basic good manners to wait until everyone is ready. My in- laws were awful for this. As soon as food was on the table they were sat and stuffing their faces before everyone was even sat down. In our house all the dishes are set on the table and people just pile in and help themselves but no-one starts until everyone is there. I don’t individually serve anything, people take what they want but the thought of anyone starting until everyone is seated is just not on. The

Correct etiquette in the main is to wait until all are served

However, also correct that if many people are being served and food could cool past optimum temperature or texture, then the host should encourage people to start as soon as they are served

This is one of the many reasons why I never want to eat in other people's houses. How the hell am I supposed to know what their rules are?

I just came to say that I can't stand "tucking in" as a phrase. It's HORRIBLE! Just say eating ffs. You tuck children into their beds. You don't "tuck" food into your mouth.

So from all the phrases like “stuffing their faces”, “shovelling it in” and “wolfing it down” it seems the problem really isn’t starting to eat before everyone is served but the speed of the eating. Some people clearly know odd people.

I don’t think I’ve ever eaten with people who ate quickly enough that it would make any difference if they began before others.

Depends on the dynamic. Formal work colleagues I'd wait, friends and family tuck in as they would if they were the hosts.

Apparently it’s quite middle class to wait. The upper classes would never wait (because they would be used to being served by staff who would serve everyone at the same time).

Personally though I would wait unless others told me to start - and then I would just sort of pick at it a bit until everyone got served.

I think you should wait until everyone is served before you start eating, that’s how it’s usually done here.

We have one friend who doesn’t politely wait though, so I serve him last. He eats extremely quickly, and at restaurants, he’s sometimes finished his main course before everyone (only a small group) has been served.

As the cook, so sitting down last, I think it’s nice that the others have waited for you, so you are all eating together.

This is all depended on the situation.

Meal with family, no waiting.

At a restaurant, wait unless there's a problem with a meal.

However, unless someone was shovelling down food so fast they were back for seconds before some had been first, then I really wouldn't care anyway.