Toddler behaviour causing problems

[Behaviour101]

Posting for traffic. I'm desperate for some help. Also posted in behaviour.

My DS is nearly 2 and I'm struggling with behaviour at home and at friends houses.

He pushes and hits other children at home and at his friend's homes. We're starting to see people less and less as they don't really want their child to spend time with mine. I really don't know what to do!

The other day he slapped my friend's child around the face so hard he left a hand print - this was after he pushed him face first into a cupboard. He'll also snatch food and take all of the toys in a room and hide them.

Nursery say he behaves there, it's just everywhere else.

AIBU to think this is just a phase?!

If you don’t take more responsibility/control for his actions now, you’ll have a much bigger problem later and very few friends. When my son was little, one of the kids at playgroup would constantly hit, nip, push him and I absolutely hated it (internal mum rage) and especially his mum doing very little “Oh, don’t hit sweetie.” This had no impact on the child’s behaviour whatsoever. I stopped going, it’s not fair on your friends or their children.

I have a friend who didn't tell her child off because he cried and it upset her, her child started hitting other kids, because he was never reprimanded this carried on, now unfortunately people have been limiting seeing her because they understandably don't want their children hit.

He sounds overwhelmed by the other children and I would limit these types of interaction for now until this phase is over. When they are necessary, you need to be right there with him, blocking any hitting or pushing etc. When it starts, leave and tell him why. No need to punish, blocking and leaving is sufficient. Repeat until this stops. If it doesn't, start thinking about what it is about these scenarios that he is finding so difficult and whether he needs any additional support. However it's encouraging that this doesn't happen at nursery.

It's just a phase. Remove the trigger eg play dates. He doesn't need them at this age. Time out doesn't work ffs, he's 2 and doesn't have the mental reasoning to connect A to B.

My partner thinks we should use time out as a consequence, but he cries and it upsets me.

This says it all.

I’m glad the other parents are protecting their child from your poor parenting.

I know of two children that were like this at that age, we are a small town and both children became isolated because their parents did nothing to stop their children behaving like it. Ones hands had to be prised open to release my daughters hair, even though she was a toddler, she enjoyed seeing the others child screaming so she did it more. It was so bad that a lot of mums asked beforehand what school the said children were going to so that they did not send their kids there.

Both children are now ten and unfortunately they did not grow out of it.

'Time out' could be sitting on your knee for 1 minute until he calms down. It's absolutely critical that there is an immediate undesirable consequence for him.

You should give clear instructions at this age rather than judgements (unkind) and forcing an apology.

No, we don't hit.
Break time! (Remove him from the situation)
We use gentle hands (demonstrate on him) see? Gentle. Gentle.
Then let him go back.

You have to be within arm's reach for now and ready to intervene straight away. Zero tolerance.