Second hand for baby

[Purplerain1144]

So back story... 12w pregnant with first baby. I will only get SMP so trying to save money where possible. Husbands sister has a 6 month old. She has already criticised for the order we told family and friends our news and made me upset (she is very opinionated). Discussing last night about cloth nappies and I have said I'm going to buy 2nd hand cloth nappies to save money in long run and for the sustainability aspect too. She has said she can't believe I am going to buy 2nd hand, she would never buy anything second hand for her baby etc etc. Basically made me feel like an awful mum before I've even started! Husband just sat there and didn't back me up, so I've now said I'm not going to discuss any decisions with her now as it just makes me upset. Thoughts??

For our first baby I bought everything new. I was just an idiot and didn’t think to look for secondhand things.

Now that I know what a great secondhand market there is for baby and children’s stuff I’m absolutely KICKING myself. I could have saved several hundreds, if not thousands.

Your SiL sounds really superficial and vacant. Ignore her and pity her ignorance. Being frugal and being sustainable are amazing values and your baby is lucky to have you raising them and imparting those values and turning them into a lovely human!

Also tell DP to get a back bone!

We had almost nothing new - pram, cot, toys, bedding, sling, lots of clothes were second hand too (we were bought quite a few outfits). I find people who won't consider buying second hand are insecure or worried about being judged.

Just tell you you are thinking about your child’s future, unlike her. By buying second hand you are doing your bit for the environment, she is not

My youngest was dressed extremely well in second hand clothes. A friend of a friend sold me a humongous pile of clothes by Next etc for £30! I bought nothing for the first year at least. Also had a load of bedding free from same person, it meant I could buy a nice cot and pram. I don't think he suffered; he seems to have grown up OK!

She is a moron
Second hand stuff for you baby is fine. I got so much good second hand stuff for my boy

Second hand is great!

I find it hypocritical when people say they use cloth nappies for environmental reasons but then turn their noses up at second hand cloth nappies.

@Starbeach

Only thing I haven’t bought second hand is my car seat everything else is either second hand but I did have a really good deal on an ex display half price pram when I was looking for a second hand pram. Don’t listen to your SIL as long as it’s clean then who cares baby has no idea.

Can I ask what cloth nappies you have gone for as I’m looking at the mo and I’m confused 😂

Haven't got any yet! But think I will go for a 2 part or birth to potty. It is a bit of a minefield isn't it!! X

Thank you for all your comments. I am glad we are in the same mindset! Husband told her about the cloth nappies (I wasn't going to tell her!!) She has known about me being pregnant for 3 weeks and so far has judged me for 3 decisions so we are doing well...!! I said to husband today would be nice if he backed me up once in a while rather than having everyone up against me, he apologised. I told him going forward I don't want to discuss with her any decisions we have made. God knows how she will be when the baby is here!! Thank you all xx

Mine had everything 2nd hand, including cloth Nappies from free cycle, and a bouncy chair rescued from a skip. Unsurprisingly it made no difference whatsoever. People spend vast amounts on the baby years, which are so short and it's really not necessary.

@Purplerain1144 While it's easier said that done to 'just let it go over your head' please just try to. My in-laws were the same the whole way through my pregnancy and I was dreading what they'd be like once she arrived! She's been here 2 weeks and while there was slight judging and little comments when she was first born (she was only small so felt like a lot of the comments were made out that it was my fault) they have now stopped as I think they realise that me and partner aren't listening anyway and if they carry on it's only themselves it will affect.

As someone who bought everything new for my first DC it was my biggest regret! The only plus is I can reuse most things for DC2 when they arrive but honestly it's not necessary at all to buy everything new.

Also your SIL sounds like an arse!

Don't get me started on brand new clothes either, the biggest waste of money!

Shes either insecure or a dick.

She sounds like a prize bitch, ignore her.

It’s very early though to be talking about things like this. Enjoy your pregnancy and don’t plan anything yet!

I'm in a few Facebook groups for freecycling and sharing baby clothes. People give away bags of clothes and toys. Some clothes may go through the group several times, as when the baby outgrowns them parent may decide to give away in the same group. There's a whole community around it 😊

Sorry, huge link as I don't know how to do it!

These were the nappies I used and they were great. 😊

www.babipur.co.uk/close-parent-nappies-baby-accessories/all-close/pop-in-one-size/pop-in-nappy-block-colours/pop-in-newgen-v2-bamboo-single-pastel.html?gclid=Cj0KCQiA64GRBhCZARIsAHOLriJd2UfZC53TInD3jrUtaqKYnk1mA9Fhzjxq3Xp1uVyhaIwfRpyuYQAaAnzXEALw_wcB

I take it this person has never stayed in a hotel and used the bathroom

Ridiculous attitude to second hand, which mostly is hardly used with babies & saves a fortune

@Staryflight445 - no, I wouldn't, but the difference is that I KNOW that's just me being ridiculous.

If something can go into a hot wash, then any caution is just from social conditioning.

I did have to think about it for a bit because I couldn't understand my hypocrisy, but I'm pretty sure that's it!

I can't think of a logical reason not to wear second hand (cotton) underwear. It's just ick factor.

Huge congratulations on your pregnancy.
You are so right, just don’t discuss stuff with her. I imagine she criticises for a hobby , so nothing you say will be right.
Just know in your heart that nobody happy would take pleasure in deliberately upsetting people, it’s pathetic really.
Just concentrate on living your life the way it’s going to work for you, and on growing your gorgeous baby.

@Purplerain1144 - no idea why the SIL thing, but I had the same, and it became almost scary.

She spent a whole tea time once, telling me all about this book she had read, that I MUST read.

It would tell me all about how awful TV is for small children. She was convinced I was ruining my child.

She said that the TV was affecting the way his brain developed, and he would lose iq points.

I pointed out that he was scarily precocious, at the grand age of 3, so I'd be quite relieved if he dropped a few points. She continued to try and stealth parent for years until I completely lost my shit.

You're way ahead of the game getting this sorted pre birth, stick to it!

My child also wore 2nd-4th hand clothes, watched too much TV, and somehow had ended up all ok.

Apart from having been pretty unwell the last 5 years. He was breast fed for 2 years, so that statistic didn't work for us either

That's crazy! 90% of my daughters clothes are second hand and most of her toys are too, or gifted

She sounds horrible. Why is she being like this?

You should speak to your husband about this because he should have told his sister to shut her face

Nothing wrong with second hand! Most of my children's clothes and equipment is Preloved. Either from siblings, family, friends, or bought second hand.

It's about environmental sustainability, and not being materialistic and buying into consumerism. There is no benefit whatsoever to buying new, apart from a select few items that should be bought new for safety reasons (cot mattresses, car seats).

I bought second hand cloth nappies too, and they have been passed on to another family now. A 60c wash sanitises them.

Pretty much everything DS has is secondhand. It means he has loads of clothes and better quality stuff that I simply couldn't afford otherwise.