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Original poster

Second hand for baby

150 replies

Purplerain1144 · 02/03/2022 12:09

So back story... 12w pregnant with first baby. I will only get SMP so trying to save money where possible. Husbands sister has a 6 month old. She has already criticised for the order we told family and friends our news and made me upset (she is very opinionated). Discussing last night about cloth nappies and I have said I'm going to buy 2nd hand cloth nappies to save money in long run and for the sustainability aspect too. She has said she can't believe I am going to buy 2nd hand, she would never buy anything second hand for her baby etc etc. Basically made me feel like an awful mum before I've even started! Husband just sat there and didn't back me up, so I've now said I'm not going to discuss any decisions with her now as it just makes me upset. Thoughts??

OP posts:
Mumdiva99 · 02/03/2022 12:36

I was a second hand snob when I had PFB - within a year I was buying and selling with the best of them. I curse the money wasted on some things, however, you can be savvy and make money back by selling well. Also consider if you are having more than 1 child what you may choose to buy brand new. Cloth nappies though are definitely one that gets sold on a lot - many people use second hand ones.

Buggies are another area you can save a massive amount of money and get fantastic bargains.

SickAndTiredAgain · 02/03/2022 12:39

DD was dressed almost exclusively in second hand stuff as a baby. It’s generally really good condition as they don’t wear it long, and aren’t getting it messy with food/mud/paint etc like toddler clothes.

MatildaTheCat · 02/03/2022 12:39

Just stop these discussions with her right now. It will save you years of annoyance and frustration.

Just have a few stock answers to her ‘I’ve chosen our pram, it’s only £5k’ and ‘I’m only dressing my baby in Gucci.’

whiteworldgettingwhiter · 02/03/2022 12:41

I bought nearly everything second hand for baby. You're right - don't listen to her. Your h could back you up as well.

Carry on as you are.

konasana · 02/03/2022 12:41

Almost everything was second hand for our baby, for several reasons. You can get such good quality second hand stuff, and it's environmentally better, financially better etc. She is pretty rude to say that. Avoid discussing the baby stuff with her!

Blossom64265 · 02/03/2022 12:42

Everything for a baby can be bought secondhand except the car seat. That has to be new.

Parents who aren’t facing budgetary constraints feel no guilt buying secondhand for their babies and young children. Why waste money on something that is going to be used for such a short amount of time. I bought a mix of new and used depending on what was available and then I resold.

TheMarmaladeYears · 02/03/2022 12:43

Second hand makes complete sense. I'd stop discussing these issues with your SIL since she'll disagree for the sake of it.

lollipopsandrainbows · 02/03/2022 12:43

I was like that with my first baby. Everything was brand new. Then she started weaning and my anxiety about keeping all those beautiful dresses clean went through the roof. Those jars of bright orange food...the cheese Doritos...juice...yogurt...I couldn't stand it. I became obsessed with keeping things clean. I remember her wearing a Ted Baker jump suit on holiday and dribbling Doritos all down them...I cried. So when second DD came along there were zero sh*ts given about second hand. I couldn't care less. They're 14 and 10 now and still the 10yo has hand-me-downs. Brand new is so overrated when it comes to babies!

Kinko · 02/03/2022 12:43

Don't discuss anything with anyone OP.

If you get on with preparing for your baby by yourself, it's surprising how it can help the dynamics after the baby arrives.

The moment you invite people in to discuss baby care ideas/purchases etc they'll be giving you their opinions through to when your baby turns 21yrs.

I don't mean that in a mean way - I'm saying it half laughing! It's a minefield what people think is an acceptable way to 'help' a new Mum. Set out your stall now.

You've just experienced it first hand with nappies.....Keep quiet Wink otherwise it just gets worse!

Theresamagicalplace · 02/03/2022 12:46

Only things we bought new were the car seat, mattress and bottles. Literally everything else was second hand. Why fork out thousands when you can use the money to enjoy life with your baby instead! You do what you think is best and fuck any opinionated arseholes who tell you otherwise

JustWonderingIfYou · 02/03/2022 12:47

Everyone i know has secondhand stuff for their babies, whether thats stuff passed on or bought off marketplace.

Where i am it's very much the poorer mums from working class backgrounds who care about brand new shiny things. The mums with million pound houses seem to not care what everyone else thinks and have the scruffiest looking kids.

It is lovely to buy new as you have full choice of options but it's a bit mad when they only use things for such a short time.

TheMarmaladeYears · 02/03/2022 12:48

The moment you invite people in to discuss baby care ideas/purchases etc they'll be giving you their opinions through to when your baby turns 21yrs.

Just to add, absolutely this.

Escargooooooo · 02/03/2022 12:52

She's not a snob. She's stupid.

DH is in top 2% salary bracket. I could blow it on the kids. I choose to buy everything secondhand. I love it. And get all childish and excited particularly with DM, constantly showing her my hauls, with "guess what this should have cost!!"

I genuinely don't understand why you'd prefer to spend £10 on an uninspired top from a supermarket, just because it's "new" until the first time it's washed, when you can get a bag full of much better quality brands, on FB marketplace for a tenner.

Then, you resell that lot when you're done with it, for a fiver! DH calls me Delboy Grin

bedheadedzombie · 02/03/2022 12:53

I'm a SAHM, living in a detached house, DH makes 110k+ and my daughter has second hand clothes, a second hand pram, some second hand toys and had a borrowed crib from the 70s (at first, later bought a next to me as was more practical). Why on earth would you waste your money? Most baby stuff you hardly use anyway because they grow so fast. Even if you did have the money you'd be better off saving it for uni or a house deposit.

I still buy second hand clothing bundles and then buy one or two cute zara dresses or whatever I really fancy.

EthelTheAardvark · 02/03/2022 12:57

Fortunately it's idiots like her who insist that their precious little one can't possibly have anything second hand who produce an excellent market for good quality second hand products for the rest of us. The baby will never care what s/he wears and will grow out of everything bloody quickly anyway.

ILikeYourButt · 02/03/2022 13:00

I bought everything for both my kids second hand. It’s fine. They just puke and shit on everything anyway and then grow out of them 5 minutes later.

Calmdown14 · 02/03/2022 13:01

Totally sensible. If you buy well you don't lose anything second to third hand.
Even if I had the money I wouldn't waste it this way. Better saved for when they appreciate it.
Just tell her you're saving it for his/her future and saving the planet

spacehardware · 02/03/2022 13:04

For both of my children I had a huge amount of second hand clothes, it was very disappointing when my kids started to catch up slightly older cousins and friends' kids in size/age and the second hand deluge dried up!

I still buy most of my own clothes and household furnishings second hand, I love it. My home doesn't look like every other grey / griege Neptune tribute on Instagram.

Katela18 · 02/03/2022 13:05

Honestly she is spewing utterly rubbish.

We had 2nd hand moses basket, clothes, steriliser etc. Babies move through stages so quickly they never wear anything out.

I'm pregnant with baby 2 now and will be reusing all the stuff I had. Personally I see this as no different from buying 2nd hand and I don't know anyone in their right mind who would buy all brand new again for a second baby.

Pay no notice. It sounds like you are making wise decisions for your little one

nearlyspringyay · 02/03/2022 13:05

Personally, I don't like the idea of second hand nappies - totally irrational I know. there is no way on earth I would say anything to you though.

We've had loads of other second hand clothes / toys etc.

Just stop telling her.

SmellyOldOwls · 02/03/2022 13:05

She sounds quite stupid. I've bought very little new for both my babies. I nearly fainted when I saw the price of babygros! I can pick up 20 of them in the charity shop for the price of a pack of 3 new. Barely even had to do that in the end because everyone is desperate to give their baby stuff away after a while. Buying new is utterly pointless and keeping perfectly good baby clothes sitting unworn is also pointless.

MaryShelley1818 · 02/03/2022 13:08

She's an idiot - absolutely don't discuss anything else with her. I learnt with my first not to share things with people as everyone has an opinion.
My second - DD 15mths has been dressed almost exclusively in second hand clothes. Bundles on Marketplace are fantastic.

RedWingBoots · 02/03/2022 13:09

Where i am it's very much the poorer mums from working class backgrounds who care about brand new shiny things. The mums with million pound houses seem to not care what everyone else thinks and have the scruffiest looking kids.

One of my friends who gave me a load of stuff said this. Some of the stuff wasn't used either.

She said she had tried to give it away to charities near her work but they wouldn't accept any of it. Apparently it had to be brand new and designer for the poorer families to accept it. The stuff she gave me with either used including barely used and designer as various members of her family had bought it. Or from supermarkets including foreign ones and some of the stuff hadn't been used.

My DD loves second hand stuff as it comes from her bigger friends.

Anything that isn't wore out we in turn give to friends, one of them is wealthy, or nursery.

Brefugee · 02/03/2022 13:14

OP as many pp said before just stop telling her anythng. Same with anyone who has a negative reaction to anything you say. Don't tell them, just stop telling them new stuff like that.

babies don't care if it's second hand. Only safety equipment shouldn't be 2nd hand, but even then, if it is from someone you know and trust (like a family member, or your own 1st child) then you can.

smooshraspberry · 02/03/2022 13:21

I love a second hand bargain! And I also love paying it forward and other people getting to enjoy something at a fraction of the price.