"The pram doesnt go in the house before the baby does"

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Just watching some call the midwife on catch up. A father who has had a few says "I can see the pram from here [in the hall of their home], that makes me happy!"

But it wouldnt have been in the house would it? My grandma and my mother were both absolutely horrified when I bought my pram and took it home. It was horribly bad luck. I was led to believe that this was standard, it really upset my grandma in particular.

Of course what it really was was that back then there was a much bigger risk of the baby not coming home, so you made sure the baby was alive before buying the pram.

This wasnt just my family was it? I just dont remember anyone else who had kids after me, I was pretty much the first in my group, getting this from their mothers so it has made me wonder....

It wasn't superstition that stopped me buying anything other that the absolute basics before my first was born. It was just the thought of, in a worst case scenario, coming home to it all.

I still find it weird that people not want to know the sex early so that they can shop and decorate the nursery while pregnant. I can't think of anything worse than coming home with empty arms, to a decorated nursery.

@saraclara we found out the sex at 10 weeks with the NIPT, but it had nothing to do with decorating the nursery - which is gender neutral anyway.

We had to decorate the nursery before the birth no matter what - so we could assemble the flat pack furniture and have it bolted to the walls for safety. So we could store all her clothes, towels, sheets, etc. Where else would we have put them otherwise? All that took a long time. And when would we have had time to do all that, and buy everything we needed, after the birth, whilst sleep deprived and looking after a newborn?

My husband went back to work at two weeks, and almost a week of that we both spent in hospital - where he helped me with the baby. I had severe birth injuries and could never have done all that buying and assembling post birth.

I only bought stuff at 30 weeks, because I wasn’t taking anything for granted. But at that point I had to be practical, give myself a talking to, and sort it out. A friend who had a complicated pregnancy did the same.

[quote EarlGreywithLemon]@saraclara we found out the sex at 10 weeks with the NIPT, but it had nothing to do with decorating the nursery - which is gender neutral anyway.

We had to decorate the nursery before the birth no matter what - so we could assemble the flat pack furniture and have it bolted to the walls for safety. So we could store all her clothes, towels, sheets, etc. Where else would we have put them otherwise? All that took a long time. And when would we have had time to do all that, and buy everything we needed, after the birth, whilst sleep deprived and looking after a newborn?

My husband went back to work at two weeks, and almost a week of that we both spent in hospital - where he helped me with the baby. I had severe birth injuries and could never have done all that buying and assembling post birth.

I only bought stuff at 30 weeks, because I wasn’t taking anything for granted. But at that point I had to be practical, give myself a talking to, and sort it out. A friend who had a complicated pregnancy did the same.[/quote]

You don't have to explain self if it worked out best. I agree with others re experiencing a loss but also babies don't need that much. An entire room is not necessary, with wardrobe, massive cot, chest of drawers, nursing chair etc. So if you buy less, you won't need to set everything up or buy in advance. Whatever works, but I think after one child you realise a lot of stuff you don't really use or need

And when would we have had time to do all that, and buy everything we needed, after the birth, whilst sleep deprived and looking after a newborn?

I'm not criticising your choice, I'm just saying what worked for me. And of course my DH and I did the nursery well after the birth (what with baby sleeping in our room for a while) - and yes, after a traumatic birth by emergency caesarian. But our baby's nursery was small, had a chest of drawers and a wardrobe already in it, and only needed a cot and a bit of decorating.
Buying the extra stuff wasn't a huge deal at all. Going shopping isn't all that traumatic. Not to mention that once she was here, we were bought lots of baby clothes and other nice things as gifts.

My Mum kept my pram I had as a baby for me but would not let me take it home until baby safety born. Enormous Marmet hard bodied pram, now an antique and in lock up.

My parents kept the pram / travel system at their house until baby came home. That was 2019 but I'd not heard of the superstition before. My parents bought the pram as a gift so I let them get on with it, as it saved our storage space. My Gran agreed with my Mum, but I bet it will phase out in another generation or two.

It was a more common superstition then, but that doesn't mean everyone did it.

Exactly. And people still doing it generally have a family member nearby to store the stuff. And in the days when most people didn’t have cars, that would have meant within walking distance. And while shops may have stored items like prams; fine if you were buying new but for second hand you had to take it straight away. And while you may have been kept in hospital hot 10 days (plenty of time for hubby to pick up equipment) most births in call the midwife are at home so equipment was needed straight away.

@wh00pi actually there were just two things we didn’t use from what we bought in advance of the birth: breast pump, because I didn’t get on with it; and white noise toy because our daughter didn’t. Everything else we researched meticulously in advance and was actually needed. We also didn’t receive the tonnes of clothes for our daughter that people always go on about: our friends bought things like flowers, food and treats (all greatly appreciated). As for not needing a chest of drawers and wardrobe - our flat is tiny. Baby items had to go somewhere. Even things like nappies and wipes.

I’m not saying that either you or @saraclara
are attacking my choices. I’m also not attacking either of you. I’m saying that hearing these traditions/superstitions when I was 30 weeks pregnant and getting myself organised was stressful and upsetting. It caused me to fret and worry and question myself- was I doing the right thing? Even though I knew rationally we had to get ready. Something to be mindful of, because others may feel the same.

And shopping when you can’t sit down properly, walk, bend or carry anything is traumatic. I couldn’t even get the pram to the tube to get to the shops. Or carry boxes of stuff up the stairs from online deliveries.

So do people put everything away before a second DC? Paint the nursery in a bland colour, give the pram to someone else to look after?

We don't buy ANYTHING for the baby before it is born. It's considered to be very bad luck in our culture. Traditionally, on the day the baby is born the relatives go out and buy everything the baby needs. When my daughter was born I didn't even have nappies for her at the hospital. Everything was bought on the day she was born

Gosh, I always wondered how people do it.
It took me months (!!) to buy everything for the baby. How can you do it in a day? And good luck trying it during a lockdown.

I dont believe having a pram in the house will affect the outcome of my pregnancy - but equally if something was to go wrong, i see it as having it ready for the next time we try. And if it turns out i cant have children, then i can always re-sell as its brand new in box.

I saw it this way too when I was pregnant.

@BonnieBlue88

We don't buy ANYTHING for the baby before it is born. It's considered to be very bad luck in our culture. Traditionally, on the day the baby is born the relatives go out and buy everything the baby needs. When my daughter was born I didn't even have nappies for her at the hospital. Everything was bought on the day she was born

Gosh, I always wondered how people do it.
It took me months (!!) to buy everything for the baby. How can you do it in a day? And good luck trying it during a lockdown.

Oh come on! It's not really that difficult if she wants to do it, is it? Gosh! Not even in a lockdown. My family are similar. If you don't want to then don't.

It's a bit like people who swear they need at least two years' notice to get married. You don't.

With DC1, the pram lived at my parents house until after the baby was born. My dad would only assemble it at 39 weeks because I'd had a dreadful shock and he wanted to cheer me up.

I've since cremated two of my babies in the last 18 months, and have just given away my moses basket. It seems like it will never hold life I've created again.

I saw it in the charity shop window yesterday, I wasn't expecting to see it and it's haunted me. You're only supposed to give your baby stuff away once you've finished having babies, not because they're dead.

For me, I'll never again buy baby stuff until the baby actually comes home. It doesn't make the loss any easier, but I couldn't bear to pack away baby things again whilst planning a funeral.

I'm 29 weeks pregnant and my mum wouldn't allow me to have the pram in our house, she has insisted on keeping it until the baby is born!

What happens if the baby is born at night or other times when shops are shut, and you don't have any nappies?

And if you are a culture that never buys anything before a baby is born, do you have to buy new for the second baby?

Definitely a thing up north, no prams in the house until baby is here, my mam kept it at hers still in the box. Also here, it's still a thing to line the pram with silver when you see a newborn x

I don’t know where this fits in as a tradition, historically.

I’m thinking in times when infant mortality was very high it wouldn’t have been the norm to have a pram for a baby at all. And the baby wouldn’t have been coming home from the hospital, as they wouldn’t have been born there.

My 21st century babies didn’t have a pram, nursery or cot. After loss, on a low income and in a small house, we decided to see if we actually needed those things. Turns out we didn’t need them so we never bought them - apart from having to move house to get more bedrooms as we had more kids but that was later.

I never packed a hospital bag when pregnant either, the whole idea made me stressed out and seemed like unnecessary expense, so I never packed one.

Perhaps I am superstitious and just don’t know it.

@toomuchlaundry

What happens if the baby is born at night or other times when shops are shut, and you don't have any nappies?

And if you are a culture that never buys anything before a baby is born, do you have to buy new for the second baby?

Personally, it wasn't that I didn't buy anything. I just bought the basics that we'd need for the first week or so. And again, for me it wasn't anything to do with superstition, just that I knew that I'd find it difficult to manage coming home to a house full of stuff and a decorated nursery if anything went wrong.

With my second, of course, it wasn't an issue. I already had the stuff from #1. It hadn't been bought especially for this baby, and wouldn't be painful to have around, because it had been #1's.

I think I would have hated having somebody else go and choose all my baby stuff for me. I loved choosing the pram, cot, car seat etc. I realise that is a privilege in itself, though.

@DementedPanda what happens if your relatives don't live anywhere near you?

@PiesNotGuys I’m not at all trying to be goady, just curious. But how did you manage without a pram? Our daughter is only managing 40-50 minute stretches of walking now, at more than 2 years old, but she’s been too heavy to carry for any length of time for a long long time even for my husband. I’m fact I never could carry her in a carrier because of a bad back, but I appreciate that won’t be the case for most people. Although bad backs are pretty common after pregnancy.

And how did you manage in hospital without at least a change of clothes for you and clothes/ nappies for the baby?

Thank you all for responding.

I am so sorry for some of the heartbreaking losses on here.

I have been struck by a few things whilst reading the responses. My OP was inspired by what I saw on CTM and to those who say "How on earth could we have gone out and got everything with a newborn on the day after I gave birth?" I would say that then, you didnt have to. You would have had friends, neighbours and family around you who would have done it for you. Secondly you would have been in hospital for at least 10 days (my mother was in for 14 with me in 1973 and we were both fine), so it wouldnt have been a case of just doing it all in one day. Also, things would have been ordered in advanced and collected/delivered rather than shopped for all in one go.
Thirdly, a dedicated nursery was just not a thing! A baby slept where there was room, a fully decorated nursery with all the bells and whistles was something posh rich people had, not ordinary people. It was accepted far more then than it is now that all a baby really needs is somewhere safe and warm to sleep, food and clean clothes/nappies. Everything else is just not necessary. Its nice, sure and I hold my hand up to buying a fair amount of stuff over the years that I could easily have done without, but it isnt needed. My father, his 2 brothers and sister all slept in a drawer until they were 3 months old! I think that expectations were a lot simpler back then.

Baby sleeping in a drawer, yes!
I would also add that family would often have been knitting away and there would be a layette of clothes ready to go.

Also, I found most basics we needed within a few hours of being home: car seat/ pram - whichever you need to get home from hospital, Moses basket/ next to me, sheets, spare sheets, mattress protector, spare mattress protector, muslins, changes of clothes, pram suit if cold, changing mat, nappies, cotton wool, sleeping bag/ blanket, Vitamin D, Napisan, breast pads, bottles and steriliser of formula feeding etc. And somewhere to store all this stuff.
By the time you’ve got all this, there’s not much else left to get!

@Hellolittlestar

It’s just a superstition, but to be honest I’m not keen on baby showers and fully decorated baby nurseries.

I know someone whose baby died at a week old. She was very glad that she had had a baby shower as it’s one of the few celebrations she was able to have for her baby.