Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"The pram doesnt go in the house before the baby does"

262 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/03/2022 01:39

Just watching some call the midwife on catch up. A father who has had a few says "I can see the pram from here [in the hall of their home], that makes me happy!"

But it wouldnt have been in the house would it? My grandma and my mother were both absolutely horrified when I bought my pram and took it home. It was horribly bad luck. I was led to believe that this was standard, it really upset my grandma in particular.

Of course what it really was was that back then there was a much bigger risk of the baby not coming home, so you made sure the baby was alive before buying the pram.

This wasnt just my family was it? I just dont remember anyone else who had kids after me, I was pretty much the first in my group, getting this from their mothers so it has made me wonder....

OP posts:
Grilledaubergines · 02/03/2022 22:22

It’s a daft superstition.

And seriously, what’s with all the “my mum/mil wouldn’t allow…” nonsense. Since when did someone else make your rules for your own home?

EarlGreywithLemon · 02/03/2022 22:23

@PyongyangKipperbang I see what you mean, but understanding of baby safety has also improved - and that’s a good thing, as it saves lives.

I don’t know if a drawer would be considered safe for a newborn to sleep in nowadays from a SIDS point of view - maybe it would, I don’t know. It’s a good thing that we are now advised to use room thermometers and have guidelines of what newborns should wear at what temperatures, so they don’t overheat. Or bath thermometers for bathing. And so on.

Also, I don’t see how relatives knitting clothes for a baby is any less “tempting fate” than acquiring anything else for them?

CommonPrimrose · 02/03/2022 22:30

In my family they were kept back for the arrival. You didn't have a baby shower.

CommonPrimrose · 02/03/2022 22:30

It meant there was some anticipation it just wasn't overt.

CommonPrimrose · 02/03/2022 22:31

And you didn't just have nothing on arrival day.

BulletTrain · 02/03/2022 22:34

[quote EarlGreywithLemon]@PyongyangKipperbang I see what you mean, but understanding of baby safety has also improved - and that’s a good thing, as it saves lives.

I don’t know if a drawer would be considered safe for a newborn to sleep in nowadays from a SIDS point of view - maybe it would, I don’t know. It’s a good thing that we are now advised to use room thermometers and have guidelines of what newborns should wear at what temperatures, so they don’t overheat. Or bath thermometers for bathing. And so on.

Also, I don’t see how relatives knitting clothes for a baby is any less “tempting fate” than acquiring anything else for them?[/quote]
I agree with you.

I also wanted to enjoy going out and buying baby things. It was fun, going out for the day to poke around the kids bit in Ikea or wheeling prams around John Lewis. DS was awake to feed for 30 minutes every 2 hours for literally months and I was fit for nothing until he was about 5 months old. Some days I was too tired to drive. I was extremely glad that the chest of drawers and cot (which he needed to move into earlier than 6 months) were already in situ when he came 3 weeks early. I think I had a grand total of 2 days of preparatory mat leave.

PiesNotGuys · 02/03/2022 22:36

@EarlGreywithLemon

I used carriers for all my children when we were out, I got well fitting ones that worked well for us and i could use them all day for babies, toddlers, and when needed for older children. I did think I might get a pram when I had two close ish together but thought we would see how it went and it was fine. Prams really don’t suit our lifestyle or (hilly, cobbled, narrow) village at all so are more of a hindrance than a help in most situations. When I had my first baby I used the bus a lot and it still had steps and rails for access so all prams had to be folded, it was a no brainer I reckon and we got used to doing it that way. I managed without a hospital bag by not going to the hospital.

OwlinaTree · 02/03/2022 22:47

Whether or not you have a pram or other baby things in the house before the baby is born having any bearing on your baby's wellbeing is just so ridiculous and insulting to those who have been through baby loss.

ChampionOfTheSun · 02/03/2022 23:09

My in-laws very generously bought our pram for us in 2019 and kept it at theirs till DD was born. MIL said something about not having it in my house till DD came home, I didn't know of this custom until then!

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 03/03/2022 00:26

I think a lot of people are misunderstanding this.

Its not "If the pram is in the house, the baby might not make it". It comes from "The baby might not make it, so lets not have the pram in the house until it is needed". Its originated from a time, not really that very long ago, where a live birth was by no means assumed. There are many people, my parents included, who remember a time when still births were an absolute tragedy but by no means unusual.

OP posts:
mowly77 · 03/03/2022 01:30

Agree. I’m superstitious. Didn’t get baby stuff until baby was born many years or waiting and miscarriage and ivf. It’s also a Jewish thing.

toomuchlaundry · 03/03/2022 01:38

But if it just the pram then it is superstitious, if you have other baby things in the house before the baby is born

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 03/03/2022 01:44

@toomuchlaundry

But if it just the pram then it is superstitious, if you have other baby things in the house before the baby is born
It is now, but back then the pram was pretty much the one expensive thing you bought for a baby. Nappies were washable and not massively dear, most clothes would be hand made (usually knitted) and a fully kitted out nursery didnt happen.

So waiting to be sure you need the one big spend item before actually buying it made sense.

OP posts:
GAHgamel · 03/03/2022 03:51

Also with larger extended families, a lot of the baby clothes were hand-me-downs from siblings or cousins.

DisorganisedAlways · 03/03/2022 04:05

I am currently pregnant and only the other day was talking about prams and my mum immediately said 'don't be getting a pram and don't be putting one in the house yet either!'

HappyDays40 · 03/03/2022 04:31

So what did you do just quickly nip out and buy a pram and cot on the way home from giving birth?

BertieBotts · 03/03/2022 07:52

Tempting fate does imply causality. I agree there was a practical element as well. But the idea of fate being a sentient being who would be more likely to disappoint you because he has seen you getting excited and enjoys the devastation this causes is also a thing. Probably not everybody took that literally but some people did/do. You can wind yourself up in awful knots of guilt over something that is mainly just chance.

The modern version of this is guidelines, although they do exist for sensible reasons, some people take them very literally and then worry and feel awful because they might have done something against guidelines before having a miscarriage. In all likelihood that one thing probably didn't cause the miscarriage.

hugr · 03/03/2022 07:58

From achiever point of view my baby was born 3 months early, I had bought nothing and whilst he didn't come home for a long time, once it was clear he was definitely coming home eventually, we had to buy and coordinate collection of everything from 50 miles away. I did wish I'd bought at least a few things beforehand.

hugr · 03/03/2022 08:01

Another*

BonnieBlue88 · 03/03/2022 16:03

Oh come on! It's not really that difficult if she wants to do it, is it? Gosh! Not even in a lockdown.

What do you mean it's not difficult during a lockdown? All shops were literally closed, other than food shops and pharmacies. And online shops were often out of stock. Where would you get a cot or a pram?

NudieUnderTheOodie · 03/03/2022 16:39

@BonnieBlue88

Oh come on! It's not really that difficult if she wants to do it, is it? Gosh! Not even in a lockdown.

What do you mean it's not difficult during a lockdown? All shops were literally closed, other than food shops and pharmacies. And online shops were often out of stock. Where would you get a cot or a pram?

To be fair, amazon delivers next day and even same day in some instances, and so did/do most places if you're prepared to pay through the nose.
user1471538283 · 03/03/2022 16:45

I didnt buy my DSs stroller pram thing until he was a few weeks old but we had the crib just before he was born.

I was conscious about things not working out. Despite my family being large and even years ago few infant deaths it sticks with you.

cheesychipsfan · 03/03/2022 16:49

Prams and cots have all been left at my parents or inlaws until baby is home, I've 5 children. I'm not very superstitious but I am when it comes to baby's Confused

472NY · 05/03/2022 10:01

@ThatsNotMyGolem

The sooner these superstitions die off, the better. It's pathetic.
It’s not a superstition as such.

It’s the fact that if you return home with no baby and a house full of baby products, well…

luxxlisbon · 05/03/2022 10:18

I never packed a hospital bag when pregnant either, the whole idea made me stressed out and seemed like unnecessary expense, so I never packed one.

Did you deliver at home? If you are giving birth in a hospital I don’t understand how you have never packed a hospital bag? You don’t need to pack it months in advance with loads of bells and whistles but surely you turned up to the hospital with a change of clothes for you, nappies for the baby and something for the baby to wear?