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Original poster

"The pram doesnt go in the house before the baby does"

262 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/03/2022 01:39

Just watching some call the midwife on catch up. A father who has had a few says "I can see the pram from here [in the hall of their home], that makes me happy!"

But it wouldnt have been in the house would it? My grandma and my mother were both absolutely horrified when I bought my pram and took it home. It was horribly bad luck. I was led to believe that this was standard, it really upset my grandma in particular.

Of course what it really was was that back then there was a much bigger risk of the baby not coming home, so you made sure the baby was alive before buying the pram.

This wasnt just my family was it? I just dont remember anyone else who had kids after me, I was pretty much the first in my group, getting this from their mothers so it has made me wonder....

OP posts:
TangledNemo · 02/03/2022 08:40

I have never heard of this superstition. I didn’t want to buy baby stuff early in my pregnancy anyway just in case, but we still got lots of baby stuff in the third trimester, like cot, pram set, baby carrier and other smaller bits. We even got gifted some baby clothes the Christmas I was pregnant (June baby).

LetHimHaveIt · 02/03/2022 08:42

So sorry, @HardbackWriter

BertieBotts · 02/03/2022 08:42

It's sort of a combination of a superstition and a kindness in case the baby doesn't come home, isn't it? People did used to be much more superstitious, that kind of thing gives you an illusion/feeling of control and things making sense at a time when so much would be uncertain and unknowable. We take health and survival for granted these days, but we have a lot more information. Of course stillbirth does still happen, but with testing and ultrasounds and CTG etc as routine care it is much less likely and sometimes when outcomes are expected to be poor parents get that information earlier in the pregnancy.

Also in terms of not having loads of never-used baby items to get rid of in the worst case, the process of recovery from trauma was seen differently. It was thought that it was best to remove all reminders from something like that and never speak of it, because speaking/remembering/acknowledging tends to make people upset and this was seen as rubbing salt in the wound and keeping the wound open. "Time is a healer" was the mantra and the main thinking was that if you didn't dwell on it, it would go away. We know more about trauma and mental health these days and understand that processing a traumatic event is essential, and that involves talking about it and may also involve keeping photographs or keepsakes. Some people may prefer for unused baby items to be taken away without having to deal with them, but some may find it more healing to find a new home for them themselves, perhaps as a donation.

I have definitely heard it, and the baby shop I worked at had a storage room out the back to keep prams in until the customer was ready. They would mostly come before the birth, especially if they had also ordered a car seat, but a few would come after.

SockFluffInTheBath · 02/03/2022 08:44

My mum said this to me when I was of with DC1 and got really animated about it. I’m not superstitious at all so don’t do ‘tempting fate’ and tbh I find that sort of stuff really irritating. The odds are in our favour in this country on a low risk pg. DH and I had a bit of a spree when I was about 30wks and the cut & pram were built and parked in the house the next week.

SockFluffInTheBath · 02/03/2022 08:44

Typos, sorry 🙄

BertieBotts · 02/03/2022 08:48

@Thatsplentyjack

What about car seats, surely you can’t risk buying them last thing?

This superstition is quite old, there would have been no car seats in the days this became a thing, but ibsuppose the same would probably apply for people that still believe it.

Agree it predates car seats, but for people who believe it they will either make an exception for the car seat (also I assume clothes, nappies for hospital bag?) or store it at a relative's house for the father to collect while mum is still in hospital. Otherwise, keep it in the car, so it's not technically in the house.
SVRT19674 · 02/03/2022 08:49

My mum is English and I never heard this before. I live in Spain and the gifts are given after the baby is born as some people are superstitious. My landlady was horrified my mom had bought baby grows and such, but she did wait until i was more than 7 months pregnant to do so. My landlady is 85 so in her days or more her mum´s days, stillbirths were not that far between. My husband and I got the cot and the pram in my late pregancy from my boss and we had to buy the car seat as hospital was an hour away and absolutely necessary to bring baby home! she was born at 36 weeks ecs and had to be resuscitated, she is 3.5 years old and very vocal. It is just superstition, but I understand where they come from.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 02/03/2022 08:54

@Grinling

I mentally class that with pregnancy superstitions like not raising your arms over your head for fear of looping the umbilical cord around the baby’s neck.
I was living abroad when pregnant with Dd2 and among other things was told by non-Brit neighbours that I shouldn’t be swimming (‘Your bones will open and you’ll lose the baby’) and that I shouldn’t be carrying toddler dd1 (‘Your baby will be born with a broken arm.’)

And once she’d arrived, if taking her out after dark, I should cover her face with a blanket, to ward off any evil spirits lurking outside the front door.

Ringmaster27 · 02/03/2022 08:56

My mum is really superstitious and I wasn’t allowed my pram anywhere near my house until after DC1 had arrived.
It was a gift from my parents, so they brought it round when she was a few days old.
My exH had never heard such superstition though and was really confused by it and just thought it was really morbid Confused

Synchrony · 02/03/2022 08:58

I have never heard this. However, I'm not keen on baby showers and announced the pregnancy as late as possible in case the baby is lost.

SpiderVersed · 02/03/2022 08:59

MIL is very superstitious but we ignored her.

There is no fate to tempt.

TheNoodlesIncident · 02/03/2022 08:59

Also in terms of not having loads of never-used baby items to get rid of in the worst case, the process of recovery from trauma was seen differently. It was thought that it was best to remove all reminders from something like that and never speak of it, because speaking/remembering/acknowledging tends to make people upset and this was seen as rubbing salt in the wound and keeping the wound open. "Time is a healer" was the mantra and the main thinking was that if you didn't dwell on it, it would go away. We know more about trauma and mental health these days and understand that processing a traumatic event is essential, and that involves talking about it and may also involve keeping photographs or keepsakes. Some people may prefer for unused baby items to be taken away without having to deal with them, but some may find it more healing to find a new home for them themselves, perhaps as a donation.

My grandmother had a stillbirth following a fall on a bus - the bus braked sharply and she fell forwards, hitting her bump. When she had the baby she wasn't allowed to see him ever, her husband dealt with all the details including burial etc. My poor grandmother must have felt dreadful about the whole thing but the worst would have been being totally disassociated with her stillborn son Sad She went on to have my mother, but when both she and her elder sister had boys as their second children, my grandmother was always "a bit funny" about her grandsons... I would say that she never got over it, she just had to pretend she did. AWFUL way of treating a bereaved mother but I expect at the time they felt they were shielding her from it and it would be worse for her to see and hold her baby, etc.

I'm so glad though that DH and I weren't fettered by useless superstitious thoughts and just got the things we needed. I would have hated feeling that we were unprepared and other people, even relatives, got to choose our baby's things. I don't believe in Fate; the universe is about agency and chance. Our chances of things going wrong will be the same whether we have a cot or not!

oakleaffy · 02/03/2022 09:00

My Dad pleaded with me not to buy anything.
An old superstition.

I didn’t buy anything.
Of course i had a few new things bought by work colleagues-

But the thought of a baby shower and fully decked out baby room?

I wouldn’t do that , but can see why people would.

Itsmeandhim · 02/03/2022 09:01

When my mum had her first child she had to go to church (Roman Catholic) to be blessed before she went home. Plus all the baby stuff clothes, pram etc were kept at her parents house.
These things only came to our house that evening.

hellywelly3 · 02/03/2022 09:02

My grandma was a Londoner and I don’t remember her saying anything like that. I was the first grandchild to have a baby so I’m sure she would of said if it was a big thing

Nsky · 02/03/2022 09:03

Never heard of this, almost every thing I had I was given, so in the house, most of it secondhand too ( except car seat)

oakleaffy · 02/03/2022 09:04

@SpiderVersed

MIL is very superstitious but we ignored her.

There is no fate to tempt.

It’s more that if something goes wrong, having to see all the baby stuff ( According to Dad , when I asked) would be hard to look at.
Spacie · 02/03/2022 09:05

I had my first in 1992 and Mothercare offered to store the pram.

Whatdramain2022 · 02/03/2022 09:06

It's hardly superstition or an old wives tale. When I had my first two, there were no scans and I had no way of knowing if I was having a live baby. Everything was at Mothercare to be collected if I had a healthy baby. We were supposed to stay in for ten days in hospital after the birth, so there was plenty of time to get things ready. Unfortunately they were short of beds and I was kicked out after a day and a night. I had nothing and my parents had to rush to Mothercare to get everything. My now XH had gone AWOL. I lived in a cul de sac of all young couples. A surprising number didn't get to bring a baby home.

Whatdramain2022 · 02/03/2022 09:06

It's hardly superstition or an old wives tale. When I had my first two, there were no scans and I had no way of knowing if I was having a live baby. Everything was at Mothercare to be collected if I had a healthy baby. We were supposed to stay in for ten days in hospital after the birth, so there was plenty of time to get things ready. Unfortunately they were short of beds and I was kicked out after a day and a night. I had nothing and my parents had to rush to Mothercare to get everything. My now XH had gone AWOL. I lived in a cul de sac of all young couples. A surprising number didn't get to bring a baby home.

Ringmaster27 · 02/03/2022 09:06

@Itsmeandhim is your mum from the U.K.? My mum hails from Eastern Europe and did the exact same thing when me and Dsis were born - with Dsis my parents went home from the hospital via the church, and when I was born, the priest met them at our house when they arrived home.
(Personally I can’t think of anything worse than going to church or entertaining the priest at home immediately after giving birth!)

SpiderinaWingMirror · 02/03/2022 09:08

I think call the midwife does a fabulous job of showing that people were as diverse in their way of thinking in the 1950s as they are now.

RedHelenB · 02/03/2022 09:10

@PyongyangKipperbang

I have just remembered something else.

My mum was shocked that the pram place didnt let us put money down, and the shop store the pram, and then we would go back after the baby is born to get it. That was standard practice for her and grandma.

I do remember saying that I wasnt risking them closing down and keeping my money!

Mothercare did that 20 years ago.
Bromse · 02/03/2022 09:10

@Hollyhocksarenotmessy

It was a more common superstition then, but that doesn't mean everyone did it.
Exactly. Let's face it, the outcome of a pregnancy is not dependent on whether or not you buy a pram in advance or anything else. Most places sold things with a return option, even years ago.
Grinling · 02/03/2022 09:10

@Whatdramain2022

It's hardly superstition or an old wives tale. When I had my first two, there were no scans and I had no way of knowing if I was having a live baby. Everything was at Mothercare to be collected if I had a healthy baby. We were supposed to stay in for ten days in hospital after the birth, so there was plenty of time to get things ready. Unfortunately they were short of beds and I was kicked out after a day and a night. I had nothing and my parents had to rush to Mothercare to get everything. My now XH had gone AWOL. I lived in a cul de sac of all young couples. A surprising number didn't get to bring a baby home.
Of course it’s superstition. The pram being at Mothercare rather than in your house has no relation to whether your baby will survive or not.