"The pram doesnt go in the house before the baby does"

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Just watching some call the midwife on catch up. A father who has had a few says "I can see the pram from here [in the hall of their home], that makes me happy!"

But it wouldnt have been in the house would it? My grandma and my mother were both absolutely horrified when I bought my pram and took it home. It was horribly bad luck. I was led to believe that this was standard, it really upset my grandma in particular.

Of course what it really was was that back then there was a much bigger risk of the baby not coming home, so you made sure the baby was alive before buying the pram.

This wasnt just my family was it? I just dont remember anyone else who had kids after me, I was pretty much the first in my group, getting this from their mothers so it has made me wonder....

Ive already brought mine and i am only 10 weeks!

Very early days i know, but Silver cross had a 50% off sale and i didnt want to miss it, its currently sat in my loft.

I dont believe having a pram in the house will affect the outcome of my pregnancy - but equally if something was to go wrong, i see it as having it ready for the next time we try. And if it turns out i cant have children, then i can always re-sell as its brand new in box.

I suppose as above posters have said, regular scans are somewhat of a new thing, it was a lot mroe of a guessing game that everything was okay back then.

We didn't collect our pram until after our first was born, we only put the moses basket up when I was in labour. It's an old thing but the reason I didn't was a friend of a friend had just had a full term still born baby. It was just a very unfortunate accident during the birth where the cord got wrapped around her neck, they didn't realise until it was too late. The worst part for her (other than losing her otherwise healthy baby obviously) was that she went home to a house filled to the brim with everything for a baby. It really put me off buying much so we literally just had a few bits before our first arrived. I upset my mil when I told her to stop buying things as I wanted to make sure I was bringing a baby home. She cried 🙄, but she needed to rein it in. She'd filled 2 wardrobes with baby clothes (at her house) when I was 12 weeks, I had to tell her, who knows what she'd have bought!

@Grinling yes superstition but one bedded in the reasonable thinking that a mother won't want to come home to a house full of baby stuff if it hasn't gone well. Even only 20 years ago, so a generation, that was surprisingly common. Scans etc have all improved so much in that time.

Absolutely, Noodles - my grandparents very sadly lost their first baby to cot death, he was also born disabled, cerebral palsy and apologies I don't know the correct term nowadays, but he had some kind of spastic condition and would never have been able to walk.

It devastated my grandfather, if he ever tried to talk about it and got upset my grandma would pat his knee and say "Now now, we'll have none of that." He could never stand to see physically disabled people on the TV. They moved house, and although he was known about, they didn't generally talk about it. My grandma was a kind and compassionate woman, but she believed the kind and compassionate thing to do was to avoid the subject and the hard feelings it brought up.

You know how sometimes something feels worse before it feels better? I think they were afraid that the "feeling worse" phase would just escalate and escalate and take over your whole life. In reality of course bottling feelings up, and yes, very much pretending you'd got over something that you never would, probably causes that trauma to come out and affect your life in other ways.

It's a superstition I grew up with and would still adhere to. You ordered your pram but did not get it until the baby was born. It was held in the shop for you. In my mind all this gender reveal, scan photos on FB etc are just OTT.

I bought the furniture for DS1's room and all his baby stuff from John Lewis, they offered a particular service of delivering immediately after the birth, though of course you needed a few bits and pieces ready.

It's really not kind for people to foist their superstitions on expectant parents. I still roll my eyes at the friend who refused to come to my baby shower and then sent me an item of kitchen equipment as she couldn't bring herself to buy anything baby-related, and carefully explained why, as if the thought of losing my baby wasn't something that kept me awake at night.

That said I know a lot of people who waited until the 20 week scan for at least the bigger purchases, is this just the modern equivalent of this superstition?

[quote JustJam4Tea]@Grinling yes superstition but one bedded in the reasonable thinking that a mother won't want to come home to a house full of baby stuff if it hasn't gone well. Even only 20 years ago, so a generation, that was surprisingly common. Scans etc have all improved so much in that time.[/quote]
But someone can take away the baby stuff should the baby not survive, just as the same someone would have to go and collect the baby stuff from a shop or a relative’s attic after the baby was safely born.

We had our sons nursery fully decorated and pram built before he was born. I didn’t have the time or strength to be doing all that once he was actually here!
Out of curiosity, with the old superstition, what are you meant to do for subsequent children? Is it okay to have the cot in the house then (left over from the child before) or do you have to store it elsewhere?

I dont think it is supersition, I think many years ago it was very practical advice, mainly because of infant mortality rates and the heartbreak of having to deal with an empty pram, the other consideration was entirely for prcatical reasons, the prams were so bloody enormous, in the 60s when I was born I can clearly remember having to negotiate getting round huge prams in very small houses, they abolutly filled a small hallway, why put up with that for months before it was actually needed?

The only time I have horrified was when a friend bought what was then a new design 3 wheeled pram that was to be assembled at home, the box was coffin shaped, it chilled my heart.

I personally think it is just a superstition, I've had 4 children and got their clothes, nappies, bottles, prams all before I was 10 weeks pregnant with each one

It was about managing expectations.
Superstition if you like to belittle or practical life experience. Take your pick.

@justlonelystars, we have a 'family cot', it was made for my mother, born 1936, by an uncle who had lost a child, he was a forerunner in thinking about child safety, so things like the width between the rails were paramount to him, it has now housed about 26 babies, the last person to use it stores it until the next person asks for it, been a very handy way to announce a new baby

@Mamiddaubach

I've heard about this superstition, but it only really applied to the first child, especially in the era Call the Midwife is set in. By the second and third etc the pram would be in the house and used by a baby / toddler until the next baby arrives.

Exactly. No-one back then was buying a new pram for every child.

(I find it utterly bonkers that some people do that now.)

[quote thebabessavedme]@justlonelystars, we have a 'family cot', it was made for my mother, born 1936, by an uncle who had lost a child, he was a forerunner in thinking about child safety, so things like the width between the rails were paramount to him, it has now housed about 26 babies, the last person to use it stores it until the next person asks for it, been a very handy way to announce a new baby [/quote]
This is wonderful!

Another one with this superstition
My Uncle stored the pram as his and the car seat was allowed to be in DH's car boot!

I have never heard of this.

My Grannies were born in 1910, and neither of them had this superstition.
One of my Grannies had 6 children and only 2 survived

But no mention of this superstition. One North Uk and one Southern.

The pram my dm had for me and my brothers was a huge coach built thing with chrome wheels, a posh bag that hung form the handle and my dad made a sort of seat so that she could strap a toddler on to it across the new baby, I know it went round the family a few times and was last used in the 70s for my youngest brother, it had then run out of steam and the boys used the wheels for a go kart, in contrast, my dd has one child but had 3 different prams/ pushchairs, I paid for the first. (am hoping one day she will need it again )

I kind of did the same due to a combination of recurrent miscarriage, high risk premature baby and an imminent house move. However, it is a pain having to get all the stuff when the baby is born. You don't really need much but I can imagine it would be much nicer to have everything prepared.

DM follows this superstition. Her first baby died in the late 1950s from a condition that could probably be picked up on a scan now and certainly have a strong chance of survival after surgery. That baby never came home. Her second baby was brain damaged at birth in a badly managed birth that should not occur today.

I understand her superstition but medical care and practicalities have changed. There is a much stronger chance of identifying high risk births and better chances of survival. Very premature babies can survive and come home.

I was happy to buy from 24 weeks, I'd had the anomaly scan and we were entering the range when a very premature baby can survive. By 35 weeks it was getting very difficult to get my SPD ridden body around the shops, and baby was due at Christmas, not ideal for popping out last minute.
DM wanted to be involved in buying the pram and having bought it at a store near to her not me, it was delivered to hers. She wasn't impressed when we wanted to bring it up to ours at 37 weeks. The car seat was part of the set, and having it 50 miles away was not sensible from that point. It was also the December that was frozen up for the whole month so it was sensible to get it at a point when we knew that the route was stable.
I had to reassure her that it was all being stored in the garage which was not under our roof.

I spent the first 36 hours after birth in HDU, was out of hospital on day 4. Christmas Eve was my first day at home. Shopping at that point really wasn't practical. I went to Mothercare 10 days after birth to exchange some small NB outfits and DH had to take me back to the car and return to deal with the tills because my strength had given out. In the 50s/60s, I might not have survived the birth in the first place and would certainly not have been released ftom hospital so quickly.

It's an understandable superstition for its time and realities of life at that point, but is not practical today and certainly has no bearing on medical outcomes.

The only thing we avoided was telling anyone what our planned names were. We didn't want well meaning but interfering people commenting on our chosen names before our babies were born.

Each time we would announce the birth to say that we had had the baby and they were called X.

I am one of those who thinks this is an entirely understandable tradition - women not wanting to put themselves through the additional emotional agony of disposing of baby clothes/furniture at the same time as coming to terms with a loss. It is horribly, painfully practical.

Also, all the expectant mothers I've ever met have been rather chary of doing anything for the baby until post 30-weeks (ie when the odds seem fairly good that they will get to bring them home). That fear of loss hasn't gone anywhere on the modern world, rather it just starts to alleviate a bit earlier than before (ie at 30 weeks rather than at birth).

I was like this nothing in the house before birth, but it came from stress. I had 6 miscarriages before DS came along and from the 18 week scan his prognosis was we will wait and see if he is healthy enough to be born.

I had scans every week until his birth and still didn't know if he would make it, until he did.

I had a very unhappy pregnancy and couldn't let myself be taken up in the whirlwind of it all. Even before we knew about his prognosis, the previous miscarriages left me too vulnerable to be excited.

I did buy things, but I remember telling the companies that there is a chance this baby wouldn't be born. And they were amazing. I wish I could remember now which ones I dealt with. They were mostly independents and were so caring and I would love to be able to recommend them as they went above and beyond. They honoured deals and kept the products in their warehouses until my DH called after his birth and delivered within 24 hours
(Pretty unstandard from GB to NI)
Even more amazingly with allll the scans I had we were told DS would be a DD so I'd ordered a few things in more girly colours and the shops let me change them at the last minute at no charge.

Some people would find comfort coming home to things they had chosen for their baby. I knew I would not, which is why I couldn't buy anything. Everyone knows their own triggers.

We did and thank god we did, she came early - if we didn't have it what would we have done!!

I'm not very superstitious though!