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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel fed up of being poor.

540 replies

laptopba · 01/03/2022 18:38

Just that really. Feeling rubbish about how my life has turned out in relation to finances. Its bloody shit.

OP posts:
Svara · 01/03/2022 23:10

@deadlanguage

Some people would consider 20k a low income household

Well it is - the median is just shy of £30k net of income tax, NI and council tax. So I guess would be more like £37k net. So it’s not surprising to hear people on that income struggling.

Flowers to everyone having a tough time

Well it is - the median is just shy of £30k net of income tax, NI and council tax. So I guess would be more like £37k net. So it’s not surprising to hear people on that income struggling. I guess from that perspective it is. FSM level is more what I see as low income though as I won't get any help with the bus for DS for sixth form, I don't think we would be eligible for help with energy bills either, nothing like that. I've been poor when DS was younger though and we get by ok now on 20k so it's all relative I guess.
Shamoo · 01/03/2022 23:25

Nobody living in the fifth richest country in the world should work full time and not have enough money to live on, not be able to heat their houses or feed themselves. The fact that poverty rates are so high in this country (and getting higher) with people who work is an active choice made by our leaders. It’s a disgrace.

In the same way, benefits should not raise at a rate lower than inflation on a consistent basis so as to push people further into poverty in the fifth richest country in the world. Again, that’s an active choice by our leaders to punish people who are on benefits. And to perpetuate the cycle of poverty while claiming they support social mobility. The austerity introduced by Cameron and Osborne started all this, punishing women, single parent families and disabled people more than anybody else. An active choice.

Energy companies should not be able to make billions and billions of pounds profit while driving large parts of the population into fuel poverty. It just shouldn’t be allowed. Again, an active choice by our leaders to support it.

We have a government who want people in poverty. That’s the only conclusion you can draw.

I grew up in the 80s and we didn’t have central heating, we had gas heaters and often only one room was warm. We slept in jumpers with hot water bottles. But that was common then. Every generation should be in a better position than the last one. At the moment we are going backwards. People in this country should be able to afford to heat their houses in 2022.

RantyAunty · 01/03/2022 23:25

[quote HonestwithHope1]@RantyAunty. My comment is in reply to you, on mobile and it didn't quote you properly but ...

Have a nice night lording your entitlement and clearly superior education over others :)[/quote]
Go on with your bitterness and complaining as it's easier to dump on people like me than actually do something.

DemBonesDemBones · 01/03/2022 23:30

@5329871e how patronising! I did everything on your tick list but things (health related) happened in my life that made it impossible to work for a decade. There are so many unforeseeable reasons a person might find themselves in poverty, not just because they're uneducated.

Liveandkicking · 01/03/2022 23:32

@5329871e

Genuine question to everyone on this thread who feels poor. What are you doing with your kids to make sure they’re not in the same position? Are you teaching them to work hard, doing homework with them, making sure they’re top of the class and aspiring to a good career?

You may be trapped in poverty. But in the UK there’s nothing preventing your kids from earning six figures if they make the right choices from an early age and have you to guide them.

My parents were exactly where you are now. And I’m not.

My DH and I have post graduate degrees. We work, we also have a disabled child so I have to work part time and wages that haven’t kept up with inflation, with cost of living sky rocketing. Your comment is so smug and judgemental it’s unreal.
LoisLane66 · 01/03/2022 23:45

1500 would more than pay my rent AND bills including food plus saving. No, my children are adults and don't live with me but the OP must get child benefit of £36.25pw for 2 children ie: £21.80 for eldest+ £14.45 each for second or more.
If your perception of being poor means you can't afford a car, petrol, tax, MOT, insurance and maintenance, then that's ridiculous.
There's public transport and your two legs.
Bus and train prices have gone up but not as much as car insurance, petrol, MOTs and maintenance costs.
None of my children have moaned about the cost of living. If you want to live you have to make the effort in order to live the lifestyle you want. That means looking at options for getting better qualifications, many, but not all of which can be via Zoom etc.
Getting better deals on broadband and energy can help cut costs.
It's the everyday frittering away of smaller outlays such as snacks and takeaways or ready meals that bleed the budget too
If the OP is desperate there are food banks but she has not described (nor should she have to, before people pounce) what sort of 'poor' situation she is in, for us to make suitable suggestions.
She may well have no heating, only 2 meagre meals a day and no car to drive to the shops but may well have an iPhone on contract, the children may well have iphones and a 60" all singing/dancing TV plus Sky ++, who knows. She may be a bad manager of her income.
There are different levels of poverty and it all depends on what level you're used to, as to what your perception of poverty is.

headlock · 01/03/2022 23:47

Feel for you OP. At this moment in time we are ok but I grew up poor and there have been many times in adulthood I've been literally scraping by. Being poor is so in your face all the time, it's depressing.
Is a second job an option for you? I worked two jobs for years, it was hard going but on balance it made life so much easier.
I

cuno · 01/03/2022 23:52

@LoisLane66

1500 would more than pay my rent AND bills including food plus saving. No, my children are adults and don't live with me but the OP must get child benefit of £36.25pw for 2 children ie: £21.80 for eldest+ £14.45 each for second or more. If your perception of being poor means you can't afford a car, petrol, tax, MOT, insurance and maintenance, then that's ridiculous. There's public transport and your two legs. Bus and train prices have gone up but not as much as car insurance, petrol, MOTs and maintenance costs. None of my children have moaned about the cost of living. If you want to live you have to make the effort in order to live the lifestyle you want. That means looking at options for getting better qualifications, many, but not all of which can be via Zoom etc. Getting better deals on broadband and energy can help cut costs. It's the everyday frittering away of smaller outlays such as snacks and takeaways or ready meals that bleed the budget too If the OP is desperate there are food banks but she has not described (nor should she have to, before people pounce) what sort of 'poor' situation she is in, for us to make suitable suggestions. She may well have no heating, only 2 meagre meals a day and no car to drive to the shops but may well have an iPhone on contract, the children may well have iphones and a 60" all singing/dancing TV plus Sky ++, who knows. She may be a bad manager of her income. There are different levels of poverty and it all depends on what level you're used to, as to what your perception of poverty is.
1500 would just about cover my family for rent, bills, food shop, and we don't drive. But if the washing machine packed up, or any other emergency, we'd be fucked on that income. We're in about the cheapest housing we can manage as well, in fact we wouldn't find anything cheaper if we had to move. So even if people have enough to scrape by and just about manage on the essentials, one single thing can happen to truly screw them over. Poor people end up in more and more debt for little emergencies here and there, which makes their monthly outgoings even more expensive as they have to repay the debt.
HonestwithHope1 · 01/03/2022 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

HonestwithHope1 · 01/03/2022 23:57

LoisLane66

Oh let me guess you have a job you can commute to using your own two wirking perfectly healthy legs

You have time to do this.

Hell. You even have a RARE job that doesn't ask for driving!

Gasp! How are you posting on mumsnet without the utter luxury* of internet and a device to post on?

Welcome to the 21st century nimby :)

Pippin2028 · 02/03/2022 00:15

Being poor is miserable and having to watch every penny. Also it is expensive to be poor, if you can afford better quality clothes / coats/shoes they last longer, but if you can only buy the cheapest you can afford, chances are it can fall apart within a few months and you have to pay out more over the course of a year. And also having people around you to help is such a huge factor, it's much easier to get yourself out of poverty or improve your situation if you have people who can point you in the right direction, and give you help.Having no money is so miserable so your of 15 mins of joy a day may be a takeaway coffee or pint or takeaway. I hate it when people say poor people shouldn't spend their money on things that might make them feel better for a while. I remember scrapping pennies together one time to buy some bread because that month I spent most of my income in going to a job interview in another city, paying for a hotel to stay in the city and transport there, plus decent clothes for the interview, and I still didn't get the job and taking that one risk set me back financially as I was barely covering living costs. So there are so many factors involved that keep people in a never ending cycle and unfortunately with the way general day to day life is increasing its about to become worse 😕

Niahm · 02/03/2022 00:15

It’s all the invisible factors you don’t think about as well.
I’ve been ill and out of work for a couple of years so been dirt poor. I’ve just recently finally qualified for some disability benefits, so I’m still poor but thankfully no longer desperately poor. In theory I should have about £400pm left to put away after all bills, food and rent, but because I’ve been dirt poor for so long there’s so much that I feel I need to buy and it means that all my money still just vanishes every month. For example the washing machine needed replacing, as did the fridge. I needed a whole new wardrobe of (inexpensive) clothes because I’ve been living with next to no clothes for about two years since I gained weight. I haven’t had a winter coat for two years. There’s constant things to do around the house. I needed to buy all the kitchen stuff I could never afford like decent pans and utensils. Repairs and replacements of all the small things. Finally buying the storage I could never afford to make life 1000% easier. A cheap pair of straighteners and a hairdryer. A desk and a cheap PC so that I can do my Uni work properly. A dishwasher because I’m often too ill to wash up. Paying off debts. Finally getting the house decorated after years. The list is huge, and it will take me months just to get back on my feet. I’m aware that most of these are more luxuries than needs, but my point is that EVERYTHING just builds up and up when you’re poor and you end up with an unmanageable, endless pile of things that bring lots of mental stress. Then once you finally do get a bit more money coming in you have to spend more than a never-been-poor person for months because there’s such a backlog!

Blossom987 · 02/03/2022 00:15

[quote ssd]I'm never done posting this on mn

digitalsynopsis.com/inspiration/privileged-kids-on-a-plate-pencilsword-toby-morris/[/quote]
Wow, very powerful. I love it.

blameless · 02/03/2022 00:16

[quote ssd]I'm never done posting this on mn

digitalsynopsis.com/inspiration/privileged-kids-on-a-plate-pencilsword-toby-morris/[/quote]
@ssd Please keep posting it!

It is now a pervasive view in society (and therefore 'true' by default) that successful people can only by motivated by more and that the unsuccessful can only be motivated by taking away what little they have.

Managing to survive in the UK in 2022 requires ingenuity and hard work. Those that are managing to keep their heads above water and feed their children deserve respect, empathy and compassion.

After more than a decade of stagnant pay within my recognised profession, in the past couple of years, Brexit has led to pay rises as employers chase fewer workers.

Good luck OP, don't be afraid to reach out for help, I hope you can see from many of the comments here that people are ready and willing to do what they can.

Anoooshka · 02/03/2022 00:19

@cookiemon666

I am fed up too. We are in a rented house and have been served a section 21. In our area there is literally nowhere to rent and house prices are ridiculous. I had to take medical retirement last year and now can only work a few hours a week. We have struggled anyway as a single parent family but did okay when I was working normally. And yesterday my son got an ier at school as he was wearing black trainers, so somehow today I had to find money to buy him a pair of leather shoes, not easy when his feet are size 12.

It just never seems to get any better.

This seems ridiculous to me. Why does it matter if your kid is wearing trainers or leather shoes? So many parents are struggling financially right now. Is this something that the parents could get the school to change?
DorothyParker111 · 02/03/2022 00:22

See also 'The Tyranny of Merit' by Michael Sandel, summarised here news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2021/01/the-myth-of-meritocracy-according-to-michael-sandel/ "In an unequal society, those who land on top want to believe their success is morally justified. In a meritocratic society, this means the winners must believe they have earned their success through their talent and hard work."

Thewiseoneincognito · 02/03/2022 00:42

Hate to be the bearer of bad news but things are going to get even more expensive soon, we have Brexit, Covid and now the coming war to thank for what’s coming.

Save now if you can, cut the unnecessary expenditure and be savvy with what little money you do have.

Clumsyvolcano · 02/03/2022 00:42

Not everybody can work their way up! You know what would happen to the country if everyone could work their way up? It would be at a standstill.

Someone needs to do the menial work, just because you do a low paid job doesn’t mean you don’t work hard and that it’s necessarily your fault. Good jobs would pay less if they were accessible to everyone anyway. This blinkered attitude really gets on my nerves.

People need to be paid a living bloody wage it’s that simple instead of companies taking the p

Italiangreyhound · 02/03/2022 01:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Italiangreyhound · 02/03/2022 01:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Piggyk2 · 02/03/2022 01:27

@Bringsexyback

When i was a single mum on benefits i smoked, £12.50 is doable to save for most people
How long ago was you on benefits?

I don't think this is what OP needs.

labyrinthlaziness · 02/03/2022 01:42

@BoredZelda

The advice given is always so bloody patronising.

If people start from that premise, nothing will ever change.

Hahaha this is ridiculous!

It is not do-gooding advice that will change anything. Good grief.

marthamydear · 02/03/2022 01:45

I feel for you op. It's just miserable. I watched film recently and I was crying because this is peoples reality.

It is so dehumanising to be piss poor and like a previous poster pointed out - it isn't their fault. It is the leaders that just do not give a thought to those living in these conditions. It seems that they actively keep people and families in poverty. It grinds you down and it is unfair.

www.theguardian.com/film/2019/may/16/sorry-we-missed-you-review-ken-loach

BoldMove · 02/03/2022 02:08

Call 111 for advice and reassurance. Hope she's better soon.

Gilead · 02/03/2022 02:25

I’m on benefits (severely disabled) my utilities will be going up next month from £81 to £146 per month. It really is heat or eat. I feel for you op💐