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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP eating everyone else's snacks

301 replies

DonnyBurrito · 28/02/2022 12:10

DP has a habit of eating other people's snacks. To be honest he doesn't respect that things can belong to other people in general, and feels entitled to use/borrow other people's stuff until it's either broke, lost or damaged because he's held onto it for so long, or used it well past it's shelf life. That kind of stuff is a bit of a pattern, although it's more infrequent than his snack theft.

He has habit of eating a full pack of biscuits, then rooting around in the cupboard for mine or his daughters snacks/sweets and then eating them, too. I don't eat a full bar of chocolate or pack of biscuits in one sitting like him, I tend to just have a bit here and there when I really fancy it. His daughter is only here at weekend and she isn't allowed to scoff entire packs of haribo anyway, but when she comes back the next weekend all of her sweets will have been eaten. He ate all her Christmas chocolate, too. He said it's too hard not to eat everyone else's stuff when it's just sitting there in the cupboard...

So anyway, last night I went to the shop and treated myself to a bar of chocolate, and bought him some of those chocolate pretzels. He finished his pretzels almost immediately, and then asked me if he could have a strip of my chocolate. I said no (because once I give him a bit of whatever I have he decides we are sharing the whole thing and eats at least half of it, when I actually didn't want to share the whole thing or at all). I said no anyway, and then went to bed.

Came downstairs this morning, he'd opened my bar of chocolate and had a couple of strips off it. I was SO ANNOYED. I decided to find something of his that he enjoys and would look forward to, and just chuck it away. Obviously there was nothing in the cupboards or fridge of his cause he eats everything straight away!

So I threw his pack of cigs away. He's been trying to quit smoking, but occasionally has one in the garage late at night here and there. He's promised not to buy any, and hasn't for quite a while (mainly because he can't afford to), but his friend gave him half a pack a few days ago. The bin men were coming this morning so I fed them to the wheelie bin. He has noticed, but he thinks I've just thrown them away to help him quit. Decided not to come clean about the actual reason I chucked his cigs away, and kept my petty revenge secret.

Do I need to chill out about this? Or would you be annoyed at this constant snack thievery?

OP posts:
WildPoinsettia · 28/02/2022 17:54

@Ihopeyourcakeisshit

Why does everything have to be excused as a disorder or condition, some people are just bloody selfish and greedy.
I know, right! OP clearly states he steals other possessions too, losing them or breaking them and not replacing them. It's not a food thing, it's a respect thing!
FloBot7 · 28/02/2022 18:06

I'd make him immediately buy a replacement every time I want something and find he's eaten it. Bonus points for doing it after he's gone to bed so you have to wake him up and demand he buys you the chocolate he ate.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 28/02/2022 18:16

Oi! Don't diss the Rich tea biscuit. They're a lifeline for post migraine vomitting first food I'll have you know.

EthelTheAardvark · 28/02/2022 18:16

I suspect the only answer is to go totally nuclear at him every time he does this (except where DSD can hear you, of course).

EthelTheAardvark · 28/02/2022 18:17

@GettingStuffed

This is me, if there's nice food in the house I'll eat it, whoever it "belongs" to. It's a compulsion. And not something you can just stop. It's an eating disorder .
Are you getting treatment?
LuckySantangelo35 · 28/02/2022 18:21

@EwwSprouts

My people!

Dh will ask me to buy a snack he likes such as chocolate raisins or hot cross buns, neither of which I like. I'll also buy a bar of chocolate which I do like. Guess which he will go for first? So he has snacks left and I have none. Grrr.

@EwwSprouts that is infuriating! How do you respond to this? How does he respond when you confront him?
TheNestedIf · 28/02/2022 18:22

This is something that makes me absolutely incan-fucking-descent. Some people like to eat more than others, and some people have an emotional relationship with food. That's understandable. But, even then it's not just about the food. It's the taking all of something and leaving other people with nothing that is greedy, selfish, and tells people you couldn't care less about them. Labelling it a compulsion changes nothing about the self-centered mental process, or the way it's perceived. Nobody should have to lock up or hide anything in a household with basic respect.

PeakyBlender · 28/02/2022 18:27

I hate greedy people and I think it's pretty selfish of him too. I wouldn't find that attractive in a partner at all

yoyobaby · 28/02/2022 18:39

@Ihopeyourcakeisshit

Oi! Don't diss the Rich tea biscuit. They're a lifeline for post migraine vomitting first food I'll have you know.
They're vom so sorry🤣

The only way I can eat them is with icing and sprinkles like a child😂 otherwise they're so miserable biscuits

yoyobaby · 28/02/2022 18:40

*such miserable biscuits

fridgepants · 28/02/2022 18:41

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

cushioncovers · 28/02/2022 18:45

He's being greedy and disrespectful op.

Cherrysoup · 28/02/2022 18:45

Omg, can some people not read? It’s pointless buying more, the bloke will eat more. It’s pointless saying ‘that’s mine’, he’ll eat it. He’s selfish and doesn’t give a shit that his pregnant partner (or daughter) might occasionally want a snack.

I’m amazed at people saying they don’t have a particular snack for them. I’m very fussy re chocolate, if I’m going to eat the calories, it has to be worthwhile. My DH will eat anything. If I was saving a particular snack for later, I’d be really upset that my DH had cleared out all of them. I want it NOW, not where’s been to replace it. That is shit behaviour. Why does he not eat meals?

violetbunny · 28/02/2022 18:54

Well if he thinks it's no big deal, he's not going to change.
If you can't afford a lock box I'd start hiding anything nice. Or reevaluate whether I want to spend my life with a selfish twat.

LuckySantangelo35 · 28/02/2022 19:04

@yoyobaby he ate nearly a double pack of custard cream biscuits?? Is he obese? That’s pretty much a days calories alone.

SunshineCake1 · 28/02/2022 19:06

I think it would have had more of an effect if you had told him the real reason you threw out the cigarettes.

yoyobaby · 28/02/2022 19:06

@LuckySantangelo35 just like the OPs DP, he isn’t obese at all. He’s just so greedy to the point where he’ll keep eating them even if he feels ill. It’s the strangest thing and so pathetic. I was 7 months pregnant when he ate my left over chicken chow mein, I could have cried

AliceMcK · 28/02/2022 19:07

My DH started eating all the DCs snacks when he started WFH. To be fair to him though it took me some time to think about buying extra for him. Im still terrible and regularly forget about him when I do the shopping, if he’s doing the shopping the fridge and cupboards are full of his stuff, stuff I just don’t think about buying 😬

I always make a point that if I want something just for me I make sure it’s something he hates, same with the DCs, I use to hide some treats in my bedside draw but my 4yo found my stash one day so I can’t hide anything now.

LuckySantangelo35 · 28/02/2022 19:08

@yoyobaby infuriated for you!

These skinny men who overeat might not look unhealthy on the outside but they absolutely will be on the inside eating such a massive surplus of calories

LuckySantangelo35 · 28/02/2022 19:29

Obviously I meant to say there that they absolutely won’t be healthy on the inside!

autienotnaughty · 28/02/2022 19:40

I would be fuming YANBU if you get yourself or kids a treat it's not his. He's an adult he needs some self control. I'd buy a lockable strorage box. It might help if he can't see them as he seems a bit greedy. Which I am too but only with my own snacks!!

Broads93 · 28/02/2022 19:52

If this was constant, it'd be a relationship breaker for me.
Doesn't care about you nor your possession's, entitled prick.

Original poster
DonnyBurrito · 28/02/2022 19:54

@BungleandGeorge

Doing it in secret isn’t a requirement for an eating disorder. He’s extremely picky, has restricted intake, eats only certain items/ brands and binges on sweet snacks. He also has an addiction to cigarettes which can be used to limit appetite/ control emotions. Nobody is diagnosing him but he does have some of the main symptoms so it needs consideration. It’s not diminishing anyone else’s struggles, eating disorders should be thought of as shameful, probably quite a lot of people suffer to some degree
I have been mulling this over since you posted it... There are actually other tell tale signs that it could possibly be part of an eating disorder. Quite a few now I really think about it. I'm going to have to talk to him and point out some dots that are possibly connected and see what he makes of it... Confused
OP posts:
Original poster
DonnyBurrito · 28/02/2022 19:55

Also, Rich Tea are the tea dunking champions of all biscuits. Maximum tea absorbancy with minimal snappage risk.

OP posts:
WomanStanleyWoman · 28/02/2022 20:01

@Rosebel

I'm really surprised how many people have separate treat /snacks. I buy and anyone can eat it. They know once it's gone that's it until shopping day. I really couldn't be bothered with this is yours, that's mine, that's for DD1 etc. All gets put in together. Much simpler. Obviously it would be annoying with a husband who scoffed it all but he does that anyway so what's the difference?
So you’re basically saying, ‘He eats it all anyway, so why pretend any of it belongs to anyone specific - let’s pretend it’s for everyone instead, but with him still scoffing the lot’? Why, for heaven’s sake?

All the ‘Good heavens, I can’t imagine buying snacks just for me, in our house everything’s for anyone, we can all have what we like’ posts are not only irritatingly smug (I can just hear the plaintive ‘in my family we like to share’) - they also completely miss the point. The OP might have been perfectly happy to have an ‘all snacks for everyone’ scenario, but her husband sucks them up like Henry the Hoover on speed. She probably tried saying ‘This is mine, this is daughter’s’ in the hope that he might stop assuming everything was for him.