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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP eating everyone else's snacks

301 replies

DonnyBurrito · 28/02/2022 12:10

DP has a habit of eating other people's snacks. To be honest he doesn't respect that things can belong to other people in general, and feels entitled to use/borrow other people's stuff until it's either broke, lost or damaged because he's held onto it for so long, or used it well past it's shelf life. That kind of stuff is a bit of a pattern, although it's more infrequent than his snack theft.

He has habit of eating a full pack of biscuits, then rooting around in the cupboard for mine or his daughters snacks/sweets and then eating them, too. I don't eat a full bar of chocolate or pack of biscuits in one sitting like him, I tend to just have a bit here and there when I really fancy it. His daughter is only here at weekend and she isn't allowed to scoff entire packs of haribo anyway, but when she comes back the next weekend all of her sweets will have been eaten. He ate all her Christmas chocolate, too. He said it's too hard not to eat everyone else's stuff when it's just sitting there in the cupboard...

So anyway, last night I went to the shop and treated myself to a bar of chocolate, and bought him some of those chocolate pretzels. He finished his pretzels almost immediately, and then asked me if he could have a strip of my chocolate. I said no (because once I give him a bit of whatever I have he decides we are sharing the whole thing and eats at least half of it, when I actually didn't want to share the whole thing or at all). I said no anyway, and then went to bed.

Came downstairs this morning, he'd opened my bar of chocolate and had a couple of strips off it. I was SO ANNOYED. I decided to find something of his that he enjoys and would look forward to, and just chuck it away. Obviously there was nothing in the cupboards or fridge of his cause he eats everything straight away!

So I threw his pack of cigs away. He's been trying to quit smoking, but occasionally has one in the garage late at night here and there. He's promised not to buy any, and hasn't for quite a while (mainly because he can't afford to), but his friend gave him half a pack a few days ago. The bin men were coming this morning so I fed them to the wheelie bin. He has noticed, but he thinks I've just thrown them away to help him quit. Decided not to come clean about the actual reason I chucked his cigs away, and kept my petty revenge secret.

Do I need to chill out about this? Or would you be annoyed at this constant snack thievery?

OP posts:
EthelTheAardvark · 01/03/2022 20:10

@yoyobaby

This is literally my DP and he honestly can't help himself. * So he steals food from colleagues at work?

He steals food from other people's houses when he visits?*

He'll definitely be at a family member's or friend's house and just start eating like he paid for the shopping

How embarrassing. Have you noticed invitations reducing? Or your family and friends locking away their food?

DFiL was an alcoholic and used to help himself to drink in other people's houses, to the extent of rooting around looking for it if you tried to hide it. Your DP sounds equally addicted.

AlwaysLatte · 01/03/2022 20:33

I didn't realise it was a thing to have your own designated snacks. When the children ask me to make a particular favourite (one likes Rocky Road and another one likes Brownies) I make extra for the rest of the family too. Or if I buy them I buy extras for everyone else. Except for special birthday chocolates or whatnot, then everyone knows they were a gift and wouldn't touch them unless offered.

AlwaysLatte · 01/03/2022 20:39

Oh sorry you say he ate his daughter's Christmas chocolates. That's not on. We bought our two those personalised Quality Street tins a couple of years ago and the tins now get used for special gift sweets just for them, maybe do that?

tammyjess · 01/03/2022 20:55

I can't believe he ate all his DD's Christmas choc. That's awful Sad

Justilou1 · 01/03/2022 21:06

Honestly, money could also be tight because the gluttonous, entitled man feels entitled to eat the Women’s food, so it needs replacing constantly. Get the lock box and you will be spending less even if he does feel snacky.

LuckySantangelo35 · 01/03/2022 21:13

@AlwaysLatte

I didn't realise it was a thing to have your own designated snacks. When the children ask me to make a particular favourite (one likes Rocky Road and another one likes Brownies) I make extra for the rest of the family too. Or if I buy them I buy extras for everyone else. Except for special birthday chocolates or whatnot, then everyone knows they were a gift and wouldn't touch them unless offered.
@AlwaysLatte well if one person is being a selfish fucker and eating everything then designated snacks is often the first strategy to make sure everyone gets their fair share
BoodleBug51 · 01/03/2022 21:19

I've got a locking cash tin that I have to hide anything sweet in. I got it from Home Bargains or similar, it was really cheap.

DH is a fucking horror for sugar. I've literally lost the plot time and time again, but he's a greedy pig with no thought for anyone other than himself.

Nat6999 · 01/03/2022 22:04

Charge him for what he eats, that is what I've done with 18 year old ds, he wants some of my stash he pays for it, same as if I want some of his. I buy all food for meals & some communal treats but we each buy our own personal treats. It certainly focuses his mind when he is on the last week before payday.

lockdownhasbrokenme · 01/03/2022 22:13

My dh does it, we now have separate boxes after several incidents of eating packed lunch stuff. Mainly stops him from eating other peoples snacks but not from going through his weekly stuff ten times faster than anyone else nor him helping himself to mine and dd's white bread, he insists on having wholemeal bread bought for him but if feels like it will just help himself to ours.
I think of it as master of the house syndrome whether its because he is the sole worker I don't know but it feels like he feels he is entitled to everything.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 01/03/2022 22:24

@lockdownhasbrokenme

My dh does it, we now have separate boxes after several incidents of eating packed lunch stuff. Mainly stops him from eating other peoples snacks but not from going through his weekly stuff ten times faster than anyone else nor him helping himself to mine and dd's white bread, he insists on having wholemeal bread bought for him but if feels like it will just help himself to ours. I think of it as master of the house syndrome whether its because he is the sole worker I don't know but it feels like he feels he is entitled to everything.
Doesn't this entitled attitude just make you so massive turned off him that you see him differently as a partner? I can't imagine wanting to share my life and bed with someone like that. It's not how normal, decent blokes behave - whatever he tells you.
Justilou1 · 01/03/2022 23:08

Also your DH may be tall and thin, but his diet is a recipe for early health issues like bowel cancer, coronary artery disease, stroke and of course diabetes. Bet there’s no telling him this, though.

rainbowmash · 01/03/2022 23:14

Honestly the more of these things I read the more I'm totally turned off by grown adults who go about their regular day eating "snacks" and "treats". I don't think I'd even have much time for a man who bought his own. Even the words sound babyish to me.

valerianaofficiana · 01/03/2022 23:15

Stop buying snacks. Pointless calories and seem to induce rooting around cupboards by random husbands.

MeSanniesareBrannies · 01/03/2022 23:20

@rainbowmash

Honestly the more of these things I read the more I'm totally turned off by grown adults who go about their regular day eating "snacks" and "treats". I don't think I'd even have much time for a man who bought his own. Even the words sound babyish to me.
It’s a bit alien to me, as well, to be honest. I don’t know anyone who buys ‘treats’ in quite this manner and people on MN seem to be snacking daily in a way I haven’t come across.

However, I’m not massively fussed about how other people choose to eat. If OP wants and purchases daily treats, it’s really not on for her husband to be greedily guzzling them all down.

WomanStanleyWoman · 01/03/2022 23:44

@valerianaofficiana

Stop buying snacks. Pointless calories and seem to induce rooting around cupboards by random husbands.
Pointless comment, never mind pointless calories.
LuckySantangelo35 · 01/03/2022 23:52

@valerianaofficiana

Stop buying snacks. Pointless calories and seem to induce rooting around cupboards by random husbands.
@valerianaofficiana why should she? Lots of people will eat small meals and have a snack in between or for some reason miss a meal and only have time for a snack etc. Why should she censor her kitchen cupboards and shopping habits to try and curb her husbands selfish greedy whims?!
00100001 · 02/03/2022 08:08

@valerianaofficiana

Stop buying snacks. Pointless calories and seem to induce rooting around cupboards by random husbands.
Pointless calories? What do you mean?
TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 02/03/2022 08:26

@SuitcaseOfWhine yup I meal plan and shop to the plan with extra treats. The meal plan is in the kitchen for everyone to see and I have told her over and over again to check before she uses something or replace it out of her own money.

Meant to be having fajitas tonight and went to use one wrap to make a ham salad wrap for DD2 to take to school.

Wrap bag is empty and pack is in the bin. It was a pack of 10!!

valerianaofficiana · 02/03/2022 08:28

Ok, point taken. In our house snacks appear very occasionally, when children have friends over or on film night. Snacks tend to veer towards junk though, crisps, sweets and similar. If OP is filling cupboards with nutritious stuff, I shall apologise. Not judging, just offered an opinion. Each their own.

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/03/2022 08:33

On similar threads I’ve seen people suggest that the OP shops everyday so there’s never a surplus of food in the house for greedy husbands to eat. But I mean who the fuck has time for that?!

TheOrigRights · 02/03/2022 08:42

@lockdownhasbrokenme

My dh does it, we now have separate boxes after several incidents of eating packed lunch stuff. Mainly stops him from eating other peoples snacks but not from going through his weekly stuff ten times faster than anyone else nor him helping himself to mine and dd's white bread, he insists on having wholemeal bread bought for him but if feels like it will just help himself to ours. I think of it as master of the house syndrome whether its because he is the sole worker I don't know but it feels like he feels he is entitled to everything.
What a twat. Does he behave like that in his working environment? I suspect not.
LottyD32 · 02/03/2022 09:08

[quote TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo]@SuitcaseOfWhine yup I meal plan and shop to the plan with extra treats. The meal plan is in the kitchen for everyone to see and I have told her over and over again to check before she uses something or replace it out of her own money.

Meant to be having fajitas tonight and went to use one wrap to make a ham salad wrap for DD2 to take to school.

Wrap bag is empty and pack is in the bin. It was a pack of 10!! [/quote]
Does she have binge eating disorder? Or bulimia? It's not normal to eat 10 wraps in one go.

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 02/03/2022 09:20

She has ASD and ADHD and really struggles to regulate her sleeping pattern. Been down so many routes and the only thing that actually helps is if her girlfriend stays over then she sleeps at night and is normal during the day. At the moment she is a vampire.

She has just started new medication that is affecting her appetite so it's not like I begrudge her the food, I just wish she would eat the stuff that's there for snacks rather than meal ingredients for the next day!

LottyD32 · 02/03/2022 10:39

😔

DonnyBurrito · 02/03/2022 11:19

I'm not a big snacker at all. I don't buy myself junk in the weekly shop, mainly as we can't afford it, but also as I'm breastfeeding I really try to only eat healthy fats and limit empty calories, and I just drink water - bar the odd cup of tea here and there. So when I do occasionally grab myself a pack of biscuits or a bar of chocolate, it literally is a treat - not something I have very often. I also like to save it for when I really fancy it (or, when I'm ravenous from being tied up looking after both kids when DP has to work some weekends, and need something quick to stop the hyperglycemic rage from kicking in). So when it gets taken, it's a bit of a piss take. I do buy DP the cheap own brand biscuits and crackers, but he eats them as if it were a meal. He doesn't eat much else through the day, so I feel bad not getting him any biscuits and such.

I do worry about his health, but I've got enough to do at the moment trying to figure out what to feed the baby to keep him healthy as he's weaning. I don't really see it as solely my job to make sure all three/four of us are eating healthily. Maybe in the future, but right now all I want is to not want to murder DP when he eats my treatyweeties biscuits/chocolate. I've found some good hiding places in the cupboards, though. If he eats any of DSDs sweets again, I'll get her the lock box. I think she'd find that really amusing to be fair.

OP posts:
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