DP eating everyone else's snacks

[DonnyBurrito]

DP has a habit of eating other people's snacks. To be honest he doesn't respect that things can belong to other people in general, and feels entitled to use/borrow other people's stuff until it's either broke, lost or damaged because he's held onto it for so long, or used it well past it's shelf life. That kind of stuff is a bit of a pattern, although it's more infrequent than his snack theft.

He has habit of eating a full pack of biscuits, then rooting around in the cupboard for mine or his daughters snacks/sweets and then eating them, too. I don't eat a full bar of chocolate or pack of biscuits in one sitting like him, I tend to just have a bit here and there when I really fancy it. His daughter is only here at weekend and she isn't allowed to scoff entire packs of haribo anyway, but when she comes back the next weekend all of her sweets will have been eaten. He ate all her Christmas chocolate, too. He said it's too hard not to eat everyone else's stuff when it's just sitting there in the cupboard...

So anyway, last night I went to the shop and treated myself to a bar of chocolate, and bought him some of those chocolate pretzels. He finished his pretzels almost immediately, and then asked me if he could have a strip of my chocolate. I said no (because once I give him a bit of whatever I have he decides we are sharing the whole thing and eats at least half of it, when I actually didn't want to share the whole thing or at all). I said no anyway, and then went to bed.

Came downstairs this morning, he'd opened my bar of chocolate and had a couple of strips off it. I was SO ANNOYED. I decided to find something of his that he enjoys and would look forward to, and just chuck it away. Obviously there was nothing in the cupboards or fridge of his cause he eats everything straight away!

So I threw his pack of cigs away. He's been trying to quit smoking, but occasionally has one in the garage late at night here and there. He's promised not to buy any, and hasn't for quite a while (mainly because he can't afford to), but his friend gave him half a pack a few days ago. The bin men were coming this morning so I fed them to the wheelie bin. He has noticed, but he thinks I've just thrown them away to help him quit. Decided not to come clean about the actual reason I chucked his cigs away, and kept my petty revenge secret.

Do I need to chill out about this? Or would you be annoyed at this constant snack thievery?

Why didn't you tell him to go down the shop and buy you some more biscuits right fucking now!

My dad used to do this. Anything I wanted had to be eaten within seconds of it entering the house.

I now struggle with binge eating and hoarding food. Sharing pizza or anything causes a lot of anxiety as I try to eat mine as quickly as possible so I will have the option of a second slice before its all gone.

You may have to completely lose your shit at him and tell him outright how selfish, greedy and frankly unattractive it is.

For those who keep saying it's an eating disorder: having an eating disorder is not an excuse to give your kids one. It isn’t acceptable or healthy to teach children that anything they don't eat immediately will be taken and eaten by you.

You don't make your disorder your child's problem. That's just basic good parenting. If you think you have an eating disorder, seek help. Medication, therapy. What you don't do is carry on with the behaviour and fuck up your children's relationship with food because 'it's a disorder, I can't help it.'

Yes you can.

Had this yesterday but with DD(17).

Went to make the mustard cream sauce to go with dinner and couldn't find it??

Greedy little fucker had come down in the middle of the night, taken a quarter of her dads birthday cake (which wasn't cheap) and the ENTIRE pot of double cream.

I was raging!!

I expect this kind of behaviour from my horse, who would denude the entire landscape to bare rock if I let her, but in an adult person, I'd expect more self-control...I'm with the PP who suggested maybe seeing if he needs to be wormed!

In all seriousness, there's a couple of separate issues at play here that could do with being disentangled.

First, regardless of the reasons underlying his behaviour, the effect (eating all the snacks, including those specifically belonging to others, like the Xmas chocolate) is hurtful to everyone else, and needs to be stopped. Locking the snacks away seems like an immediate solution.

Second, he needs to understand that his behaviour is hurting others, regardless of any underlying reasons. If he has any regard for the others, then he should make an effort adjust his behaviour. An eating disorder might be an explanation, but it's not an excuse, when others are being affected, or a license to continue. Any effort to adjust behaviour or seek help, however, ultimately has to come from him. You can't take on that burden.

Third, what you can do is come to an agreement with him regarding ground rules about food in the house, so that he must be aware when he transgresses them. One rule might be, "Don't steal food that was given to someone else as a gift". "Don't raid the fridge without asking if something is intended for a specific meal." "Don't eat Rich Tea biscuits on OP's shelf." "If you finish something off, replace it."

This would honestly horrify me. I couldn’t bear not being able to call my chocolate my own (I save it and nibble over time.)
Replacing it doesn’t make it ok. I remember at uni we only had a co op that shut at 6 on Sundays, and I came back on the late train to find my flat mate had eaten all my food, including the jar of pasta sauce I had saved for that night, with an “oh, I’ll get you another one tomorrow!” It’s just really selfish. And I definitely can’t imagine taking my child’s sweets! Poor her!!

I buy everyone their favourite big bag of sweets at the weekend. I have a large bag of skittles, they will usually last me about 5 days.The greedy fuckers in my house eat theirsin one go then go on the hunt for mine. I'm running out of hiding places.Drives me insane.

@Foxglovesandlilacs86

I can see why that’s annoying because you’ve told him no BUT….

I’m surprised anyone can live in a house where certain foods are for certain people? If I buy biscuits/chocolate they are for everyone until they’re gone, we don’t really do “that’s mine”.

Might just be me though

That only works when everyone is fair and reasonable though, willing to act on the basis that one person doesn't always get more than everyone else.

Whereas if there's one person always getting more than everyone else, it should be up to them to either learn to share fairly or find a way to buy some more of their own snacks so they aren't taking them away from everyone else.

@yoyobaby

This is literally my DP and he honestly can't help himself. * So he steals food from colleagues at work?

He steals food from other people's houses when he visits?*

He'll definitely be at a family member's or friend's house and just start eating like he paid for the shopping

God that's so unattractive and entitled.

So he would rather continue to have piss poor impulse control and make his pregnant wife hungry (and people feel taken advantage of if he's acting like he's done the shopping in other peoples homes) than actually work on his poor impulse control?

Yuck.

@TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo I bet you were! Cannot imagine coming down in the middle of the night and helping myself to all that food. Just cannot fathom the thought process.

Bake a cake loaded with laxatives and let the greedy cunt eat the lot.

Also, Rich Tea are the tea dunking champions of all biscuits. Maximum tea absorbancy with minimal snappage risk.

This is a barefaced lie and I won't stand for it. Please see this video for further demonstrative proof.

[quote daisyjgrey]Also, Rich Tea are the tea dunking champions of all biscuits. Maximum tea absorbancy with minimal snappage risk.

This is a barefaced lie and I won't stand for it. Please see this video for further demonstrative proof.

[/quote] To be honest I find Hobnobs have an unpredictable snappage risk due to the irregular density, you can't really tell how much tea the biscuit will absorb overall. Plus, very crumby. With Rich Tea you reliably get about 3 seconds of dunk and there's no crumb fall out, which is especially important in bed. Even if you do drown a Rich Tea for too long and a bit droops off, you can usually fish it out in one piece. Everything else just starts to rapidly disintegrate at the bottom, which is a total brew ruiner for me.

I wish people wouldn't speculate that he has an eating disorder. I have suffered from binge eating issues for my whole life and I never steal other people's food. Bingeing is a shameful, secret activity for people with a disordered approach to food. It isn't a greedy, selfish behaviour. If I am going to binge I go out and buy the food for it - in the past, I've gone to different shops so I don't worry the cashier will judge me for how much I'm buying. I wouldn't take it from the cupboards where it would be missed. Yes, it's an overwhelming compulsion but I'd no more help myself to the children's Easter eggs than I would start ripping off the wrappers in Tesco and stuffing it all down in the aisle. I know their chocolate is off limits and however bad the urge was, I wouldn't take it from them. This kind of behaviour isn't an eating disorder, it's not giving a fuck about other people.

@NoOtherShadeOfBlue That's you, well done you. Everyone's different. I have an ED and I will eat any food to hand that lights my candle, I really have difficulty controlling it.

He mightn't have a full on ED but he definitely has disordered eating (this isn't 100% normal.)

For those who keep saying it's an eating disorder: having an eating disorder is not an excuse to give your kids one. It isn’t acceptable or healthy to teach children that anything they don't eat immediately will be taken and eaten by you.

@Notanotherwindow Yes, it doesn't make it ok. It just means it might need different tactics to work around.

Hmmm @DonnyBurrito I remain sceptical. They did do a chocolate rich tea for a while though which evened the playing field a bit.

Just stop buying biscuits

@Momicrone

Just stop buying biscuits

@Momicrone But what if OP likes biscuits? What if stepdaughter likes biscuits? Why should they not have anything sweet or snack-like in the home because one person who lives there is too selfish and inconsiderate to stop himself from scoffing them all?

@Momicrone

Just stop buying biscuits

Why should nobody else in the house have some biscuits available to enjoy just because her DH can't control himself and share?!

He shouldn’t be eating all of his DD’s sweets and chocolate, that’s just unfair. I’m guessing he never replaces the things he’s eaten either so people just have to live without their treats because the Cookie Monster has demolished them all? He’s selfish.

[quote daisyjgrey]Also, Rich Tea are the tea dunking champions of all biscuits. Maximum tea absorbancy with minimal snappage risk.

This is a barefaced lie and I won't stand for it. Please see this video for further demonstrative proof.

[/quote] This is the sort of important scientific discussion I come to MN for. Well played both of you.

@Sweetlikejollof

All these workarounds and lock boxes and petty revenges…have an adult conversation with your husband?

You’re not happy about his attitude towards others’ possessions. Have you told him this? What does he say? Is he required to replace the things he uses up and/or breaks? If not, why not?

From the op, it's kind of obvious she has tried talking to him. He says he can't help himself. So therefore, since he can't control himself and cannot be reasoned with, you revert to treating him like a toddler. Lock everything away and let the cheeky fucker starve unless he bothers to walk to the shop. If he won't show respect to others, don't show him any.

Funny that he won't touch vegetables either, unless of course they've been deep fried. His metabolism may decline eventually, then he'll be massive from how much he eats and how much of it is unhealthy.

@Sweetlikejollof

Have you told him this? What does he say?

OP - Obviously I've spoke to him about how much it annoys me. I talk to him about how out of order it is he eats SDs treats. He thinks it isn't a big deal.

Is he required to replace the things he uses up and/or breaks?

OP - He replaces her stuff immediately though, as he knows it's wrong to eat her treats. He feels more entitled to my things because we are a couple.

So it's clear from OP's posts that he doesn't give a shit despite being told how rude and selfish it is. And immature tbh. Entitled and immature.

Put some fat balls in the fridge. Roll them in nuts.

Laxative chocolate? Can you still get that?

A girl used to steal everyone's coffee at work, so once we filled the cupboard with coffee jars of gravy granules.

I'm not sure what dog chocolate is like. Do you think he would notice the difference?

Just get a box that locks. To be honest it sounds like he eats a hell of a lot of junk. He needs to have his own budget for it. Ask for a tenner for his weekly budget of shit food and give him his own box. Everyone else has theirs that is lockable.

You could just make some fat balls for the birds....

Ah someone beat me to the fat ball suggestion! Make sure there is some meal worms in there too.

@TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo

Had this yesterday but with DD(17).

Went to make the mustard cream sauce to go with dinner and couldn't find it??

Greedy little fucker had come down in the middle of the night, taken a quarter of her dads birthday cake (which wasn't cheap) and the ENTIRE pot of double cream.

I was raging!!

Im not looking forward to this when the kids are older. I usually meal plan to be more economical. My first son can't resist chocolate and my second eldest literally steals the veg off the side as I'm preparing it and climbs on the table to steal fruit from the bowl. There is a running joke in my family that if me or the kids get chocolate as a gift it is also for my DH too.