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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP eating everyone else's snacks

301 replies

DonnyBurrito · 28/02/2022 12:10

DP has a habit of eating other people's snacks. To be honest he doesn't respect that things can belong to other people in general, and feels entitled to use/borrow other people's stuff until it's either broke, lost or damaged because he's held onto it for so long, or used it well past it's shelf life. That kind of stuff is a bit of a pattern, although it's more infrequent than his snack theft.

He has habit of eating a full pack of biscuits, then rooting around in the cupboard for mine or his daughters snacks/sweets and then eating them, too. I don't eat a full bar of chocolate or pack of biscuits in one sitting like him, I tend to just have a bit here and there when I really fancy it. His daughter is only here at weekend and she isn't allowed to scoff entire packs of haribo anyway, but when she comes back the next weekend all of her sweets will have been eaten. He ate all her Christmas chocolate, too. He said it's too hard not to eat everyone else's stuff when it's just sitting there in the cupboard...

So anyway, last night I went to the shop and treated myself to a bar of chocolate, and bought him some of those chocolate pretzels. He finished his pretzels almost immediately, and then asked me if he could have a strip of my chocolate. I said no (because once I give him a bit of whatever I have he decides we are sharing the whole thing and eats at least half of it, when I actually didn't want to share the whole thing or at all). I said no anyway, and then went to bed.

Came downstairs this morning, he'd opened my bar of chocolate and had a couple of strips off it. I was SO ANNOYED. I decided to find something of his that he enjoys and would look forward to, and just chuck it away. Obviously there was nothing in the cupboards or fridge of his cause he eats everything straight away!

So I threw his pack of cigs away. He's been trying to quit smoking, but occasionally has one in the garage late at night here and there. He's promised not to buy any, and hasn't for quite a while (mainly because he can't afford to), but his friend gave him half a pack a few days ago. The bin men were coming this morning so I fed them to the wheelie bin. He has noticed, but he thinks I've just thrown them away to help him quit. Decided not to come clean about the actual reason I chucked his cigs away, and kept my petty revenge secret.

Do I need to chill out about this? Or would you be annoyed at this constant snack thievery?

OP posts:
DonnyBurrito · 28/02/2022 14:49

I am both sad and glad I am not alone in this. As someone else said, if I buy more, he will just eat more.

I want a locking box for me and SD, but they're £30 and money is really tight. Seems daft to spend that much just to keep a couple quids worth of treats safe from my wild boar DP.

OP posts:
Foxglovesandlilacs86 · 28/02/2022 14:52

I can see why that’s annoying because you’ve told him no BUT….

I’m surprised anyone can live in a house where certain foods are for certain people? If I buy biscuits/chocolate they are for everyone until they’re gone, we don’t really do “that’s mine”.

Might just be me though Smile

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/02/2022 14:53

He would eat all the flavours of crisps everyone liked, and leave the ones no one else liked but him so he could snack at his own leisure

This is extra bad! Calculating.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/02/2022 14:55

I’m surprised anyone can live in a house where certain foods are for certain people? If I buy biscuits/chocolate they are for everyone until they’re gone, we don’t really do “that’s mine”.

It’s on necessary if someone can’t self regulate/ consider others though. Although some things clearly aren’t for everyone, eg slices of birthday cake from a children’s party

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/02/2022 14:56

Thinking of buying dd a lockable box to take to exh now! (She spends more time there than DS due to age/ logistics)

ByHook0rByCrook · 28/02/2022 14:57

It isn't about food, is it? It's It's basic lack of respecting boundaries.

My ex used to use my things, leave them wherever he felt like, and I would never have them to hand when needed. Same principle - lack of respect.

GlitteryGreen · 28/02/2022 14:57

@Foxglovesandlilacs86

I can see why that’s annoying because you’ve told him no BUT….

I’m surprised anyone can live in a house where certain foods are for certain people? If I buy biscuits/chocolate they are for everyone until they’re gone, we don’t really do “that’s mine”.

Might just be me though Smile

It's not everything, but don't you ever buy anything just (mainly) for yourself?

My DP might buy a box of After Eights and I might get a bar of wholenut chocolate...we'd never just eat the whole of the other's treat! But we do offer it round if we're having some. I wouldn't in OP's shoes though!!

SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 28/02/2022 14:58

@midlifecrash

I have had food stolen at work actually. I suspect the person who tried to sneak off with a platter of meeting sandwiches while guests were still eating. They’ve left now
Do you really think so? I think compulsive eating is normally secretive, not brazen and obvious like this.
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/02/2022 15:00

I’ve just looked back and seen that your are breastfeeding OP. In which case all the replies about how unreasonable he is are x 1000

PandemicAtTheDisco · 28/02/2022 15:08

My ex did this with my child's packed lunch items all the time. He knew and just didn't care.

Davros · 28/02/2022 15:08

You could fund a lockable box out of his cigarette money

Bournetilly · 28/02/2022 15:11

YABU, surely if the snacks are in the house they are just for everyone. I’d maybe be annoyed at him eating his daughters Christmas chocolate as that was probably gifts (wouldn’t be too annoyed). Can you not just buy more snacks or hide your snacks and he can buy his own.

Foxglovesandlilacs86 · 28/02/2022 15:14

@GlitteryGreen I do yes, me and DH will lie in bed most nights with something to munch on but I don’t really see it as his food and my food, but saying that neither of us are the type to leave anything 😂 I suppose if I was like op and just liked a nibble here and there it’d be different.

Leftbutcameback · 28/02/2022 15:14

I'm a bit like the OPs DH, and for me certainly it's greed and lack of self control. I can stop myself if a packet hasn't been opened yet but otherwise I find it hard and I know my OH doesn't like it. The solution for me is not to have any - so if he offers me a couple of chocolates from a bag I will have to say no. I can't have large bags of crisps in the house, and like a PP said I will eat all the brownies once I've baked them. Reading the OP (and the replies) is giving me motivation to stop doing it now.

DrSbaitso · 28/02/2022 15:15

Not being unreasonable. That's incredibly disrespectful. Does he think it's endearing amd idiosyncratic?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 28/02/2022 15:15

if I buy more, he will just eat more

So stop buying and send him to the shop.

Fernandina · 28/02/2022 15:16

My DH once ate a chocolate bar that DD had brought home from a school trip to France. She has never forgiven him, and that was around 15 years ago now!

He learned his lesson.

EmpressCixi · 28/02/2022 15:18

I buy food and snacks for all...still run out and DH and DS just jog on up to the co-op and buy more (for us all). We do not have designated snacks that are one person’s property. Besides, when you’ve had a teenage DS who can clear out a kitchen like a biblical plague of locusts, this sort of paltry DH noshing seems very minor and not worth getting worked up about.

SouperNoodle · 28/02/2022 15:19

You can get clear lock boxes with a combination lock on Amazon for £30. I've got them for medications so my toddlers can't get to them.
I'd have one for snacks and if you can afford it, one for you and one for DSD. Don't let him have the codes.

MintJulia · 28/02/2022 15:19

The only way I found to stop this was to lock my and ds' snacks in the car

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 28/02/2022 15:20

Lock up your stuff. Is he always disrespectful? If so, you may have a bigger conversation to be had with him.

dottydodah · 28/02/2022 15:20

This would really irritate the fuck out of me TBH! I mean WTF is he like ? Taking childrens sweets FFS. I think this sort of thing sounds funny ,but is selfish and unkind . How on earth did she react when finding her chocolate gone

Arabellla · 28/02/2022 15:23

I know you shouldn't have to, but I would hide my own snacks and offer DSD a lockable snack box.

Don't buy him any snacks as punishment. He sorts himself out from now on.

whenwilliwillibefamous · 28/02/2022 15:25

YANBU OP, that's inconsiderate, greedy and sets an awful example to the children.
Is he thoughtless or just plain not a good person?
My DP would be upset if he'd accidentally had something I was looking forward to, and would go out and find me some equivalent treat to make up for it. But generally he, you know, says,
"I see there's ABC in the fridge, were you keeping it for anything?"
because asking that is really? easy?to?do?
The old question... does he do this to his boss?

AlternativePerspective · 28/02/2022 15:27

To the posters saying it’s an eating disorder, the answer to that is therapy, not wailing “buuuut I can’t heeeelp it,” to justify your blatant greed.

In my house the rule is that if you finish something then you tell me so I can either replace it or don’t go looking for it. In truth DS eats most of the snacks because I don’t particularly like chocolate/sweets etc so will have maybe one or two and then decide I don’t like them after all.

But if I buy something just for me then I will make that clear, so I bought a packet of rich tea biscuits the other day and pointed out that they are mine that way I know that DS won’t eat them.

If he and DP ate everything without question I would be furious.

DS knows that if he’s eaten something in one sitting then it’s gone. If he wants more he can buy it.

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