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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP eating everyone else's snacks

301 replies

DonnyBurrito · 28/02/2022 12:10

DP has a habit of eating other people's snacks. To be honest he doesn't respect that things can belong to other people in general, and feels entitled to use/borrow other people's stuff until it's either broke, lost or damaged because he's held onto it for so long, or used it well past it's shelf life. That kind of stuff is a bit of a pattern, although it's more infrequent than his snack theft.

He has habit of eating a full pack of biscuits, then rooting around in the cupboard for mine or his daughters snacks/sweets and then eating them, too. I don't eat a full bar of chocolate or pack of biscuits in one sitting like him, I tend to just have a bit here and there when I really fancy it. His daughter is only here at weekend and she isn't allowed to scoff entire packs of haribo anyway, but when she comes back the next weekend all of her sweets will have been eaten. He ate all her Christmas chocolate, too. He said it's too hard not to eat everyone else's stuff when it's just sitting there in the cupboard...

So anyway, last night I went to the shop and treated myself to a bar of chocolate, and bought him some of those chocolate pretzels. He finished his pretzels almost immediately, and then asked me if he could have a strip of my chocolate. I said no (because once I give him a bit of whatever I have he decides we are sharing the whole thing and eats at least half of it, when I actually didn't want to share the whole thing or at all). I said no anyway, and then went to bed.

Came downstairs this morning, he'd opened my bar of chocolate and had a couple of strips off it. I was SO ANNOYED. I decided to find something of his that he enjoys and would look forward to, and just chuck it away. Obviously there was nothing in the cupboards or fridge of his cause he eats everything straight away!

So I threw his pack of cigs away. He's been trying to quit smoking, but occasionally has one in the garage late at night here and there. He's promised not to buy any, and hasn't for quite a while (mainly because he can't afford to), but his friend gave him half a pack a few days ago. The bin men were coming this morning so I fed them to the wheelie bin. He has noticed, but he thinks I've just thrown them away to help him quit. Decided not to come clean about the actual reason I chucked his cigs away, and kept my petty revenge secret.

Do I need to chill out about this? Or would you be annoyed at this constant snack thievery?

OP posts:

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 28/02/2022 14:02

Greed is a very unattractive feature.
This would really piss me off.

rainbowmash · 28/02/2022 14:03

YANBU - this boils my blood when people are like this. Mainly because I WAS, shamefully, a little bit like this in the past and I hate seeing it in other people now that I've learned some decency.

I can't stand a greedy-guts with no self control or sense of boundaries. It's boorish and rude to even ask for other people's food and horrible to go snuffling around for other people's treats like a starving dog. It's not a good look to appear fixated on food - it's animalistic.

A lot of my family are like this, and I can't stand it. I can't open a packet without grasping hands snatching at my food. I was brought up to believe that it was "rude" and "selfish" to say no when people asked to eat from my dinner plate. Like I said, I got better, but sadly they haven't, and it ruins almost every meal with them. I don't think it's a coincidence that I'm the only one in my whole extended family who isn't overweight.

You need to have a serious grown up conversation - don't resort to tit-for-tat or messing with his belongings as revenge. Tell your partner that you find it disrespectful and boundary-crossing. Tell him it's upsetting when you don't feel like your belongings are safe. Be genuinely curious about what he says. A lot of people fixate on food when they're anxious or sad - be prepared to be there for him if that turns out to be the case.

godmum56 · 28/02/2022 14:03

i could get the food thing if he is giving up cigs....I could get the food issue.....but you say that he has no boundaries over people's stuff as well. I do think its a big deal and needs addressing. I'd be saying to him that if he can't be a part of the family and share fairly then you will have to treat him like a child and lock away the family treats and ration them and if he wants more he will have to buy his own. Tell him its not behaviour that you want to see modelled to the children and its not behaviour that will endear him to you.

Soubriquet · 28/02/2022 14:05

My dad was a bastard for this

He would eat all the flavours of crisps everyone liked, and leave the ones no one else liked but him so he could snack at his own leisure

SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 28/02/2022 14:06

Why should anyone have to pander to someone with no self-control and an over-powering sense of greed and self-entitlement?

CityMumma78 · 28/02/2022 14:15

Is your greedy selfish DP 5 years old!!!

WorraLiberty · 28/02/2022 14:15

A PP makes a good point actually.

All those who say it's a compulsion and they simply can't help it.

Do you steal food from the staff fridges at work?

Momicrone · 28/02/2022 14:24

I agree, just get rid of all snacks then

Malibuismysecrethome · 28/02/2022 14:24

I think it is mean and petty to police his consumption of snacks and to not share.

TigerLilyTail · 28/02/2022 14:25

@WorraLiberty

A PP makes a good point actually.

All those who say it's a compulsion and they simply can't help it.

Do you steal food from the staff fridges at work?

It doesn't really work like that.

Compulsive eating is a very real problem and it isn't just down to being greedy. There are usually deep emotional reasons why people do this, but he can't change if he doesn't want to change and he doesn't seem to be willing to acknowledge that he has a problem.

Canigooutyet · 28/02/2022 14:26

Takes me back to my ex. I was a controlling birch because I got transparent lockable boxes. He was swiftly reminded that if he wasn't a greedy, selfish cunt who hooovered everything in sight I wouldn't need to.
He never bought snacks and I was fed up going out and getting snacks on an individual basis. Was cheaper and easier to buy multipacks.
I'd snapped and bought the boxes when the greedy fucker ate all the treats for a birthday party.
Before then we had regular chats about sharing and respecting other people's property.

GlitteryGreen · 28/02/2022 14:29

My household growing up was like this. Any snacky food would be eaten almost instantly, usually by my mum or dad. I rarely got any and then more wouldn't be bought until the weekly shop on Saturday when they'd just do the same thing again. Everything nice was usually gone by Tuesday, if not sooner.

Your DH sounds like a bit of a binge eater, he needs to get it under control. Until he does I don't think there's any real options but to either not buy the stuff in the first place, or hide it from him.

Odile13 · 28/02/2022 14:31

If it was a compulsive eating problem he could still go out and replace what he’d eaten. But it sounds like he isn’t sorry and he doesn’t try to replace it. It’s the disrespect of not being sorry or seeing how it affects other people that is the issue.

midlifecrash · 28/02/2022 14:36

I have had food stolen at work actually. I suspect the person who tried to sneak off with a platter of meeting sandwiches while guests were still eating. They’ve left now

midlifecrash · 28/02/2022 14:36

I do think it was compulsive I meant to say

Original poster

DonnyBurrito · 28/02/2022 14:38

@MeSanniesareBrannies

Obviously I've spoke to him about how much it annoys me. I talk to him about how out of order it is he eats SDs treats. He thinks it isn't a big deal.

How would this conversation even go? As I’m not getting how he can think it’s not a big deal. You’re literally telling him it’s a big deal, surely?

You: I’m very upset that you have no respect for anyone else’s property and are taking and consuming things that don’t belong to you. I want you to stop.

Him: it’s not a big deal, so I will continue.

You: throws away his cigarettes

Me: finds the whole pack of rich tea has been eaten that I'd been saving for when I FINALLY get to sit down and have a hot cup of tea after managing to successfully prise my nipple out of a sleeping babies mouth "Oh for fucks sake DP, have you eaten all the biscuits again!? I was looking forward to having a few of those, why didn't you save me any?"

DP: "Well you hadn't touched them for ages, what was I supposed to think? I thought you just didn't want them. I'll buy you more!"

Me: "But I wanted them right now with my cup of tea. I bought you your own biscuits, you know the rich tea are mine. Why do you always do this?"

DP: "I was feeling snacky"

Situation: Repeats forever

OP posts:

TimeForTeaAndG · 28/02/2022 14:42

I honestly could not live with someone who had so little respect for the other people in the house. It's greed, it's disrespectful, he clearly doesn't give a fuck.

Crankley · 28/02/2022 14:43

He's a selfish, greedy arse, as are apparently others on this thread. I would remove his most prized possession and not return it until he learned some manners.

I like the idea of the chocolate cake made with red hot chillies. Maybe you could hide some laxative in some treats.

GlitteryGreen · 28/02/2022 14:43

Honestly OP, the only solution is to keep a secret stash of your own, somewhere he won't find it.

That's the only way I could ever manage it when I was living with my mum and dad. I even once bought a pack of cans of coke and put them in my room. Went away for the weekend and when I came back they were gone! They hadn't left me any at all. You can't stop people like this if you leave stuff in plain sight, they'll never change.

shivawn · 28/02/2022 14:44

YANBU nothing worse than when you're really looking forward to sitting down with a small treat and it's gone!

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 28/02/2022 14:46

Get yourself to B&M. They sell dog chocolate bars for 79p

Shove one in the cupboard - replace the wrapper with a real one.
Leave him to it.
Never fess up and hope he gets the shits.
My exh was like that.
Exh.

Itsnotover · 28/02/2022 14:46

I can’t stand people like him. How do you live with it?

Wishingwell2022 · 28/02/2022 14:47

I buy myself chocolate which contains things my OH doesn't like (mint, nuts, peanut butter), as if I don't fancy any chocolate and he does, he'll open a larger bar that was planned for us to share, and I feel I have to have some to get my 'half'.

He also has a separate box now, so knows anything in that is his.
But he also wouldn't just eat snacky things, even stuff in the fridge he asked if it's 'allocated' to anything or can he eat it!

AffIt · 28/02/2022 14:47

Greed and a lack of self control are deeply unattractive qualities, particularly with regard to his poor daughter - 'lock up your treats or scoff them all at once, or else I'll hoover them up' is a terrible message to be teaching a child about food (or anything, really).

Raindancer411 · 28/02/2022 14:48

Easy fix with the SDs snacks, send them home with her and tell her to bring what she needs, when she visits or get her a lockable snack box like you get yourself.

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