DP eating everyone else's snacks

[DonnyBurrito]

DP has a habit of eating other people's snacks. To be honest he doesn't respect that things can belong to other people in general, and feels entitled to use/borrow other people's stuff until it's either broke, lost or damaged because he's held onto it for so long, or used it well past it's shelf life. That kind of stuff is a bit of a pattern, although it's more infrequent than his snack theft.

He has habit of eating a full pack of biscuits, then rooting around in the cupboard for mine or his daughters snacks/sweets and then eating them, too. I don't eat a full bar of chocolate or pack of biscuits in one sitting like him, I tend to just have a bit here and there when I really fancy it. His daughter is only here at weekend and she isn't allowed to scoff entire packs of haribo anyway, but when she comes back the next weekend all of her sweets will have been eaten. He ate all her Christmas chocolate, too. He said it's too hard not to eat everyone else's stuff when it's just sitting there in the cupboard...

So anyway, last night I went to the shop and treated myself to a bar of chocolate, and bought him some of those chocolate pretzels. He finished his pretzels almost immediately, and then asked me if he could have a strip of my chocolate. I said no (because once I give him a bit of whatever I have he decides we are sharing the whole thing and eats at least half of it, when I actually didn't want to share the whole thing or at all). I said no anyway, and then went to bed.

Came downstairs this morning, he'd opened my bar of chocolate and had a couple of strips off it. I was SO ANNOYED. I decided to find something of his that he enjoys and would look forward to, and just chuck it away. Obviously there was nothing in the cupboards or fridge of his cause he eats everything straight away!

So I threw his pack of cigs away. He's been trying to quit smoking, but occasionally has one in the garage late at night here and there. He's promised not to buy any, and hasn't for quite a while (mainly because he can't afford to), but his friend gave him half a pack a few days ago. The bin men were coming this morning so I fed them to the wheelie bin. He has noticed, but he thinks I've just thrown them away to help him quit. Decided not to come clean about the actual reason I chucked his cigs away, and kept my petty revenge secret.

Do I need to chill out about this? Or would you be annoyed at this constant snack thievery?

I'm really surprised how many people have separate treat /snacks. I buy and anyone can eat it.
They know once it's gone that's it until shopping day. I really couldn't be bothered with this is yours, that's mine, that's for DD1 etc. All gets put in together. Much simpler.
Obviously it would be annoying with a husband who scoffed it all but he does that anyway so what's the difference?

Also my friend makes delicious but expensive fruit snacks commercially. She gave me a couple of packets for the kids to have at exh house (which is on her road) as I was going to be dropping something off to them.

Gave them to dd and explained it was one each for her and ds. Five minutes later she found exh scoffing one packet - how could he possibly have thought they were for him? He knew he hadn’t bought those snacks.

Dd was kind enough to give the remaining packet to ds who is very fussy.

I wouldn't be buying any junky type snack food for the house, Lots of people see bags of this, bags of that, and bars of chocolate etc, and just chomp into it as a habit, and because it is there, Its not necessary to eat everything in sight if you have proper meals in the day.

I always found the best place to hide my snacks was on the salad drawer under the celery.

That is greedy and he seems to have no self-control with food, is he overweight?

@dottydodah

This would really irritate the fuck out of me TBH! I mean WTF is he like ? Taking childrens sweets FFS. I think this sort of thing sounds funny ,but is selfish and unkind . How on earth did she react when finding her chocolate gone

She generally doesn't ever get (outwardly) annoyed about things, but I could tell she was a bit peeved and she did sound sad when she told me he had eaten all her Christmas chocolate. He replaces her stuff immediately though, as he knows it's wrong to eat her treats. He feels more entitled to my things because we are a couple.

I think if he replaces the stuff it’s really not a huge deal.

I’m surprised anyone can live in a house where certain foods are for certain people? If I buy biscuits/chocolate they are for everyone until they’re gone, we don’t really do “that’s mine
We don’t really do «that’s mine» but we also don’t eat more than our fair share. So for ex if there are 2 packs of biscuits, I might eat one but I’ll leave the other one for DH or ask him if he is fine with me eating it.
We don’t measure the exact 50% of course but most people do realize when they eat more than their share.

@GettingStuffed - that sounds difficult. But...to adapt a PP, if the nice food was at work and plainly belonged to a colleague, or destined for a work event, would you be compelled to eat it then?

Named snack boxes.
Anything in the cupboards is for anyone

OP my suggestion for you are:

1. ask DH what he wants in terms of snacks when you do the weekly shop. Be clear that the rest of the family snacks will be off limits to him.
2. store his snacks separately from the family snacks and make it clear to him so he can’t say he was confused later on. Also make it clear that if the family snacks are uneaten after a week it doesn’t mean they are unwanted, and even then if he think they are he is to confirm with you.
3. make him go to the shop to buy anything he eats straightaway. Not the next day, and too bad of it is inconvenient for him.

I honestly find what he is doing really rude.

@DonnyBurrito See, I wouldn’t actually describe what you wrote as having a conversation about it. It’s more you sort of getting cross and snapping at him in the moment, which is fairly easy to dismiss.

This is really bothering you, so you need to sit down and have a proper adult conversation about it. Lay it all out for him - the pattern of behaviour, how it makes you feel and the changes you need.

You shouldn’t have to do this. He’s a grown man and should behave as such. However, he’s clearly not going to and lock boxes aren’t really a solution. And, despite our reflexive MN LTB, it seems unlikely that you’re going to leave him for this. So you need to have the conversation.

I think it is a big deal, it's sheer greed. I would hide yours and his daughter's things, just say you're cutting back and haven't bought any

It's utterly infuriating. My DH used to be really bad for this - he's improved somewhat- but my eldest DD does it too. If you have someone in the house who just does not give a shit about fairness then it is really challenging and really frustrating. And it doesn't matter how often you buy or how much, unless you wolf it down before it hits the cupboard or fridge it will be gone before you get a look in.

I resorted to lock boxes, as DD is even worse than her dad and will literally go searching. Even my office isn't safe. I'm often at home on my own (wfh) and it's utterly infuriating when you have a wee mid afternoon gap, go to get that biscuit/bar of choc/ whatever and it's never there because someone else ate their share and then everyone else's too.

@ByHook0rByCrook

It isn't about food, is it? It's It's basic lack of respecting boundaries.

My ex used to use my things, leave them wherever he felt like, and I would never have them to hand when needed. Same principle - lack of respect.

This. It doesn't matter what rules you have in your own home, or what (if any) boundaries you have about snacks, the OP has said that her DH ate his DD's sweet. Thus, in their household, the family members having their own things is the norm.

Someone coming along and saying they don't understand how someone can have their own snacks isn't really contributing usefully to the OP's issue.

If my DS asks me to get him some Pepperamis for his after school snack then I think he'd be quite in his rights to be pissed off if I snaffled them. Likewise if he eats my yoghurts I'd be pissed off.
Same with my nice conditioner and the towel I use for swimming and his favourite mug. It's a matter of respect.

I had honestly never heard of the phenomenon of greedy bastards eating everyone's snack food until I found MN!

Presumably that is why some households have individual snack allocations, if there is one greedy twat who'll eat the fucking lot before anyone else gets a look-in.

I recommend you tell him that if he does it again, you will have no choice but to spend three days' fag weeks' treat budget on a lockable box for you and DSD.

Also, you're breastfeeding! Send him out for more Rich Teas, stat.

seems like he is very inconsiderate to me

Do you think it’s a deeper eating disorder? Does he have big binges?
You’re not unreasonable at all to be annoyed though. Don’t most people hide their treats in their wardrobe/ sock drawer or whatever rather than going to the lengths of a locked box?!

@Rosebel

I'm really surprised how many people have separate treat /snacks. I buy and anyone can eat it. They know once it's gone that's it until shopping day. I really couldn't be bothered with this is yours, that's mine, that's for DD1 etc. All gets put in together. Much simpler. Obviously it would be annoying with a husband who scoffed it all but he does that anyway so what's the difference?

@Rosebel ‘Once it’s gone it’s gone until shopping day’ and treats being a free for all is fine but it’s not ok if it’s just one person is eating it all which is OP’s husband. Why should he get to eat it all??

Nope, not overweight - very tall and skinny. He doesn't eat breakfast or a proper lunch. Will have a sandwich, an energy drink and some snacks until tea time. He is incredibly picky about food, won't touch a vegetable (unless it's an onion ring from a take away), so I feel bad not getting his biscuits and crackers and stuff when I do a shop as there isn't much he will eat through the day otherwise. Maybe he does have some sort of eating disorder...

He isn't a 100% bastard, he's just really annoying with some stuff!

@mrsm43s

I don't really understand the whole "my snacks", "your snacks", "her snacks" in a family situation. Surely snacks are bought and whoever fancies a snack has a snack? And when they're gone, they're gone. And then more snacks are bought in the next weekly shop? I guess something like an Easter Egg or a box of chocolates given to someone are "theirs", but in our family we'd probably share those anyway. I can't imagine sitting down and eating biscuits or chocolates or crisps without offering them round.

I suppose its not a problem in our family because no-one hoovers up all the snacks (although I have teenagers who eat their own bodyweight in cheese toasties and cereal). I definitely am the least snacky in the family, so I eat the least snacks, but that's OK because I don't need or want them as much as DH or the teens.

Assuming money isn't so tight that you can't do so (and this hasn't been mentioned so I guess not) then just buy enough snacks so that anyone can have one as and when they want. If your DH is a big snack eater, then that might mean buying more snacks than other families.

I couldn't get too wound up about fair shares of snack food tbh.

This👆 but we don't have the 'yours vs mine' divide either and I would find it strange if we had, especially with food...

@1forAll74

I wouldn't be buying any junky type snack food for the house, Lots of people see bags of this, bags of that, and bars of chocolate etc, and just chomp into it as a habit, and because it is there, Its not necessary to eat everything in sight if you have proper meals in the day.

@1forAll74 but what about Op and stepdaughter? They might fancy some of that stuff and both can obviously eat it in moderation. Why should they miss out cos the husband is so selfish and so lacking in self control and consideration for others.

@DonnyBurrito I'd be annoyed in your position, but it's compulsive eating perhaps. I can be like this. We brought a massive box and padlocked it and others keep the key so I can't get at the snacks, or I have to ask to get a little something out if I really want it.

I mean, obviously he shouldn't do it, but this'd be a way to prevent it.

This is the box I bought www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07NQ6R7R1?tag=mumsnetforu03-21 And we have it sideways on like a cupboard. It can hold loads of stuff. Just a basic little padlock.

@Bournetilly

YABU, surely if the snacks are in the house they are just for everyone. I’d maybe be annoyed at him eating his daughters Christmas chocolate as that was probably gifts (wouldn’t be too annoyed). Can you not just buy more snacks or hide your snacks and he can buy his own.

@Bournetilly Ah yes the legendary line on a thread like this ‘can’t you just buy more?’ Like everyone has an unlimited amount of cash to spend on snacks. What they don’t seem to get as well is that some selfish fuckers will continue to gorge no matter how much more there is