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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP eating everyone else's snacks

301 replies

DonnyBurrito · 28/02/2022 12:10

DP has a habit of eating other people's snacks. To be honest he doesn't respect that things can belong to other people in general, and feels entitled to use/borrow other people's stuff until it's either broke, lost or damaged because he's held onto it for so long, or used it well past it's shelf life. That kind of stuff is a bit of a pattern, although it's more infrequent than his snack theft.

He has habit of eating a full pack of biscuits, then rooting around in the cupboard for mine or his daughters snacks/sweets and then eating them, too. I don't eat a full bar of chocolate or pack of biscuits in one sitting like him, I tend to just have a bit here and there when I really fancy it. His daughter is only here at weekend and she isn't allowed to scoff entire packs of haribo anyway, but when she comes back the next weekend all of her sweets will have been eaten. He ate all her Christmas chocolate, too. He said it's too hard not to eat everyone else's stuff when it's just sitting there in the cupboard...

So anyway, last night I went to the shop and treated myself to a bar of chocolate, and bought him some of those chocolate pretzels. He finished his pretzels almost immediately, and then asked me if he could have a strip of my chocolate. I said no (because once I give him a bit of whatever I have he decides we are sharing the whole thing and eats at least half of it, when I actually didn't want to share the whole thing or at all). I said no anyway, and then went to bed.

Came downstairs this morning, he'd opened my bar of chocolate and had a couple of strips off it. I was SO ANNOYED. I decided to find something of his that he enjoys and would look forward to, and just chuck it away. Obviously there was nothing in the cupboards or fridge of his cause he eats everything straight away!

So I threw his pack of cigs away. He's been trying to quit smoking, but occasionally has one in the garage late at night here and there. He's promised not to buy any, and hasn't for quite a while (mainly because he can't afford to), but his friend gave him half a pack a few days ago. The bin men were coming this morning so I fed them to the wheelie bin. He has noticed, but he thinks I've just thrown them away to help him quit. Decided not to come clean about the actual reason I chucked his cigs away, and kept my petty revenge secret.

Do I need to chill out about this? Or would you be annoyed at this constant snack thievery?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 28/02/2022 13:24

@mrsm43s

I don't really understand the whole "my snacks", "your snacks", "her snacks" in a family situation. Surely snacks are bought and whoever fancies a snack has a snack? And when they're gone, they're gone. And then more snacks are bought in the next weekly shop? I guess something like an Easter Egg or a box of chocolates given to someone are "theirs", but in our family we'd probably share those anyway. I can't imagine sitting down and eating biscuits or chocolates or crisps without offering them round.

I suppose its not a problem in our family because no-one hoovers up all the snacks (although I have teenagers who eat their own bodyweight in cheese toasties and cereal). I definitely am the least snacky in the family, so I eat the least snacks, but that's OK because I don't need or want them as much as DH or the teens.

Assuming money isn't so tight that you can't do so (and this hasn't been mentioned so I guess not) then just buy enough snacks so that anyone can have one as and when they want. If your DH is a big snack eater, then that might mean buying more snacks than other families.

I couldn't get too wound up about fair shares of snack food tbh.

Yes but they're gone straight away to the same person each time - thus leaving nothing for anyone else until the next weekly shop, when it'll happen again.

That's the true definition and greed and selfishness.

Original poster

DonnyBurrito · 28/02/2022 13:26

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy But where does it stop? Say you've bought yourself a new top, and your sister borrows it (even though you've said no) and then when you come to the occasion you were looking forward to wearing it on, it's just gone, and she does this often... would you be then be 'the wardrobe police' by being pissed off with it? Once, twice, okay... but all the time? God it's just so annoying!

Obviously I've spoke to him about how much it annoys me. I talk to him about how out of order it is he eats SDs treats. He thinks it isn't a big deal. I got annoyed and went tit for tat, because nothing else works and I wanted to annoy him as much as he annoyed me. In the end he wasn't actually annoyed, which was a nice surprise actually.

Maybe I will get a little food jail cell and start locking my chocolate in there so when I actually want something I have specifically bought for myself, it's still there!

OP posts:

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/02/2022 13:27

have some wild boar snorting around

Brilliant image there!

I totally agree with those who say Yanbu, OP. And yes I agree it’s dangerous for children - they need to know that they don’t have to eat all their food at once, that it’ll still be there if they don’t eat it immediately. That it’s theirs and no one else’s.

My exh was also like this. Would scoff children’s birthday cake that they brought home from parties - so I might say “oh eat that after tea” or they might not fancy it the minute they came in, and then when it was time, it would be gone! So dangerous. Dd memorably went to a sushi making party once, after the divorce, and soon after coming home, found he’d scoffed her sushi. I used to say he’d eat anything that wasn’t nailed down - but it’s anything quick and easy or really nice that he’d help himself to. And it’s items that they must know belong to a specific person, no excuses.

He did eat the kids Easter eggs last year (from him) and was then amazed he couldn’t replace them on Easter Saturday.

And dd (13) says that even when he’s just done a shop, all the nice stuff is gone within minutes.

Reading this, I realise that ds(8) is becoming a bit similar with eating things instantly - I put some stuff in an easy to find “snack draw” but have to hide some to keep for packed lunches etc. Anything he really likes goes immediately. So I’m going to have to work on this or he’ll become one of the wild boar.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/02/2022 13:28

Oh and he used to say if the birthday cake, “oh, so should we just stand about and watch her eat it?”. No, exh, but you shouldn’t eat it yourself!

mamas12 · 28/02/2022 13:29

Definitely annoying rude and disrespectful
I would get him to agree to replacing all items he had eaten and I would make him go out right away just when you find out/want the snack as the consequence no matter what time and how tired

GloriaSicTransitMundi · 28/02/2022 13:29

@WomanStanleyWoman

Bake a cake with a full jar of chilli powder in it. When the greedy fucker cuts himself a big slice without thinking of anyone else, he’ll get what’s coming as soon as he bites into it.

No, bake a normal cake, ice it and cut a big slice then put the chili powder just in that slice. Maybe choc laxative icing too?

When he's eaten his slice, you'll have the rest to yourself!

MsMarch · 28/02/2022 13:31

It is a form of disordered eating and actually, it's a huge problem that he should be working harder to address.

DH has had periods of doing this. He'd often say something like, "but we can just buy more biscuits" and I couldn't get him to understand that 1. it isn't healthy for us to be eating, individually or as a family, xx packets of biscuits a week and 2. I don't want to have to go out 4x a week to buy biscuits. I want there to be a biscuit available when I want one.

I think the eye opener for him was when he ate the DC's christmas/easter chocolate. I can't remember which but the kids were furious and hurt and I think it really made him stop and think.

It's a problem for his entire family though. His sister can't have treats in the house as she just eats them all (and her son is worse - stealing food, or grabbing it and cramming in his mouth when she brings something out) and as for his brother.... it's still part of our family legend the time he came over to babysit. Our breezy, "help yourself to something to eat" turned into him eating most of the 1 and a half cooked chickens in the fridge, two packets of biscuits and a whole lot of chocolate/sweets.

TigerLilyTail · 28/02/2022 13:32

I agree that it does sound like an eating compulsion.

Personally, yes, I'd get myself a lockable tuck box and hide a few thing things from him and then not buy any treat food at all.

Maybe then he will be able to understand how it feels to have nothing in.

MeSanniesareBrannies · 28/02/2022 13:33

Obviously I've spoke to him about how much it annoys me. I talk to him about how out of order it is he eats SDs treats. He thinks it isn't a big deal.

How would this conversation even go? As I’m not getting how he can think it’s not a big deal. You’re literally telling him it’s a big deal, surely?

You: I’m very upset that you have no respect for anyone else’s property and are taking and consuming things that don’t belong to you. I want you to stop.

Him: it’s not a big deal, so I will continue.

You: throws away his cigarettes

BlingLoving · 28/02/2022 13:34

This only works if one person doesn't snaffle up all the snacks on day 1. Which is why OP is so irritated. A packet of biscuits in this house absolutely lasts for the week as everyone has the odd one. Would be completely different if someone ate the whole packet on the day they were bought.

HopingForMyRainbowBaby · 28/02/2022 13:43

@GettingStuffed

This is me, if there's nice food in the house I'll eat it, whoever it "belongs" to. It's a compulsion. And not something you can just stop. It's an eating disorder .

No it's not. It's pure fucking greed!

randomuser2019 · 28/02/2022 13:43

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

RandomMess · 28/02/2022 13:45

He's greedy and has a bad relationship with food.

Yes to a lockable snack box for you and DSD. It's ridiculous when one person can never have any nice treats or save things for later.

SpilltheTea · 28/02/2022 13:47

You'll have to get a lockable box for snacks because the pig in your house has no restraint or respect.

Justanotherobserver · 28/02/2022 13:47

That would piss me off too. I'm in a group for ex-boarders and the subject came up there a while back. People were saying how it was impossible to have snacks at school without them being stolen, so many of them devised hiding places. My OH is also a bit of a pig around chocolate and there would often be none left when I came to wanting some, so I told him about the ex-boarders and their hiding of food. The next time he did a shop, he bought extra and handed over some chocolate bars that he knows I like and said rather sheepishly, 'These are yours, keep them where you like'. He knows he's a pig and it was kindly meant and I now have a stash. Lindt intense orange with almonds, if anyone wants to know It's rarely visited, but nice to know they're there if I fancy a piece. Every so often, OH will get me more and it gets added to my secret store. It's not ideal and I'd prefer him to not be a pig but, it works for us.

Kracken · 28/02/2022 13:50

DP does this a bit but he is sheepish about it when discovered and always offers to replace things. I have taken to hiding my best snacks (primarily Maltesers!) in a drawer in the utility room that he probably won't open very often, just so when I fancy them there will definitely be some and I won't get cross. Anything in the communal snack cupboard is fair game.

tealandteal · 28/02/2022 13:51

Does he manage to not eat his colleague’s lunches at work? If so this means he views you as beneath him and he can just take what he likes of yours. He is also giving that message to your daughter. Imagine eating a child’s Christmas chocolate. I am pregnant and have managed to not eat my DS’s snacks.

Momicrone · 28/02/2022 13:51

Just buy more snacks, double, triple, so there's enough for everyone, snacking isn't very healthy anyway, you could just leave the greedy fecker to his unhealthy habits

teawamutu · 28/02/2022 13:53

Greedy and selfish.

He's effectively telling you, every time he does this: "Fuck you. I know this isn't mine but I'm more important than you so I'm going to take it."

Tell him that.

It's not about snacks, it's about respect.

Massive turn off, my ovaries would shrivel up living with a man who did this.

oakleaffy · 28/02/2022 13:54

@midlifecrash

Lockable TRANSPARENT tuck boxes so he can see what’s inside but NOT HAVE ANY

Superb! Taunt the greedy pig!

Justanotherobserver · 28/02/2022 13:56

'Just buy more snacks'

Not everyone can afford to do that.

TigerLilyTail · 28/02/2022 13:57

@Momicrone

Just buy more snacks, double, triple, so there's enough for everyone, snacking isn't very healthy anyway, you could just leave the greedy fecker to his unhealthy habits

I suspect if she buys double, he will eat double.

Better not to buy anything for a while. No one needs snacks. When the daughter comes she can have a snack from the OP's tuckbox.

Crimesean · 28/02/2022 14:02

@GettingStuffed and others suggesting it's an eating disorder - do you act in the same way at work, or other people's homes? If not, then no, it's not an eating disorder, it's a lack of self control.

KatherineJaneway · 28/02/2022 14:02

Is he not eating proper portions at meals?

Weller123 · 28/02/2022 14:02

@oakleaffy

🤣🤣🤣

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