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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be totally terrified ***edited by MNHQ to make clear this relates to the invasion of Ukraine***

165 replies

Petrolblues · 28/02/2022 07:30

I can’t sleep, I can’t eat.
I keep looking at my 3 year old and crying.

I’m terrified of a nuclear attack.

It’s always been a fear of mine, even more so now that I have a child.
I feel sick. I just read an article which basically says Putin may well press the button as he’s never backed down on threats before and now I’m shaking.

Please help calm me down. I have ASD and ADHD. I had a full scale panic attack yesterday. I hate the not knowing and I feel like I can’t protect my son Sad
I can’t quite believe we’ve had a global pandemic and now this.
I feel like I may be locked up soon, I’m losing it.

OP posts:
MyNameIsArthur · 28/02/2022 12:53

Putin has children and my thinking is he would not want harm to come to them which would surely happen if he triggered a nuclear war?

smorgasbords · 28/02/2022 13:19

@MyNameIsArthur I think you’re over-estimating Putin’s parental feelings! I doubt that would make much difference to him. Also, as he has said in 2018, why does he care if there is a world without Russia? I imagine he wouldn’t think there was much point his children living in a world without Russia either.

GaiusHelenMohiam · 28/02/2022 13:33

I remember feeling this way at the very start of the pandemic, before the virus was in this country. Sort of an, oh shit this is going be a big one, feeling.

People all around me were like, LOL it’ll just be like swine flu/bird flu, something and nothing but I couldn’t shake the certainty it was bigger than that.

And I feel the same about this now. I’m just numb and resigned to it though.

LizzieW1969 · 28/02/2022 14:39

My DD1 (12) has become very anxious about the possibility World War 3 and us having to hide from a nuclear attack. She was worrying about what would happen to our cats. (She does have SEN and issues relating to her adoption, so this isn’t surprising.)

My DH and I are reassure her as best we can. We’re both concerned, but this isn’t a new threat for either of us, as we grew up during the Cold War, when there was the constant threat of nuclear war. It never happened, though, as both sides knew it would lead to their own destruction.

Putin is without doubt unstable and paranoid, which is unnerving, but it’s reassuring to know that he can’t just unilaterally ‘press the nuclear button’, his generals would have to be involved in such a course of action.

ElegantlyTouched · 28/02/2022 15:24

I totally understand, OP. I've already admitted elsewhere that I'm petrified of flying atm.
At the risk of sounding trite, however, come and join us on this thread. It's hard to worry about Putin when you're trying to figure out why sofa is closer to cat than chair, as I was yesterday.

Wishensook · 28/02/2022 17:09

Anxiety is utterly rotten OP. I enjoy it too 🙄 ironically, this isn't panicking me. I have other things making me anxious (personal/family) that I can't switch off and it makes me ill with anxiety at times but nuclear war? Nope, because like others have said it is completely out of my control.

Honestly OP. stop watching the news, stop it. We ditched our TV licence (money saving tip!) years ago and wow, we survived, live TV is NEVER on and I don't follow any news pages on social media. If I want to catch up, I can.

Stick to Netflix, Prime and the like as we do. STOP listening to the news, your DC will be more affected by your anxiety than what is going on with Russia.

ItsDisneyBitch · 28/02/2022 18:31

Hi Op
We are the same, my daughter has SEN and she is very anxious.

My anxiety also plays havoc with me and I have to travel with work in a couple of weeks to France.

I spoke to my mum today, she said I remember in the 70s we had this constantly. She talked me down off the ledge today and an extremely intelligent colleague at work told me I needed to calm down and not worry.

I don’t know why these two people saying it to me worked but it did at least for today.

I’ll be speaking to the doctor though. I need to support my daughter and I’m no good to her if I’m a nervous wreck.

Nanny0gg · 28/02/2022 18:41

@Petrolblues

Thanks for your replies. I’ve just read a breaking news story that the UK has imposed more sanctions. I know this is selfish but I wish they’d stop. It’s like poking a tiger and making him more and more angry.
Selfish?

Understatement

How would you want people to react if he'd turned on us

Hannah1990x · 01/03/2022 07:38

For anyone still struggling like me, I found this bbc article very reassuring - www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-60559574

Deleting the daily mail app from my phone has also helped!

Hope everyone is ok.

Allelbowsandtoes · 01/03/2022 07:45

@Petrolblues

Thanks for your replies. I’ve just read a breaking news story that the UK has imposed more sanctions. I know this is selfish but I wish they’d stop. It’s like poking a tiger and making him more and more angry.
You're right, that is selfish. I understand you're worried about your 3 year old but what about the young children in Ukraine? Shouldn't our country step up and try to protect them?
Waxonwaxoff0 · 01/03/2022 07:54

@PinkSyCo

You're right, but at the same time I've found perspective to be quite helpful when suffering with severe anxiety, and trust me, I've been there. Just perhaps not worded in the sharp way above.

No ‘perhaps’ about it. Poor OP sounds absolutely crippled with anxiety. You wouldn’t tell a depressed person ‘ffs get a grip, there are people so much worse off than you in your 3 bed semi!’ would you? It’s fucking nasty.

No, but I also wouldn't say yes, it's normal and you should carry on being depressed and do nothing to try and help yourself. There are better ways to word things but I don't think pandering to extreme reactions does anyone any favours.
QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 01/03/2022 08:21

I used to be like you OP, I'd panic about everything inc climate change to nuclear war. However, since I've realised the media thrive on scaring people and twist the narrative to suit an agenda, I've stopped panicking and also realised there is literally nothing I can do to change an outcome. Why tell us that Putin is planning on setting up his nukes? We'd all be dead anyway, it's just to put you in a constant state of fear. I'm not having it, life is for living and I'm not going to have my children living wirh an anxiety ridden mother or to take my fears and be anxious like me - I'm going to live my life and if I die, well, I was going to at some point anyway but Atleast I've enjoyed it.

Jobconfused · 01/03/2022 08:30

In also an anxious mess. I’ll try to stay away from the news but I find it so hard as in my anxious state I just want ALL the information to know what to expect, which is of course stupid in this situation which is totally outside of my control and moving constantly. Any tips for forcing yourself to stay away from the news? I’m becoming obsessive with it…

MagicFox · 01/03/2022 08:35

I'm the same @Jobconfused My husband keeps saying that this will be going on for a long time so how can I maintain this state of worry for the whole time, it's going to lead to burnout

thanktor · 01/03/2022 08:42

I do not relate to feeling highly anxious about this because I’m not an anxious person. Plus I don’t read any of the tabloids and limit my intake of international news to very focussed radio news discussions and the Spectator and Prospect. It helps.

The reason why I’ve posted is because my primary concern at that point is for the children of these highly agitated and anxious parents. No doubt you were also extremely agitated and anxious over the last two years.

They’ve endured so much. So I would suggest that if you are breaking down, crying etc in front of your children - then you need a black out on all media of any kind. Including social media and even mumsnet and you need to focus 100% on your children.

They deserve it. Let that be your focus rather than the Ukraine / Russia situation. You can do absolutely nothing about the latter. You can do everything to help the former.

Springflowers21 · 01/03/2022 11:38
Sorry I don’t know how to add this but video, former head of navy speaking here !! Hope it helps Smile
Ciaram55 · 01/03/2022 11:58

@Springflowers21

Sorry I don’t know how to add this but video, former head of navy speaking here !! Hope it helps Smile
Sorry I couldn't get that to play. Could I ask what he said please?
Cheekypeach · 01/03/2022 12:27

I’m terrified for the Ukrainian people - not myself. I don’t feel I have a right to be ‘terrified’ of something which is affecting other people and some 3000 miles away from me.

Didiplanthis · 01/03/2022 12:37

'Putin can’t press the button on his own. He needs the support of his generals, it’s a process to push the button'

From a previous post.... I know there is nothing funny about what's going on but I did genuinely read that 'as needs the support of his genitals' which seemed remarkably apt...

Suzi888 · 01/03/2022 12:43

Stop reading the news, the media will terrify you.

This invasion will have been known about for some time.
We will not go to war, we will only assist and send support to nearby countries.

It’s awful what’s happening but you are NOT in danger.

Springflowers21 · 01/03/2022 13:42

@Ciaram55 former Admiral of navy bring interviewed and he’s of the view no way is Putin stupid enough to use nuclear weapons and the chain it would have to go through to be launched . Google Admiral Chris Parry interview GB news!!

Ciaram55 · 01/03/2022 14:25

[quote Springflowers21]@Ciaram55 former Admiral of navy bring interviewed and he’s of the view no way is Putin stupid enough to use nuclear weapons and the chain it would have to go through to be launched . Google Admiral Chris Parry interview GB news!![/quote]
Thank you. I hope he's right.

ladydimitrescu · 01/03/2022 14:40

@Pizzadreams

Putin can’t press the button on his own. He needs the support of his generals, it’s a process to push the button.

There’s two things you need to remember.

If the button is pushed, then Russia would be annihilated within minutes. It would be gone. The west would nuke back. Putin knows this. As do his generals. It’s hugely likely if he tried to go there one of them would put a bullet in his head.

Secondly the west will have a lot of intelligence that we don’t know, if he goes to push it, then there will be covert agents in the Ukraine and ability to bomb and take him out immediately.

Right now there is not enough reason to take him out. You can’t kill him for sly threats. If it was about to happen, I have full confidence someone close to him or the west would prevent it.

Is it a risk, sure. The wests nuclear weapons will also be on high alert and pointed at Russia. But the moment the button exists, is the moment Russia no longer exists. And they all know it.

This is the best post I've ever read on here and thank you for reassuring everyone with actual backed up knowledge and fact
Ciaram55 · 01/03/2022 15:46

Yes I think he loves Russia too much to risk it being bombed. He said what is the point of a world without Russia.

Fromablokespoint · 01/03/2022 16:16

If and it is a "really really big if" NATO get involved we will see a nasty land war within Ukraine - NATO will secure Ukraine, they will not push into Russia itself - MAD (mutually Assured Destruction) as a concept works for a reason. As previous posters have said - it will take more than Putin to authorise - and that isn't going to happen.

I bet you £5 there is not a nuclear strike on the UK Wink.

Take some deep breaths - STAY AWAY from 24/7 news and try to relax.

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