To be totally terrified ***edited by MNHQ to make clear this relates to the invasion of Ukraine***

[Petrolblues]

I can’t sleep, I can’t eat.
I keep looking at my 3 year old and crying.

I’m terrified of a nuclear attack.

It’s always been a fear of mine, even more so now that I have a child.
I feel sick. I just read an article which basically says Putin may well press the button as he’s never backed down on threats before and now I’m shaking.

Please help calm me down. I have ASD and ADHD. I had a full scale panic attack yesterday. I hate the not knowing and I feel like I can’t protect my son
I can’t quite believe we’ve had a global pandemic and now this.
I feel like I may be locked up soon, I’m losing it.

Please calm yourself, I understand with a small child you are terrified for his future.

Don't worry about things you have no control over, what will happen, will happen and we learn to live with it.

Look at all the scaremongering which was around when covid first started and you are still here.

Don't watch the news, the media overhype everything and it will plant itself in your head and make it worse.

The media whipped up the financial crisis in 2007, listening to them we were all going to loose everything.

Carry on with your life as normal and stop putting yourself through hell, please.

I do understand, I get the same way myself.

The best thing to do is take a break from news and social media. If anything major happens, someone will tell you. If you really can't stand not checking the news let yourself do it once in the morning with a time limit - ie check the headlines while you drink your coffee.

Personally I stop checking it totally, and in terms of social media just look at the Insta accounts I follow which are related to my hobby. No messageboards, no Facebook, etc. In your spare time go for walks, clean the house, hang out with your kids, read, make nice meals, just do low stress stuff which keeps you occupied. After even just 2 or 3 days 'detox' I feel so much better. Might do it again starting tomorrow actually!

Also it's not as simple as Putin just pressing a button I read up and on it when Trump was in power his closest people would not allow him the codes to the nukes lol

@LadyPenelope68

I’m an absolute nervous wreck at the minute, just can’t stop crying with worry. My eldest son (21) is in Gran Canaria on holiday and I’ve spent the last couple of days not eating, sleeping or anything due to the worry about him not being able to get home if anything kicks off further with Russia. He’s due home tonight and I’m just a nervous wreck about him getting back safely.

He is on a holiday he, presumably, chose to go on. He is sitting by a pool sipping cocktails. Breathe, breathe. You are completely over reacting. At no point will he be stuck . Nor will he be sent back and forced to enlist in the Ukranian army. He will fly home at the end of his break and go back to work entirely as normal. He may have a bit of sunburn.

I think you are stuck in quite an unhelpful pattern of thinking. Distract yourself, get a mindfulness app to do, anything really.

@ShittyFingers yes they can reach further and they can flatten who they like, but if they chose to target us, for example, they'd be wiped off the map pretty damn quickly.

Putin isn't stupid. He knows if he goes to war with NATO he loses.

I do think that particular BBC article was pretty unhelpful and thoughtless, and irresponsible too. Sure, it's an opinion piece, but in times of crisis, people look to the BBC as an alleged unbiased source of information, and it's easy to forget it's just one person's opinion in an article. It made me more worried when I wasn't particularly before, and to what end? More clicks on the BBC I guess.

Wouldn't surprise me if it got taken down before long, as it's going to do a lot of damage to the UK's mental health, and for what? Something none of us can do anything about. If he doesn't nuke us, the BBC is doing a grand job of causing big problems in the UK, doing Putin's job for him spreading fear. Bad call, BBC.

Short term, kids are more at risk of emotional harm than nukes! I understand the worry but seriously this can't be good for kids to see their parents having breakdowns daily. For their sake we must calm down and think rationally.

@Petrolblues

Thanks for your replies. I’ve just read a breaking news story that the UK has imposed more sanctions. I know this is selfish but I wish they’d stop. It’s like poking a tiger and making him more and more angry.

Hi op. I’ve seen several very well respected experts on Russia/Ukrainian politics say they think Putin has massively misjudged and this will be his downfall. I thought that’s optimistic but there are reports that he might be ill (he looks like he’s on steroids) and he’s manically isolating himself from everyone. He’s extremely paranoid. The fact the the EU has gone in so hard with sanctions (just a couple of days ago we didn’t think they’d take the step to remove them from SWIFT) makes me think they know he’s on the way down, rather than that they are trying to poke the bear. These sanctions are really going to hurt ordinary Russians. Absolutely no one wants a war between NATO and Russia.

I've been terrified all weekend. Just wanting to cry looking at my one and two year old and thinking some very dark thoughts. Going to see my GP later as don't think my reaction is normal. I was the same over the whole trump and North Korea thing too.

What's helping me slightly is being at work and in public, everyone is acting normal talking about pancake day etc!

There's been some reassuring posts on here which I've screenshot and tried to remain as rational as I can.

Hi OP, I have been feeling quite anxious too. And despite rational argument, the churning remains. It is helpful to really try and put your phone down. The nature of these times in history is that we are really not privy to a lot of what is happening behind the scenes, and so hyperfocusing on a specific headline is quite removed from reality.

Try to focus on what you can do, what's YOUR job in this mess? Do something to ground you in reality, a walk, a shop to buy warm socks to donate to help the Ukrainians, plan an activity with your child - take them to the cinema. (I have ADHD and find the cinema to be really helpful to quell anxiety).

Hopefully over the next few days thing will settle a bit and you'll feel the anxiety lift.

I feel the same op but I am a huge worried! My best friend is going about her day like nothing is happening in the world and I am so jealous of her attitude , wish I could have her mindset. I am drinking more wine and excessively reading the BBC news, not helping at all !! I have been having irrational thoughts if taking the kids to remote areas but I guess that won’t work either!!
Slept about three hours last night and I feel sick, trying to be rational and think it’s not going to happen. I don’t want the warning if it does to be honest, it be over so fast you probably wouldn’t know a thing!!
Sorry this probably doesn’t help but you’re certainly not alone .

There are many steps and people between Putin and 'the button'. Try not to see it in terms of one red button under the finger of one man.

I'm scared too but reminding myself we have fuck all control over the situation and that there will be so much going on 'behind the scenes' because, honestly, most of the world does not want a nuclear war. I can't believe people like this are allowed to rule countries. I truly believe if governments were made up of women, shit like this wouldn't happen so much.

You stop, calm down, deep breaths

Undertake your normal routine, if you mind starts wandering off into these thoughts then think something nice

It’s not going to happen. Putin is well aware that if he presses then that’s a full on war that he is simply not going to win and his beloved Russia will be destroyed

As to sanctions what do you want us to do? Speaking harshly do nothing and now let hundreds, if not thousands of Ukrainians die so you dont have a panic attack? Do nothing and let him, and the rest of the world think we are weak? We cant go to war, but we can use sanctions to make life difficult for them. If this was happening to us would you want a country that’s supposed to be an ally to stand by and do nothing in case it got their residents worried

Step away from all media, take your child out, enjoy the day

Stop reading/listening to the news. It is full of propaganda and fear-mongering.

I'm the same to be honest, I have a 5 month old baby.

@Hannah1990x

I've been terrified all weekend. Just wanting to cry looking at my one and two year old and thinking some very dark thoughts. Going to see my GP later as don't think my reaction is normal. I was the same over the whole trump and North Korea thing too.

What's helping me slightly is being at work and in public, everyone is acting normal talking about pancake day etc!

There's been some reassuring posts on here which I've screenshot and tried to remain as rational as I can.

Focus on the normal. What is for tea, how enormous is the ironing pile? Do you have a garden? Are there things you could clear and sweep and clean. It's my safe place for me when I am stressed. The garden centres are full of beautiful mini daffs and primroses. Could you buy some and plant them by your front door or fill a big bowl with them and put them on your kitchen table.The wider world stuff you cannot control in any way. But you couldn't control any of the other stuff that went before it. You have had 2 children during a global pandemic. You are all doing very well. You have a job and it is very unlikely anyone with drop a bomb on Sainsbury's. All these things will pass. It is far more likely that you will get to grow old and die in your bed than that you will die in a nuclear incident. The same is overwhelmingly true for your children.

Putin depends on fear to get what he wants. He’s no intention of sending nukes our way. But only because he knows the West would retaliate immediately. (mutual assured destruction). How would he achieve his goals if the planet was a wasteland. He enjoys his huge wealth too much for that. His threatening is all to do with getting his own way and getting Ukraine to surrender. He never gambled on such strong resistance.

Thank you for the reassuring posts and I just wanted to offer solidarity to those struggling. I am finding it very difficult regarding my children, just like a pp. I too am not able to really function at the moment, to eat or sleep. Goodness knows how I'll go to work today!

@Magicmelodies21

I feel the same op but I am a huge worried! My best friend is going about her day like nothing is happening in the world and I am so jealous of her attitude , wish I could have her mindset. I am drinking more wine and excessively reading the BBC news, not helping at all !! I have been having irrational thoughts if taking the kids to remote areas but I guess that won’t work either!! Slept about three hours last night and I feel sick, trying to be rational and think it’s not going to happen. I don’t want the warning if it does to be honest, it be over so fast you probably wouldn’t know a thing!! Sorry this probably doesn’t help but you’re certainly not alone .

Wine is the very worst thing for situations of stress. It removes rational thought and totally buggers up your sleep. Put it away , watch the news once a day and that's it. Stay offline. Most of it is bollocks. Channel the things your friend is doing. It will be much better for your children. They need a mum who is behaving perfectly normally.

I could have written the same post op. When I was younger I read a novel about the after effects of a nuclear strike. I was only 11 or so and I got so upset I ended up in a kids psych ward! All this has triggered me completely. I don't want to be away from the house and want to have the kids at home. My husband laughed in my face when I voiced my concerns (helpful 🤔) I try to focus on the things that other posters have said. As someone else said.. I've screenshotted some of the calm comments and I try to do deep breathing and focus on the facts. Mainly that if he launched nuclear bombs he'd be wiped off the face of the planet. That's not what he wants.. who would he be boss of then?? Sending you good thoughts and hugs x

What were you like during the pandemic?

Putin is posturing. He hasn't been able to take Kyiv, his army isn't as great as he claimed it to be and some of the stories circulating I am sure are embarrassing to him. I also doubt he expected the support Ukraine has. Who even knows the condition of any nuclear weapons he has?

The media loves war OP. They make a massive amount of money from it. They sensationalise everything. Get outside for a walk, read a good book, have a nice bath but don't be manipulated.

That sounds horrible OP, you are catastrophising, but I also have ASD and ADHD (and severe anxiety, lucky me!), so I know how it is when you can't stop worrying about something, no matter what. My kids are also a little younger than yours, although not by too much.

Putin is doing this to make people terrified, and it's working very well. I also think I know the article you've read, the BBC one, which doesn't seem to be based on much, if any, fact. Disappointing, as up until now they seem to have avoided the nuclear scaremongering and been quite rational.