Page 5 | How to tactfully handle people saying it's a lovely day to take the kids out?

Jvg33 · 2022-02-27T11:29:27+00:00

I have two children under two. I take my kids out usually 6/7 days and sometimes 7/7 days. I'm on maternity leave. As soon as the sun is shining they say how lovely it is to take the kids out and ask me what we have done today. I would really love to say back -what a lovely day for YOU to take my kids out today. I'm literally fed up of going out every single day. I just want to stay in for once.

SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 27/02/2022 13:28

Who are these relatives, OP? Your parents? In-laws?

They sound very patronising and were rude about your husband, at a time when you and he are both tired.

HotSauceCommittee · 27/02/2022 13:30

Ignore texts. You do not actually have to respond, nor do you have to explain yourself! You are an adult and a mother of two! They can mind their own business.
You do you. It's hard with a toddler and a baby. Don't worry about anyone else.

thanktor · 27/02/2022 13:35

Good grief
Are you on knife edge OP?

CallMeDaddy58 · 27/02/2022 13:36

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Yanbu. I once popped into my Mums at 8.30am on the way somewhere (she rises at 6!), and as soon as we walked through the door "have you been anywhere nice this morning?"

Err....the kettle.

Oh no. How absolutely awful! What a horrendous bitch!

Wheyprotcookie · 27/02/2022 13:40

Op maybe you're interpreting as judgement if you don't go out and taking unnecessary pressure on yourself. You don't need to answer anyone and you can do what you like. Maybe people in your life don't know how to make conversation with someone on maternity leave. Just don't care, you don't need to go out everyday.

ememem84 · 27/02/2022 13:45

@CanIPullYouForAChat

Those of you who had DMs like this with a very “get the kids out” mindset, do you have horrible memories of being forced out of the house every day? I spent my entire childhood being dragged around dull shops and forced out even if I was poorly. I remember being in town once with tonsillitis when I was around 10, feeling absolutely dreadful and I really should have been in bed! Now as an adult I really appreciate cosy at home days, and never take the kids out if they are under the weather unless it’s necessary (doctors, pharmacy etc).

Yep. Always.

Hated it. Sometimes I just want to veg and be still like broccoli. Dm thinks it’s a waste of a day if we don’t go out etc. even on holidays when we were kids we’d never be allowed to sit still. Activity after activity.

The dc are currently watching coco melon DH is doing something and im napping. Or pretending to be. I took kids to park this morning. Dm wanted to know where we were going this afternoon. Sigh.

Threeboysandadog · 27/02/2022 13:47

It’s a hard age really. They can’t do anything on their own. Even if you take them somewhere you have to be on high alert at all times. Do they nap? I lived for the afternoon nap! It’s good your dh does his bit.

Mine have just walked to McDonalds and brought me back a wrap. It’s easier, in some ways, once they’re teenagers. I hope you can get a bit of a chill out today. I don’t think your relatives mean any harm. It’s just getting to you because you are knackered.

Nanny0gg · 27/02/2022 13:48

@DrFoxtrot

I realise everyone is different but 'the must get out of the house' mentality baffles me. I guess it's what you're used to. As children we did have days out and visits to relatives etc but we also had plenty of time at home just playing and it felt very relaxing.

Quite.

Children can be quite happy entertaining themselves if that's something they're used to. And that's what toys are actually for!

All this having to go out or bake, or paint or whatever is sometimes making a rod for the parent's back.

Catchafallingstar15 · 27/02/2022 13:49

I feel completely the same. Two under two. I’ve booked a softplay disco at three today so they get some stimulation and exercise (I can see the sunshine but it’s not that simple!)
I’ve had all the texts from relatives saying oh don’t stay inside take them outside it’s a lovely day.

It takes three back packs and 30 garments to keep the children warm and dry. Pushing a pram no one wants to go in. Not to mention no easy access for recently potty trained child. PLUS one of them can’t walk yet so I just carry a 20lbs baby around outside.

Forgive me if I just want to sit down and breathe.

I must add their other parent has been away at work for three nights. I breastfeed all night long and then toddler gets up at 6am so I’m absolutely tired. Tomorrow when I have help - we will be outside.

thanktor · 27/02/2022 13:52

* I’ve had all the texts from relatives saying oh don’t stay inside take them outside it’s a lovely day. *

Being honest
How many relatives have actually text you?

HotMummaSummer · 27/02/2022 13:55

I'm heavily pregnant and don't take my 18 month old outdoors much at the moment. I'm heavily pregnant and taking her to the park is hard.
She ends up snotty, muddy and usually has at least 2 tantrums and refuses to get back into her push along trike! I much prefer indoor activities at the moment. Although she always walks/runs off in the opposite direction - Ikea was interesting

Anyway... DH takes her out, chases her around when he can!

ConsuelaHammock · 27/02/2022 13:55

If you’re always out and post pics of you ‘ always being out ‘ , perhaps they think you’re the one who doesn’t want to ‘stay in’?
Why don’t you just say you’re staying in today.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation. This is your life . Suit yourself!

thanktor · 27/02/2022 13:59

The reality is no one truly actually gives a damn whether or not you go out or not.

They’re chewing the fat. Dropping a meaningless message.

Go out. Don’t go out. Unless they fear fo your mental health and imagine you and your children in a darkened shit hole with the curtains drawn…. They really Do not give a shit whether or not you go out tosh

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 27/02/2022 14:00

If people are texting there is no obligation to respond. If they phone you don't have to pick up. Just wait six to eight hours and text back "Sorry I missed your text/call, I was busy with the DC."

toobusytothink · 27/02/2022 14:04

I think you’re being a bit grumpy actually. It’s like having a dog. Needs going out at least twice a day and “it’s a lovely day for a dog walk”. I wouldn’t reply “yes and I do it twice a bl**dy day!” And I have 2 kids 14 months apart so I do know what it’s like. Maybe they know you always take them out. Maybe “at least” it’s a nice day to get out with the kids today would irritate you less?

Heartofglass12345 · 27/02/2022 14:09

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz I'm not even up at half 8, my kids entertain themselves for a while whilst I come around/ lounge around in bed with the kids coming in and out to talk to us, what would your mum think of me my kids are happier staying in to be honest!

juicingqueen74 · 27/02/2022 14:10

You need to be much easier on yourself and stay home alot more. Its exhausting have young kids and takes so much effort and is a huge effort. So just say we are having a pyjama day or we have just popped out. Look after yourself OP and be kind to you.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/02/2022 14:18

"what a great day to take the kids out"
"oh that would be lovely, what tien do you want to collect them?"

Davethecat2001 · 27/02/2022 14:19

Ugh..I've always found the competitive need for kids to be 'doing something' constantly, exhausting.

I've felt guilty so many times that I'm not doing enough/baking enough/going out enough over the years, so now I just refuse to feel like that anymore.

My kids are 11 and 8 so older now, and we do go out and about (just been out for a few hours with friends in the park), but sometimes they simply do not want to go out. They want to stay in watch tv/play on their iPads etc.

My parents never insisted on dragging us about here there and everywhere at the weekend. We did visit grandparents, go shopping, the park occasionally, but also spent time at home playing with my sister/reading/watching tv etc and we haven't got 2 heads as a result.

Do what you want, when you want. Stay in if you want to..so much nonsense attached to motherhood that I'm sure most dad's don't feel/bother with!

Jmaxx44 · 27/02/2022 14:23

I also find this so irritating OP. My MIL has a way of always managing to slip into conversation how she hopes I’ll be taking the kids out seeing as it’s such a nice day. She then makes it obvious to me that she thinks if I weren’t to leave the house with them that would be lazy or not ‘good’ for us. Sometimes they are happy to play in the house and I have things to do indoors too so we might not spend much time outside (usually when the weather is poor) but MIL absolutely does not approve of these kinds of days….so annoying!!!

Maray1967 · 27/02/2022 14:24

I get this from DCs grandparents who forget every summer that he has hay fever. Drives me mad.
He does go out but we pick our times and places and I will not have him told he has to stay out in their gardens when the pollen is high.
Sometimes I think they just don’t engage their brains.

poppupppirate · 27/02/2022 14:33

It drives me mad too.

Sometimes I feel like lying on the sofa watching films and relaxing and tbh the kids do too. The school holidays can be so intense and sometimes I just don't have the energy to be out all day every day.

In total we have had 9 days to fill and we have done the cinema, softplay, a countryside walk and visited family two different days, so 5 days out and the rest we have been in the house or little bits of tidying up the garden type jobs. That's a good balance and plenty of rest too.

Any one who doesn't like it can take them out for me!

FrecklesMalone · 27/02/2022 14:34

I do think it's no one else's business. However having had two under two ( and 3 under 4) I cannot imagine spending the whole day inside I think we would have all gone insane. I had terrible ME when the kids were small and had no family help so fully understand the fatigue. But mine would be an absolute nightmare if they stayed inside and it would end up being more work.
I think they're probably just making conversation. if they are English it is surely the most popular topic 😁

GloriaSicTransitMundi · 27/02/2022 14:34

Just text back 'It is a lovely day, isn't it, what are you doing today?' and leave it at that.

Every time.

They'll soon get bored asking.

Youcansaythatagainandagain · 27/02/2022 14:37

@Jmaxx44

I also find this so irritating OP. My MIL has a way of always managing to slip into conversation how she hopes I’ll be taking the kids out seeing as it’s such a nice day. She then makes it obvious to me that she thinks if I weren’t to leave the house with them that would be lazy or not ‘good’ for us. Sometimes they are happy to play in the house and I have things to do indoors too so we might not spend much time outside (usually when the weather is poor) but MIL absolutely does not approve of these kinds of days….so annoying!!!

This is a typical example of someone who has forgotten how much mundane and constant WORK children are - grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, preparing food, music practice, homework, reading, appointments, decluttering, removing and replacing outgrown clothes and shoes, activities, household organisation, diary keeping, relentless school requests, hour long bedtime routines - and for many - all on top of paid work. There are only so many hours in the day. Hats off to those who take young children out for an hour every single day. However you certainly should not feel guilty or be made to feel guilty if you don’t!