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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I let 17 year old DS’s girlfriend sleepover?

126 replies

walkingoneggshell · 26/02/2022 17:24

Posted this in teenagers but no replies and I could do with some advice quickly.
He’s 17 and a half and she’s 16. They’ve been together about 6 months and she’s lovely. He asked if she can stay tonight as they want to go somewhere together tomorrow. He’s my first born so feeling a bit unsure. I know they have sex and we’ve had a chat about respect and contraception. My mum never have let my boyfriend’s sleep in the same room as me even when I was at university and I remember it made me feel awkward, but obviously they’re younger than I was then. Just not sure what to think.

OP posts:

Laiste · 26/02/2022 17:26

It's totally up to you really.

Not much help - but there it is.

Is the girls mum def ok with her staying round?

Prinnny · 26/02/2022 17:28

I think it’s fine. They’re both of legal age and in an established relationship. My mum and dad were funny about boyfriends staying and it always made me feel so awkward!

girlmom21 · 26/02/2022 17:29

I think it's fine if he has his own room

kgov1 · 26/02/2022 17:29

If the girl's mom is OK with it and you are both aware they're having sex anyway, I probably would.

Katyrosebug · 26/02/2022 17:30

I'd say its completely fine, both are of legal age and if they are already having sex and being safe then I don't personally see the problem

Original poster

walkingoneggshell · 26/02/2022 17:30

@Laiste yes her mum has text me to say she’s happy for her to stay.

OP posts:

Oneborneverydecade · 26/02/2022 17:31

I wouldn't have a problem with it at 16 and 17. Where are they having sex if not at home? Does he stay over at hers?

Original poster

walkingoneggshell · 26/02/2022 17:33

@Oneborneverydecade no he’s not stayed at her house before.

OP posts:

Blueberryflavour · 26/02/2022 17:34

That age, I would and have myself allowed my son of that age to have a girlfriend sleep over. As long as he has his own room and doesn’t share with a sibling of course.

Newjourney2894 · 26/02/2022 17:35

I never disagreed with the rule but my dad wouldn’t allow boyfriends to stay over at all not even in a different room. I was so surprised when he allowed DH to stay over the 1st Xmas we were together. Him and my stepmum had already met him but when he said we could sleep over on Xmas eve in the same room I nearly fainted.. My dad acted like I was being weird and that he had never had strict rules and said come on now your 22

Rainbowqueeen · 26/02/2022 17:35

I think you need to work out some ground rules first. One of mine is that the relationship must be of at least 6 months - I don’t want my DC to think it’s ok for randoms to come and stay the night.

The second issue for me is the frequency. Letting DC play house gives the relationship an intensity which means it can be harder for them to break up So I wouldn’t want it to be a regular thing.
And finally you need to be comfortable with it. It’s your home and you are in charge. I’d make it clear that any rules you set must be respected otherwise it stops.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 26/02/2022 17:35

Ime be chuffed they are happy to stay over...
My dc know not to ask under 16 but a proper relationship it is OK. No ons though as have younger siblings and it's a bit grim imo!

itsnotdeep · 26/02/2022 17:37

Have they stayed at hers?

My dd did have her boyfriend over at 17, but they pissed me off a bit because they first stayed over at his place, but the parents didn't contact me at all beforehand I was then sort of backed into a corner as I didn't want her disappearing there all the time.

PugInTheHouse · 26/02/2022 17:37

I would not have a problem with it personally. There doesn't seem any reason to say no IMO.

Angrymum22 · 26/02/2022 17:39

DS and his ex were allowed to sleepover at each other’s houses after discussion by her parents and us. We felt that they were safer and less liable to take risks and wanted to encourage a healthy attitude to sex. They are no longer together, and although they bickered a lot when breaking up they are now good friends. I think that because they have been treated as adults they are learning to act like adults. Probably far better than some adults do. They have learned very quickly that respecting each other is better than trying to hurt each other. I’m actually quite proud of DH’s attitude towards women, he is quite appalled by some of his friends who think it is acceptable to take advantage of a girl who is drunk. He would never leave a friend, girl or boy, in their own on a night out, and looks after them if they are worse for wear.

Original poster

walkingoneggshell · 26/02/2022 17:41

@Rainbowqueeen good advice thanks. I definitely don’t want him to think it’s a green light for any random girls to stay over in the future, and I agree about not wanting it to be too regular

OP posts:

Oblomov22 · 26/02/2022 18:01

Of course it's ok. Her mum has said she's fine with it. What's the issue?

3peassuit · 26/02/2022 18:04

They have been together 6 months which is a lifetime in teenage years. As long as her mother knows about it and they use contraception, I would be fine with it.

whysoserious123 · 26/02/2022 18:09

They are already having sex, both legal, they are in a relationship for 6 months. So yes as they have already crossed into the sex territory. Maybe warn them that any hanky lanky and she will be walking home in the middle of the night ( I'm joking) but you get my drift

Lightupmynorthernsky · 26/02/2022 18:10

Nope. Wouldn’t be happening in my house

WhackingPhoenix · 26/02/2022 18:13

@Lightupmynorthernsky

Nope. Wouldn’t be happening in my house

Why? Would you rather your teens just lied to you?

EmpressSuiko · 26/02/2022 18:22

I wouldn’t have an issue with this, especially as the mother is also aware and fine with it.

loobylou10 · 26/02/2022 18:22

Yes absolutely. They are in a relationship and are being responsible. Why wouldn't you

Carpedimum · 26/02/2022 18:22

I’ve had this with my 17 yr old DS, first girlfriend was the same age & he’d already stayed at hers, in her bed. Her parents initially said no (at their house) but relented when she said it made no sense since we all knew they were having sex. Second girlfriend, different story. All hell broke loose for her when her parents found out they were having sex, they were unreasonably horrid to her given that she’s almost 18. He then asked me if she could stay over, so I asked if her parents were ok with it. Clearly they were not, so it hasn’t happened. I will respect that, but mostly because I don’t want unnecessary conflict for myself or DS with her parents.

Bagelsandbrie · 26/02/2022 18:23

Nope. We had / have a no boyfriends / girlfriends rule at our house. They can do all that in their own homes or at university thanks.

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