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Original poster

Should I let 17 year old DS’s girlfriend sleepover?

126 replies

walkingoneggshell · 26/02/2022 17:24

Posted this in teenagers but no replies and I could do with some advice quickly.
He’s 17 and a half and she’s 16. They’ve been together about 6 months and she’s lovely. He asked if she can stay tonight as they want to go somewhere together tomorrow. He’s my first born so feeling a bit unsure. I know they have sex and we’ve had a chat about respect and contraception. My mum never have let my boyfriend’s sleep in the same room as me even when I was at university and I remember it made me feel awkward, but obviously they’re younger than I was then. Just not sure what to think.

OP posts:
Oblomov22 · 26/02/2022 20:36

I appreciate some don't want to have sex. But I'm talking about those that do.

LuckySantangelo35 · 26/02/2022 20:39

@Oblomov22 I don’t know. Clearly they find a way if they want to. But it’s not their parents job to facilitate that if they don’t want it happening in their house. As I say young people need to have incentive to adult and cannot be allowed to do everything they want within their parents home

Voice0fReason · 26/02/2022 20:40

@fallfallfall

i'm not comfortable with other's having sex in my house. guest or family. kissing +, okay but actual piv just a step too far. not to mention how awkward it is, family watching a movie two upstairs and everyone "knows" what's going on. too much like voyeurism for me... then there is the morning conversation....did you sleep well?? best avoided.
When you have friends or family staying, do you tell them that kissing is fine but no PIV sex is allowed?
savehannah · 26/02/2022 20:43

Yes absolutely. Doing the"not under my roof" thing just makes teens have sex somewhere else.

LuckySantangelo35 · 26/02/2022 20:43

@Voice0fReason TBF though most friends/family visiting for a night or two would manage to refrain from shagging out of courtesy/fear of behind heard, etc

timestheyarechanging · 26/02/2022 21:03

I think it's fine. My Ds is 17 and GF 17 also but as long as her parents are ok, I would, and do.

fallfallfall · 26/02/2022 21:42

@Voice0fReason, absolutely no need at this point in my life. all my friends are reasonable if they weren't they wouldn't be my friends.

ManicPixie · 26/02/2022 21:46

I will never understand parents banning partners staying over if they’re of legal age. It’s so arbitrary.

CourtRand · 26/02/2022 23:21

I would. They're over the age of consent and almost adults. I'd need to speak to her mum though... and talk to him again about condoms lol

ConsuelaHammock · 27/02/2022 00:44

I think it’s too young. They’re only children and too young to be in a sexual relationship.

YellowMonday · 27/02/2022 00:51

I was allowed at that age by my parents, and as challenging as it must have been for them, the major benefit was they developed a really good relationship with my boyfriend and I didn't hide anything (especially from my mum).

My experience was the girls in my year with the strictest parents were the most wild with a lot of lying to their parents.

ISpyCobraKai · 27/02/2022 00:52

They aren't young children though are they, they'll be off to Uni all too soon and as I said up thread my Dd moved out at 17 to live with her Bf who is only a year older.

GinaJaffacake · 27/02/2022 01:12

@ConsuelaHammock, the vast majority of 17yr olds will be sexually active. Neither their hormones nor, crucially, the law regard them as ‘too young’.

Maddiemoosmum0203 · 27/02/2022 01:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

BadgerStripes · 27/02/2022 02:27

@Lightupmynorthernsky

Nope. Wouldn’t be happening in my house
Mine neither. Far too young.
Oblomov22 · 27/02/2022 07:24

Hammock: "They’re only children and too young to be in a sexual relationship."

Err no they aren't. Ds is nearly 18, an adult, could go off to uni. Could get married.
He could have started having sex, legally, 1.5 years ago.

girlmom21 · 27/02/2022 07:28

@ConsuelaHammock

I think it’s too young. They’re only children and too young to be in a sexual relationship.
They're not...

OP already knows they're having sex anyway so saying no to a sleepover only means it'll happen elsewhere.

Ragwort · 27/02/2022 07:59

Does it matter if they have sex 'elsewhere'? Why is it the parents role to facilitate their DC's sex life? I have a perfectly good relationship with my DPs despite never having boyfriends sleeping at our home, as does my 21 year old DS with us - he's never bought a GF home (overnight).

BurntO · 27/02/2022 08:52

I find some of these responses so funny Grin people not allowing sleepovers because they don’t want sex in their house? So you’re more comfortable with them having sex in unsecure places? Or just oblivious to the fact a boyfriend or girlfriend can come over and go home by 9pm and they STILL can have had sex Confused there’s 24 hours in a day for sex you know…. And teenagers really don’t care.

Oblomov22 · 27/02/2022 10:15

Yes it can matter Ragworth. Why deny them a safe place? What other safe places are you suggesting they use? You know they are actually having sexual intercourse ? Please do tell. Why on earth would you want them using other places, over your own safe place? What other safe places are there?

Squashfordinner · 27/02/2022 12:54

I'd say yes and have a healthy open discussion about safe sex. My parents was never against my siblings and I bringing someone home during our teens. But have the discussion first (these discussions ctually made me mortified and I didn't sleep with anyone til uni haha.) And as long as it didn't impact school and grades.

My parents also made sure there was condoms in our bed side drawers once we were dating from 16+ in case.

Ragwort · 27/02/2022 15:29

When you say 'unsafe' spaces to be having sex what exactly do you mean ... do you think young people are having sex in the street or on railway lines? Hmm. I managed quite a colourful (& safe) sex life in my teens without ever having a BF to stay the night in my parents house or having sex in an 'unsafe' place. It would never have occurred to me to expect my DPs to provide a comfortable bedroom for me to have sex in.

Comefromaway · 27/02/2022 15:39

I have the same rules as for any friend sleeping over. Ds asks if it’s ok if it’s convenient as a family we say yes. I have no idea if DS is having sex or not. He turned 18 a couple of weeks ago and his current relationship is fairly new. It wouldn’t occur to me to contact her parents (she turned 18 a couple of months ago.

His ex girlfriend was a year younger and I did say no sleeping in the same room until she turned 16.

LittleGwyneth · 27/02/2022 16:02

It depends if you want to stay close to your children. Welcoming the people they love into your home means they're a lot more likely to keep coming back. If you want them to stick around longer and visit more, I would say 100% yes.

HikingforScenery · 27/02/2022 16:22

@Oblomov22

I can't believe I'm reading some of these posts. They are allowed to have sex at the age of 16. In OP's case they already are. I can't accept some posters stance.
It’s not for you to “accept some posters’ stance”, is it? Everyone has different boundaries, values, etc. This crosses a line for some parents and that’s fine.
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