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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being a Bridezilla?

108 replies

ChaosIX · 24/02/2022 23:39

I (35f) am getting married this year. My partner and I just want to be married, and to have fun with our friends and family. But my mother argued with me about so many things that she has now completely taken over the wedding, and we have let her. My mother is having whatever she wants and that's cool, she's happy, I'm happy.

However... its gotten to the point now that its like its almost not my wedding anymore.
There's been a few instances where I've let her have her way even though I wasn't happy. For example, she said if my bridesmaids came dress shopping with me then she wouldn't be going because she didn't want me listening to other people's opinions! So I basically had to choose between her and my bests friends. She won obviously.
But now its all kicked off because my mum has bought a jumpsuit for the wedding but she cant do it up or down herself.

So she told me I'd have to help her and be her toilet assistant all day... ON MY WEDDING DAY!

I said to her no, I dont want to have to be constantly being asked to accompany you to the toilet and to have to look for you when I go.

I said you can get a zipper aid and showd her but now shes thrown a fit about it, said shes sendng the outfit back because I'm being a bridezilla and selfish and ungrateful etc etc

But I'm actually shocked she actually expects me, the bride, to be on hand to her.

So am I being unreasonable to not want to spend MY wedding day being my mother's toilet assistant?

Info: the wedding is at the family farm, and the toilet block will be outside across the yard (which will potentially be muddy if it's raining)

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 24/02/2022 23:43

You're 35 and you're letting your DM make all the decisions? Is this because your family are paying for the wedding?

I don't know why you didn't nip this in the bud at the very start. You say she's happy so you're happy. But that's bullshit because you're not happy.

You have a choice - stop being a wimp and act like the grown woman you should be at 35 or do everything your DM says.

Fernhurst · 24/02/2022 23:44

Yanbu. Posts about outrageous wedding guest or bride behaviour always end up in the tabloids. So hopefully she'll realise how ridiculous she's being when she sees that

1000yellowdaisies · 24/02/2022 23:46

Tell your mum to butt out and definitely don't back down on being her bathroom assistant!
What is it about mother's and their daughter's weddings that bring out the crazy

MichelleScarn · 24/02/2022 23:48

How dramatic is the jumpsuit she can't manage it on her own?

Original poster
ChaosIX · 24/02/2022 23:49

No she's not paying. And up until this latest incident an a few others which were dealt with, it's actually been great that's she's taken over. Because I don't want to plan a wedding. It's boring as fuck. So there is nothing to "nip in the bud"

But I do want to enjoy my wedding day!

The issue was me being her assistant on THE DAY. NOT the planning of the wedding. I don't think you read the post properly...??

OP posts:
Ginandplatonic · 24/02/2022 23:51

Why on earth are you being so passive and letting her get away with making your wedding all about her? Stop being such a doormat and organise your wedding the way you want it.

HundredMilesAnHour · 24/02/2022 23:52

@ChaosIX

No she's not paying. And up until this latest incident an a few others which were dealt with, it's actually been great that's she's taken over. Because I don't want to plan a wedding. It's boring as fuck. So there is nothing to "nip in the bud"

But I do want to enjoy my wedding day!

The issue was me being her assistant on THE DAY. NOT the planning of the wedding. I don't think you read the post properly...??

I read your post just fine. I'm just shocked at how lazy you appear to be.
BluebellsGreenbells · 24/02/2022 23:53

Well she’s walking all over you -

Can you not see it’s all linked? You roll over and let her do everything, yet are surprised when she ups her game?

She’s sent the thing back - so it’s no longer an issue.

What is an issue is you letting her make all the decisions and all the stress.

KirstenBlest · 24/02/2022 23:56

You are being selfish @ChaosIX. A wedding isn't about you, it's about the mother of the bride.

Relinquish your role in the day and be your mother's carer.

Original poster
ChaosIX · 24/02/2022 23:56

I don't want to organise the wedding. I've been happy to let her get on with it. Her organising the wedding and throwing the party she wants is not the issue!!
I don't care about cakes and flowers and decorations and all that non sense!
We want to get married, and have a few drinks and some laughs with friends and family. That's it!
But I don't want to be running back and forth to the toilet with my mother every time she needs to go 🙄

OP posts:
UsernameAlwaysTaken · 24/02/2022 23:57

The issue was me being her assistant on THE DAY. NOT the planning of the wedding. I don't think you read the post properly...??

Bit of an abrupt response to someone just trying to help Hmm

If your mother taking over the wedding planning is a non issue and you didn't want people commenting on that, you could of cut your OP short by about 8 paragraphs and not even mentioned it.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 24/02/2022 23:58

She is being a MobZilla.

(Mother of bride zilla).

And you should have put your foot down about the dress shopping. She expects to control whose opinions you hear????

And good grief, she might have tried to persuade you to wear a jumpsuit, too!

Actually, offer to swap. Say that if your whole day is going to be dictated by a jump suit zip then you might as well be the one to wear it.

Cut out the middle man.

Luredbyapomegranate · 24/02/2022 23:59

She sounds insane. I hope she hasn’t got you in a meringue. You know you aren’t being unreasonable. Also wtf is she wearing a jump suit to a wedding.

It sounds like it’s too late now, but do throw up your boundaries post marriage.

Original poster
ChaosIX · 24/02/2022 23:59

@HundredMilesAnHour you do love name calling don't you?
Thanks for your opinion though 👍

OP posts:
PriamFarrl · 25/02/2022 00:00

Who wears a jumpsuit to a wedding? Moreover a jumpsuit they can’t do up.

Perhaps she is feeling unappreciated as she is doing a lot of stuff for you. This might well have been it coming to a head.

NannyKrampus · 25/02/2022 00:01

Wow, I have read some crazy stuff over the years but your mother is bat shit level. I sort of get that you letting her take over with the planning but to turn you into her toilet assistant on your day... Just wow! She sounds incredibly self-centered and a total narcissist.

Bunty55 · 25/02/2022 00:02

[quote ChaosIX]@HundredMilesAnHour you do love name calling don't you?
Thanks for your opinion though 👍[/quote]
How many times do you think she will need the toilet?

AllOfUsAreDead · 25/02/2022 00:02

@Fernhurst

Yanbu. Posts about outrageous wedding guest or bride behaviour always end up in the tabloids. So hopefully she'll realise how ridiculous she's being when she sees that
She wouldn't. She'd think we are all mean and bullying her.
Thewindwhispers · 25/02/2022 00:03

Riiiiiiiiight.

Obviously you are not a bridezilla. You mother is being whatever the mumzilla thing is though. Why is she behaving like this? And more importantly why are you letting her? Well done for standing up to her, I expect she was very surprised.

I would take this conversation as an opportunity to pause, look st the wedding plan, and change anything you are not happy with. This is your wedding not hers and she is being weird about it.

BreadInCaptivity · 25/02/2022 00:09

I think you need to sit down with her and thank her for organising the wedding and say how much you appreciate it.

However, as grateful as you are, you'll be busy all day speaking to guests and ensuring her plans aren't wasted by being an ungracious bride.

As such she might want to re-consider her outfit or nominate a zipper pal to help her.

You can say that you've given her the wedding she wants you to have but are drawing a hard line on being her handmaiden on your wedding day.

She can throw a hissy fit if she wants but might want to consider that as the bride it's traditional for the bride to be supported on the day not to be the supporter.

OR

You can say, get a fucking grip. It's my wedding day and there's not a chance in hell I'm spending this one day being toilet attendant rather than a bride.

AladdinPrincess999 · 25/02/2022 00:09

You said "its got to the point where its almost not my wedding anymore" yet you keep trying to convince us you're all cool about your mother planning YOUR wedding. Your Mother is a control freak and you've got no boundaries. I bet she'll keep the jumpsuit and you'll go with her to the toilet.

Also, you already know the answer to your question.

Original poster
ChaosIX · 25/02/2022 00:11

@Thewindwhispers we have the final say on all decisions but my mum is sensitive and easily offended so we have to be delicate. But I thought this was just way too far and ridiculous.
she acted like a petulant child to be honest with the whole "well ill send it back then!"
Because obviously I'm the bad guy now for making her send back the outfit she loved and ruining the day for her.

OP posts:
BluebellsGreenbells · 25/02/2022 00:12

If you don’t care about the wedding and just want to be married than why put her through the whole planning thing?

Book registry office.

Book room in a local pub and leave all the stress at home.

It sounds awful what you are doing to your mother for something you clearly don’t give a crap about. No wonders she’s passed off - and to be fair the zip is ridiculous- and you should’ve said no, but if it’s not about the zip it will be about something else. She’s clearly stressed.

Original poster
ChaosIX · 25/02/2022 00:17

@BreadInCaptivity I said the latter... there is no goddamn way I am being your toilet assistant. Hence the argument 🙄
I've given her so much Lee way to do as she wishes, that I am not backing down on this.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChaosIX · 25/02/2022 00:19

@BluebellsGreenbells we did book a registry office and a pub. My mum got upset I wasnt having a proper wedding! So she convinced us to let her make it "special"
She wanted to have a big celebration as a family, and agreed that would be nice. So here we are.

OP posts: