To use 70% annual leave to do solo sporting events?

[Blinkingbatshit]

I am fully aware this is a first world problem but….Finally got dh to sit down and discuss annual leave / holiday bookings for this year - it’s no wonder he’s been reticent!! Turns out, other than a week at Easter and a week in the summer (both uk cottage hols) he has used ALL holiday left over (till 2023!) to book to go to do his sport (not cycling…I know that’s the usual so thought I’d clarify early!). He said ‘sorry, you can’t book that week abroad you wanted to in the summer’, I said ‘well, I can still take kids away abroad, I’ll just go less far as I don’t want to drive solo too long’. Before he had a chance to say it’s not ok I left the room. Just because he’s prioritising himself why should I and, actually particularly, the kids miss out?! The four of us are perfectly capable of going without him, however it makes me really sad that he doesn’t see what he’s missing. I just find it amazing that he will inevitably tell me I’m unreasonable for going without him when he’s made his choice. Gah, I’m sure some will say I’m being spoilt - why doesn’t he want to spend time with us🤷🏼‍♀️

He doesn't want you to go away if he can't come, but he's booked up all his annual leave with solo sport?!?!

He can get to fuck, and when he gets there, he can get there some more. What a dick.

YANBU. I don't get why he doesn't want to spend his annual leave with family. I think I could understand it with childless couples, but not when you have kids...

You should absolutely book the holiday you and the kids want.

This is unbelievably selfish??

What’s he like the rest of the time?

He said ‘sorry, you can’t book that week abroad you wanted to in the summer’

Seriously, what an arsehole.

And no, all leave is discussed here. Priorities are children's care then family, then solo. I've got 70% booked in 2023 for a solo trip (life-changing stuff) but that was discussed with DH well in advance of agreeing it.

That would completely fuck me off! He's using up pretty much all his holiday time to go and do something selfish - what about family time? You get to look after your kids solo in your holidays?

Sod that - he can use a week for his hobby if he absolutely must the rest of the time he mucks in with his kids!

Wow
Not sure if there's something in the water, but it seems like every other thread over the last couple of weeks has been about men who are behaving like dickheads and women who have convinced themselves that they should put up with it and be grateful to boot.
Either that, or they're all made up because it seems unfathomable that women put up with this crap.

I cannot imagine a world, where my husband would book all his annual leave, without discussion, to go and do his own thing and leave me to cover school holidays (if kids are at school).

I'd be fucking fuming.

Yup, I'd be telling him where he could go.

wow, no way is that ok. Absolutely go and have a great holiday with the kids - its is 100% not for him to stand in the way of that.

Tell him if he wants to cancel he cancels one of the fucking cycling trips. In the mean time I’d look for something for you and the kids!! What a prick

I'd possibly be telling him to pack his gear while I was on holiday with the kids.

He would have to have them for half the school holidays and you could book some 'solo' breaks for yourself.

I genuinely can't comprehend how the selfish twat could do such a thing!

And the issue isn't solved by going away with the children. Because the issue is he'd rather spend time with someone other than his wife and children.

Wow that's incredibly selfish. All our leave is booked up for family days off/holidays. I would say I have about 1 or 2 days for myself.

Lots of issues. He’s not told you before booking. How old are kids - do they need childcare. If so how is he going to cover his half of school hols - has he sorted childcare clubs. I’d not hesitate to go without him. He’s seriously fine if you book 2 or 3 weeks off to go to x alone and don’t even check with him first?

Wow, thats quite very selfish of him.
No discussion, no attempt at making plans as a family around it? I'd be furious.

What happens if you call his bluff - he says I’ve booked a week in May ‘not cycling’ in alps and you say what a coincidence I’ve booked a week crocheting in Italy exact same week. Goodness do you think we should have spoken to each other first. I know the 10 year old is advanced but a week minding the 8 and 9 year old might be a bit much for him.
He’s a prat. Just assuming you’ll pick up slack in his absence. He’s just assuming you’ll be there and be free to mind children.

Oh sod that and we'll done for just going, you and the kids.

Hmmm. I know a man like him. Wealthy. Sold off half of his business. Does what he pleases. His wife used to just pick up the slack. Now she takes the kids away. With other families too sometimes.

Do it. Book you and the kids on a nice holiday. No reason at all for you to miss out because he's a selfish arse.

I read the first part and thought ‘there’s no way there are kids involved’. Awfully selfish of him. Please book your holiday and enjoy being away with your children!

What about appointments etc usually you keep some leave back to cover those or is it you going every dentist, hospital etc for 3 children.

Tell him if he wants to cancel he cancels one of the fucking cycling trips.

Well he's not cycling, so cancelling his cycling trips won't help.

It would annoy me that he hadn't discussed it first but for me two weeks away with family would be a lot of holiday and not something to be dismissed as 'just' two weeks in the UK.

I cant believe you are actually so accepting of his 70% holiday without you you cant do anything without him approach.

I would be going 2 weeks abroad somewhere you dont need a car!

Well he’s made his priorities quite clear! Get yourself away on hols with the kids and he can fuck off if he says even one tiny thing about it!

Of course you aren't being unreasonable! If he can pick and choose what he wants to do with his annual leave, so can you! In your case that's taking the kids on holiday. What a selfish arse he's being!