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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work trip vrs slightly ill dh

478 replies

Lochnessgiraffe · 24/02/2022 08:10

I've got a work trip today. Staying overnight and coming back late tomorrow night. Dh is now moaning that he doesn't feel well and hinting that I should cancel.
I wfh, have only been their at work a few months and this is my first time to meet people from the office. I'm quite excited tbh.
Now dh is complaining about feeling unwell not covid just unwell and would prefer me to cancel.
We have teenagers who will be fine. They'll stay asleep until lunch then probably game all day. Might notice I'm not there.
So aibu to still go or should I stay home?

OP posts:
TrufflesAndToast · 24/02/2022 14:36

@Lochnessgiraffe

He mainly watches YouTube when not in meetings which frustrates me as I'm busy but flat out. We both work in the same industry. He's moaning as he feels that he aches
He sounds like a peach Hmm

I’d love to know what he does to earn £120k watching YouTube in between meetings.

Original poster
Lochnessgiraffe · 24/02/2022 14:38

Now I've gone I can't really come back quickly it's a 4.5 hour several train ride each way.
Teenagers have delivered if he doesn't heat up food. They ll be fine.

OP posts:
emmathedilemma · 24/02/2022 14:39

surely your teenagers can heat up food??
I'm thinking you need to go away more often.

Original poster
Lochnessgiraffe · 24/02/2022 14:43

He works in IT. Pays vv well

OP posts:
Bookworm20 · 24/02/2022 14:44

Glad you went OP, have a great time!

By the way, I almost choked on my digestive biscuit when I read the only 60k part :)

I'm now more interested to know what industry you are both in where you get 60k for 9-5 and more importantly he earns 120k for watching youtube most of the day?

Seriously I really want to know. Might be able to ford the chocolate kind of digestives then :)

LuckySantangelo35 · 24/02/2022 14:46

So OP imagine had he woken up today and said he was still feeling rough, would you have not gone? And why didn’t you tell him about the dinner? You’d have to tolerate some whinging from him but so what, it’s about letting him know that he cannot control you.
Oh and your teens really should be able cook some kind of meals for themselves never mind not be able to heat up food?
Is the only capable one in the house you? Don’t be wet and take trips away more often so that your family can discover their own capabilities

Silvershroud · 24/02/2022 14:47

Two children, one earns "only" 60k, the other earns twice that by watching YouTube all day?
Yeah, right, I'm impressed by this thread.

WindsweptPidgeon · 24/02/2022 14:48

Thankyou to those who told me to go. I was thinking of not going but after sleeping this morning he's feeling better. sorry I don't understand this. Why were you thinking of not going because he's a bit poorly? Is he generally not able to be left unattended? I had a miserable time when I had covid but my DH went away. Didn't even occur to me that he wouldn't. Are you expected to nurse him through any minor illness?

friendlycat · 24/02/2022 14:48

I’m glad you are on your way but I’ve got to be honest and say if you are employed at £60k you must have a reasonable job and be capable of doing said job.

It makes no sense that you had to ask whether you were being unreasonable in fulfilling your work requirements by attending this function. Surely you have the capacity to realise who is being unreasonable and it’s certainly not you.

If you had made the decision to not attend what on earth would you have said to your employer?

Hoppinggreen · 24/02/2022 14:52

@Lochnessgiraffe

I'm on a train at the moment. Thankyou to those who told me to go. I was thinking of not going but after sleeping this morning he's feeling better. He does have a tendancy to control. I thought we'd moved past it. I haven't told him about the dinner and won't as its not worth the aggravation. It would be poor me stuck at home while you have a jolly!
What if the whining git hadn’t had a little nap and now felt a bit better?
comfortablyfrumpy · 24/02/2022 14:55

Glad you have gone OP. Honestly if the situation were reversed, I am willing to bet he would have gone without a second thought.

Be sure to wax lyrical about your trip once you are home Grin

DameHelena · 24/02/2022 14:59

I can't believe the level of sniping about how much the OP and husband earn. Perhaps more to the point, the OP has explained what she meant by the 'only 60K' comment. Get over yourselves.

RishiRich · 24/02/2022 15:00

I'm glad you've gone. You're not his mummy and he's not ill.

ClawedButler · 24/02/2022 15:03

Perhaps he can use some of his "hard" earned wadges of cash to wipe away his tears.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 24/02/2022 15:04

I haven't told him about the dinner and won't as its not worth the aggravation.

That's no way to live. You could tell him to stuff his £120k, you'll do fine on your own £60K and a loss of 12-ish stone of dead weight.

I bet he thinks he's so good at his job and so essential to his employer that he can do his £120k job with endless YouTube breaks. But in reality it just means you are more important to your employer than he is, because his employer hasn't even noticed he's sacking off.

keysonthetable · 24/02/2022 15:05

Does he have form for this type of manipulative behaviour ?

Hotcuppatea · 24/02/2022 15:07

Well done for going OP Smile

HaveringWavering · 24/02/2022 15:07

We have teenagers who will be fine. They'll stay asleep until lunch then probably game all day.

Are they old enough to have left school or is it half term where you are?

I’m shocked at “he mostly watches YouTube between meetings”. How can you respect someone who is such a lazy arse at work?

My husband works in IT and earns a similar amount to yours. He never used to have to work very late in the office, so I didn’t really used to think of him as having a hugely demanding job, compared to mine which often involved late nights and weekends. However since we have both been WFH during the pandemic I have had a window into how hard he works and how amazingly focused and efficient he is. It’s really impressive and makes me love him even more.

nitsandwormsdodger · 24/02/2022 15:14

A husband that wants to sabotage your career

Surely you can’t control how many meetings you have ?

For what reason would you cancel ???

Regularsizedrudy · 24/02/2022 15:17

@Lochnessgiraffe

I'm on a train at the moment. Thankyou to those who told me to go. I was thinking of not going but after sleeping this morning he's feeling better. He does have a tendancy to control. I thought we'd moved past it. I haven't told him about the dinner and won't as its not worth the aggravation. It would be poor me stuck at home while you have a jolly!
Controlling men don’t stop just because you ask them to. He might play along that he is but why would he, he’ll just tone it down and gage what he can get away with but he’s never going to relinquish control. Also worrying about telling him your going to dinner is just another sign that you are in an abusive controlling relationship.
Tilltheend99 · 24/02/2022 15:18

@Lochnessgiraffe

I think he just wants to moan. Not for me to do anything. Work wise I think my job is important it's only £60k but I work hard for the money. I'd love to earn what he does and have so little to do!
60k is massive earnings, that’s twice the average wage. (£31,772) If your husband is making you feel shit for earning twice the amount as most people and treating you like ‘the little woman’ he is a sexist pig and needs re-educating.
Wulfenite · 24/02/2022 15:20

Calling OP a "babyish twat" and a "child" because her husband has done a number on her and made her feel like her considerable wage is insignificant is absolutely pathetic. I'd love to earn that much too and have struggled massively financially but I wouldn't viciously run down someone who is struggling in other ways out of bitterness. Some of you need to get over yourselves.

BruceAndNosh · 24/02/2022 15:21

Glad you went OP

Once you're Home, I suggest telling him that the family income needs to fund more hours for your cleaner so that you aren't trying to "do" stuff when you should be working

Norgie · 24/02/2022 15:27

I would go definitely.
Maybe he will stop his daft behaviour if you don't enable it.

TheOrigRights · 24/02/2022 15:36

@Lochnessgiraffe

I'm sorry but people with good salaries can also have shitty days. I posted this morning as I genuinely thought I'd be unreasonable to go. Now I can see he is trying to be controlling again. I thought we were past it
I think it was because you said "only 60K", which frankly shows a massive lack of awareness.
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