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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Work trip vrs slightly ill dh

478 replies

Lochnessgiraffe · 24/02/2022 08:10

I've got a work trip today. Staying overnight and coming back late tomorrow night. Dh is now moaning that he doesn't feel well and hinting that I should cancel.
I wfh, have only been their at work a few months and this is my first time to meet people from the office. I'm quite excited tbh.
Now dh is complaining about feeling unwell not covid just unwell and would prefer me to cancel.
We have teenagers who will be fine. They'll stay asleep until lunch then probably game all day. Might notice I'm not there.
So aibu to still go or should I stay home?

OP posts:

Pantsomime · 24/02/2022 13:37

He’s rightly afraid that with fresh air and a change of scene you’ll realise what a twat he is. Don’t question why he’s doing it, just ignore him and that may pop him back in his box. Sounds like an ongoing battle to stop him being controlling - bit like tooth ache - enjoy your trip and once he’s told you how ill he was, you can tell him about your night out. Make sure you do not check your phone when you are out as hell try something bro take your attention. Check in with your teenagers first so he can’t use them as an avenue

Dixiechickonhols · 24/02/2022 13:37

Even if he was really ill and bedridden (which he’s not) then you are leaving him with teens. They are perfectly capable of making him a drink (flask) or toast if he was up to eating.
The teens can fend for themselves just fine for 24 hours.

Nanny0gg · 24/02/2022 13:40

@Lochnessgiraffe

I'm sorry but people with good salaries can also have shitty days. I posted this morning as I genuinely thought I'd be unreasonable to go. Now I can see he is trying to be controlling again. I thought we were past it

They can. But your first post implied that it was almost pin money and it's more than two people earn for a lot of families.

And as you're pandering to a man-baby who may well be on 6 figures I think the sympathy may have run out

Made him some dinnerr... gah!

Crankley · 24/02/2022 13:41

I would love to know what you find attractive about this pathetic man child?

AcrossthePond55 · 24/02/2022 13:41

@Lochnessgiraffe

The fact that you thought a slight illness on your DH's part meant you needed to cancel your business trip means that you're obviously NOT past it.

Either he's been 'laying low' because nothing has happened for him to ramp up his controlling behavior or much more likely you are so used to his behaviour day to day that you're on 'auto-pilot' adjusting your behaviour without conscious thought (been there, done that). But now there's an issue that's important enough for him to ramp up his behaviour and important enough for you to say "Hey! Wait a minute!!!".

You need to realize that the reason he's trying to interfere with your work duties is because your earnings give you the means to leave him. You may earn a lot less than he does, but you still do have options, even if it meant a reduction in your standard of living. Sometimes things get so intolerable that we'd rather be in a 2 bed flat than a 10 bed mansion. He knows his behaviour is wrong, that's why he wants to feel he has you 'trapped' financially.

2bazookas · 24/02/2022 13:47

Go. If their father is incapable, the teens can step up .

You are not his or their domestic servant/nanny/cook.

HollowTalk · 24/02/2022 13:48

He sounds a right twat. Lucky him, earning six figures with hardly any meetings and the time to watch YouTube in his working day. When they're looking for someone to make redundant, I wouldn't bet on it not being him.

NashvilleQueen · 24/02/2022 13:48

I suspect if you stayed he would have a miraculous recovery as well ...

He is being ridiculous and pathetic. Go on your trip and leave him to wallow.

powershowerforanhour · 24/02/2022 14:00

If he earns £120k p.a. then he can afford a private nurse to come and fan him with palm leaves and serve him lemsip with a wee umbrella in it. Go.

ProudAlly · 24/02/2022 14:01

I had this with my DH. Not feigning illness but trying to guilt me into not going on trips. We had a massive row about it and ended up going to counselling over it and eventually it stopped. There have been a couple of times when he's said I never properly or adequately thanked him for changing and both times I reminded him that I shouldn't have to thank him for not being a twat. last time was about 3 years ago. I'm about to go on my first trip post covid though so lets see...

powershowerforanhour · 24/02/2022 14:01

Oh and when you come back rave about how fab it was to see all your colleagues and how good the event was.

chersparkle · 24/02/2022 14:08

Load up with heaps of remedies for whatever illness he says he has, and get the teenager to administer them. Tell him that if he gets worse, ring a doctor. He is a wimp. Just go!!!

LuckySantangelo35 · 24/02/2022 14:11

@Nanny0gg
Totally agree. Can’t help feeling exasperated with you to be honest Op

tkwal · 24/02/2022 14:12

Man flu is not fatal. GO !! Presumably he can boil water for his own lemsip (other remedies are available). Make sure you buy the tissues with balm on them so they don't hurt his poor wee nose before you go.

BeeDavis · 24/02/2022 14:12

Ok you lost me at “only 60k” 🗑

BitOutOfPractice · 24/02/2022 14:14

Make sure you buy the tissues with balm on them so they don't hurt his poor wee nose before you go

FFS no! Why would you pander to this ridiculous shit? A man who has time to watch YouTube videos all day has time to sort his own medication and tissues!

courgettigreensadwater · 24/02/2022 14:15

@rookiemere

Maybe get him to take a LFT before you go and likewise yourself.Sounds like he is a gigantic man baby, but you don't want to start off your new role by infecting everyone with covid.

Wouldn't. Other with this either. Just go and enjoy your work trip.

toomuchlaundry · 24/02/2022 14:16

Do you get exasperated with women on low incomes who are being abused/controlled by their partners and who make dinner for their ‘DH’ before going out. Or do you give them advice and support?

OP may have the means to be able support herself but that doesn’t mean she can’t have lost sight what is happening in her life due to a controlling partner

romany4 · 24/02/2022 14:17

Maybe get a chaise longue for your husband. He can drape himself over that like a Georgian lady with the vapours

courgettigreensadwater · 24/02/2022 14:20

@Lochnessgiraffe

He does have form for being 'ill' if I've got to go somewhere but he hasn't done it for a few years. I'm going out for dinner with some of my colleagues tonight but I darent mention it or he'll definitely be too ill for me to go

Fucking hell....... Daren't mention it..... only £60k...... you both sound like a pair of babyish twats tbh.

Original poster

Lochnessgiraffe · 24/02/2022 14:23

I'm on a train at the moment. Thankyou to those who told me to go. I was thinking of not going but after sleeping this morning he's feeling better.
He does have a tendancy to control. I thought we'd moved past it.
I haven't told him about the dinner and won't as its not worth the aggravation. It would be poor me stuck at home while you have a jolly!

OP posts:

BitOutOfPractice · 24/02/2022 14:29

You see I think anybody keeping secrets from their DP because it's "not worth the hassle" is in a deep hole tbh.

Glad you went though

HelloDulling · 24/02/2022 14:31

If the roles were reversed, would he cancel the trip? I know my DH definitely wouldn’t, since he didn’t when the DC were small. Now they are teens it wouldn’t even occur to either of us. I’m glad you have gone.

forrestgreen · 24/02/2022 14:33

Be careful about messages and phone calls asking you to come home. Well done for going.

Bromse · 24/02/2022 14:34

If your husband is not at death's door, go.

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