Page 11 | Work trip vrs slightly ill dh

Lochnessgiraffe · 2022-02-24T08:10:19+00:00

I've got a work trip today. Staying overnight and coming back late tomorrow night. Dh is now moaning that he doesn't feel well and hinting that I should cancel. I wfh, have only been their at work a few months and this is my first time to meet people from the office. I'm quite excited tbh. Now dh is complaining about feeling unwell not covid just unwell and would prefer me to cancel. We have teenagers who will be fine. They'll stay asleep until lunch then probably game all day. Might notice I'm not there. So aibu to still go or should I stay home?

Quartz2208 · 24/02/2022 11:02

Yes and the fact that he had her wondering if she should not go given the fact that for that kind of salary her responsibilities are presumably quite high and the repercussions of not going could be for her career quite severe shows the level of control he wants to have and that he wants her to stop working. He is I think sabotaging her career

Please do go OP and then have a long hard look at your relationship

WhatAHexIGotInto · 24/02/2022 11:03

@Lochnessgiraffe

He thinks I prioritise work over home. Believes I have too many meetings so I can't do home things during work hours. Also I earn half of what he does. I'll see how he is at lunch time but I really don't want to cancel and let people down

Don't 'see how he is'. Go.

I really couldn't be bothered with this manchild.

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/02/2022 11:03

I don’t think he thinks £60k is insignificant, he just wants you to think it is

Completely agree.

I wonder how he would react if the OP said she was giving up her job to be a full time home maker, as it "only" brings in pin money......

marqueses · 24/02/2022 11:04

@Lochnessgiraffe

I'm sorry but people with good salaries can also have shitty days. I posted this morning as I genuinely thought I'd be unreasonable to go. Now I can see he is trying to be controlling again. I thought we were past it

He's really done a number on you if you think that a grown adult who "feels a bit ill" can't be left alone ffs

Too right he's being controlling

bloodywhitecat · 24/02/2022 11:04

Hand him a large slice of Grow the Fuck Up pie for his lunch and get on that train.

toomuchlaundry · 24/02/2022 11:04

He could buy a nurse in if he is that poorly.

stayathomegardener · 24/02/2022 11:06

No wonder you earn half his salary, he sounds like he holds your back from any sort of progression.

Really sad for you, I hope you go and take this opportunity to network like crazy >>> that way lies promotion and financial equality.

GrandRapids · 24/02/2022 11:08

What does he expect you to do, sit there fanning him, mopping his brow and hand feeding him grapes?

He's sabotaging your work trip! You need to tell him VERY firmly that you're going, he's not dying and can therefore tend to himself.

Inertia · 24/02/2022 11:08

Of course you should go.

Sounds very much like a man trying to sabotage your career so you don’t get ideas above your station.

LuckySantangelo35 · 24/02/2022 11:13

@Lochnessgiraffe

He does have form for being 'ill' if I've got to go somewhere but he hasn't done it for a few years. I'm going out for dinner with some of my colleagues tonight but I darent mention it or he'll definitely be too ill for me to go

@Lochnessgiraffe why can’t you mention you’ll be going for dinner?

Sparticuscaticus · 24/02/2022 11:13

@Lochnessgiraffe

I'm sorry but people with good salaries can also have shitty days. I posted this morning as I genuinely thought I'd be unreasonable to go. Now I can see he is trying to be controlling again. I thought we were past it

We believe you OP

It's really nasty that a PP questioned if your post is real. Looks like MNHQ deleted it.

Sounds like your DH is controlling and as many PPs have said he's behaving like a big baby. Working people don't take the day off and miss important work trips or meetings because their spouse feels "a bit unwell"!!! He's an adult. He's perfectly capable of finding his own paracetamol and using the phone to order a takeaway. And making GP appointment if he was actually ill. You've even cooked a meal for him for later! Bet he doesn't do that for you? He's even got teenagers around who can use the phone to call doctor if anything happened.

Don't pander, enjoy your trip.
When you return you need to have 'a talk' with him that adults look after themselves they don't need another adult to unless they have severe disability or severe serious illhealth.

I hope he doesn't bombard you on telephone with exaggerated whining whilst you're away. He should be pleased for you and use the time to have a good sleep to recover.

OnTheBoardwalk · 24/02/2022 11:14

@Lochnessgiraffe hope you are heading off to your trip

A friend earned good money, had small mortgage on nice big house, then got with a controlling useless waste of space

She cancelled work trips at last minute, took at least 7 calls off him a day in the office and even took a week off from work to console him when 2 very distant relatives he'd never met died in Germany

She lost her job then the house. Once the money was gone he moved onto his next victim

Please don’t let him destroy your career

TeeBee · 24/02/2022 11:15

How worrying that you considered yourself to be unreasonable just for going to work. I'd call him right out on it, tell him you know exactly what he's up to and you need to work to be prepared in case you finally wake up one day and divorce his sorry, controlling arse. What a prick.

BIWI · 24/02/2022 11:15

Several things about your posts are concerning @Lochnessgiraffe

First, how he undermines you and your job
Second, how he refuses to do any house chores when he has the time (and you don't)
Third, how he's laying it on thick to stop you going on something important
Fourth, how you have pandered to him by making his dinner
Fifth, that you're frightened to tell him that you will be going out for drinks and dinner this evening

... and, above all,

Sixth, that you have actually considered cancelling a work trip because of his behaviour, and his attitude towards you and your work

I think you need to have a long and frank discussion with him about all of this and make it very clear that you are equal partners in your marriage, and that your job is just as important as his - even if the salaries don't match.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 24/02/2022 11:15

Enjoy the work trip and don't be bullied.

A breezy text later to say "hope you are not still at deaths door, kids say you've managed to leave the sofa occasionally! Have a work dinner tonight so won't be able to call later. See you tomorrow evening, home around 8 so can you and the kids make something for dinner please"

Then I think it's worth your while to spend the train home rereading this thread and remembering that he is being controlling and formulating appropriate responses to the likely woe is me you will get when you get in.
When you get in there's a reasonable chance the house will be a mess and/or your family will expect you to magic up a dinner quickly on your return. What is your response going to be?....

gogohm · 24/02/2022 11:18

Go, the teenagers can look after him, or use his credit card to order pizza at least. If it was two toddlers then he might have a point but not older ones (and by older I mean over 8!)

TeeBee · 24/02/2022 11:20

...your response should be to pick yourself up a take away on the way home. Just for you and say you thought everyone else must have eaten. Then just sit and enjoy it. Don't clean up other people's mess. They know how to do it. Time to toughen up or get rid. He's using his money to try and treat you like shite.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 24/02/2022 11:21

Just GO!

Sounds like he has control issues. Does he want you to sit next to him and mop his brow because he feels 'slightly unwell'?

MostlyNormalSometimesOdd · 24/02/2022 11:23

If he's poorly then he'll appreciate the peace and quiet while you're gone to recover, hope you have a great time and your new colleagues are lovely

gogohm · 24/02/2022 11:23

Show the dc how to operate the oven/microwave/hob. If they are teens they can cook! Mine could cook family meals from 12 from scratch - time to teach them, when you get back of course. He sounds either controlling or a big baby to me

cordelia16 · 24/02/2022 11:24

@Lochnessgiraffe

He mainly watches YouTube when not in meetings which frustrates me as I'm busy but flat out. We both work in the same industry. He's moaning as he feels that he aches

Tell him the academy award nominations have already been put through this year.

Srsly, the minute you cancel he will miraculously feel better. Go on the trip.Don't give in to this pathetic behaviour.

bbtatoes · 24/02/2022 11:27

He's being controlling.

Why on earth would him feeling achey mean that you can't go to work?

redandyellowbits · 24/02/2022 11:28

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams

Enjoy the work trip and don't be bullied.

A breezy text later to say "hope you are not still at deaths door, kids say you've managed to leave the sofa occasionally! Have a work dinner tonight so won't be able to call later. See you tomorrow evening, home around 8 so can you and the kids make something for dinner please"

Then I think it's worth your while to spend the train home rereading this thread and remembering that he is being controlling and formulating appropriate responses to the likely woe is me you will get when you get in.
When you get in there's a reasonable chance the house will be a mess and/or your family will expect you to magic up a dinner quickly on your return. What is your response going to be?....

OP, if you feel uncomfortable sending this suggested text, and think he might react badly to it, then you really do have a problem with an abusive DH.

I could never have sent a message like this to my exH without incurring his fury, just the thought of it would have made me shake.

He sounds like he is very much belittling you if you believe your income is insignificant, and he is therefore the only one of value in the relationship.

At that kind of income you could seriously consider leaving and setting up on your own somewhere, especially as your DC are teens and childcare will become less of an issue. If he is abusive in other ways too then its definitely worth thinking about.

Life is just too short to waste it pandering to such arseholes.

I hope your work trip and dinner go well and give you some breathing space to do some serious thinking.

whynotwhatknot · 24/02/2022 11:28

Does he do this when you want to see friends/go away?

Hes really done a number on you makng you think 60k is nothing-we dont even have that coming in the house intotal

Jvg33 · 24/02/2022 11:29

GO! And have fun. Doubt he would have cancelled if it were the other way round?