To think many people are too full of themselves?

[again2020]

It's occurred to me tonight that most of my friends and acquaintances, are, for want of a better word, conceited.
Several friends I know can just go on a monologue talking about themselves and their achievements, barely pausing for breath. That's not a conversation to me.

I've recently met a mum through DDs hobby,and warmed to her as she was a very chatty woman, but all she talks about is herself! How much money she has, how great her husband is, all their holidays. If I try to talk she talks over me with more self stories! I'm wondering if I attract the wrong people or im a bad judge of character. I think I'm a good listener. I don't tell people my achievements because I think it's boastful and I don't think it's interesting unless its really relevant to the conversation. I'd rather talk about music, current affairs, or places we mutually know.
I could write books on my friends/colleagues life's. Most of them don't know that much about me. They don't ask usually.
I also was brought up to believe that talking about how much money you have is vulgar.

AIBU?
Is this just the modern world? 😂

I definitely agree with you about this and it’s actually quite unbearable . One of my friends is especially bad for this and even if I try to divert our chat to our mutual hobby she ignores it quite emphatically and goes back to droning on . It’s quite shit really as you come away from catching up feeling a bit deflated

I know several people like that!

MIL is the worst. She talks about herself continually-it’s like a one-woman show-and then she moans that nobody (especially ‘young’ people) ever ask her questions about herself. Why would they!! They already know everything there is to know about you, as you don’t ever stop talking!!

There are lots of work colleagues who I know everything about but doubt they even know the name of my kids!

We should celebrate ourselves more, be your own number 1 fan, proud of achievements. But there is a time & place. A conversation should always be a 2 way street. Not an opportunity to boast

I think it’s your friendship group.. I meet a few people like this, but they are a small minority

Can totally relate this! So many self-obsessed people out there! Frustrating to have to work with people like this, no escape! Can choose my friends but not my colleagues..

My old team at work had so many people like this. I knew absolutely everything about their lives but they never in 3 years asked me a question. I found it hilarious one time when a coworker remarked to a mutual friend that they'd seen me with a guy at the weekend (my DP, who I lived with!). Like it had just dawned on him that I might have a life too haha.

I find the more I listen the less interest people show in me. I don’t like blowing my own trumpet and think talking about money is vulgar too.
I wait to be asked questions, and if not I do not volunteer information much.
My problem is I listen too well and people just think they can grandstand as a result.

I think you need to cut these boasting people out of your life.

Thanks for the replies. Nice to know I'm not alone! 🙈

@Howshouldibehave MILS eh?! I have one very similar. I know so much about that woman ,from how advanced a toddler she was, to all the men who asked her out when she was young, to what she had for breakfast yesterday! 😳

@galacticpixels Thats crazy! But really resonates!

@oneswallow I hear you

@Luredbyapomegranate I did think that. I must have a kind of look, as it's friends, colleagues, ILs, people who meet me at the bus stop...

Conceited is a great word that I should have been using for my arrogant colleague and will now switch to. I know lots of other people like this but I spend a lot of my time in earshot of this man and it's really pushing me over the edge.

Agree 100%, I have always felt like this

Yes! Dh and I were just remarking the other day that all the couple friends we know (mainly neighbours) just drone on and on about themselves and have no interest in us. So boring. Most of them have never lived anywhere except our crappy little commuter village yet seem to think they’ve had the most fascinating lives and we’re desperate to hear ever last detail.

I have this friend who, whenever she talks about work, always manages to squeeze in how amazing she is at her job and how all the department success is down to her (which is impossible due to the structure) and how crap her colleagues are in comparison.

She speaks about herself as I would someone else who has achieved great things - I’d never speak about myself in the same way! It’s fine to be confident about your abilities but the way she puts it is so unashamedly conceited, it’s really hard to listen to.

Pre-pandemic she always WFH two days a week, but never got anything done and used to go for runs and coffees etc. she reasoned this was ok because she’s so amazing when she goes in to the office that they worship the ground she walks on.

She’s never got any of the promotions she’s gone for though, not even the slight step up you’d expect if this was all true.

I think some people are wired to constantly validate their sense of worth in front of others by any means that makes up for what they feel they lack.

If literally everyone in your life monologues at you about their own fabulousness, I think you might need to ask whether something in the way you present yourself socially is causing or contributing to the dynamic. What, for instance, do you do when someone monologues at you? Do you sit there smiling and nodding and concealing your boredom? Why do you consider people who do this all the time and appear to have no interest in you as friends? Are there no ‘penalties’ for their behaviour?

I ask because my mother’s worst insult for someone is ‘Oh, she’s very full of herself’, but she contributes to people doing it, because she just nods, smiles and says ‘Oh, really?’ and ‘Did you?’ and appears fascinated. If I’m visiting my parents and my mother takes a phone call, she will sit in the hall for an hour or more, only occasionally saying ‘Did you really?’ or That’s nice’ to someone who possibly thinks they’ve had a lovely catch-up.

I'm not friends with anyone like this! I'd just end the conversation and walk away if it was going in that direction. Find yourself some new friends!

I had a few friends like this. One was a psychologist . I remember she visited one day and spoke non stop, boasting endlessly about her job and achievements.

As this wasn’t the first time, I stopped contact. She’s written a few times, but enough was enough for me. More people seem to be like this these days, or maybe my tolerance has gone done.

I work with someone like this, l am at the point that l just can’t listen anymore there are so many inconsistent parts of the stories l just don’t believe it. One example is that the company she worked for held conferences in America, that’s all good it’s an American company. Then she bleets on that she is going on a cruise as she doesn’t fly and hasn’t since she was 18. So how did she attend a conference over a weekend in America leaving the uk on a Thursday night and being back by Sunday? Another company went into administration 6 months after giving everyone 20k bonus’ . I do have to walk away.

I quite agree with this and find far too many people these days are full of their own importance. It also demonstrates poor social skills to think it’s ok to talk constantly about yourself and not allow a two-way conversation with others.

I agree with another poster that if your a good listener others think oooh great I can just talk about myself and they must be really interested. You have to be pushy to get a word in thats usually ignored. I know a few people like this and strangley they're really popular! I did wonder if me being more prone to listening and more on the quieter side makes the other person nervous and feels they have to fill the space with non stop talk? Who knows but on the whole I tend to avoid this kind of person.

I think this modern world has seen a decline in basic social skills and good manners; the ‘me me me’ folk thrive in this environment, hence it seems like there are so many people who talk a lot but don’t listen to others. I’ve known/seen so many people like this in recent years.

With female friends I find the opposite. Self deprecating to a fault. Praise an achievement, admire something new, and the response is invariably to minimise their own part in it. At best they say they were 'lucky'. Men on the other hand will happily bore on for hours, seemingly unaware that self praise is no recommendation. Most people like to talk about themselves though.

Totally agree OP, this coupled with 'busy' people makes me want to be a hermit! The older I get the smaller my friendship group gets.

I agree! I’m 52 and I notice this in people of all ages. If the conversation regularly becomes very one sided, I distance myself and have learned go quiet. I often yearn for a ‘normal’, back and forth conversation. When I hear one taking place, I envy the people in discussion. I lost my mum a decade ago and I think it’s that relationship and those conversations that I miss so much.

I have learned to distance myself from people who love to talk endlessly about themselves now. I know all about a few of my work colleagues lives but they know next to nothing about mine. I will admit though, that I do find attention and questions about my life uncomfortable (its not a privacy thing, it’s to do with how I was raised; to not talk about myself too much). So I am aware that I attract this to me.

There's also the version of those who boast about their children's achievements.

I can’t say I know anyone like this.
I’d say most of the people I know are the complete opposite and very self deprecating.
Women in general are well know for talking themselves down.
Being proud of your own accomplishments is a good thing.
Listening to others also very important a conversation should be a two way street and involve as many questions as answers.