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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think many people are too full of themselves?

116 replies

again2020 · 23/02/2022 22:30

It's occurred to me tonight that most of my friends and acquaintances, are, for want of a better word, conceited.
Several friends I know can just go on a monologue talking about themselves and their achievements, barely pausing for breath. That's not a conversation to me.

I've recently met a mum through DDs hobby,and warmed to her as she was a very chatty woman, but all she talks about is herself! How much money she has, how great her husband is, all their holidays. If I try to talk she talks over me with more self stories! I'm wondering if I attract the wrong people or im a bad judge of character. I think I'm a good listener. I don't tell people my achievements because I think it's boastful and I don't think it's interesting unless its really relevant to the conversation. I'd rather talk about music, current affairs, or places we mutually know.
I could write books on my friends/colleagues life's. Most of them don't know that much about me. They don't ask usually.
I also was brought up to believe that talking about how much money you have is vulgar.

AIBU?
Is this just the modern world? 😂

OP posts:
Bellyups · 24/02/2022 21:02

I agree.

We live in such conceited times now. I do believe those who boast are never quite as satisfied in life as they portray themselves to be.

alrightmebabby · 24/02/2022 21:28

I agree. I work with a woman like that, who talks about herself and brags a lot. Will boast about a nice restaurant she went to but if I talk about nice places I've been, she interrupts and talks over me so I don't talk to her too much

notanothertakeaway · 24/02/2022 22:10

Are you on LinkedIn?

I share job adverts, training opportunities, news about my profession

Everyone else is proud and honoured to do X, can't wait to contribute to Y, flattered to be invited to Z

sharkyandme · 25/02/2022 07:37

Agree. It's rare to have someone open and listening.

OneSwallow · 25/02/2022 08:24

I wonder if poor conversational skills are down to social media and phones in part. When people get used to posting about themselves all the time or having text conversations, it changes interactive behaviour

wingscrow · 25/02/2022 08:55

I avoid rampant narcissists...

Nothing more tedious that someone who can't have a dialogue and simply goes on about how wonderful they are.

Malibuismysecrethome · 25/02/2022 08:58

I know someone who boasts about how caring and kind she is. It’s her career and she is enormously well paid for what she does and it’s given her a great lifestyle. Nothing altruistic about it.

DrSbaitso · 25/02/2022 09:08

@Malibuismysecrethome

I know someone who boasts about how caring and kind she is. It’s her career and she is enormously well paid for what she does and it’s given her a great lifestyle. Nothing altruistic about it.
What's the job?
Plzhelpifyoucan · 25/02/2022 10:41

I mostly agree with you but I do find that if people aren’t very chatty the other party tends to fill the void and chat too much. Are you very quiet? I hate people that constantly boast about themselves or their children though, horrific.

CrimeaChimera · 25/02/2022 13:07

I am wondering if the job @Malibuismysecrethome refers to is fostering. My line manager fosters through a private organisation, She makes no bones at work about the fact it brings in alot of cash. She's actually a nasty piece of work as it happens, but depending on who she is talking to acts like it is all about altriusm. It's not and she has had children taken off her before because she likes them to be her unpaid handmaidens.

DrSbaitso · 25/02/2022 13:22

@CrimeaChimera

I am wondering if the job *@Malibuismysecrethome* refers to is fostering. My line manager fosters through a private organisation, She makes no bones at work about the fact it brings in alot of cash. She's actually a nasty piece of work as it happens, but depending on who she is talking to acts like it is all about altriusm. It's not and she has had children taken off her before because she likes them to be her unpaid handmaidens.
And they continue to put children in her care?
CrimeaChimera · 25/02/2022 13:24

Indeed they do. Foster carers are like gold dust around us.

AuntMasha · 25/02/2022 13:30

So many people are like this. My Mum is a brilliant listener and is like a giant magnet for the self-absorbed.

The thing that grinds my gears is the people who rabbit on about themselves for hours on end and then tell you they’re an empath. Angry

DeadButDelicious · 25/02/2022 14:22

I have a friend like this. I'm not for a second denying that she has done well for herself but my god does she go on about it! Every conversation you have with her she manages to turn round to herself and her achievements, no matter what it is she's done it bigger or better or has struggled more to achieve it. It's like a competition that no one else knew they were taking part in. Exhausting.

MargaretThursday · 25/02/2022 14:38

My Grin on this was someone I know who always is "the most amazing person ever" and people are apparently falling at their feet...

A few years ago I was suddenly put in the position where I was involved with an action group for a specific need in the local community. It was great fun, but I didn't say anything to most people as a lot of it was fairly confidential. Well dh met this person at one point, and he told him that he was in charge of the entire counties answer to this need and apparently all the local areas were coming to him because only he had the answer. Grin I knew all the people involved in the areas and I know he wasn't involved at any level.

He obviously found about about me because the next time he'd "handed it over because he'd found he couldn't be spared" from his normal job🤣🤣🤣.

belinda789 · 25/02/2022 14:59

@DollyHarmer
"if you try to make any inroads they just stare and say nothing".
OR
"there will be a long silence, and then they’ll start off again talking about themselves".

It has been my misfortune to be the victim of this kind of treatment too! How can people be so oblivious as to how utterly rude they are. Thickos……….

confusedbunches · 25/02/2022 15:48

One of my friends is like this. I agree with previous posters that I don't do enough to stop it because I would find it uncomfortable and there's also a feeling of self-protection by keeping the focus on her instead of me.

However, I'm going through a rough time at the moment and I don't have the energy to devote to listening to her boast or moan about the same things we've gone over a million times before. I've told her that I'm not feeling like being sociable, and now she's got the hump about it.

For those who are good at stopping someone monologuing, please, give us some tried and tested phrases or methods!

BloodyForeland · 25/02/2022 16:57

@confusedbunches

One of my friends is like this. I agree with previous posters that I don't do enough to stop it because I would find it uncomfortable and there's also a feeling of self-protection by keeping the focus on her instead of me.

However, I'm going through a rough time at the moment and I don't have the energy to devote to listening to her boast or moan about the same things we've gone over a million times before. I've told her that I'm not feeling like being sociable, and now she's got the hump about it.

For those who are good at stopping someone monologuing, please, give us some tried and tested phrases or methods!

I think you’re being quite acute to recognise that it’s partly of your doing, and that you contribute to the dynamic because it suits you to do so, @confusedbunches.
Skybubble · 01/03/2022 23:48

@CrimeaChimera

Indeed they do. Foster carers are like gold dust around us.
I know of people that are foster carers and they are the most kindest, selfless people I know and they certainly do not do it for the money or treat the children as housemaids, they do not praise themselves they get on with caring for the children that are in their care and do the best they can for them, many of the children have been through traumatic experiences and these wonderful foster carers help them to heal. They are definitely "gold dust" as far as I am concerned.
valerianaofficiana · 02/03/2022 00:07

Dopamine, innit 🤓, talking about ourselves makes us feel soooo good.
Bores the shit out of everyone else though.
Most people lack self-awareness and don't know when to shut up. Or ask a question about the poor soul taking their verbal battering.

LovelyYellowLabrador · 02/03/2022 00:10

Say ok back to your favourite subject ……. You !!

PiperPosey · 02/03/2022 00:49

That's why I prefer my dogs over people. I have 2 friends who are ride and die. I see them a couple of times a year to get caught up.

I love my solitude...I NEED my solitude. I hate small talk. And I really hate small talk when the person I am with only talks about his/her accomplishments.
Willie Nelson said, " The Best Conversations I have ever had is between me, myself and I. " YEP!

I am very friendly, but not social. I would rather read a good book than to go to a party.

Lovecats22 · 02/03/2022 01:04

100% I'm sick of it myself 🙄

TerriblyNaice · 02/03/2022 01:23

@PiperPosey

That's why I prefer my dogs over people. I have 2 friends who are ride and die. I see them a couple of times a year to get caught up.

I love my solitude...I NEED my solitude. I hate small talk. And I really hate small talk when the person I am with only talks about his/her accomplishments.
Willie Nelson said, " The Best Conversations I have ever had is between me, myself and I. " YEP!

I am very friendly, but not social. I would rather read a good book than to go to a party.

I think we're the same person 😊 You summed me up in a way that I've never been able to do myself.
outofstate · 02/03/2022 01:33

'The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt'.