To think many people are too full of themselves?

[again2020]

It's occurred to me tonight that most of my friends and acquaintances, are, for want of a better word, conceited.
Several friends I know can just go on a monologue talking about themselves and their achievements, barely pausing for breath. That's not a conversation to me.

I've recently met a mum through DDs hobby,and warmed to her as she was a very chatty woman, but all she talks about is herself! How much money she has, how great her husband is, all their holidays. If I try to talk she talks over me with more self stories! I'm wondering if I attract the wrong people or im a bad judge of character. I think I'm a good listener. I don't tell people my achievements because I think it's boastful and I don't think it's interesting unless its really relevant to the conversation. I'd rather talk about music, current affairs, or places we mutually know.
I could write books on my friends/colleagues life's. Most of them don't know that much about me. They don't ask usually.
I also was brought up to believe that talking about how much money you have is vulgar.

AIBU?
Is this just the modern world? 😂

I have a friend who I moved in with for a while, and I didn’t realise until that point how incredibly conceited she was. She’s an attractive intelligent woman but always very gracious (so I thought) and down to earth with it. Staying at hers I found myself used as a sounding board evening after evening for her to gloat and boast about how gorgeous she is, how generally superior to other people.

Fair enough being confident in yourself, but it was just relentless self-regarding monologues, and I ended up being kind of grossed out by it and seeing her in a completely different light.

@AuntMasha

So many people are like this. My Mum is a brilliant listener and is like a giant magnet for the self-absorbed.

The thing that grinds my gears is the people who rabbit on about themselves for hours on end and then tell you they’re an empath.

“I feel like if you were an empath you would understand how much I don’t want to hear about this”

See, I think it's actually rude and hard work when you have to coax everything out of someone who won't volunteer any information unless asked.

Surely a two way conversation does not require me to prod you to share stuff the entire time.

Why don't you volunteer information about yourself naturally as it comes up during a conversation, like :

' oh I love the Maldives, we went for our honeymoon a few years ago '

' Aw yeah I've always wanted to go. We ended up on a fantastic trip around Italy for our honeymoon. It was beautiful '

' ah I love Italy ! Where did you guys go ? '

' we went XXX. We found YY was our favourite, I really recommend it '

' ah I've been to YY before, you're right, it's beautiful! '

I realise there's a natural question in there, but only after it was volunteered where the second person went on honeymoon. If the first person has to constantly ask questions to get a convo going, it's also not right and hard work and I personally get worried that people don't want to tell me stuff and share things about their life. I'm not actually comfortable asking lots of questions, if nothing is coming back... so why not open up a bit.

There is a difference between a conversation and one which feels like an interview or interrogation. Many people ask questions to deem whether or not they wish to continue talking to you. For example, your a SAHM, previously you held a high powered hob and had a contact list and friends/colleagues to die for, you may have been dismissed as unimportant the moment you said you are currently a SAHM. People who do this are not worth your time or energy.

@TerriblyNaice
I think we're the same person 😊
You summed me up in a way that I've never been able to do myself.
..............................
Well isn't this kismet You just sit beside me on the bench for a glass of wine my spirit friend.
I'm never lonely or bored...TV and Internet and a good book in a hot bath , and my 3 rescue dogs keeps me entertained.

Also what I hate is the one upmanship talkers
" We have a boat.."
"UHM really...we have a Yaht." (Alrighty then)

"When my husband retires we are going to take a vacation to Vermont."
" Oh dear...your husband isn't retired yet at 60? Mine retired at 45 and we've been around the world. ( Got it you're rich)
" My daughter is in scouts." " Mine in Private School as an honor student."
OK this may be an exaggeration, but we all know people like that and I loathe them.

I’m afraid it’s ‘the apprentice’ Generation— look at the current cabinet, a load of self centred , overpromoted ,useless arselickers (I know someone at that level in civil service and that’s exactly how he describes them too) — that seems to be what helps you ‘get on’ these days— honest, intelligent , deep thinkers not required

Definitely seems to be a middle class thing IME.

Crikeyalmighty I agree and they don’t stop blowing their own trumpet despite limited life experience and very little empathy for anyone in different circumstances than themselves.

@PiperPosey
@TerriblyNaice
Move up you two. I am joining you. We are very much in the minority.

My dad isn’t known for bugging himself up-or small talk for that matter
Years ago I’d just given birth to my first baby-first grandchild for my parents
Anyway my dad was at work and somebody said to him (in a Yorkshire accent)
‘Ere,Phil,we’re going to a rock concert next week,terrys Ill and can’t go so do you wanna go?’
My dad puffed his chest out-‘do you mind?me and the wife are now grandparents-I’m too old for that crap!’

Everyone was amazed-nobody had a clue he was married,let alone had any kids/grandchildren-he’d been that that company for well over 40 years at that point-and had started at the same time as many of them!

I work with someone who is always bigging himself up-you name it,he’s bigger and better than everyone else
At one point I had to listen to how he’d beaten the ceo of the company at basketball and the ball itself was in his garden (then out came the photos of a ball in a garden)
Random but true-if you’ve spent money on something-he’s got the bigger better one,if you go on holiday,he’s stayed in a better hotel etc etc

I just find an excuse to wander off

[quote belinda789]@PiperPosey
@TerriblyNaice
Move up you two. I am joining you. We are very much in the minority.[/quote]
OH YAY...We have plenty of room for you belinda...We can talk or be silent. My kind of group!
We have plenty of wine! And Netflix....

@Bluelillies

OMG I LOVE your DAD story. Seriously that is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Hilarious. bawwwwwwwhahahhahaha [Big Grin]

I know a couple of people like that and it’s very wearing. The people I’m closest with are the ones who don’t do that. The ones I’m referring to are more just acquaintances because I got so bored of hearing all about them and never getting a word in edgeways. My auntie was terrible for it according to my mum. She’d have a topic e.g once she broke her leg in Asda. She talked about that solidly for two years for every phone call they had. My mum could put the phone down, make a cup of tea and come back and she’d still be whinging on.

It's hard bringing up children in this general atmosphere too.
Mine are definitely too quiet ti " get on."