Men should have the right to not want a baby

[user57639206]

NC as I've been shot down a few times in real life for having this opinion.

I find it bizarre that women can decide that they don't want a baby and opt for a termination (just to clarify, I completely agree with this. It's her right to choice) but when a man decides now isn't the right time, right partner or whatever the reason - he's labelled a arsehole, good for nothing or irresponsible.

Surely if a woman has the right to say "no, not right now/not for me" a man should have the same right? Without being labelled or judged!

I've seen it a few times in real life, be it from a one night stand or a not so serious relationship. The woman wants to keep the baby, the man says he doesn't (but doesn't suggest an abortion), and he's thrown under the bus.

I know there is a big difference in some sense because obviously, the woman goes through all the physical changes/trauma of having a baby - but when are men then taken to court for CA or have knives shoved in their backs for not wanting a baby?

AIBU?

YABU.

Idiotic.

Men cause pregnancies. They can elect not to get a woman pregnant by taking full responsibility for contraception. It's not rocket science.

My brother was shocked to be caught out by 3 "surprise" pregnancies. He's an idiot.

@user57639206

Again to clarify, I do not endorse forced abortions or pregnancy on any woman.

I'm say why can a man not just walk away without stigma???

Because he is the father of the child and has responsibilities. That is the price he pays and the risks he takes for having sex.

@user57639206

At what point did I say she should be forced to abort? Maybe re-read and engage your brain?

My point is if he doesn't want to have a child either at all, or right now, surely he should be allowed to walk away without a stigma? Just as a woman rightly can abort without stigma

Well they can and do walk away don't they. There's approximately 1 million threads of here of just that. Or do you also mean they shouldn't provide for the child they have made?

It is quite bewildering that people think want to not spend money > child's right to be supported.

I used to believe men should be able to fuck off until someone explained it to me like this. You are an adult who made a choice. You don't get to condemn a living child to poverty etc. because you don't fancy paying a peppercorn a month because you're "self employed"

And the quote button didn't work that was a reply to @pumperthepumper

Rightly or wrongly, men have always been able to get out of any responsibilities for children they 'don't want' - however the child was conceived and however long they've been present in the child's life.

It's nothing new. Men can dodge the responsiblities far easier than women can, if they prefer to shun their children.

In a way though I do agree with you OP, but given all the contraceptive advice that's been out there for decades now, if a man really doesn't want to conceive then he knows what measures he can take.

So, Men (Holders of Sperm) need to take the responsibility for their own possibilities of conception. And not just leave it to the Women (Holders of Eggs) to take responsibility for everafter, years on end for those sperms that weren't 'contained'.

For centuries men have been able to sleep around and walk away with impunity leaving the woman to pick up the potentially life changing consequences. All of a sudden with DNA testing and CMS they are saddled with the minor inconvenience of having to take a modicum of responsibility for their actions and people say that isn't fair.....

I agree with you. I know a hugely unpopular opinion. It must be awful for some guys who desperately want the child and have no say in the matter, or hook up with someone for a night and end up having a child with a stranger.

@Pumperthepumper yeh she told me.

I didn't know the boyfriend.

What would be in the best interest of children would be to not be born if one parent does not want / isn't ready for a child

No, not really. There are lots of children who were wanted when they were born but one parent (let's face it, usually the father) can't face the reality of parenthood and walks out - often essentially rejecting their children. There are plenty of absent fathers who haven't seen their apparently 'wanted' children for years.

Would it be in the best interests of these children just to cease to exist because one parent no longer wants to be a parent in a meaningful sense? Let's not overestimate the importance of the shit, absent parent. Many of these children have incredibly happy lives due to the love and care of their primary parent, despite any feelings of rejection they may have to process concerning the absent parent. I imagine the same will be true of children whose fathers are absent from birth. Children do not necessarily lead miserable lives just because one of their parents is a complete waste of space.

@AmandaHoldensLips

Men cause pregnancies. They can elect not to get a woman pregnant by taking full responsibility for contraception. It's not rocket science.

My brother was shocked to be caught out by 3 "surprise" pregnancies. He's an idiot.

Three?! He is an idiot!

[quote radiocity]@Pumperthepumper yeh she told me.

I didn't know the boyfriend. [/quote]
Couldn’t you have found him on facebook?

@RedCandyApple

So at the point where there is an actual person alive, it’s not acceptable to walk away from a child, and have nothing to do with them. It’s hurtful and irresponsible.

But isn’t that better for a child? An absent parent rather than one that doesn’t like them let alone love them and will likely treat them badly.

Maybe it is better, but it does make the father a shit person.

And no man should be able to opt out of paying for his own child, even if he does just "walk away".

@FrustratedTeddyLamp

I'm just commenting. I just think it's stupid to separate a pregnancy that without any unforeseen issues would become a baby. And the baby after its born.

If you're intimating that I didn't add anything to the thread. I'd argue I did more than
"So"

I pressed send too soon. I said that in my follow up post.

Men can't have the same rights because in the vast vast vast majority of cases they're not the ones left holding said child for the next 18 years.

@Yamalt

OP, your level of internalised misogyny is shocking.

People make mistakes and sometimes they have to take responsibility.

Listen to what you’re actually saying - a man can walk away from another human they created (accident, contraception fail, anything.. etc) with no stigma attached, because ‘they want to’ or ‘aren’t ready’ or whatever.

Do you really want the hill you die on to be the one where you help the poor men be able to walk away from the children they created..?

I personally don’t think men really need MORE help.

I don't think it's misogyny.

It's an incorrect premise.

The OP thinks abortion is available so women don't have to become mothers unless they want to.

That is not the reason abortion is legally available, but if it was, it would lead to the kinds of questions the OP is asking.

Lots of people mistakenly think that the OPs idea is correct, it's a common error.

And she told you this? Why didn’t you tell her boyfriend?

Fictional men are notorious for not listening.

@FrustratedTeddyLamp

And the quote button didn't work that was a reply to *@pumperthepumper*

I pressed send too soon. I said that in my follow up post.

Of course men have the right to not want a baby but they need to absolutely ensure they don't impregnate a woman.

Men have total responsibility over their own bodies but if they selfishly or irresponsibly fail to control their sperm & a baby is conceived (in a body other than theirs), then that woman obviously has total say over her own body & the pregnancy.
Unless you would accept someone having control over your body then you cannot reasonably expect women should.
Stop being selfish & disrespectful to women's bodies & use contraception every time you have sex, alternately abstain until vasectomy.

Men also have the right to wear a condom or have a vasectomy?

@donquixotedelamancha

And she told you this? Why didn’t you tell her boyfriend?

Fictional men are notorious for not listening.

I’ve heard that before you know. All these dastardly women and their imaginary boyfriends, and all the unwanted babies all because someone’s colleague was shouting her mouth off about punching holes in condoms and the boyfriend just didn’t want to hear it 😢

@StiffyBing

I agree with you. I know a hugely unpopular opinion. It must be awful for some guys who desperately want the child and have no say in the matter, or hook up with someone for a night and end up having a child with a stranger.

So they shouldn’t be hooking up.

Pretty simple, though sad- because I have had many delightful ONS myself and it must be pretty shit to forgo that. (But thinking about it, the amount of men there who were keen to not use a condom… )

But that’s life. Men don’t get to choose, so they need to be more careful with their sperm. Ejaculating in a woman they have known for 30 seconds isn’t being careful.

Contraception is freely available.

Years ago I wrote an article about how I felt when a woman terminates a pregnancy often the man is forgotten and his feelings ignored if even considered. While obviously the woman must have the final say I don't think it is wrong to give some thought to the man who might have wanted the baby to be born.

I was the baby born to a mother who secretly conceived to try and trap my father and born to a father who most definitely did not want a child.

Men have every right to absolve themselves of the responsibility of children and that is by not having sex. That is the only way a man can guarantee no children.
When he consents to having sex with someone (even with precautions) he is opening himself up that there is a chance he COULD become a father.
If he chooses to have sex he runs the risk it's that simple.
His choice of parenthood is BEFORE conception hers is AFTER