Men should have the right to not want a baby

[user57639206]

NC as I've been shot down a few times in real life for having this opinion.

I find it bizarre that women can decide that they don't want a baby and opt for a termination (just to clarify, I completely agree with this. It's her right to choice) but when a man decides now isn't the right time, right partner or whatever the reason - he's labelled a arsehole, good for nothing or irresponsible.

Surely if a woman has the right to say "no, not right now/not for me" a man should have the same right? Without being labelled or judged!

I've seen it a few times in real life, be it from a one night stand or a not so serious relationship. The woman wants to keep the baby, the man says he doesn't (but doesn't suggest an abortion), and he's thrown under the bus.

I know there is a big difference in some sense because obviously, the woman goes through all the physical changes/trauma of having a baby - but when are men then taken to court for CA or have knives shoved in their backs for not wanting a baby?

AIBU?

Men and women should both support their children whether wanted or not once they are here. CMS is a joke in this country as it is but lets give men another excuse to avoid paying for their children. "I wanted her to have an abortion." equals no maintenance payable FFS.

I wonder if less men would take contraceptive responsibility if they could wash their hands of potential offspring by requesting an abortion.

how dare he to say it was a mistake and wants to walk away from it

Because him walking away from it would negate either a) the woman's right to choose what happens to her own body or b) the child's right to be supported by their parents.

Both of those things are much more important than his right to consequence-free shagging. So no, he shouldn't get to walk away.

All of the above.

The disdain for single mothers runs so deep, people are arguing a man should be able to scram with no consequences as a punishment.

Feckless, stupid woman. If her and her child are deprived enough, she'll learn. Her fault for not aborting, look how easy it is.

Funny, because any of us could end up in a situation where the man is abusive or cheats, or leaves, or you have an unplanned pregnancy.

I'm certain you'll be singing a very different tune.

The disdain for single mothers runs so deep, people are arguing a man should be able to scram with no consequences as a punishment

Some of the women arguing that are single mothers themselves.

@vivainsomnia

Really, what it comes down to is that men are expected to be 100% responsible from the start no matter he is told because otherwise, he gets to pay the consequences.

Women on the other hand do t need to be 100% responsible because she has choices afterwards and holds all he strings.

That is the reality and nothing can be done about it. One part of life where women are in full control.

Yes, I suppose.

Because babies grow inside women not men and women have the right to bodily autonomy. A man's bodily autonomy is not infringed by a woman not having abortion, whereas a woman's bodily autonomy would be infringed by being forced to have an abortion (and also by being forced to carry a child to term). Bodily autonomy is a basic human right.

And then if a child is born, the child as an independent human being has rights of their own, one being to support from their biological parents.

I am a single mum I’ve already said. I don’t claim maintenance from my ex I didn’t initially when he was involved but when he told me he wanted nothing to do with them I closed the case, I don’t agree with chasing or forcing someone to pay for kids they don’t want. I don’t judge others for this though however I do think if a man doesn’t want to be involved there could be something he signs to give up all rights to ever having contact with that child.

I don’t agree with chasing or forcing someone to pay for kids they don’t want.

Does that apply to children who were wanted when they were born and then one parent decides they don't want to be a parent anymore and leaves?

I judge people who don't financially support their kids - whether they wanted them or not. I didn't want your kids either but my taxes support them. (clarification: I willingly support children with feckless parents with my tax but i'd rather i didn't have to)

Just because you are paying, doesn't mean you have to have anything to do with them (children aren't pay per view after all)

but I think some men do get a bit of a raw deal sometimes

Fuck them. Seriously. Fuck them. Women have the shit end of the stick in nearly every other respect. Well they can suck this one up. Except, they don't because they do walk away, and other women are happy to let them do that.

obvs - single parents who claim nothing from the state outside of schools and the regular stuff are spared my ire.

@Gynaesaur

Your initial comment just comes across so bitter and pathetic. Ergh!

@ChocolateMassacre

I don’t agree with chasing or forcing someone to pay for kids they don’t want.

Does that apply to children who were wanted when they were born and then one parent decides they don't want to be a parent anymore and leaves?

Anyone can decide at any point. That’s what happened to me.

@UnevenBooks

The disdain for single mothers runs so deep, people are arguing a man should be able to scram with no consequences as a punishment

Some of the women arguing that are single mothers themselves.

What single mother is arguing against parental support here? You'd have to be so much if a MRA martyr you're willing to deprive yourself so that a man can be carefree. I don't think so.

Actually, there are those ones. The single mums who don't get maintenance who think nobody else should either.

Remember a thread a while back where a lady didn't have her husband at hospital when she had a miscarriage (Covid), said it was so bad, but she managed - so nobody else should have their husbands either.

Same mentality. So you're probably right that those types exist.

I don’t think it’s helpful to paint everyone who thinks the OP has a point (even if the point has no practical application) as a men’s rights activist!

It makes it so easy to dismiss a different view point by writing it off as drivel from some crazed MRA or quite literally assuming that the poster is actually male themselves. I can assure you that I am both a female and a feminist. Feminists can have differing viewpoints on various topics without being labelled “MRAs” - it’s insulting actually. At the end of the day it is all purely theoretical as we can’t exactly have a pre 12 week opt out system for unwanted children.

Don’t throw around insults just because someone disagrees with you. That kind of behaviour isn’t getting public discourse anywhere good.

Anyone can decide at any point. That’s what happened to me.

What if both parents decide they don't want to be involved with their children any longer? Can they both walk away? Or can they apply to have their children compulsorily euthanised on the basis that neither parent wants the responsibility of being a parent any longer?

The idea that it's ok for a parent to disclaim all responsibility for living, breathing children and essentially leave them to starve is bizarre.

Parenthood isn't something you can opt out of once the child exists (though many NRPs do try ).

@Allsorts1

I don’t think it’s helpful to paint everyone who thinks the OP has a point (even if the point has no practical application) as a men’s rights activist!

It makes it so easy to dismiss a different view point by writing it off as drivel from some crazed MRA or quite literally assuming that the poster is actually male themselves. I can assure you that I am both a female and a feminist. Feminists can have differing viewpoints on various topics without being labelled “MRAs” - it’s insulting actually. At the end of the day it is all purely theoretical as we can’t exactly have a pre 12 week opt out system for unwanted children.

Don’t throw around insults just because someone disagrees with you. That kind of behaviour isn’t getting public discourse anywhere good.

MRA isn't an insult. HTH.
If you are willing to punish a mother for not aborting, you aren't a feminist.

@RedCandyApple

Unpopular opinion op but I agree with you and I think pp are missing the point op is not saying the woman should abort she’s saying the man shouldn’t have to step up and play dad to a child he didn’t want or pay maintenance for them.

I don’t claim child maintenance from my ex as he decided he wanted nothing to do with our children, I’m not going to force someone who wants nothing to do with our children to pay for them.

That is your choice, however, if it was recognised in law a man could walk away, then lots of men would walk away from their unwanted offspring, leaving the taxpayer to foot the bill! This would be a charter for men's irresponsibility!

(And more importantly, say the child in the middle gets nothing) then yes you are a MRA. Not an insult, but that's what you are.

Men's rights to have sex with no consequence is more important than woman and children's well-being. Men's desire to not spend money is more important than keeping a roof over the child's head. Why?

Once again, you could be that woman. Whether a man leaves you is not in your control.

I don’t agree with chasing or forcing someone to pay for kids they don’t want. I don’t judge others for this though however I do think if a man doesn’t want to be involved there could be something he signs to give up all rights to ever having contact with that child

Do you have a limit to how many of his children a father should be able to wash his hands of? 10? 20? 30?

@ChocolateMassacre

Anyone can decide at any point. That’s what happened to me.

What if both parents decide they don't want to be involved with their children any longer? Can they both walk away? Or can they apply to have their children compulsorily euthanised on the basis that neither parent wants the responsibility of being a parent any longer?

The idea that it's ok for a parent to disclaim all responsibility for living, breathing children and essentially leave them to starve is bizarre.

Parenthood isn't something you can opt out of once the child exists (though many NRPs do try ).

That does happen, it’s called adoption

(And more importantly, say the child in the middle gets nothing) then yes you are a MRA. Not an insult, but that's what you are.

Agreed.

If you are arguing for men's consequence free shagging rights, then that comes at the expense of children's rights of support or women's rights of bodily autonomy.

How does that not make you a MRA?

I have witnessed the consequences of a man being forced into parenthood when he didn't want to be. He is extremely resentful of the mother and doesn't want to know his child. He resents having a portion of his pay taken each month for a child he doesn't want. He will not be civil with the childs mother because he feels she forced this situation upon him and I would go as far as to say he actually hates her for it. He will not even acknowledge the child. Surely this is not healthy for anyone? He is full of resentment, the mother is effectively on her own facing a barrage of hatred/resentment and some day soon she is going to have to explain to her dd why she doesn't have a father and what exactly her father thinks of the whole situation. I don't see a happy outcome for anyone in this predicament.

@user57639206

Again to clarify, I do not endorse forced abortions or pregnancy on any woman.

I'm say why can a man not just walk away without stigma???

Because he didn't practise abstinence, or take precautions. He let his dick do the thinking for him and now he has to live with the consequences of that choice.

It's really incredibly simple if a man doesn't want to have a baby or be made to pay for a baby or care for a baby...

HE NEEDS TO MAKE THAT CHOICE BEFORE HE PUTS HIS PENIS NEAR A VAGINA

Otherwise yup, there's stigma there...stigma about his stupidity.

He will not be civil with the childs mother because he feels she forced this situation upon him and I would go as far as to say he actually hates her for it. He will not even acknowledge the child. Surely this is not healthy for anyone?

As I said upthread, if he's this much of a dick then there's probably not much to be done, but he should contribute financially, yes.

You see, men have it in their power to stop 100% of abortions/pregnancies in the future.

Really.

They absolutely could.

They could simply stop having penetrative sex with a fertile female

Ta-da

100% of abortions/pregnancies prevented immediately.