Men should have the right to not want a baby

[user57639206]

NC as I've been shot down a few times in real life for having this opinion.

I find it bizarre that women can decide that they don't want a baby and opt for a termination (just to clarify, I completely agree with this. It's her right to choice) but when a man decides now isn't the right time, right partner or whatever the reason - he's labelled a arsehole, good for nothing or irresponsible.

Surely if a woman has the right to say "no, not right now/not for me" a man should have the same right? Without being labelled or judged!

I've seen it a few times in real life, be it from a one night stand or a not so serious relationship. The woman wants to keep the baby, the man says he doesn't (but doesn't suggest an abortion), and he's thrown under the bus.

I know there is a big difference in some sense because obviously, the woman goes through all the physical changes/trauma of having a baby - but when are men then taken to court for CA or have knives shoved in their backs for not wanting a baby?

AIBU?

Not if he didn't want it. He should be able to walk away

please describe how that works. Why doesn't the child have any rights here? what about the women? we have posited several scenarios where they are both on contraception because neither wants a child. But funnily enough only the man can escape scott free.

She can get tablets sent. It’s that easy

Oh my goodness.

That's not even accurate unless you're living in England and at the right stage of the pregnancy. What about everyone else in the UK.

As for it being easy. No. No, it's not.

I’m laughing at the comments saying he shouldn’t be able to walk away, so you are really suggesting a man being forced to be involved in a child’s life? Please explain how that is going for the child? Someone being in your life because they are being forced to who probably despises and resents them, yeh great for the child

What would he do then be forced to pay for and have contact with a child he didn't want.

If he doesn't want contact, fine, but that child deserves financial support.

But a woman can have an abortion when a man might have wanted the child.

Unless you are arguing he has the right to override a woman's wishes with regards to her own body, then tough shit, that's just life.

but I think some men do get a bit of a raw deal sometimes.

So? Life isn't straightforward or fair. How many women die in childbirth, yet that 'raw deal' is what it is. We can't guarantee men consequence free sex. They will have to grow up and get over that.

@RedCandyApple

I’m laughing at the comments saying he shouldn’t be able to walk away, so you are really suggesting a man being forced to be involved in a child’s life? Please explain how that is going for the child? Someone being in your life because they are being forced to who probably despises and resents them, yeh great for the child

I completely agree. My bf had a number of issues growing up with her dad and ended up being removed from her family home as he never wanted her.

This isn’t complicated.

While the fetus is inside the woman’s body, the woman is the person who gets to make decisions. The woman might consider the man’s opinion, she might not. It is her body, she makes the decision.

Once the baby is born, the baby has the right to parents.

Simply because of biology, once the sperm leaves the body, there is no further window for a man to change his mind. He has no control over his dna while it is inside of the woman’s body and once it is fused into a separate new human, he is forever linked to that person.

@TheKeatingFive so he has to pay for a child he never wanted but if the woman doesn't want the baby that's tough shit on the man? . Jesus.

Someone being in your life because they are being forced to who probably despises and resents them, yeh great for the child

Look, if they're that big a dick, they're that big a dick. Nothing we can do about the arseholes of this world.

But the should be required to support financially.

so he has to pay for a child he never wanted but if the woman doesn't want the baby that's tough shit on the man?

Abso-fucking-lutely.

Because otherwise you are prioritising a man's right to consequence-free shagging over a woman's right to bodily autonomy or a child's right to support from their parents.

You want to be that person? Really?

@TheKeatingFive

Someone being in your life because they are being forced to who probably despises and resents them, yeh great for the child

Look, if they're that big a dick, they're that big a dick. Nothing we can do about the arseholes of this world.

But the should be required to support financially.

Whys he a dick for not wanting the baby and not wanting to raise them but a woman is not a dick for having an aborting because she doesn’t want a baby!

[quote teaandtoastwithmarmite]@TheKeatingFive so he has to pay for a child he never wanted but if the woman doesn't want the baby that's tough shit on the man? . Jesus. [/quote]
Well, yes because we don't allow men to use women as human incubators and force them to go through the danger and trauma of giving birth .

It's really not beneficial for society to have women and children in poverty because the father has walked away. Unfortunately (in my view), the UK decided to tackle this through a terrible CM system and benefits
Exactly, yet women have kids and more kids that they can't financially support and the State has to do it.

From a society point of view, these women are as bad as the man for getting pregnant, worse when they pretend to be on birth control.

It is time that women are held as responsible for the outcome as men. Yes, women are judge after the fasten are born, but never when they are pregnant and wondering what to do. It's always 'if you want the child, you go ahead, things will work out in then end'. Ie its perfect acceptable to be selfish.

Whys he a dick for not wanting the baby and not wanting to raise them but a woman is not a dick for having an aborting because she doesn’t want a baby!

If a man feels strongly that he doesn't want a child in his life under any circumstances, his foolproof way of doing that is to abstain from sex.

A woman, being in a totally different biological position with regards to bringing children into the world has a different set of choices.

but if a man doesn't want a child and he has used condoms etc then he should not be abused for it

How is expecting a man to pay for his child “abuse” and just because he used a condom doesn’t mean he used it properly. One of the major reasons condoms fail is because of human error that can include not putting it on properly, not checking the expiration date, wearing the wrong size or even not telling a woman it has ripped or been damaged so she can take emergency contraception.

Contraceptives fail. They have always had a failure rate. The moment a male and female engage in sex involving vaginal penetration there is a chance of pregnancy (no matter how small) unless both have taken permanent steps to make it so.

Maybe men should carry around contracts for every sexual encounter and sign that in case of pregnancy they will not take responsibility or pay towards any possible offspring but let’s be honest, how many men would actually consider or do that.

If he doesn't want contact, fine, but that child deserves financial support
Yes, from both parents. How many mothers go ahead with pregnancy knowing that will rely mainly and solely on tax payers? Should they be forced to work from the moment the baby is one?

So? Life isn't straightforward or fair
That's a good one on MN when the majority of posts are about how things are not fair, mainly moaning about men having it better!

YANBU they should get a choice but that's just a dream it'll never happen that way

Whys he a dick for not wanting the baby and not wanting to raise them but a woman is not a dick for having an aborting because she doesn’t want a baby!

Because his opportunity to not be in that situation started with initiation/consent to sex and ended with his ejaculation. If he hasn't used that opportunity to reduce/eliminate the chance of him being a parent, then that's on him. He should know the possible concequences and the ways to reduce or eliminate that if he's old enough to be having sex, it's even taught in schools. Yet where men and women don't do this and pregnancy ensues, as a result of an act between both parties, the man should be held equally responsible.
Men need to stop thinking that the sex comes first and then trying to dodge the concequences (and seek to not be judged negatively for that to boot) and start thinking about the concequences before the sex.
The concequences are physically inside the woman's body, no pregnancy vanished for a woman because a woman decided that she didn't want it to happen without some sort of action. Plenty of pregnancies and born babies and children 'vanish' to men because they simply have decided that they don't want it to happen to them and that's that.

Whys he a dick for not wanting the baby and not wanting to raise them but a woman is not a dick for having an aborting because she doesn’t want a baby!

Seriously? He’s not risking his life and livelihood to the same extent. He’s not going through the physical aspects of it regardless if she aborts or continues the pregnancy. Look up all the pregnancy -related conditions and risks there are. Have you never read the threads where women have been left with life-changing and even debilitating conditions and injuries, physical and mental. What part of that is a man going through? He can change his mind at any point and walk away. He could be considered a deadbeat but he would still be able to live his life with little consequence compared to the woman he impregnated. Many women do not get that option and get even more judgment than men when they are not the resident parent.

@1stTimeMama

I agree in the instance that if a woman wishes to keep the baby, but the man doesn't want to have anything to do with it. She should continue the pregnancy independently, knowing she's doing it on her own, without expecting his support, and he should sign over any parental responsibility now and forever. She has as much responsibility for contraception or avoiding sex altogether, as a man does. However, I do not agree in the instance he wants to keep it and she doesn't. He has no right at all to insist she keeps the baby and put herself through an unwanted pregnancy.

Why is the child responsible for parents actions?

[quote teaandtoastwithmarmite]@TheKeatingFive so he has to pay for a child he never wanted but if the woman doesn't want the baby that's tough shit on the man? . Jesus. [/quote]
Yes.

This isn't hard.

Whether the bloke wanted the child or not is irrelevant once it's born, as the kid is now a living, breathing thing that requires support.

Really, what it comes down to is that men are expected to be 100% responsible from the start no matter he is told because otherwise, he gets to pay the consequences.

Women on the other hand do t need to be 100% responsible because she has choices afterwards and holds all he strings.

That is the reality and nothing can be done about it. One part of life where women are in full control.

So what is the alternative?

Would you rather men can just fuck around all they want and not be responsible for the children they conceive?

Or would you rather men can force women to have abortions potentially against their will?

Because that's basically the two options you have here.

Men and women are different ..... who knew....?