Men should have the right to not want a baby

[user57639206]

NC as I've been shot down a few times in real life for having this opinion.

I find it bizarre that women can decide that they don't want a baby and opt for a termination (just to clarify, I completely agree with this. It's her right to choice) but when a man decides now isn't the right time, right partner or whatever the reason - he's labelled a arsehole, good for nothing or irresponsible.

Surely if a woman has the right to say "no, not right now/not for me" a man should have the same right? Without being labelled or judged!

I've seen it a few times in real life, be it from a one night stand or a not so serious relationship. The woman wants to keep the baby, the man says he doesn't (but doesn't suggest an abortion), and he's thrown under the bus.

I know there is a big difference in some sense because obviously, the woman goes through all the physical changes/trauma of having a baby - but when are men then taken to court for CA or have knives shoved in their backs for not wanting a baby?

AIBU?

A man has a choice not to have a baby: he can choose to have a vasectomy, use a condom and not have sex. Lots of freedom to choose.

A man who chooses to have sex knows that pregnancy is a possible result should use contraception, or even abstain if he doesn't want children.

Therefore, he is equally responsible for children being on this planet, and yes, he should pay child support, even if he chooses not to have anything to do with them.

Actions have consequences, and so do lack of actions. Any man who wants sex must accept the consequences of having sex, and that includes any children that result.

@FrustratedTeddyLamp

Ive mentioned it in the replies to others and am pro choice but seems strange to me that two consenting adults have sex a pregnancy occurs and a baby will be born if there's no abortion or medical issues. The man was an idiot for having sex instead of being celibate or potentially having unprotected sex or the contraception failing.

But the same is not said about the woman who consented under the same circumstances

The stigma of single motherhood has completely bypassed you, then?

This is what I would agree with. It needs to be permanent and they can’t change their mind at any point.

@RedCandyApple

What about the children? Where do their rights come into the above scenario?

I see what you're saying, op. But I don't think a man gets to walk away from it without stigma. But neither would a woman. If a woman had a baby, left it with the father and vanished, she'd also be judged. Anyone refusing to have anything to do with their child is an arsehole really.

I think as men know ultimately if a pregnancy happens, and t's the woman's decision with her body what she does, they should take extra precautions such as condoms. I know accidents still happen but let's face it, most of the time they work just fine.

Women could assert themselves and work to keep the child out of poverty. Many do !

@FrustratedTeddyLamp

Ive mentioned it in the replies to others and am pro choice but seems strange to me that two consenting adults have sex a pregnancy occurs and a baby will be born if there's no abortion or medical issues. The man was an idiot for having sex instead of being celibate or potentially having unprotected sex or the contraception failing.

But the same is not said about the woman who consented under the same circumstances

The woman is not an idiot because when she chose to have sex, she was doing it knowing she was in control of whether she had an abortion or not. Men and women are in totally different positions in this respect.

Consider the egg and bacon sandwich. The chicken donated. The pig made a commitment.

@user57639206

I seriously want to clarify I am not saying a woman should be forced into anything. The complete opposite, there are a million and one reasons to abort or continue any pregnancy and each is so unique, so relative and completely down to the woman.

I'm just saying I think men should be able to walk away from an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy but everyone jumps down their throat.

You should see how they treat women who walk away. Not every woman believes abortion is right or finds out in time. When she walks away from a child she does not want/did not plan she is judged harshlt too. That is because the child exists.

People judge because the child is likely to be disadvantaged by not having the care of one of it's parents.

In terms of breaching an individual's body autonomy, I suppose Blessed be the fruit springs to mind, though I suppose Gilead would frown on mandated termination, rather the handmaid's would be expected to carry to term then hand over the baby.

Will no one think of the men? They've seen hundreds of thousands of deadbeats abandon their children and should be entitled to certainty, to have that right enshrined in law rather than live the the lottery of the small chance of having an oppresive state put its hand in his wallet for a derisory sum of their hard earned to be taken from them and squandered on cigarettes, drink and nails.

When women have sex with men, one of the risks is that she becomes pregnant.

When men have sex with women, one of the (fewer) risks is that he becomes a father.

That’s just life. You can’t equate a woman terminating a pregnancy with a man walking away from an actual human being that he helped bring into existence.

@ReadtheFT

I always surprised that when a man doesnt want the baby the answer is"should have used a condom".only women are allowed mistakes/contraception failure apparently. I think if a man doesnt want a pregnancy he should not be responsible for providing for that child if the woman decides to continue. The responsability for the pregnancy lies on both partners.

So screw the child basically? It's fine for him to hoard money and the child can't even eat food at home.

@Mediocrates

It's a false equivalence.

While a woman is pregnant, she retains autonomy over her body. The man has bodily autonomy too. But he's not pregnant so 🤷‍♀️

When the baby is born, neither parent gets to just walk away.

So at all points, men have the same rights as women.

Exactly this.

And of course after the child is born, in practice, men do have a lot more substantive freedom to walk away- they do it all the time. All they are required to do is pay pittance in child support.

Wow yabVu women can’t get themselves pregnant

And yes I do also think women who use abortion as contraception are arseholes too

@Hopeisnotastrategy

Consider the egg and bacon sandwich. The chicken donated. The pig made a commitment.

Absolutely

Like I said, it's biology. That's literally how bodies work. Male bodies and female bodies are different. The man has control of his sperm right up to when he puts it in a woman. After that well the sperm is inside another person. He has no bodily autonomy over his sperm past that point. If sperm makes a baby in the woman, that's in her body. It's not in the man's body, so how can he possibly control it?

You can bleat all you like about how it's not fair but that's bodies for you.

I'm just saying I think men should be able to walk away from an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy but everyone jumps down their throat.

I think you'll find the kind of men who walk away from their children without a backward glance couldn't care less about what people think of them so save your tears OP, I'm sure they'll cope.

@WonderfulYou

YANBU

I think it’s absolutely fine for a man to say he doesn’t want a child and won’t be involved physically or financially.
Just like a women is saying that when she chooses to have an abortion.
A women can then decide whether she wants to carry on with the pregnancy or not.

However I think a man must sign something to say he’s giving up all responsibility and has no right to the child at all.
I do think he should be put on the BC for the child’s sake but not in relation to parental rights.

In my own experience (and many others that I’ve spoken to, read about on here etc) a man has said he doesn’t want a baby and doesn’t want anything to do with it = fine. But then a few years go by and all of a sudden he changes his mind and ‘it’s his child too’.

The opposite is true with men who say they will be there but then change their minds once the baby is here.

Have you given a single thought to the child here, and it's right to be supported, at the very least financially, by the parent responsible for its creation?

@Bizawit Completely agree. I realised after I'd posted that what I said was true theoretically, but we know the reality is that the massive amounts of child support currently unpaid is overwhelmingly owed by men, and the stigma of walking away from your children is almost negligible for a man compared to the stigma for a woman.

@gwenneh you mean the single motherhood that many women have chosen after potentially knowing the man doesn't want to be involved and having options to negate being a single mother? Stigma or not and I'm not saying every woman has had all the information from men by a point they could have an abortion or give a child up for adoption that is a situation that the woman consented to in the same way a man consented to be at least financially liable for the child when they had sex.

@TheSpottedZebra

This is such a Fucking gormless, tedious, dickpandering debate.

So much this. Its almost like just some kind of... troll.

Surely not???

Perhaps men could take steps to curb their fertility? After all, a woman normally releases 1 egg per month. A man produces thousands of sperm every day, and could impregnate multiple women if he had the opportunity. Condoms, vasectomy, not having PIV sex? Plenty of ways to have a good time without risking pregnancy, chaps. But apparently it’s like taking a bath with your wellies on, etc.

@Hopeisnotastrategy

Consider the egg and bacon sandwich. The chicken donated. The pig made a commitment.

I don't understand this! Can someone explain?

I agree with the first sentence "man should have the right not to want a baby" however when it's followed up with knowingly had unprotected sex told her he wants a child planned a baby and changed his mind im thinking no, that sounds like an "on purpose" not an accident at all and that you have to pay for

If you don't want children you protect yourself against them there are many many ways of doing this so do it and don't moan

[quote FrustratedTeddyLamp]@gwenneh you mean the single motherhood that many women have chosen after potentially knowing the man doesn't want to be involved and having options to negate being a single mother? Stigma or not and I'm not saying every woman has had all the information from men by a point they could have an abortion or give a child up for adoption that is a situation that the woman consented to in the same way a man consented to be at least financially liable for the child when they had sex.[/quote]
Your question is why aren't the women judged.

They are.