Men should have the right to not want a baby

[user57639206]

NC as I've been shot down a few times in real life for having this opinion.

I find it bizarre that women can decide that they don't want a baby and opt for a termination (just to clarify, I completely agree with this. It's her right to choice) but when a man decides now isn't the right time, right partner or whatever the reason - he's labelled a arsehole, good for nothing or irresponsible.

Surely if a woman has the right to say "no, not right now/not for me" a man should have the same right? Without being labelled or judged!

I've seen it a few times in real life, be it from a one night stand or a not so serious relationship. The woman wants to keep the baby, the man says he doesn't (but doesn't suggest an abortion), and he's thrown under the bus.

I know there is a big difference in some sense because obviously, the woman goes through all the physical changes/trauma of having a baby - but when are men then taken to court for CA or have knives shoved in their backs for not wanting a baby?

AIBU?

You're absoultely right OP. Men do have the right to not have children.

That is why condoms are freely available, vasectomy is medically available, comparatively safer than tubal ligation and reversible, and celibacy is another option for men who chose to wait until marriage for fatherhood.

See how easily I solved your conundrum? So simple.

I can kind of see where you are coming from. If a woman just wants a cloakroom shag because GASP, she enjoys sex, she can take birth control, use a condom, then if it breaks, she can take the morning after pill or if she finds she is pregnant, she has a choice of termination. If a man wants that same thing, he is a twat for not accepting responsibility and should not have had sex to start with.

My uncle always said the best form of birth control was keeping your legs together, but actually, in practice, that is crap advice for teenagers and people in general.

They do. It's called contraception.

Hey I had a forced abortion when I was 23, my exhusband who was an absolute cunt abused me and bullied me into doing it.

I had a complete nervous breakdown over it and I don’t think my mental health has ever really recovered.

Saying that I absolutely support a woman’s right to choose and agree and fully support abortion. Mine destroyed me. So no fuck that giving men autonomy.

It may have passed you by OP, but they already do. Until very recently the amount owed in unpaid child support was 4 billion, half of that has now been written off. There is also no law that forces a man to parent his child.

There you go, you can rest easy, the men are ok.

I don't think a lot of people should be having children unless there is a legally binding agreement between mother and father to support the child until they are able to support themselves. I have no idea how that would be enforced but I think it will become a hot button issue in the next 25 years what with the drop in fertility rate. We're at the point where having children is increasingly only viable for the poorest and the very richest and this will lead to society splitting into two distinct groups.

Oh and to follow up, I did have a child with my exh to which he again didn’t want to know when he got bored of abusing me.

He owes me to date about £18k in unpaid maintenance and the csa have written it off.

If a man doesn't want a baby, he shouldn't have unprotected sex.

Why should the responsibility for contraception always be on the woman?

@Confrontayshunme

I can kind of see where you are coming from. If a woman just wants a cloakroom shag because GASP, she enjoys sex, she can take birth control, use a condom, then if it breaks, she can take the morning after pill or if she finds she is pregnant, she has a choice of termination. If a man wants that same thing, he is a twat for not accepting responsibility and should not have had sex to start with.

My uncle always said the best form of birth control was keeping your legs together, but actually, in practice, that is crap advice for teenagers and people in general.

Yes this. ^ THIS is what the OP is saying.

Most posters are massively projecting, and veering off the subject, exaggerating, and trying to make out she has said something she hasn't. Often happens on here.

No wonder @user57639206 name-changed!

As the OP seems keen to have some state interference in women's bodies, perhaps state-mandated permanent physical castration could be thrown in the mix if the man isn't responsible enough to live with the entirely predictable consequences of his decision to have sex?

Why is acknowledging that it is a baby and not a pregnancy making it as shit as possible? It's the reality.

And no I obviously think a child should be cared for, i just think when this topic is discussed I think it's not right to vilify men for having sex which may be protected or offer the solution of celibacy when that's not an option seemingly for the vast majority of adult relationships. But then try and make things all comfortable and nice for the women who had sex under the same conditions. Theres always blame on the men having sex but nobody seems to want to do the same for the consenting women who done the same.

Men do have the right not to want a baby.
They also have the right not to have unprotected sex.

I always surprised that when a man doesnt want the baby the answer is"should have used a condom".only women are allowed mistakes/contraception failure apparently. I think if a man doesnt want a pregnancy he should not be responsible for providing for that child if the woman decides to continue. The responsability for the pregnancy lies on both partners.

There are thousands of men in Britain who have walked away from their children. Never in contact with them and either not paying anything or paying very little for the children's maintenance. So what are you on about? They should be able to do it without anyone thinking less if them? Far too many people; both men and women; are far far too ok with men being deadbeat dads.

So you’re saying that even though both people have created the pregnancy, the man can basically blackmail the woman by saying abort the baby or pay for everything yourself?

Even if he contributed financially, he wouldn’t be sacrificing the next twenty years of her life like she would.

@user57639206

I think you're missing the point.

A woman gets pregnant : she doesn't want the pregnancy, she aborts. No one's calling her a arsehole, irresponsible or awful.

A woman gets pregnant : she wants to continue the pregnancy, the man doesn't and wants to walk away. He's called an arsehole, irresponsible or awful.

I AGREE it's a woman's right to do whatever the hell she wants to do with her body, I've done it twice! Once for medical reasons and the other because I just wasn't ready. But why can a man not have the same rights?

And as for saying he should wrap it up, or not have sex. Do you say the same about women who have unplanned pregnancies? That's it's their fault for having sex in the first place and they should have used all the contraception? Pretty sure that's a no.

Nobody is missing your point. It's just a crap point.

Men have a choice right up to the point where they ejaculate into a woman's vagina. After that, they don't.

Blame biology. Take it to court.

So what is your solution?

Sorry op but nobody needs to agree with you because men can and do walk around having babies and leaving them without any consequences whatsoever. The only people who seem to think badly of them are the abandoned children and their mothers. They have won.

I think if a man doesnt want a pregnancy he should not be responsible for providing for that child if the woman decides to continue

So punish the child for their mother's sin?

@FairyCakeWings

Yanbu. There should be some thing that men can go to court for to absolve themselves of any responsibility for a pregnancy as long as they do it within the right timeframe. But it has to be a permanent choice so these men don’t get to change their minds and decide they want the child back later in life.

We should be striving for equality in rights as much as we can.

And what about the children these men are creating? Seriously, think about what you're actually advocating here.

Unbelievable.

on the other side, I had a teen pregnancy and I was a teen mom like the show. I was an outcast and an idiot. My DH stuck by me and we are still together now. He was called brave and kind and caring for not abandoning us. Infact people used to ask him if he's sure he wants to stay with the mother of his child and his children!

I was spat on in the street and he was cheered

user57639206

I believe the opposite men that walk away from the children that they have helped to created should suffer more stigma.

The very least that they can do is help pay for a child that they have created.

Standard.

If a guy does the absolute bare minimum parenting wise, he's a hero and a great dad.

Ive mentioned it in the replies to others and am pro choice but seems strange to me that two consenting adults have sex a pregnancy occurs and a baby will be born if there's no abortion or medical issues. The man was an idiot for having sex instead of being celibate or potentially having unprotected sex or the contraception failing.

But the same is not said about the woman who consented under the same circumstances