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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Drag Queen at a Primary School - continuation thread here - https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4490413-Drag-Queen-at-a-Primary-School-Thread-2?watched=1

999 replies

Lennyllama · 23/02/2022 11:22

What are your views on a drag queen visiting a primary school for the day? Think thigh high leather boots with short revealing dresses and a dance show. The drag queen spent the day at school. Did a show for KS2 and then went around to individual classes to read a story book. The school had a themed dress up day. The theme was This is Me. Parents were not informed that this would be happening and were not given the option to opt in or out of the experience. The school has a very diverse mix of cultures and religions. This particular queen is easily found online, the kids were told their stage name and their content is rather steamy.

YANBU- It’s inappropriate
YABU- It’s appropriate

I have name changed for this.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
39
Furries · 24/02/2022 02:37

@Bintymcbintface

It's up to parents to make sure their DC don't see inappropriate things online by supervising them and having parental controls in place to filter out adult/explicit content... If a kid sees a more adult drag show online that's not the fault of the performer but the parents who should have been more careful about their kids online activity. Why the fuck would a primary school kid be given unsupervised Internet access in the first place?

I mentioned the beekeepers, in hindsight maybe daft but still a visitor to a school, like the DQ who would be doing an age appropriate activity. Just because drag can be inappropriate for kids doesn't mean it all is and they'd all be subject to the same vetting and checks.

People queue up and beg online for tickets to little mix for their DC and they bounce around in what is essentially lingerie and sing about their ex being shit in bed. How's that not worse than a man in a dress reading a book?

Again, why on earth are you comparing women to DQ?

I’d decide if it was appropriate to take kids to see an all-female concert. I’d decide if it was safe to take kids to watch a beekeeper at work.

I’d be pissed off if a school made either of those decisions without giving me prior notice of whether I was happy with it.

So no, it is not appropriate for a school to decide that it’s ok for a DQ to read to kids.

Justilou1 · 24/02/2022 02:37

Honestly, I think by not giving parents a heads up, this headmaster was being deliberately divisive and is undoubtedly going to be accused of pushing his own own agenda. Meanwhile, he will undoubtedly be protected.
If the parents had been given the option of pulling their kids out of this activity for religious reasons, etc, I doubt it would have been an issue.
Informed consent is a sign of respect. It would have been respectful, and more to the point, INCLUSIVE, if the headmaster had informed the parents prior to this and advised them of the content, and been able to ensure that it was politically correct and age-appropriate, I doubt it would have been an issue.

Below is a link to Courtney Act answering kids questions about herself. It’s beautiful and heartwarming. I very much doubt any parent would mind something like this. (No bum-waving and no stupid, misogynistic cues.) The kids and Courtney are all genuine and open.

Veryverycalmnow · 24/02/2022 02:46

I think the reason a DQ was chosen is because the profile and online presence might have made it easier to contact them for this 'service' than some of PPs suggestions of people from the LGBT+ community. If school have been asked to show they are promoting diversity, they probably tried to tick that box the easiest/ laziest way. The fact it was misjudged so badly is slightly alarming. I would complain due to the nature of the online content. There is definitely a fear around being labelled a homophobe just for expressing concerns. There should be more free discussion about this.

Bintymcbintface · 24/02/2022 02:48

The comparison is because the outrage is based around things being sexualised and how that's inappropriate for children, which I agree with. This DQ didn't do anything like that, they read a book. little mix dancing in their pants singing about the performance of their ex in the bedroom however, no way would I take a young kid to a concert like that.

I agree that parents should have been told, just like they should be told about anyone coming into the school or a change to normal routine.

It was a silly dress up day about I am me and they had a DQ which kids likely thought looked silly... Not inappropriate

PurgatoryOfPotholes · 24/02/2022 02:50

It's up to parents to make sure their DC don't see inappropriate things online by supervising them and having parental controls in place to filter out adult/explicit content... If a kid sees a more adult drag show online that's not the fault of the performer but the parents who should have been more careful about their kids online activity. Why the fuck would a primary school kid be given unsupervised Internet access in the first place?

So, the children at the school whose parents don't monitor their internet usage, are what? Acceptable collateral damage?

Does the school have no duty to avoid directing pupils to adult material in the first place?

You and other posters have come across as very pro-DQST. So are you saying that if your 9-11 year old came home from school and said, "we had a really fun visitor to school today, and I'm going to look at their website for more stuff before I log in to do my online maths homework", you'd really be shrieking let me check that first!!!!

Bintymcbintface · 24/02/2022 02:55

@PurgatoryOfPotholes

It's up to parents to make sure their DC don't see inappropriate things online by supervising them and having parental controls in place to filter out adult/explicit content... If a kid sees a more adult drag show online that's not the fault of the performer but the parents who should have been more careful about their kids online activity. Why the fuck would a primary school kid be given unsupervised Internet access in the first place?

So, the children at the school whose parents don't monitor their internet usage, are what? Acceptable collateral damage?

Does the school have no duty to avoid directing pupils to adult material in the first place?

You and other posters have come across as very pro-DQST. So are you saying that if your 9-11 year old came home from school and said, "we had a really fun visitor to school today, and I'm going to look at their website for more stuff before I log in to do my online maths homework", you'd really be shrieking let me check that first!!!!

No, they wouldn't be collateral damage and I don't view them like that at all but in all reality an unsupervised kid online could Google "boobs" thinking it's hilarious and be hit with porn, a DQ in comparison is nothing.

I would 1) ask who the visitor was and what they were like 2) not let a 9-11 year old tell me what they were going to look up because they wouldn't have unsupervised online access.

Surgarblossom · 24/02/2022 02:58

Totally inappropriate. I would officially complain and report the school.

AutomaticMoon · 24/02/2022 02:59

@Veryverycalmnow

I think the reason a DQ was chosen is because the profile and online presence might have made it easier to contact them for this 'service' than some of PPs suggestions of people from the LGBT+ community. If school have been asked to show they are promoting diversity, they probably tried to tick that box the easiest/ laziest way. The fact it was misjudged so badly is slightly alarming. I would complain due to the nature of the online content. There is definitely a fear around being labelled a homophobe just for expressing concerns. There should be more free discussion about this.
Why can’t they get an author who is also LGBQT or something like that? Why does it have to be about over-sexualised adult themes such as drag queens?
WomanStanleyWoman · 24/02/2022 03:02

Why do we care that you have name changed?

PurgatoryOfPotholes · 24/02/2022 03:07

They could also fall over and hit their head in the playground. I still expect the school to take the risk of falling off the roof seriously, and thus not to leave the door to the roof open. Existing risks do not justify negligently ignoring avoidable risks.

Meanwhile, back in year 6, I seemed to have the only kid who wasn't allowed facebook. Can I hire you to give parenting advice at my local school? Because most of the children really aren't being supervised that closely.

So why don't they matter? Why have a guest at the school who has adult routines available online under the same name?

Furries · 24/02/2022 03:27

@WomanStanleyWoman

Why do we care that you have name changed?
After 28 pages, is that the only point you have to offer?
Bigballer · 24/02/2022 03:48

This reply has been deleted

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PurgatoryOfPotholes · 24/02/2022 04:30

@Bigballer

I don't really see what the problem is. It is accepted in British culture.

Mrs Browns boys, almost every pantomime has a male/female in drag.

Aunt Polly from Mr Tumble:

Quote from OP:

This particular queen is easily found online, the kids were told their stage name and their content is rather steamy.

As far as I know, Justin Fletcher does not perform routines for adults as any of the Tumbles, and the official youtube account for Mr Tumble/Something Special is entirely childsafe.

Bigballer · 24/02/2022 04:53

This reply has been deleted

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HarlanPepper · 24/02/2022 06:04

@Bigballer Do you really think that this thread has got to 28 pages without anyone making that point already?

autienotnaughty · 24/02/2022 06:19

So no-
Panto
Little mix - or most music actually as so much of it references sexual content
A lot cartoons have some adult humour in there so best avoid those
Don't go into busy places there might be people wearing boots or skirts above the knee🙄
Avoid theatre as sometimes characters are played by members of the opposite sex 😯

As a society we do sexualise some things too young (music videos/lyrics and computer games are terrible for this) and I disagree with that but I don't think that happened here.

Nothing about that visit sounds sexual I'd be pretty confident it wasn't. It's more likely someone in a beautiful outfit read children a story and represented one of of the positives of western society - freedom of expression.

Some of the people on this site are awful it's hard to believe we all live side by side.

CIaireFraser · 24/02/2022 07:18

@Bigballer

I'm just pointing out that kids are used to seeing men dressed as woman. It is engrained in British culture.
Men dressed as women isn't the issue here.

Men parodying women in the most grotesque ways possible is the issue here.

RogerThatBravoOne · 24/02/2022 07:20

It wasn’t just the primary years this DQ visited it was the nursery and reception class too.

CIaireFraser · 24/02/2022 07:21

People queue up and beg online for tickets to little mix for their DC and they bounce around in what is essentially lingerie and sing about their ex being shit in bed. How's that not worse than a man in a dress reading a book?

Are Little Mix parodying womanhood? Do they have names like FloJob? Do they have an easily searchable sideline in adult entertainment?

Smileyaxolotl1 · 24/02/2022 07:57

autienotnaughty

Totally agree. Some people are so awful they think children should be protected from adult paraphilias, from people who parody women and use abusive and insulting language to describe them, from people who wear costumes where their cocks are clearly visible, from people who produce websites from adult content.
Some people like you clearly think these things are acceptable. It takes all sorts.

ElPolloLoco · 24/02/2022 08:07

@autienotnaughty - this is what they were wearing for dancing for the children - it is not suitable, not age appropriate and the children will gain nothing educational from it at all. This is clearly not about actual diversity as others have said - there is an agenda here. There are many other people who could have been invited in to read to the children.

Our school has invited a Lifeboatman, a naturalist, a local wartime evacuee, the police and a (fully clothed) theatre company to speak to the children. All interesting, all taught the children something useful and engaging.

ElPolloLoco · 24/02/2022 08:09

@Lennyllama

This was the outfit the DQ wore to dance and read books to the younger children.
Sorry, @autienotnaughty - with the link.
Helleofabore · 24/02/2022 08:10

I will repeat my post from pages back.

Who exactly benefits from lowering the sexual boundaries of children and women?

And we have live displays on this very thread of supposed adults who simply cannot see that those boundaries are being lowered with decisions like this one from the school.

It is quite something to behold.

ElPolloLoco · 24/02/2022 08:10

You’ll find it if you click on See all posts for the original poster.

SamphiretheStickerist · 24/02/2022 08:10

@EeeICouldRipATissue

Crikey blimey some people must be really zooming in on their phones to try and get a glimpse!
None so blind... quite literally, it seems!