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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Drag Queen at a Primary School - continuation thread here - https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4490413-Drag-Queen-at-a-Primary-School-Thread-2?watched=1

999 replies

Lennyllama · 23/02/2022 11:22

What are your views on a drag queen visiting a primary school for the day? Think thigh high leather boots with short revealing dresses and a dance show. The drag queen spent the day at school. Did a show for KS2 and then went around to individual classes to read a story book. The school had a themed dress up day. The theme was This is Me. Parents were not informed that this would be happening and were not given the option to opt in or out of the experience. The school has a very diverse mix of cultures and religions. This particular queen is easily found online, the kids were told their stage name and their content is rather steamy.

YANBU- It’s inappropriate
YABU- It’s appropriate

I have name changed for this.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
39
Smileyaxolotl1 · 23/02/2022 20:23

unevenbooks
While I agree that those costumes are amazing they don’t fit the ‘this is me’ at all.

Katjolo · 23/02/2022 20:24

Complain to ofsted, log a safeguarding complaint, complain to the chair of governors and LA.

WorriedMumsDontSleep · 23/02/2022 20:25

Although I suppose the raincloud one could be used in a very effective behaviour management display.

Westfacing · 23/02/2022 20:26

You just know 100% that this wouldn't happen in a fee-paying school.

I wonder why not?

Holothane · 23/02/2022 20:27

🤦‍♀️ Ffs this ridiculous now but you can’t say anything your homophobic if you do. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

KatherineofGaunt · 23/02/2022 20:28

@LouDing

I wouldn’t care, but then my youngest brother is a drag queen and my kid has regularly seen him in ‘costume’ since he was very young. He understand it’s a job for his uncle and has seen him and some of his friends preform a few times- the last time being at my brothers own wedding, which of course was always audience age appropriate.

I do see how not being advised in advance would be a but unsettling though.

Presumably your son sees your brother when he's not dressed to perform, so can understand that it is a costume.

I remember being at least 10 (many moons ago) and not believing that RuPaul was a woman. I just didn't know that there were men who dressed as women like that. I can imagine many, many children at the school just thought the DQ was a woman, wearing a short sparkly "party dress" and thigh-high leather boots.

OP, I'd be upset too. There are so many other performers who perform as themselves, including those who struggle against adversity. I fail to see how a man dressed as a woman to perform represents being yourself. He wasn't being himself, he was a white man pretending to be some caricature of a woman.

WorriedMumsDontSleep · 23/02/2022 20:29

Well your child is possibly unusual, depending on their age.
It's a very common part of child development to be wary of people in disguise. So no, drag is not a good choice for that age range.

Incidentally I have had to deal with enough crying younger classes when panto has been in to know that dames do not delight and adore children.

It doesn't fit this is me as a theme. Unless you are suggesting that inviting Lola Ferrari would be a suitable choice too?

KatherineofGaunt · 23/02/2022 20:30

Not believing RuPaul was a man I meant.

TheUsualShitshow · 23/02/2022 20:31

@Westfacing

You just know 100% that this wouldn't happen in a fee-paying school.

I wonder why not?

Parents at the OP's school pay a monthly contribution for such things apparently - I would be paying nothing until this complaint was resolved.
Goatsaregreat · 23/02/2022 20:32

I think we'd be much better off spending this precious time helping children understand much more important life altering stigmas such as disability, downs syndrome, spinabifida, blindness, deafness etc. At least you can wear something different if you don't like the looks/comments you get. People with genetic conditions birthmarks or disabilities don't have that luxury .
Such an important point frostedfruit Teaching children that inclusion is about "accepting" men performing seedy caricatures of women is so offensive - especially when you look at the levels of discrimination against so many children with disability, sexual harassment of girls, racism and all the rest.
Parents really need to be letting schools know that this has to stop.

LidlMiddleLover · 23/02/2022 20:34

No problem with any bloke who cross dresses being in a primary school but not any sexualised act of any sort Whats next, strippers in assembly?

UnevenBooks · 23/02/2022 20:36

this is me

I guess it depends how you interpret that. I would have taken it more as "this is me, what I enjoy doing, what makes me happy and I don't care what anyone thinks".

It's not the best though. Bringing in someone who was say, disabled, or someone representing their culture, would have been the best for that theme, as well as being educational and relevant to the kids' peers.

DQs like the one I posted could be used for something about creativity for their outfits. Like when I was in primary we used to have crazy outfit day and mad hat day, I remember my hat one year had all my beanie babies stitched on to it. They could fit in with something like that.

WorriedMumsDontSleep · 23/02/2022 20:38

Oh and disguise is something children with autism find very difficult to navigate and causes them a lot of stress.
So if I were a head I would not be unnecessarily putting children through that.

UnevenBooks · 23/02/2022 20:44

Well your child is possibly unusual, depending on their age.

  1. I understand that some kids are scared of people in disguise but I wouldn't say it's unusual not to be. Plenty of kids go to panto, theatre, watch the Grinch, take photos with the mascot things on holiday, could go to Disneyland, love Halloween outfits. Obviously the outfits I posted are different, but I don't think it's the majority of kids who are scared of disguise/costumes in general.
UnevenBooks · 23/02/2022 20:45

Oh and disguise is something children with autism find very difficult to navigate and causes them a lot of stress.

That's a good point and should be considered for school events. Maybe even panto wouldn't be appropriate for schools then?

WorriedMumsDontSleep · 23/02/2022 20:49

@UnevenBooks

Oh and disguise is something children with autism find very difficult to navigate and causes them a lot of stress.

That's a good point and should be considered for school events. Maybe even panto wouldn't be appropriate for schools then?

I work in education. Panto in schools always ends in tears for a large number of children. Of course you can have panto without drag. Most children would be fine with that.
Lifesabotch · 23/02/2022 20:53

YANBU

This happened recently at a primary school in Scotland, a man in drag who goes by the name of "FlowJob." WTAF?! When did safeguarding suddenly become obsolete? Absolutely astonishing, as well as alarming. Confused

DomesticatedZombie · 23/02/2022 20:59

@LidlMiddleLover

No problem with any bloke who cross dresses being in a primary school but not any sexualised act of any sort Whats next, strippers in assembly?
Cross dressing is a paraphilia, though.
Pluvia · 23/02/2022 21:00

Currently trying to explain to one our local schools why men dressed as a parody of women, in short skirts and fetish gear, should not be reading stories to children. It's really shaken any faith I had in our schools that anyone should think this is a good idea. Local library also has drag queen sessions booked. Local women will be picketing outside if it goes ahead. We are going to have to stage public protests. None of this is acceptable.

TheUsualShitshow · 23/02/2022 21:02

Why the ACTUAL fuck is it always storytelling? What's the link?! Is it just a lazy excuse to get someone who isn't an educator in the bloody gates?

buckeejit · 23/02/2022 21:12

Yanbu. We go to a wonderful local family festival every year & this year they've got DQST on the lineup. I'm so disappointed, but at least it's something that we can avoid. If they brought it onto dc school, id be livid.

EeeICouldRipATissue · 23/02/2022 21:34

Wouldn't bother me. So they're reading a story whilst dressed up?
Meh.
They won't be doing any adult entertainment or anything inappropriate

EeeICouldRipATissue · 23/02/2022 21:36

Maybe even panto wouldn't be appropriate for schools then?

Bloody hell, don't go giving them ideas, I love panto, always, have done!
A great part of growing up /childhood memories right there.
Still love going as an adult now

EeeICouldRipATissue · 23/02/2022 21:41

I was surprised when Ant and Dec got 'dragged up' on Saturday night. I love them but surely there would have been too many kids watching

What did they do that would be inappropriate for kids watching?
They literally danced and sung in skimpy outfits, which plenty of pop singers do in music videos all the time, and which half the time are much more inappropriate due to sexual moves and dance, but you don't hear people complain half as much about them on here!

OshaOsha · 23/02/2022 21:51

Cross dressing is a paraphilia, though.

That depends. There are men who get off on it... But then, there are also men who just want to wear dresses. Why should you be limited by gender stereotypes on what you can wear?

Women in suits and trousers are fine, but men in skirts isn't?