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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Drag Queen at a Primary School - continuation thread here - https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4490413-Drag-Queen-at-a-Primary-School-Thread-2?watched=1

999 replies

Lennyllama · 23/02/2022 11:22

What are your views on a drag queen visiting a primary school for the day? Think thigh high leather boots with short revealing dresses and a dance show. The drag queen spent the day at school. Did a show for KS2 and then went around to individual classes to read a story book. The school had a themed dress up day. The theme was This is Me. Parents were not informed that this would be happening and were not given the option to opt in or out of the experience. The school has a very diverse mix of cultures and religions. This particular queen is easily found online, the kids were told their stage name and their content is rather steamy.

YANBU- It’s inappropriate
YABU- It’s appropriate

I have name changed for this.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
39
MangyInseam · 23/02/2022 16:58

It's totally inappropriate and I don't really understand why it's a thing.

I don't really agree with the "womanface" idea, but even so, what drag is about at the most basic level is how sexuality interacts with social conventions about gender presentation and what is attractive. That is why it comes out of gay male culture, and why it's often very sexualized.

But I, and many other people, would not say that is appropriate for kids. More than that, I don't think elementary school kids "get" it. It makes no sense to them and has no value. It's a type of entertainment that depends on a more adult understanding of human sexuality.

There is the addition that drag is very much associated with the club scene which is, again, not appropriate for kids.

What's more, this is not a viewpoint that is limited to conservative religious fundamentalists. My BF who is a gay man, who as it happens works with kids, thinks the whole idea is shockingly appalling. He can't believe people think it is ok or a "pro-gay" thing to do. And that is not an uncommon perspective. But for some reason whenever anyone complains this is picked up as being the opinion of homophobes.

Publicly funded schools serve everyone. They may serve some families who love taking their kids to drag. But they also serve families who think it is a bad idea, families who think it is anti-woman, families with conservative religious cultures.

So where the heck do they get off making the decision about this as if they have some kind of moral authority? Kids who want their kids to see drag queens can take them. But on highly socially divisive questions schools need to keep their noses out.

DomesticatedZombie · 23/02/2022 16:58

@Bintymcbintface

Because a drag queen in a primary school wearing an outfit similar to what those live acts wear, doing an age appropriate performance that was thanked by the headmaster for such a lovely performance isn't any pissing different. Who cares that it's a man? It's not like their cock was swinging around as they read a story
Well ...
Drag Queen at a Primary School  - continuation thread here - https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4490413-Drag-Queen-at-a-Primary-School-Thread-2?watched=1
Drag Queen at a Primary School  - continuation thread here - https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4490413-Drag-Queen-at-a-Primary-School-Thread-2?watched=1
Puzzledandpissedoff · 23/02/2022 16:59

Since Desmond is Amazing has (almost inevitably) been brought onto this, there's just one picture which says it all for me ... and no doubt the excusers will be along any time now to "explain" why it's all perfectly harmless

Drag Queen at a Primary School  - continuation thread here - https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4490413-Drag-Queen-at-a-Primary-School-Thread-2?watched=1
theDudesmummy · 23/02/2022 16:59

@Lyonic are you serious? Have you heard of the internet for a start? And what do you mean by "broken people"?

WombOfOnesOwn · 23/02/2022 16:59

How many women of the cunty kind are allowed to wear outfits like that at these schools?

If anything, children are learning that it's acceptable for men to dress in a much wider range of clothing than women!

Lennyllama · 23/02/2022 16:59

@DryOldCaper I have complained to the head and copied in the school governors. I have yet to receive a response but I only sent it after 3pm. I will update everyone once I receive a response.

I don’t know if this is relevant but the head is a gay man. This whole thing has made me so anxious because I don’t want to be seen as a small minded bigot and I was so worried that my complaint would be seen as homophobic. I know now that that’s not the case as all, this is so much bigger than that. The support I’ve received on here has been incredible (thank you all!) if it wasn’t for this thread I don’t think I’d have had the guts to complain.

OP posts:
Bintymcbintface · 23/02/2022 17:02

Well that is rather unfortunate, not the performer of the op though. Kinda not really any different to a camel toe though

Unsubscribed · 23/02/2022 17:02

Well done OP, your complaint wont be the only one I'm sure

Muminabun · 23/02/2022 17:03

It’s just gross. Drag is like blackface, a grotesque oversexualised piss take of women. It should be consigned to history. It’s grooming to show it to children. Drag is definitely adult entertainment. I don’t blame you for being pissed off OP. I would be and I would be writing to the governors and Lea to complain.

DomesticatedZombie · 23/02/2022 17:03

[quote Lennyllama]@DryOldCaper I have complained to the head and copied in the school governors. I have yet to receive a response but I only sent it after 3pm. I will update everyone once I receive a response.

I don’t know if this is relevant but the head is a gay man. This whole thing has made me so anxious because I don’t want to be seen as a small minded bigot and I was so worried that my complaint would be seen as homophobic. I know now that that’s not the case as all, this is so much bigger than that. The support I’ve received on here has been incredible (thank you all!) if it wasn’t for this thread I don’t think I’d have had the guts to complain.[/quote]
Drag queens may be part of gay culture, but they're far from representative of most gay people. I think suggesting that 'drag queens' are going to help children be more accepting of diverse sexual orientations is a bit of a leap, really. Any more than teaching children the handkerchief code or all about leather is suitable - all of these things are part of gay culture, arguably, none of them are relevant or appropriate for young children.

This doesn't mean there's anythign wrong with leather or hankies or drag queens in relevant settings, just that an awareness of boundaries and age appropriate subjects is pretty important as part of a school's safeguarding skillset.

SamphiretheStickerist · 23/02/2022 17:03

@Bintymcbintface

No I don't but I'm also able to distinguish the difference between parody and people deliberately being hurtful or demeaning
Ah! So it's ok to take the piss out of women, to show kids how you dress, walk and talk whilst you take the piss out of women. As long as you are "being kind". Cos women are just so very funny, aren't they?

Gotcha!

theDudesmummy · 23/02/2022 17:04

@Bintymcbintface the school would not have to give links to the children, children are well aware of how to Google. My DS is 12. An entertainer (an apropriate one!) came to his school the other day. When he came home the Googled them and sent them a thank you message.

Yes, I did in fact check who they were before he did (especially as he has special needs and is vulnerable), but many parents might reasonably assume that the fact that the entertainer was at the PRIMARY school meant they must be OK, and, in the course of a busy afternoon, not check every detail.

Bintymcbintface · 23/02/2022 17:06

Mrs Brown
Widow Twanky
Lilly Savage
May McFetridge
Dame Edna

I truly think a lot of the outrage here is coming from some ridiculous fear that women are being "erased" and a man in a dress has spooked that part. The OP didn't say that the performance was in any way sexual, nor was the outfit worn by the DQ offensive or revealing. No children and teachers couldn't wear it because uniform and professional dress. A performer wouldn't be expected to follow those rules

BlondeWidow · 23/02/2022 17:08

YADNBU - I would remove my child from that school if they did that!

Absolutely APPALLING!!!!!

Drag Queens are centred around Sex, flirtation & suggestion. Highly, highly inappropriate Angry

Unsubscribed · 23/02/2022 17:09

nor was the outfit worn by the DQ offensive or revealing

Yes it was

BlondeWidow · 23/02/2022 17:09

@nanbread

I've taken my DC to drag queen story time many years ago, and the queen then was wearing a more princess style ballgown and reading age appropriate stories about inclusivity. It was fun.
HmmHmmHmmHmmHmmHmmAngry
Furries · 23/02/2022 17:10

🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

SoftwareDev · 23/02/2022 17:11

@Bintymcbintface so if a female “dancer” wore that outfit to do a performance then it would be perfectly acceptable?

Nope. Not buying that.

Bintymcbintface · 23/02/2022 17:11

It was a short sparkly dress, no crotch or big boobs on show, what was offensive about it?

MangyInseam · 23/02/2022 17:11

[quote Lennyllama]@DryOldCaper I have complained to the head and copied in the school governors. I have yet to receive a response but I only sent it after 3pm. I will update everyone once I receive a response.

I don’t know if this is relevant but the head is a gay man. This whole thing has made me so anxious because I don’t want to be seen as a small minded bigot and I was so worried that my complaint would be seen as homophobic. I know now that that’s not the case as all, this is so much bigger than that. The support I’ve received on here has been incredible (thank you all!) if it wasn’t for this thread I don’t think I’d have had the guts to complain.[/quote]
I'm afraid there is a very good chance that they will assume you are homophobic.

I don't know what the answer is. I remember a while ago there was an advertisement for a show about drag kids, I think on the CBC Facebook page. The comments below were extreme critical, and huge numbers were from gay or lesbian people saying that it was not appropriate.

But somehow this idea that introducing kids to drag queens is how schools should push diversity remains and those doing it seem completely unaware of the fact that many different kinds of people think it's a terrible idea.

ThatsNotMyGolem · 23/02/2022 17:12

@Bintymcbintface

Mrs Brown Widow Twanky Lilly Savage May McFetridge Dame Edna

I truly think a lot of the outrage here is coming from some ridiculous fear that women are being "erased" and a man in a dress has spooked that part. The OP didn't say that the performance was in any way sexual, nor was the outfit worn by the DQ offensive or revealing. No children and teachers couldn't wear it because uniform and professional dress. A performer wouldn't be expected to follow those rules

It isn't through fear of "erasure" (which is woke-speak and meaningless) that women oppose drag. It's through frustration and annoyance that it's deemed worthy entertainment when mocking other groups has rightfully been phased out as times have moved on.

Bintymcbintface · 23/02/2022 17:12

[quote SoftwareDev]@Bintymcbintface so if a female “dancer” wore that outfit to do a performance then it would be perfectly acceptable?

Nope. Not buying that.[/quote]
Yeah why wouldn't it be, nothing was on show. You know ballet dancers wear much less right?

whynotwhatknot · 23/02/2022 17:13

But thats not them is it theyve missed the point -they dress up for a living not because theyr repressed

anyway i agree with you op its just wrong to not give you the option of removing your child for this

BlondeWidow · 23/02/2022 17:13

@ChardonnaysPetDragon So we're not allowed to defend our own children now, without being called 'phobic!?' WTAF?!

Pisces89 · 23/02/2022 17:13

Well done OP I don't think you would have been the only one to complain. I would have done the same.