AIBU to spend this money how I like?

[HarrySwotter]

I've just received a small amount of money from my Gran. She'd sold something and had given all her grandkids some money from it (£400) to treat ourselves and her great grand kids (me and one cousin have DC).

DS really could do with a room spruce up. Fresh paint and the like, a bit of furniture and accessories so I've decided this is what I want to do with it as a surprise for him (he's only 3) and his room at the moment hasn't really had much effort put into it yet if that makes sense.

My husband is pulling his face at my choice of how to spend this money. Namely because of my step kids and how unfair it apparently is.

DSC stay 3 nights a week and have a room which they share which was done about about the time DS was born. There's nothing wrong with it.

AIBU to say this is what I'm doing with this money and I'm not going to be guilted about it? My gran will love the fact that I've treated DS (she adores him) with it and I want her see we've done something nice for him with it that will last a while.

You’re money do what you like! What’s the point in doing the DSC room if it’s recently done? A waste of resources. Sounds like a lovely plan. Perhaps DH might inherit some money one day and can spend it on the DSC, I bet you wouldn’t pull a face about this. You and your gran would love the idea of the redecorating so crack on and enjoy

Well from what you put the money is for yourself and your dc so you are doing what she’s asked spending the money on your dc. Your husband can ask his own parents for money for his children or pay for it himself if he wants something doing for them.

@Blush21

You’re money do what you like! What’s the point in doing the DSC room if it’s recently done? A waste of resources. Sounds like a lovely plan. Perhaps DH might inherit some money one day and can spend it on the DSC, I bet you wouldn’t pull a face about this. You and your gran would love the idea of the redecorating so crack on and enjoy

It's a bit of a tip, carpet stained, blinds broken but workable etc.. but that's through them not looking after it and leaving it a mess constantly. Not because it hasn't been done recently enough.

Fuck sake.
I'm passionate about DC being treated the same but this is ridiculous!!

Of course do his room!! Poor wee lad

@CharlotteRose90

Well from what you put the money is for yourself and your dc so you are doing what she’s asked spending the money on your dc. Your husband can ask his own parents for money for his children or pay for it himself if he wants something doing for them.

Yes it was given with the "treat yourself or X (son's name) with it" but I don't think she would mind either if I did spend it on DSC too. But I'd prefer not to on this occasion.

Do his room and tell your DH to stop whining like a child. Ffs.

He's always so hyper vigilant about "fairness" it's annoying after a while.

Could you spend £50 on replacing the blind or on a poster or something to make it fairer? Not that you should have to.

Omg, what is it with men who think that their wives' money should be appropriated for their kids? Especially when the money is coming from the wife's family, who are not related to the step children!
Yanbu at all - you are perfect entitled to spend your money on your child. Husband is being a cheeky fucker and can spend his own if he feels strongly about it!

I'd go to ex catalogue shop, get a cheap rug that covers the stained carpet, and a new blind or fix the broken one. It wouldn't cost a huge amount more for all the children to have nice bedrooms, than what you are going to spend anyway.

*can spend his own if he feels strongly about it!"

Have said he can do up their room if he likes. But he just says we'll be doesn't have £400 spare. Neither would I if it weren't for this.

There was also the suggestion it could go into the savings (saving for a holiday) but I want to do this for DS! I do save myself from my wage every month.

Ask your DH if next time his kids get a gift from someone on their mum’s side it will be split with your son.

Thread #16472537 showing why blended families are 99.9% of the time a total nightmare. Usually because of the dad of all the kids.

@MoiraNotRuby

I'd go to ex catalogue shop, get a cheap rug that covers the stained carpet, and a new blind or fix the broken one. It wouldn't cost a huge amount more for all the children to have nice bedrooms, than what you are going to spend anyway.

I wouldn’t, because it’s money from HER Grandmother to spend on HER child - not HIS!

@MoiraNotRuby

I'd go to ex catalogue shop, get a cheap rug that covers the stained carpet, and a new blind or fix the broken one. It wouldn't cost a huge amount more for all the children to have nice bedrooms, than what you are going to spend anyway.

It would take more than this to make their bedroom nice unfortunately. It's an absolute tip, filled with rubbish, never tidied etc... It's a disgrace in there frankly but he doesn't enforce them cleaning up after themselves.

Until they do I would truthfully feel it was a waste of money

Personally I would do what you want with the money but make sure the sc get something as well.
I’m with your dh on fairness.

I think it's pretty fair to spend the money on your son's room if it needs doing. If your stepkids' room was decorated only three years ago, it really shouldn't need a full revamp and new furniture now anyway.

I understand that your DH doesn't want them to feel left out, but if he's that bothered he can sort out their room himself. If it was only decorated three years ago and the main issue is a stained carpet and a crap blind, all he'd need to do is give it a lick of paint, replace the blind and put a rug down, all of which could be done very cheaply, by him, without you needing to spend your gift on it.

Fair doesn't mean equal 🤷🏻‍♀️ You can spend the money on your DSs room, and do whatever you want with it! For fairness, your SC have two parents who could contribute to a redo of their room.

That makes sense, not wanting to spend money on a neglected room. But - it seems that this is going to become more of an issue as you are raising DS in a different way to your DH raising his older children.

Fwiw my DD was not capable of independently keeping her room nice until she was quite old. I used to set time aside and do it with her - loads of direction to keep her on track. Seems your H needs to do this with your DSC. Some kids can't follow a large instruction of simply 'tidy your room'.

@HarrySwotter

He's always so hyper vigilant about "fairness" it's annoying after a while.

He's right and yabu.

Hear me out.

Presumably the older kids rooms were sorted from family money. And the nursery. So surely his big boy upgrade should come out of family money too? I do think the blinds at least should be fixed in the big kids rooms as surely it's dangerous / they aren't working adequately. Paid for from family money.

Now you have £400 to do something else for you and DS. You could get something that will age well for his room as a reminded of his GGM but can also now afford to do a day trip, go out yourself somewhere nice, etc.

Enjoy the money and make sure DH treats the kids equally by paying for baby's room update.

@ohhooh

Fair doesn't mean equal 🤷🏻‍♀️ You can spend the money on your DSs room, and do whatever you want with it! For fairness, your SC have two parents who could contribute to a redo of their room.

Exactly!

I get his worry that they'll see DS's room being done up all nice and get upset / feel left out. But they are old enough to have things explained to them imo.

(One last year primary the other secondary).

And should OPs child get something every time her DSCs maternal side get them something

Don’t be silly.

@MoiraNotRuby

That makes sense, not wanting to spend money on a neglected room. But - it seems that this is going to become more of an issue as you are raising DS in a different way to your DH raising his older children.

Fwiw my DD was not capable of independently keeping her room nice until she was quite old. I used to set time aside and do it with her - loads of direction to keep her on track. Seems your H needs to do this with your DSC. Some kids can't follow a large instruction of simply 'tidy your room'.

I'd love him to do this. I've started refusing to go in there now for things like the bed sheets and stuff because it's just atrocious. But I leave the ball in his court and he doesn't enforce anything so 🤷‍♀️

So with that I'd definitely be reluctant to spend this money on their room, it would just feel such a waste.

How old are the kids op?

I think more than the money you need to address why their room is basically trashed and he's OK with that. Do you know what their room is like at home? I wouldn't be impressed sending DKids to their Dads knowing he was letting them sleep in a dirty room full of rubbish. It's neglectful for him to let that continue. If he doesn't want to make them tidy it, he needs to be in there every time they go to tidy it. If you ever split, this is the life your child will have. Sleeping in a dirty room. Does he even change the bedding?

@SleepingStandingUp haha I like it.

Tbf DS's room was "done" when he was born. Just not overly so. It was painted and a few shelves put up and a toy box kind of thing but not themed or really done nice which is what I want to do.

Does he even change the bedding?

Rarely unfortunately!

It absolutely does need addressing you're right. I've just totally detached from that situation though because it never changes. My solution now rightly or wrongly has just been to close the door and forget about it.