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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to spend this money how I like?

127 replies

HarrySwotter · 22/02/2022 16:01

I've just received a small amount of money from my Gran. She'd sold something and had given all her grandkids some money from it (£400) to treat ourselves and her great grand kids (me and one cousin have DC).

DS really could do with a room spruce up. Fresh paint and the like, a bit of furniture and accessories so I've decided this is what I want to do with it as a surprise for him (he's only 3) and his room at the moment hasn't really had much effort put into it yet if that makes sense.

My husband is pulling his face at my choice of how to spend this money. Namely because of my step kids and how unfair it apparently is.

DSC stay 3 nights a week and have a room which they share which was done about about the time DS was born. There's nothing wrong with it.

AIBU to say this is what I'm doing with this money and I'm not going to be guilted about it? My gran will love the fact that I've treated DS (she adores him) with it and I want her see we've done something nice for him with it that will last a while.

OP posts:
Original poster
HarrySwotter · 22/02/2022 16:30

I've no idea what their room at their mum's is like.

OP posts:
funinthesun19 · 22/02/2022 16:32

Yanbu. That’s your money from your grandma, and he’s your son. And he lives there full time. So of course you’re going to want to use your money to make his space nicer.
I’m sure dsc’s mum would do something similar for them if she had the opportunity. You’re just doing the same thing.

Whammyyammy · 22/02/2022 16:32

Your money, your choice. But this is MN, someone will be along in a minute to tell you that you're an evil step mother and you S
should not spend anything on your DC, and all on tour DSC.

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 22/02/2022 16:32

Maybe the older children still need help to keep a tidy room. My DD is 13, so year 9 and she still doesn't have the independence skills needed to clean her own room. She does it with help.

statetrooperstacey · 22/02/2022 16:33

I would spend the money on your ds room , but I would also do a massive clean and tidy to the sc room and make it nice so they actually have a clean slate. Obviously get their dad in there as well make him do the heavy lifting. Sounds like it’s got a bit out of hand . Perhaps they don’t know how to sort it now.

Original poster
HarrySwotter · 22/02/2022 16:33

@OneRingToRuleThemAll

Maybe the older children still need help to keep a tidy room. My DD is 13, so year 9 and she still doesn't have the independence skills needed to clean her own room. She does it with help.
I don't disagree. I've been pestering my husband for ages to get more involved in helping them with it.
OP posts:
HollowTalk · 22/02/2022 16:34

I hate the children having a room full of rubbish. Why can't their dad go in and sort it out when they're not at your house? It's so depressing for children to live like that.

Original poster
HarrySwotter · 22/02/2022 16:36

@HollowTalk

I hate the children having a room full of rubbish. Why can't their dad go in and sort it out when they're not at your house? It's so depressing for children to live like that.
I agree. I'll mention it to him again later.

It's just like wrappers and things from when they eat up there, they never bring anything down or put stuff in the bin. It drives me mad.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 22/02/2022 16:39

I'd be more concerned that he seems happy to leave his DC to live in a tip and can't be bothered to help them sort it out. Why doesn't he at least give it a good blitz and a coat of paint one of the days they are not staying? Is he generally lazy?

SartresSoul · 22/02/2022 16:40

Your DH should tidy his children’s room up with them when they next come over. Spend the money however you like, I would personally buy a blind for DSC’s room as well though.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 22/02/2022 16:47

Tell him he can do dsc room while you do ds's.
Bet he won't be even getting a bin bag in there..

Aprilx · 22/02/2022 16:50

Good lord, it is decorating a room that needs it! Hardly a trip to Disneyland. It is like not decorating the bathroom because it is unfair on the kitchen! Your husband is being stupid.

GandTfortea · 22/02/2022 16:59

Haven’t read the full thread
But ,I’m the sound of the fact you don’t tidy the step kids bedroom
The fact you say it’s in a mess ,suggests you don’t
Good
Not your circus not your monkeys
His kids ,his job to tidy their bedroom,even if you are a stay at home mum ,still his job to tidy their bedroom

Hawkins001 · 22/02/2022 16:59

@HarrySwotter

He's always so hyper vigilant about "fairness" it's annoying after a while.
I understand fair but if they had a nice set-up and didn't look after it, then how long before say, u fix the items, before they get wrecked again ?
TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 22/02/2022 16:59

@Blush21

You’re money do what you like! What’s the point in doing the DSC room if it’s recently done? A waste of resources. Sounds like a lovely plan. Perhaps DH might inherit some money one day and can spend it on the DSC, I bet you wouldn’t pull a face about this. You and your gran would love the idea of the redecorating so crack on and enjoy
^ ^ Clever answer *@Blush21*.
GandTfortea · 22/02/2022 16:59

Liking .

Original poster
HarrySwotter · 22/02/2022 17:03

@GandTfortea

Haven’t read the full thread But ,I’m the sound of the fact you don’t tidy the step kids bedroom The fact you say it’s in a mess ,suggests you don’t Good Not your circus not your monkeys His kids ,his job to tidy their bedroom,even if you are a stay at home mum ,still his job to tidy their bedroom
No I do not. I was going in there and making attempts but that stopped.

I have far too much stuff to be doing without that on top.

OP posts:
diddl · 22/02/2022 17:07

I'd be tempted to treat myself to something as well if possible.

billy1966 · 22/02/2022 17:09

OP,

Are you actually happy with this waster?

He is all about you being fair to HIS children whilst he abdicates responsibility for them.

You are 100% correct to close the door.

This is your money for your child.

He isn't providing for either of his children but expects you to?

He's a waster.

Think long and hard about your future, especially having more children with such a lazy father.

You deserve better.Flowers

PagesOfSlime · 22/02/2022 17:12

"You're right DH, it's not fair to use this money for DS when we used family money for DSC's rooms. I think I'll use the money from gran for [necklace / trip + souvenir/ clock/ photo shoot / painting/ whatever] and we can do up DC's rooms for Christmas."

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/02/2022 17:13

Do his room! Sounds like a lovely project and he’ll love it. Sure your gran will love it too.

I’m with you on DSC room, detach, detach, detach. You’re on a hiding to nothing if he’s not bothered. DH started an end of weekend supervised tidy up which was successful and they’re not allowed food or drink in there but it’s his responsibility. He can either get them doing it or do it himself. I’m not taking on more work and making myself the bad guy. No chance. One of the perks of step parenting over parenting is getting to be the good guy!

ArrrMeHearties · 22/02/2022 17:14

Spend it on making ds's room a great wee space for him and tell your DH to do one. If he's so bothered about the state of your dsc's room he can sort it himself. Just because you are a blended family doesn't mean you can't do something that's only for your biological son. Just like there will be things your ds's siblings get that he doesnt

Eloise666 · 22/02/2022 17:15

Yanbu!

Nadjathedoll · 22/02/2022 17:16

Does DH tidy or clean their room, change their sheets?

PagesOfSlime · 22/02/2022 17:16

PS my gran did the same and I really regret not buying something special with it to remember her by. It got swallowed up with household items and now I've nothing of hers or "from" her.

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