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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to spend this money how I like?

127 replies

HarrySwotter · 22/02/2022 16:01

I've just received a small amount of money from my Gran. She'd sold something and had given all her grandkids some money from it (£400) to treat ourselves and her great grand kids (me and one cousin have DC).

DS really could do with a room spruce up. Fresh paint and the like, a bit of furniture and accessories so I've decided this is what I want to do with it as a surprise for him (he's only 3) and his room at the moment hasn't really had much effort put into it yet if that makes sense.

My husband is pulling his face at my choice of how to spend this money. Namely because of my step kids and how unfair it apparently is.

DSC stay 3 nights a week and have a room which they share which was done about about the time DS was born. There's nothing wrong with it.

AIBU to say this is what I'm doing with this money and I'm not going to be guilted about it? My gran will love the fact that I've treated DS (she adores him) with it and I want her see we've done something nice for him with it that will last a while.

OP posts:
Original poster
HarrySwotter · 22/02/2022 17:18

@Nadjathedoll

Does DH tidy or clean their room, change their sheets?
Nope! I was changing their sheets at one point but have stopped and told DH he needs to.
OP posts:
godmum56 · 22/02/2022 17:19

your money, a gift as much as christmas or birthday gift and yours to spend how you like....but be honest, he's 3....he doesn't care about theming or colour schemes. you are doing it for you and there is nothing wrong with that.
I'd be addressing the horror that is the stepkids room though....

Original poster
HarrySwotter · 22/02/2022 17:20

@godmum56

your money, a gift as much as christmas or birthday gift and yours to spend how you like....but be honest, he's 3....he doesn't care about theming or colour schemes. you are doing it for you and there is nothing wrong with that. I'd be addressing the horror that is the stepkids room though....
Yes it's partly for me, not disputing that. I want to see his face and I want him to have a lovely room 🙂
OP posts:
2catsandhappy · 22/02/2022 17:24

When did dh last step in his childrens room, take a good sniff and count plates?

Original poster
HarrySwotter · 22/02/2022 17:26

Not sure when he last went in but that is one thing I do absolutely insist on. I won't have plates and cups going mouldy upstairs so they do get told to bring anything like that down every time they stay.

OP posts:
2022HereWeCome · 22/02/2022 17:27

OP - I wouldn't spend £400 on DS room when he's 3 tbh. I would buy him a couple of nice things for his room - lovely rug or nightlight one of those fancy bookcases that show picture books face outwards or something and buy him a toy. And I would put the rest away to spend on you and DS at a later date.

Aderyn21 · 22/02/2022 17:29

As much as I agree with you, I also feeling really sorry for the step kids because their dad is neglecting their needs. I couldn't be happy being married to a man who cba to clean his kids room or change their sheets - it's disgusting that he's not taking care of them.

simonthedog · 22/02/2022 17:29

I would spend the money on DS room but I would agree to spending a day together clearing and sorting the step-kids room with DH and the kids all helping

caranations · 22/02/2022 17:29

Tell him all right then, you'll splash the whole lot on a spa day by yourself new fancy handbag instead.

Original poster
HarrySwotter · 22/02/2022 17:32

@2022HereWeCome

OP - I wouldn't spend £400 on DS room when he's 3 tbh. I would buy him a couple of nice things for his room - lovely rug or nightlight one of those fancy bookcases that show picture books face outwards or something and buy him a toy. And I would put the rest away to spend on you and DS at a later date.
Most of the cost is because he needs a bit of furniture too
OP posts:
saleorbouy · 22/02/2022 17:34

If you live as one family unit it's a bit strange to only treat your offspring and not OH.
Sure do the room but why not get a little something for the DSC so that everyone is included and then there is no room for and gripes from your DH or others.
If your DH had the money would you think it fair that your DS would be excluded in favour of his DC?

Grapewrath · 22/02/2022 17:35

Treat your DS
Tell your husband that he’s entitled to spend any spare money he gets on his kids too

funinthesun19 · 22/02/2022 17:36

If your DH had the money would you think it fair that your DS would be excluded in favour of his DC?

They’re all his children though so it’s very different.
Whatever money comes from their shared grandparents should be shared between them by their shared father.

Charmatt · 22/02/2022 17:38

Whether you are a blended family or not, you don't decorate all your children's rooms at once. You do them in turn. You spending money on your son's room just means that they will have theirs done sooner rather than waiting even longer.

My children had their rooms updated as they needed them but we didn't wait to do them all up together.

You DH is taking it too far!

Original poster
HarrySwotter · 22/02/2022 17:41

If your DH had the money would you think it fair that your DS would be excluded in favour of his DC?

Well yes because they are all his children

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 22/02/2022 17:42

Do you contribute equallytoother household expenses?

Nemosaurus · 22/02/2022 17:43

Why do you accept that dsc wreck the room? It’s your (and their) house, they need to learn how to be more responsible for their room. It’s expensive to replace things, and your ds will most likely take after.

THisbackwithavengeance · 22/02/2022 17:47

@Aderyn21

Omg, what is it with men who think that their wives' money should be appropriated for their kids? Especially when the money is coming from the wife's family, who are not related to the step children! Yanbu at all - you are perfect entitled to spend your money on your child. Husband is being a cheeky fucker and can spend his own if he feels strongly about it!
I agree with you that the OP is not unreasonable to spend the money on doing the room up.

But I think if the sexes were reversed and it were the man who had inherited money and proposed spending it on his kids only, there would be a lot of teeth sucking and comments about it being family money and should be spent accordingly.

I think therefore it would be a nice gesture to earmark some money for a family day out or to repair the broken blinds or get the DSCs a token gift from their step grandma. Doesn't have to be expensive.

crosstalk · 22/02/2022 17:50

I would put £300 into a savings account for him.

I would then scout charity shops or Ebay for stuff you can get him. At his age he would like comfort, books and whatever. £100 should do it.

Knittingchamp · 22/02/2022 17:50

Spend it on your wee one OP. And wouldn't it make sense to tell DH and the boys to clean the room up really nice - and of they do, they both get a little gift. It'd be a nice way of getting some order back in their room, making them value the space, making DP value the space, and they'd feel like they had a new room!

Totally unacceptable btw in my view, the way your DP is reacting. Of course he wants me stuff for the boys rooms, he can't be bothered to clean anything or instil any sense of discipline or pride of belongings find dad style - which means them and you like in a tip - but he thinks if your cash gets sunk into a new carpet etc the problem would be solved for him.

Knittingchamp · 22/02/2022 17:52

Oh God me and my fat fingers sorry, that was meant to say 'fun dad' not 'find dad'...and 'new stuff' not 'me stuff' - and 'live in a tip' not 'like in a tip'

BulletTrain · 22/02/2022 17:55

But I think if the sexes were reversed and it were the man who had inherited money and proposed spending it on his kids only, there would be a lot of teeth sucking and comments about it being family money and should be spent accordingly.

No, it'd be fine, since he fathered all 3 of them.

Suprima · 22/02/2022 17:56

You are completely in the right. Decorate and enjoy.

This is not a dig at you, but he really shouldn’t have had two families and DC with two women if he doesn’t have the cash spare to buy your DSC a rug and a new blind.

ddshocker · 22/02/2022 17:57

To be honest if you're saying that you normally don't have spare money then the 400 would be going into a savings account for a real emergency...

Suprima · 22/02/2022 17:57

@THisbackwithavengeance

Erm no, it would be completely fine as they’d all be his kids Confused

He shouldn’t be sowing his oats if he can’t afford to buy his kids a blind.

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