Repulsive trendy food

[TheUnexpectedPickle]

Inspired by the dried fruit hate thread...

Is it only me that thinks most trendy/"healthy" food is overrated at best, downright nasty at worst?

Cauliflower rice does not have the taste or texture of rice. It's just soggy Cauliflower. Reheated it smells and tastes of fart.

Courgetti is wet and dilutes the sauce with its green sadwater.

Pomegranate, mangos and satsumas do not belong on salad, especially with a garlic dressing.

Advocados are only ok.

Siracha is just expensive hot sauce. There are loads that are better.

Overnight oats have the texture of wallpaper paste and are absolutely repugnant.

And nothing, NOTHING, should be served on a shovel or any other nonsense receptacle.

Has anyone mentioned “deconstructed” food? I thought it had blown over but I went to a Michelin starred place recently and had deconstructed Black Forest gateau. It was AWFUL. The who,e point is that the components sink into each other. A blob of cream, a square of sponge and a pile of cherries was a bizarre notion.

I had the misfortune to unknowingly go to a vegan pizza restaurant. We only realised when the menu said 'our cheese and meat are grown in the lab'. 'Well, let's give it a go' we thought. Bad move, it was utterly repulsive.

@Everydaydayisaschoolday

Kale is horrible and tastes of mud.

I agree, BUT, it's yummy when crispy - try this: www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/spiced-kale-crisps I don't bother with the ras el hanout, just the olive oil.

Those cakes decorated with chocolate bars and/or biscuits.

I want a cake. If I wanted a Mars bar, I’d have one of those.

And salted caramel on fucking everything.

Avocado and poached eggs on the same plate is an absolutely disgusting dish (don't get me wrong, I like both on their own!).

In addition to anything served on a shovel/slate etc is anything served by a wanky hipster with a man-bun and a checked shirt.

@Ddot

Wasabi WTF! Vegan cheese Alcohol chocolate taste like the devils arse

Alcoholic liquor chocolates are awful usually (although I do like a champagne truffle).

A friend of mine visited home in Lithuania over Christmas and brought me back lime vodka chocolates! Omg they are divine. So so much better than the ones we get here.

Chips served in a little tiny cup or bucket. I always tip them out immediately, in front of the server, like a bad-tempered old lady. Small receptacles and the use of cutlery are incompatible, young man!

I disagree with people about things like kale, pomegranate, tofu etc. The problem is bad cooking, not bad ingredients. Something becomes trendy and every Tom, Dick and Harry start whacking it on everything without really knowing what to do with it.

I love avocado with poached eggs.

@gingerhills

Pomegranate seeds in any incarnation? What is the purpose of them except to cling to fissures in your teeth and widen them. Or to drag their way down into your gut to probably lodge there for decades cause pain and irritation.

Why bother? The tiny pop of quite nice flavour is offset by them drying the mouth with a sour aftertaste. Disgusting things.

@gingerhills I think you're doing pomegranate wrong. Do you buy a fresh one, not those awful pre-prepped supermarket tubs? You should scatter them over things a bit, not necessarily have them by the handful.

I love them, they're like tiny jewels. And very good for you. They're usually better from small ethnic shops than from supermarkets.

@Snoopsnoggysnog Have you had massaged kale? Sounds super wanky but it's good - you rub it with oil and lemon juice or salt. After a minute or so it goes all soft and velvety and you can eat it raw. A bit like this foodnetwork.co.uk/recipes/massaged-kale-salad/?utm_source=foodnetwork.com&utm_medium=domestic

I've been learning Japanese home cooking and kept reading about kewpie mayonnaise. I finally saw some in a shop last week and bought it to try. I mean no disrespect to the good people of Japan and their condiments but it tastes exactly, and I mean exactly, like Heinz salad cream.

@NeverDropYourMooncup

“I dare you to try the offerings of the Gluten Free Range.

You think you're angry now? Just wait until you've endured the abomination that claims to be a GF crumpet…”

Oh yes!!! I’m with you 100%

@OhWhyNot

Coconut Water has a spermy taste

Kimchi

Oh my goodness!😂 I won’t be able to get that though out of my mind now..

I used to love coconut water..

Agree with everything there OP.
I hate these diet swaps - courghetti really is gross and soggy, and green sadwater is an apt description.

Serving stuff on trowels or strange shaped containers just makes it harder to eat, so why?!

Also vegan food that is made to look like meat 🤮 defeats the point

Quinoa, etc - it's all just yucky.

Avocado is acceptable if ripe or in guacamole.

I get sick of all the vegan milks. Where I live there are lots of cafes and it gets busy at the weekends. At least 2 cafes are vegan (but one doesn't say so) so they both have vegan milks. But one also has every tea but no decaff!

Have to disagree about the bottomless brunch I had recently very good value, nice and 4 cocktails - £50 each, bargain!

@DottyHarmer

Has anyone mentioned “deconstructed” food? I thought it had blown over but I went to a Michelin starred place recently and had deconstructed Black Forest gateau. It was AWFUL. The who,e point is that the components sink into each other. A blob of cream, a square of sponge and a pile of cherries was a bizarre notion.

100% agree with deconstructed food.

I once was served a deconstructed pie. Literally filling in a tower and a piece of pastry on the side.

That is NOT a pie!

[quote Ihearyall]@NeverDropYourMooncup

“I dare you to try the offerings of the Gluten Free Range.

You think you're angry now? Just wait until you've endured the abomination that claims to be a GF crumpet…”

Oh yes!!! I’m with you 100%[/quote]
The pharmacy nearby sells Gluten Free Nairns Cheesy Oatcakes

I bought some thinking they were like the normal ones
But they are so much nicer!

I love those.
Expect someone will come on and say theu taste of old men’s feet and that’ll put me off🤨😂

Thanks for all in this thread who have jogged my memory back to my first taste of coconut water 🤮🤮🤮 I knew I recognised that taste...

@DottyHarmer

Just remembered the vegan smoked salmon I had at an event. It was bright red and like a piece of Haribo hammered into a tongue shape. And tasted like an old tomato. I’m not a fussy person but I had to try and subtly spit this into my napkin.

Argh you just made me remember the vegan salmon sandwich i bought once by mistake. Never tasted anything like it. The texture, urgh. It was crunchy.

Posh beans on toast, what the hell £9.00 near me !

Thank you for this post. I thought I was the only person who hated the stuff listed.
Our local pub has a great chef. Now though all the specials are food listed here. Even the soup is sweet potato or spicy courgette or similar crap. Literally the only edible choice now is macaroni cheese, steak pie or fish.

Totally agree especially re serving food balanced on a shovel / teeny slab of wood!

Also don’t want food called ‘dirty’ anything. Sounds like a teenager is sniggering abiut the food shape.

Feta cheese. I absolutely detest it but as a vegetarian have to put up with lots of places drizzling every vegetarian option in the stuff.

I remember the pulled phase a few years ago. Never ate any of it but got really fed up of seeing ‘pulled pork/chicken/turkey/beef’ everywhere, it looked disgusting.

I make ramen at home and it’s nice but had it in a restaurant the other day and I couldn’t eat it. Just a total disaster, I didn’t know how to eat it without making a huge mess everywhere. Felt too awkward so left it.

Anything on a skewer. What's the point? As soon as it arrives on the plate you remove the skewer in order to eat it. Just arrange the stuff nicely on a plate rather than poking a stick through it.