To utterly hate the size of my bump/ pregnancy, and people's tactless comments

[christmaspixie]

I know, really, that I AM being unreasonable. But this is my second pregnancy (I'm 25 weeks) and I was determined not to feel this terrible this time about it....but whoosh - it's hit me really hard again and I feel nothing but anxiety about being too large, getting fat, having a huge heavy baby (my last was 8 1/2 lb, - I'm a petite size 8 when not pregnant, and 5ft 4 with a small build. Last pregnancy I gained 3 stone and looked enormous). All the babies on my Mother's side have always been 6 1/2 - 7 1/2 lb.....)

I've been trying very hard over the last few weeks as my bump has grown to elephantine proportions to not let these horrible feelings over whelm the whole pregnancy and ruin it. I know that a healthy baby is all that matters...but over Xmas my SIl came to stay, her baby is due in 5 weeks time. And I was horrified to see that she is about the same size as me. Since then I've had to endure my Mother commenting on how small she is, and today a conversation between her and my Aunty went - Aunty - 'oh yes, I was very small with both the boys, they kept telling me to eat more, and had incubators ready, but the boys were both about 7 1/2 pounds. But then I was very tiny with a very small build' (um, pretty much my exact pre-preg build in fact!) My Mum then says 'They've told SIL that her baby will be small too, she's got a very neat bump, but she's a very small build too'. At which point I left the room to cry a few tears in the bathroom, and avoided them for the rest of the day.

I really wish I could let it not matter, and enjoy getting huge and having a big bonny baby, but right now I am so unhappy about it that I don't want to go out and have people judging the size I am, and making comments. I've tried to talk to a couple of friends but they usually say something that inadvertantly makes me feel worse. (Like , 'ooh yes you were HUGE last time!') I hate being pregnant Sooooo much right now, and I've still got another 3 months to get through. How can I stop feeling this bad about myself? I'm also dreading the inevitable comparisons between my SIl's probably tiny baby, and my probable huge one!

LOL Whenachildisbob!!!! Hee hee! Will try the underwear! Glaskam thought MY family were tactless!!

Pixie, being pregnant is the best excuse to put on weight and not care about it! Huge bump has nothing to do with baby-size. Relax! It will come off. Ignore what people say (P.S. My MIL coming to hospital 24 hours after I gave birth said to me "gosh, who would have thought you were gonna put all this weight on!" as I had put on nearly 3st, which I then lost very quickly!). All the best xxx

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/2290/438222?stamp=080102200352

Here is link to April thread Christmaspixie - come on down too! We are very nice and like eating and people are very good at making each other not worry about things

I'm 5ft zero - I was huge, size 8 normally and put on 3 stone as well with DD. I lost 2 stone within 2 weeks after giving birth, she was 9lb 1oz though. I got comments that I looked about to drop from about 6 months. I had a very painful pregnancy now looking back on it it was due to her being so big.

The comments did get to me, my SIL had hardly a bump and was 5 weeks ahead of me but 5ft 7inches and quite large. After she gave birth she said smugly I'm sure you'll give birth to a 6lber like me, and saying I'd put too much weight on as she only put on a stone. Guess who hasn't lost that stone...

You'll be back to a pre-pregnancy weight soon. Chin up for us little people.

Thanks Tapster, and everyone, for all these wonderful uplifting replies! I will be re-reading them next time I get down! Glad to know I'm not the only one x

I loved reading this thread! I'm 15 1/2 weeks with first and suspect I'm going to put on tons of weight! Have been very traumatised at the thought of being huge particularly because my SIL had a teeny weeny bump before she gave birth recently (and appears to have popped straight back into her teeny weeny jeans with no effort) my cousin (who would make a size 0 girl look overweight) is sporting a pimple sized bump and my friend who is pregnant managed to keep the fact secret until she was over 20 weeks.

I have warned friends and family that just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean that I'm any less sensitive to weight comments (my FIL who is lovely said 'oh, I thought you'd put on weight) and that they are now only to tell me I look fabulous and am clearly blooming.

Christmaspixie I know you probably wish you had a tiny bump but when I was pregnant I didn't have much of a bump so people didnt know I was pregnant! And for me that was as bad as the comments you have been getting and I wished I had a big bump so I wouldn't have to keep telling people I was pregnant! Also never got anyone helping me with anything (like carrying curtains )

So I know its easy to say but do try and ignore peoples comments and enjoying being pregnant you won't be this size forever (hugs)

Thank you! I know pregnancy is probably never that easy for anyone really, because all those hormones flying around make you feel vulnerable and over-sensitive. And also it's such a big adjustment when your body goes off doing strange things by itself, and is completely out of your control. I'm trying very hard to enjoy it now (easier now all the Christmas family visits are over!). And just looking forward to seeing my new little one, and trying to think nice positive things about myself. Also bought a lovely new jumper dress that is much more flattering than what I've been wearing, and makes my bump look much neater. Amazing the power of clothes and shopping to make you feel better!!

So wish I'd been a mumsnetter when I was pregnant! Had my first in July and was in maternity clothes by 12 weeks pg. Had to endure constant comments about how big I was and several people asked if I was having twins. Really delightful, makes you feel hideous but best to try and ignore. Also my friend recommended telling people who asked if it was twins that I was having triplets as that always seemed to shut people up! Never had the nerve to try it tho!!! Keep smiling and remember they're prob just jealous that you're normally a size 8.

I totally sympathise. I am 5'4" and 28 weeks with my second. I have definately sprouted over the 3 weeks since I was last at work and am already dreading the size comments next week. My answer is to find a few select throw back comments to shut people up. Who knows why but people feel they can say what they like to pregnant women. So my answer is say what you like back . No point comparing yourself to others as other people will do that for you! My MW said that generally speaking taller women carry smaller . I have a short body so the baby can only go outwards.

I think it might be about the loss of control more than anything, although that is just me and I am often wrong

Pregnancy is quite upsetting in a lot of ways and most of us find something to focus on without realising, that becomes our private 'hate' and seems to eclipse everything else.

With mine it was all about bonding with the baby, that type of thing - in a way that allowed the physical side to pass me by somewhat. That was my 'sleepless night' thing, as yours is the size issue. It doesn't make it not valid, of course it doesn't, but I think you already know how to put those feelings in their place because you're obviously very intelligent and can analyse the situation.

Oh and with my first it was 'who is this child's father' but that is too embarrassing to go into in public, so I won't admit it here

You're in good company as we all do it.
Also some of us are not in the category of 'look gorgeous again within 8 months' - I shall resist the urge to use the little green face here but you know what I'm saying!!!

Hope you get some peace and quiet without any more hurtful comments from your family.
I can see exactly how horrid that must have felt, I am to think of you crying.

xxx

It might help to wonder what your SIL's 'pet worry' is, because I am certain she will have one...she is probably convinced you will be a better mother, or something...? Or maybe she wishes her bump was bigger. I know I was envious of the more 'womanly' people who had a 'real' bump.

Someone once said to me 'You're pregnant? I know you, you're the kind of girl who'll just fart and oops, there's a baby!'

No comment...

FA!!! That last sentence is just hilarious! Yes, SIL is TERRIFIED of the birth, so you're right, we all have preg anxieties I guess. Just that some seem more over-whelming than others. It's really incredible how many people feel free to comment when you're pregnant, as if you have no feelings whatsoever!