To utterly hate the size of my bump/ pregnancy, and people's tactless comments

[christmaspixie]

I know, really, that I AM being unreasonable. But this is my second pregnancy (I'm 25 weeks) and I was determined not to feel this terrible this time about it....but whoosh - it's hit me really hard again and I feel nothing but anxiety about being too large, getting fat, having a huge heavy baby (my last was 8 1/2 lb, - I'm a petite size 8 when not pregnant, and 5ft 4 with a small build. Last pregnancy I gained 3 stone and looked enormous). All the babies on my Mother's side have always been 6 1/2 - 7 1/2 lb.....)

I've been trying very hard over the last few weeks as my bump has grown to elephantine proportions to not let these horrible feelings over whelm the whole pregnancy and ruin it. I know that a healthy baby is all that matters...but over Xmas my SIl came to stay, her baby is due in 5 weeks time. And I was horrified to see that she is about the same size as me. Since then I've had to endure my Mother commenting on how small she is, and today a conversation between her and my Aunty went - Aunty - 'oh yes, I was very small with both the boys, they kept telling me to eat more, and had incubators ready, but the boys were both about 7 1/2 pounds. But then I was very tiny with a very small build' (um, pretty much my exact pre-preg build in fact!) My Mum then says 'They've told SIL that her baby will be small too, she's got a very neat bump, but she's a very small build too'. At which point I left the room to cry a few tears in the bathroom, and avoided them for the rest of the day.

I really wish I could let it not matter, and enjoy getting huge and having a big bonny baby, but right now I am so unhappy about it that I don't want to go out and have people judging the size I am, and making comments. I've tried to talk to a couple of friends but they usually say something that inadvertantly makes me feel worse. (Like , 'ooh yes you were HUGE last time!') I hate being pregnant Sooooo much right now, and I've still got another 3 months to get through. How can I stop feeling this bad about myself? I'm also dreading the inevitable comparisons between my SIl's probably tiny baby, and my probable huge one!

"How can I stop feeling this bad about myself?"

Ignore relatives if they upset you - or ask them not to make such comments. They probably mean no harm, but if you are escaping to sob in the bathroom, let them know you were hurt.

Think of when you get to meet your beautiful new baby.

You won't be pregnant for ever.

A baby weighing 8.5lbs is not huge.

And I think perhaps you are exaggerating slightly about the "elephantine proportions"?

A big bump doesn't necessarily mean a huge baby. My bump was the biggest with dd, who turned out to be smaller than her two older brothers.

I'm 5ft zero and 24 weeks and like you am way bigger than a friend of mine who's due in 5 weeks.

Both my previous babies have been 8 and a half pounds. Agree that although it's above average - it's not huge. My mu is 4'10" and both me and my brother were almost 10lbs. One of my friends had an 11lb-er!

As this is my last baby I am loving my bump and my enormous shape (but not the excrutiating SPD that comes with it). I'm more concerned about my boobs which seem to be attracting more attention than my bump atm, although I'm only 34GG and I've been 32J in the past!

Go and find the research (it's out there - honest!) about a bigger baby having a higher IQ. Do you want a tiny baby? I honestly always thought bigger babies were healthier (not GD 16lb-ers obviously, but above average weight ones).

Anyway - you sound like the kind of person who will be a size 8 after the baby, unlike me who will forever have a 5 month bump no matter what I do

People are always excited by preggy tums and often don't realise that what is intended as a compliment will be taken as an insult.

PLease try to enjoy your new size - treat yourself to some really bump flattering clothes and flaunt it!

I think that all pregnant woman look beautiful - and I am sure you look beautiful too... You are doing an amazing thing bringing another human into this world, so why not just sit back and enjoy and don't let people's silly and unthoughtful comments affect you. (PS - my own mother asked if I was sure I wasn't expecting twins as I'm also fairly big at 23 weeks! I just laughed at her!)

'a huge heavy baby' '8 1/2 lbs?'
errrrrrr...

Just give thanks that you are not 5'2" me with two whoppers who take after their 6'1" dad. They never even had a try-on of newborn sized clothes

I'm a similar size to you and put on 3 stone plus with each pregnancy - felt like a hippo each time, but wasn't really bothered - especially the second time round when I knew it would all go away. Without dieting etc I lost it at about the same time with each of them - around the 7-8 month mark.

My view was that it was 15-16 months or so each that I wa huge out of (hopefully) an 90 year lifetime. Not long at all in the grand scheme of things.

I'm small, and although I had two six-pounders, my bumps were always pretty big and round and got so pretty early on. And I loved it - felt very powerful and feminine. Feel the same! I took being told I was huge as a compliment

(FWIW, I gained 2 and a half stone with ds1 and all of a stone with ds2, but was the same sort of bump size both times, and ds2 was half a pound heavier than ds1).

dont upset yourself more luv....your hormones are everywhere....you could be a size 14 pregnant looking woman!! i'm not pregnant and my youngest is 20mths...honestly i had step-MIL asking DH if i was pregnant a few weeks ago....she said i've got to be, how far gone am i?...i must be over half way why aren't we saying anything?....have to say i haven't spoken to her since as i was in tears ont he way home...i asked dh what she'd been whispering to him...so he out and told me!!!

plus i had a 8lb8oz boy from a tiny bump, and a tiny 7lb girl with a massive bump!! and i was 2 dress sizes bigger to begin with second time round!! (baby flab!!)

dont panic too much, midwife kept saying dd would be a big baby as my bump was HUGE but she came out so tiny and petite!!

Try not to beat yourself up about it. Before dd i didn't really notice bumps but since i had dd i notice them now and i thing pregnant bumps look beautifal!

I am sure you look beautifal and am sure you will have a lovely georgous bouncing baby!

Try not to beat yourself up about it. Before dd i didn't really notice bumps but since i had dd i notice them now and i thing pregnant bumps look beautifal!

I am sure you look beautifal and am sure you will have a lovely georgous bouncing baby!

I had tiny bumps with allmine including my DTs and had to endure people criticizing me for apparently not eating enough! That had me in tears quite a bit... I think people mean well but are generally insensitive to the haywire hormones of the pregnant female!

Thanks everyone, your comments mean a lot, I do know that it is probably hormones, and that I'm being unreasonable.....and I DID lose all the baby weight last time in about 8 months. Also I was totally thrilled with dd when she was born, and stopped feeling quite so bad. Maybe I just find the out of controlness of pregnancy really scary. It's made me feel so much better just to write it down and get it off my chest.

I too think pregnant women look beautiful (apart from myself!) and I'm always really excited about pregnant friends. It's all the comparisons/ comments, etc, and being so pregnantly over-sensitive! Last time I was pregnant I was asked by a total stranger if it was twins! I agree, that people probably mean well, and are not realising how hurtful they sound. And perhaps they find the fact that I'm quite small to begin with and then so huuugeee really comment -worthy. I don't know. I'm off to scoff more Xmas chocs. I know I'll be all weepy again about this tomorrow, but tonight you've all made me smile again Big note to self - must TRY to enjoy the rest of pregnancy.

CP - glad you're smiling a bit now.

Meant to add to my post, on the flip side I have a friend who's due in March with her first and she's desperate to have a big bump - she gets not so great comments at work like "I thought you said you were pg?" or "Where is it then?" and then of course she looks at me (I'm 6 weeks behind her a 3 times her size) and I know it makes her feel dreadful. She's very tall so even at 30 weeks looks like I did at 10 weeks.

Relish it - the sales are pretty good atm - and I've just found out the Zara does maternity so I'll be off to find some bump embracing stuff to waddle around in.

My bump's on my profile if you fancy a larf - than was about 3 weeks ago.

well at least you've got somewhere to hide all them calories from your chocs eh!!! i take after my mother for not being able to shift baby weight....17ys later and my mum still has a baby belly like mine!!!!

Snap with OP. My weight is going up and up (am 25 weeks too) and I HATE it. I hate feeling this big and people making comments and is starting to make me not enjoy myself. I worry I won't lose it - first baby - my Mum never really did - and I used to have an eating disorder so I don't want that side of things to spark off again.

Ooo whenachildisborn your pics are lovely! You look really nice with your bump. I think I am about the same size as you. Maybe I need to just be a bit more confident about it?

whenachildisbob not born, sorry

Poor you. I do know how you are feel, I hated being pregnant too. I have diabetes which can make a baby bigger, so I was paranoid through both my pregnancies that I would have a "big" baby and it would be my fault to boot!

Now the tough bit....8.5 pounds is not a big baby. Don't worry about the size of other women, or even the size of your baby. Don't worry about others' tactless comments.

You are doing great, try to enjoy your pregnancy! It will be over soon...

Ellie - I should technically be on your April thread as I'm due 25th April, but my original date was May 5th so have lost over a week of pg - hurrah! I may yet be on your post natal thread

Gosh whenachildisbob, you do look FAB, and so happy! I am going to aim for that big grin! think my bump about same as yours. Your kids are beautiful too!

Well come on down! Will look out for you x

I'm on April thread too- 'Pixieboo' - been lurking but there's so many posts I've no idea which is the current one?!

Other tip - get some yummy underwear - nothing flatters a bump more than getting your boobs under control. I spent an hour in Bravissimo on Hogmanay and feel very...uplifted and suddenly my bump looks better too and is no longer in competition with the ample bosom.

But the only way I could get into that low cut dress in that photo was by wearing the most ridiculously wonderbra thingy on the planet. I was really quite shocked at the size of them, but Dh's eyes nearly popped out of his head - he said Gok would be proud of me and then muttered something about a nice rack - tsk..

Go to NCT antenatal refresher classes or find a Bumps & Babes club - there's bound to be someone bigger than you LOL. Plus you'll make new friends etc...

Oh we're never happy! During my first 2 pregnancies (espec the first) I was SICK TO DEATH of everyone commenting on how small my bump was. To me that meant there was something wrong with the growth/size of my baby and I would sometimes be in tears. 2nd pregnancy I was determined to have a big bump and ate for England - cue a bigger bump (and bum, hips, thighs etc etc) but a smaller baby

This time (23 weeks) I REALLY don't care, I've learnt at last that the size of the bump doesn't seem to have any bearing on size of baby. We all have different tummies pre-pregnancy so it's no wonder we're all different when preg. No one goes around saying "ooh aren't your boobs tiny" so gawd knows why people feel they can personally comment on bumps. Hey-ho.