Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That bugger isn't a swear word

185 replies

Pinkwithwhite · 20/02/2022 22:37

DD said you cheeky bugger. I have no issues with this husband is really cross about it.
Who's being unreasonable
YABU— Child shouldn't be saying it
YNBU - It's not ok

OP posts:
Marynotsocontrary · 21/02/2022 09:58

Oh dear... DD is 2

Maybe oops/whoops-a-daisy/silly goose etc better at that age OP Grin

Alicetheowl · 21/02/2022 09:59

I think the original meaning has been lost. Not sure it's homophobic.
It's a bit like bastard.If somebody nearly crashes into your car you might say 'You stupid bastard'. For years it meant a child born out of wedlock. Nobody is remotely suggesting or interested in whether the driver's parents are married. Even parents who aren't married use the word.
Moron and idiot used to be technical terms for different severities of learning disabilities, not any more, just general insults.

rarge · 21/02/2022 10:03

@Marynotsocontrary

I don't know how to explain it, but it's kind of perpetuating that attitude (anal sex is wrong) if people are comparing it to rape.

Wasn't it more seen as immoral (by both parties), nothing to do with rape? So not sure where some posters are getting rape from.

I think it's more the case they see rape as violent etc. Than anything to do with homophobia in the past.

Comefromaway · 21/02/2022 10:05

[quote rarge]@Marynotsocontrary

I don't know how to explain it, but it's kind of perpetuating that attitude (anal sex is wrong) if people are comparing it to rape.

Wasn't it more seen as immoral (by both parties), nothing to do with rape? So not sure where some posters are getting rape from.

I think it's more the case they see rape as violent etc. Than anything to do with homophobia in the past. [/quote]
Buggery was allegedly rife in male boarding schools and was not consensual. That's probably where idea of rape comes from.

Bromse · 21/02/2022 10:08

@Marynotsocontrary

Oh dear... DD is 2

Maybe oops/whoops-a-daisy/silly goose etc better at that age OP Grin

I remember when mine was two, we had visited a friend and parked in a car park opposite. When we left there was a small trolley abandoned next to our car. My little one went up to it and tried to push it, then said, "The wheel's buggered up Mummy", very seriously. We never forgot that, it was so funny. It wasn't a word we used but he had obviously heard it somewhere (my mum said it sometimes).
Bromse · 21/02/2022 10:12

@Pinkwithwhite

Oh dear... DD is 2 😳. I'm irish, DH the South of England. Sorry the poll doesn't make sense but 85‰ thinking she shouldn't say it! I shall take that on board. Thanks for all the comments
Of course it isn't a suitable word for a two year old but they pick up words quite innocently at that age. It's nothing to get too upset about, not that bad in the scheme of things.
TuscanApothecary · 21/02/2022 10:17

I don't like it when dc say mild swear words like bugger/bloody/crap but then I got brought up by a mum who wouldn't let me say belly or even stomach until i was older as tummy was the right word to use in her opinion. Couldn't say shut up either.

I'm really quite sweary as an adult, just don't like it in young dc.

mizzo · 21/02/2022 10:19

DD picked it up as a toddler from MIL, who thinks fart is a swear word but merrily 'buggers' about the place Hmm

Ffsmakeitstop · 21/02/2022 10:30

It is a swear word and i'm northern so wouldn't want to hear a child say it. I have a friend who's 3 year old granddaughter is always saying "it's frigging raining" and they all fall about laughing. I'm dying to ask them to look up the meaning or for nursery to mention it. Language meaning changes and it's not always a good thing.

Nanny0gg · 21/02/2022 10:33

@Pinkwithwhite

Oh dear... DD is 2 😳. I'm irish, DH the South of England. Sorry the poll doesn't make sense but 85‰ thinking she shouldn't say it! I shall take that on board. Thanks for all the comments
Personally, I think at 2 she shouldn't be using any kind of expletive, even if mild.

But she's clearly copying what she's heard.

Bugger has definitely gone mainstream but it's still got the same meaning and it's still totally unsuitable for children, let alone toddlers!

incognitoforthisone · 21/02/2022 10:37

It's definitely a swear word - setting aside its literal meaning, in the ranks of seriousness I'd say it's about level with 'shit'. I wouldn't want a young kid saying it, personally.

BobLemon · 21/02/2022 10:44

Bugger is a Grade C swear in our house.

Grade C - Bugger, Bloody, Shite, Knobhead

Grade B - Crap, bastard, dickhead

Grade B* - Shit, Twat

Grade A - F, C

The DCs are 14+ and can get away with the Grade Cs, a Grade B needs to be very carefully timed for them to get away with it. I don’t think they will ever say Grade As in front of us.

bbgxd · 21/02/2022 10:57

@Ffsmakeitstop

It is a swear word and i'm northern so wouldn't want to hear a child say it. I have a friend who's 3 year old granddaughter is always saying "it's frigging raining" and they all fall about laughing. I'm dying to ask them to look up the meaning or for nursery to mention it. Language meaning changes and it's not always a good thing.
'Used to emphasise annoyance...' from quick lookup on iPhone

If you have to start looking up definitions, the meaning doesn't matter- unless it's common knowledge like fuck

I have no idea what frigging is supposed to mean, I assumed it's like saying blooming instead of bloody (not that bloody is even a proper swear)

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 21/02/2022 11:03

@BobLemon

Bugger is a Grade C swear in our house.

Grade C - Bugger, Bloody, Shite, Knobhead

Grade B - Crap, bastard, dickhead

Grade B* - Shit, Twat

Grade A - F, C

The DCs are 14+ and can get away with the Grade Cs, a Grade B needs to be very carefully timed for them to get away with it. I don’t think they will ever say Grade As in front of us.

How can shit be equal to Twat, but worse than crap and shine

And why are nobhead and dickhead different, they mean the same. Can only assume the list is to start a lengthy conversation.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 21/02/2022 11:03

Further why is twat OK to be written but cunt is starred out?

MorningStarling · 21/02/2022 11:05

Bugger is not an offensive word. It's a legal term for anal sex, see the Buggery Act of 1553 which "defined buggery as an unnatural sexual act against the will of God and Man. This was later defined by the courts to include only anal penetration and bestiality. The act remained in force until it was repealed and replaced by the Offences against the Person Act 1828, and buggery remained a capital offence until 1861, though the last executions were in 1835." (Wikipedia)

Buggery remained illegal for heterosexual couples until 1994 in the UK.

MorningStarling · 21/02/2022 11:07

@BobLemon

Bugger is a Grade C swear in our house.

Grade C - Bugger, Bloody, Shite, Knobhead

Grade B - Crap, bastard, dickhead

Grade B* - Shit, Twat

Grade A - F, C

The DCs are 14+ and can get away with the Grade Cs, a Grade B needs to be very carefully timed for them to get away with it. I don’t think they will ever say Grade As in front of us.

How can "bloody" be the same as "shite"? How can "shite" two tiers lower than "shit"?

Bastard isn't a swearword, it just means someone of illegitimate parentage.

Anyway that system is too complicated, I'd go with:
Level 2 - Cunt
Level 1 - anything else

Marynotsocontrary · 21/02/2022 11:11

But would you want your 2-year-old using a word meaning 'anal sex' in conversation, MorningStarling?

Wednesdayat · 21/02/2022 11:13

It's mild. My grandfather used to say it and he was a charming man.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 21/02/2022 11:15

I think it's mild but wouldn't use it in polite/professional company.

I had my son's childminder raise her eyebrows at me for saying I was knackered, so people have different sensitivities!

SnowFlo · 21/02/2022 11:15

Bastard isn't a swearword, it just means someone of illegitimate parentage.

It does mean that, but it is used as just a bad word to call someone. "How could you do that to me, you bastard!?" So I would say it's a low-level swear word.

Similarly "retarded" just means "less advanced in mental, physical, or social development than is usual for one's age." but because it's used derogatively, it's become a slur.

Words do become something more than just "their definition".

SnowFlo · 21/02/2022 11:22

Bugger is on the same level as crap to me. Shit and shite are worse.

But then, I grew up hearing "bugger" and "sod" but not "shit", so that's probably why I feel that way.

tabulahrasa · 21/02/2022 11:23

“I have no idea what frigging is supposed to mean, I assumed it's like saying blooming instead of bloody (not that bloody is even a proper swear)“

Female masturbation.

SprayedWithDettol · 21/02/2022 11:24

It is a more acceptable swear word, in some quarters, because of the way the word sounds. It’s a softer two syllable word. The more hated swear words like fuck are hard and one syllable.

Lamujere · 21/02/2022 11:27

OP, I think exactly as you do but I used the word once in a light hearted way in a work setting ( in a break room not actually on duty)and was reported for it. Apparently I offended someone who overheard me. Since then never again.