To tell colleague to butt out over pronounciation issue?

[frustratedpomegranate]

Colleague A started in our team around 3 years ago. She has an uncommon first name and we asked her at the start how to pronounce it and she told us. I've heard her on the phone and interacting with other staff hundreds of times and we say it the same way she does.

Colleague B started about four months ago and when introduced to A, she said 'isn't your name pronounced XYZ'. Colleague A said no, she says pronounces it ABC. B said she knew someone else with A's name and insisted it was XYZ.

B continues to pronounce A's name the way she thinks it should be (its quite different to what the rest of us are saying) and frequently corrects the rest of us when referring to A. We have spoken to A about it but she's very non confrontational and says she doesn't mind B's insistence and doesn't want to speak to her about it. B has quite an aggressive personality and has been prone to outbursts in the office a few times in the short while she's been with us so nobody is really sure what to do.

@HunterHearstHelmsley 🤣🤣🤣

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Nobody is saying that OP should actually become the bully herself; but I think it's helpful to consider the great likelihood of how the colleague is feeling - even if she doesn't want to vocalise it. We all know that women, in particular, are socialised to put themselves last and make allowances for terrible behaviour from others - usually men, but not always.

A lot of people, whether from ethnic minorities, female or both (very rarely white British men) will centre others and diminish themselves - going out of their way to accept others calling them an 'English-friendly' or just more 'familiar' name that partially approximates to their actual name. I think it's very sad that this is so often felt to be necessary - and even if it's what the person themselves gets used to, to the point that they will introduce themselves by the 'more familiar' name. I don't accept that this always comes from a place of complete personal happiness to be known as a different name - more a resigned acceptance that, when other people refuse to bend, you yourself must do it - in anticipation or reaction, and never risk hurting their feelings - even when the issue is your own actual name.

Every time B makes the mistake just say “I don’t know who you’re talking about, no one works here by x name” and repeat. She sounds like an utter cunt.

Oh come on. This is low level bullying. It's so rude.

In this case, I actually don't think it matters whether A wants this raised or not. Everyone else in the office is having to work with someone, B, who is being bullying and obnoxious in the presence of colleagues and has terrible manners. That's not OK. It's not even about whether A is bothered (and I'm sure A is, in fact, bothered, even if they say they're not), it's about the kind of office culture you're working in and what is/isn't acceptable. I wouldn't want to work in a place where that kind of rudeness and lack of consideration to other colleagues was tolerated every day.

@KatharinaRosalie

I simply do not believe anybody would genuinely not mind that their colleague goes around and tells other people that the person is wrong about their own name, and they should be called as the colleague prefers. That's just massively weird.

A is very timid and doesn't want anyone to get into trouble but for the rest of us its also more the issue that we are being corrected when pronouncing it the way A has told us.

I can be passive-aggressive as heck. Especially against a bully. I'd start deliberately pronouncing B's name wrong - see how she likes it!

B is behaving appallingly. If A doesn't want to report or confront her over it I don't know if I'd report, maybe mention it to Bs line manager that she's (wrongly) correcting As name and it's becoming an issue.

It's micro aggression and not acceptable. The petty part of me would mispronounce Bs name, increasingly getting further and further away.

Maybe B is right and A is using a non-standard pronunciation of her name. Even if this is so (a big if) it doesn't matter a bit! It's A's name so she gets to choose how to say it and anyone with manners will take their lead from her. Seems like B doesn't know how to behave.

I think I'd respect A's wishes so wouldn't make a formal complaint, but I think I'd try to put B straight on how manners work if she started correcting me when using A's name (I'd do this in private though).

Ignore colleague B entirely and carry on pronouncing colleague A's name the way she has said her name should be pronounced.
Regardless of whether colleague B is aggressive just blank her if she (mis)corrects you.

I have a colleague who's name we were pronouncing incorrectly and she never corrected us, until another colleague joined our team and I heard her pronounce the colleagues name completely differently, I asked the first colleague whether I was mispronouncing her name and she laughed and said I was, but it didn't matter. I think it does matter and made sure I was pronouncing it correctly from then on, the rest of our team picked up the correct pronunciation and call her by her name. It is basic courtesy

It is so disrespectful and lazy making up a name for someone. women mostly don't like to make a fuss, I have spent my life being called variations of my name because it's not an English name, even tho it is phonetically pronounced, you say it how it is spelled.
I did at one point start calling an idiot a variation of English names as he insisted on calling me different names, funnily he didn't like it when it was done to him.

B is disgusting
Whether A cares to make a deal of it or not, its still a form of bullying behaviour in the workplace.
I'd call B out on it and if they still insist on being a dick about it, remind them that this is a form of bullying and reportable to HR.

Everytime B corrects you say, "no this is how A pronounces it, it is her name and I will pronounce it how she wants it pronouncing." A is being bullied by B, you are all letting it happen. Yes A will say she is fine with it if she is shy and quiet, that is why bully's tend to pick on shy, quiet people, because they wont stand up for themselves.

As plenty others have said, start calling B the wrong name, she how she likes it. And call her out by asking who she is talking about when she says the incorrect pronunciation for A. Do this in front of people too so they have the confidence to challenge B as well.

It's not so much people saying As name differently, as others have said people do pronounce names differently. Its the being told you are by the person who's name it isn't, person B. It doesn't sound like B will change what they are doing so could you speak to your line manager and say that it's you having the issue of being told you are saying As name wrong by person B, so it's not about A but about Bs treatment of you and the rest of the team?

its also more the issue that we are being corrected when pronouncing it the way A has told us.

This is so bizarre. She knows her own name!

And when you tell B that "No, you're wrong, A has clearly told us her name is XX and not XY", what happens?

B is looking for drama. Don't feed the beast. Just go on saying A's name correctly, and ignore B's "corrections". If she forces the issue, just calmly say "She pronounces it XYZ" as if it's a simple misunderstanding that's never come up before, and then move on. If she tries to argue about it, just ignore.

B will get bored of this before too long. She's only making herself look a fool.