To tell colleague to butt out over pronounciation issue?

[frustratedpomegranate]

Colleague A started in our team around 3 years ago. She has an uncommon first name and we asked her at the start how to pronounce it and she told us. I've heard her on the phone and interacting with other staff hundreds of times and we say it the same way she does.

Colleague B started about four months ago and when introduced to A, she said 'isn't your name pronounced XYZ'. Colleague A said no, she says pronounces it ABC. B said she knew someone else with A's name and insisted it was XYZ.

B continues to pronounce A's name the way she thinks it should be (its quite different to what the rest of us are saying) and frequently corrects the rest of us when referring to A. We have spoken to A about it but she's very non confrontational and says she doesn't mind B's insistence and doesn't want to speak to her about it. B has quite an aggressive personality and has been prone to outbursts in the office a few times in the short while she's been with us so nobody is really sure what to do.

@Clarinet1

B is being absolutely unacceptable. From many years working in a job that requires taking down a lot of names, one thing I have learned is you can’t tell someone how to spell or pronounce their own name! For instance, I was brought up that Moses’s brother Aaron was pronounced Air-Ron but many people with that name pronounce it with the short A. If I come across one I respect his preference. One boss I had was awful like this - we had a new team member had an African name but told us to call him by a short form but boss insisted on using the full version which then led to confusion with a similar-sounding European name being the first part of his name and therefore his first name. The same boss insisted on misspelling my surname (UK, not that common but not hard to learn or work out) whereas I had learned to spell her surname which was East European before I started in the job.

I worked in a bar around 2008-2010 and anyone with a non 'British sounding' name would be renamed by my manager

In that situation I would speak to my line manager but raise concerns from my perspective, rather than on A's behalf.
I might say something like "I'm finding B's behaviour towards and about A quite unpleasant. We all know A's name and I feel that by repeatedly doing X, Y, Z, that B's behaviour is potentially creating quite an awkward environment in the team. A doesn't want to raise the name issue herself and I respect that, but I'm raising it as B's decision to behave in this way is making my working environment feel quite divisive."

@SamphiretheStickerist

Do you all share a line manager?

I'd mention it to them. Say that A does seem to notice but hasn't chosen to say anything and that B is even 'correcting' the rest of you.

A good line manager will deal with it calmly and quickly.

A has every right to have her name pronounced how she prefers, whether it makes sense to anyone else or not. B is a bullying twat.

We have a different line manager but I do know hers quite well.

As someone else pointed out, reporting this might make it look like A did it.

So? Sounds like A is being bullied, why turn a blind eye?

I would act on my own behalf and complain that I was being bullied into pronouncing A's name wrong. Her behaviour is disruptive in the workplace, it's a shame that A doesn't want to do anything about it, but it's affecting you as well.
My sister has an unusual name that can be pronounced more than one way. One of her colleagues insisted on using the wrong pronunciation, even though nobody around her did that and she'd been told. That was until she answered the phone to me and - using different names obviously - I asked to speak to Alicia and she said "Oh, you mean Aleesha". I told her in no uncertain terms that I knew how to pronounce my sister's name correctly and I would expect the people she worked with to know how to as well.

@blubberyboo

I would discretely raise it with a line manager to make them aware of the micro aggression.

Then everytime B refers to her as XYZ just say “who?”…and wait….

I'd agree with this because a culture of discourtesy or incivility works for noone and has ripples of influence beyond the people involved.

You raise it with her first, but from your own point of view: you don’t need her policing your pronunciation of someone else’s name. Focus on how her behaviour about you is impacting on you. Leave A out of it.

If she persists, approach your manager and request that they deal with it.

@Cakelover17

So? Sounds like A is being bullied, why turn a blind eye?

Because A has said she doesn't mind B correcting everyone.

Perhaps you could have a quiet word with A to see how she actually feels about the situation and whether she would like backup to do something about it. Also, how are relations between A and B otherwise? The name business may well be just one aspect of a pattern of bullying.

Wow, colleague B isincredibly rude.

I have been A a few times

I would rather just get on with my job. I've got a friend who still mispronounces my name. It is not worth the energy for me.

@frustratedpomegranate if you believed that then you wouldn’t have started this thread stating that none of you are sure what to do.

I have a strange name and it's always being mispronounced. I don't care but it does seem to upset other people.

If A doesn't care then just leave it off. B is an asshole but there are assholes everywhere. What can you do.

It's making you uncomfortable though. Confront B and tell them that. I bet you aren't the only one. The really objectionable thing is not B getting it wrong, it could be a slip, it could be that they are really close to somebody with the same name and they get it wrong because it's so familiar, it's the correcting others that is the problem.

Next time B corrects you why don't you just take B aside and say something along the lines of...

No it's ............ As A herself pronounces it...after all it is her name.
I find it rude and disrespectful that you insist on your preference ...it's her name, and not your decision how it should be pronounced.

This is up to A surely. I'd be embarrassed to go to a manager about a colleague pronouncing another colleague's name wrongly. If she corrects you, just say that you've asked A, and A pronounces it your way, and finish the conversation there. Or just gaze into the distance and mmm or hmm in a grey rock way.

If B starts getting arsey, then that's the time to speak to a manager.

There have been a few posts on Linkedin about this issue this weekend and the fact that people can seemingly manage to pronounce Djokovic correctly but struggle with eg Nigerian names which are phonetic and actually easy.

I feel for you colleague. Colleague B is being rude.

And compounding that by correcting the rest of you. When Colleague B corrects you, can you just laugh at her? Or maybe tell her directly that she is being rude.

It’s really not unusual for people to have names which can be pronounced differently:

Mar-ee-a and Mar-eye-a

Soph-ee-a and Soph-eye-a

Cheryl with a soft Sh or a hard Ch at the start

Marian and Maryanne

And so on ….

@newmum2be101

Someone needs to inform B that it's a form of micro aggression to not pronounce As name the way they would like it to be pronounced, it's rude and shows a complete disregard for A. It doesn't matter who they've known before with the same name, I'm sure they wouldn't like it if their name was consistently pronounced wrong.

This. ^ It's super rude and ignorant to not pronounce someone's name how they want it.

I have a friend who has a little grandaughter called Simone, (pronounced 'see-mone' (to rhyme with bee-phone, with the emphasis on the second syllable.) Someone they know has started to call her 'Si. (To rhyme with 'Hi.') My friend and her daughter, and the child's dad have said repeatedly 'please. it's Simone - not Si..' Said person still does it.

I'd fucking ghost them to be honest.

I also have a friend called Cynthia, who has it shortened (by a few people) to CYN - pronounced like SIN. She hates it with a passion, and refuses to respond to anyone calling her CYN.

Is it SO hard to pronounce people names correctly FFS? It's so obnoxious and passive aggressive to keep mis-pronouncing it.

@LaChanticleer

It’s really not unusual for people to have names which can be pronounced differently.

True. But once you know someone's pronunciation of their name, why would you continue to say it differently?

"Because A has said she doesn't mind B correcting everyone."

Is that up to her though?

She doesn't mind B telling you her name is X even though she has told you that it is Y?

I mean that's not workable is it?

Next time B insists on using A’s with her own incorrect pronunciation, I’d be tempted to say in front of everyone, “B, I have to ask why do you keep pronouncing A’s name like that? We’ve told you it’s pronounced .”

It’s simple but keeps the pressure off Aw and it might shame the ignorant twat into stopping. It wouldn’t bother me though if she kicked off but I know some people would feel anxious about confrontation.

@TheMissingMango

I'm petty, so I'd purposely pronounce colleague b's name wrong.

Me too! I did it to someone who insisted on spelling my name, e.g Anne on emails, her name was Anne, mine was Ann. So I used to spell her name same as mine. Petty, moi?

All names changed!

If A didn't want B to be told off for mispronouncing her name because she doesn't mind, I wouldn't.

However, I would tell B off every time she corrected me for not saying it how she thinks it should be said. Plus I'd want to mispronounce her name regularly.

B needs to be picked up on it every time, by everyone. She's being horribly rude and unprofessional and borderline bullying.

Don't leave it to A to stand up for herself. If it's happening when B speaks to you, you pull B up on it. If B gets arsey, you talk to B's manager.

Who cares if B has a fiery personality? That doesn't grant her extra privileges or a teflon coating. Stop being such a bunch of wet lettuces.